


The Docks

by Tonks32



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Brother in Arms, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Finding Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Haunted Cullen, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Rough Sex, passionate kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:06:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 95,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonks32/pseuds/Tonks32
Summary: Sleep wouldn't come for Cassandra so she took to find solace where she could. Finding the Commander in her spot was a surprise, but not an unwelcoming one. Night after night, they meet to talk and spend time in each other's company. With each night, their friendship begins to slide into something more.





	1. Chapter 1

   Cassandra couldn’t sleep. The wind coming down from the mountains howled too loudly outside the window to slumber. So, instead of sleeping, she got out of bed, layered up, and started to roam around Haven.  It was dead quiet. Such a difference from when the sun was up. It seemed that someone was always doing something. Everything from forging new weapons, training soldiers, to preparing meals to feed the citizens and keeping them busy with a task to keep Haven running. Cassandra herself always seemed to be running back and forth from the war table to the training yard. That was when she wasn’t trucking across Thedas with the Inquisitor.

    This gave her the opportunity to see the town while left to her own thoughts. Maker knew her mind never shut off. There was just too much to think about with running the Inquisition, keeping the peace between the citizens and the Mages from Redcliff, and making sure the Inquisitor stayed alive in order to close the breach. Cassandra didn’t even let herself stop and think about the explosion at the Conclave. To think about the loss of some many lives. About losing the Divine. And Galyan.

    Thinking about the mage caused the Seeker to pause on the docks jutting out into the frozen lake. The fact she hadn’t seen the man in years didn’t lessen the blow of his death. She loved him. He was her first and only. They remained lovers for a time after she became the Right Hand of the Divine and transitioned to close friends until the turmoil of the mage rebellion separated them. Seeing him at the Conclave was the last thing she expected.

    And by Andraste, Galyan looked so happy to see her and she him. They didn’t have much time together, but they had planned to meet after the meeting. The plan gave Cassandra a glimmer of hope maybe they could pick up where they left off and really make a go at their relationship. She even let herself imagine, for a moment or two, what it might be like to settle down with him. Of course, none of that mattered now. He was gone along with a hundred others.

    “Are you alright?”

    Gasping, the Seeker whirled around and would have stumbled over the edge of the dock if Cullen hadn’t caught her around the waist. “Maker’s breath.” She clutched his shoulders to keep her upright, “You’re scared me to death.”

    “I’m sorry,” Cullen apologized. “I should have announced myself. I thought you would have heard my approach.”

    “I was lost in thought.”

    “I can tell.” The corner of his scarred lifted for a moment before his face grew soft with worry. Before it registered what he was doing, Cullen brushed his thumb across her scarred cheek to catch the single tear. “What troubles you, Cass?”

   The concern in his voice and the gentleness of his touch made an already emotional Cassandra’s heart flutter in her chest. Hoping to push it away, she withdrew herself from the Commander and put a couple steps between them. “Thinking about the Conclave and all those we lost.”

   “Oh.” Cullen’s gaze fell to his boots. “I know that losing the Divine must weigh heavily on you and Leliana.”

   “She was a truly amazing woman,” Cassandras whispered shifting her gaze to the opposite side of the lake. She feared if she looked at him too long then she would end up telling him things she rather keep to herself. “What has you up this late, Commander?”

   He shrugged his shoulder and pulled his jacket tighter to block out the wind. “A headache.”

   Immediately, Cassandra’s attention shifted back. “Is it bad? Do you need one of my potions?”

    Cullen made a face. “No, it’s not that bad.”

    Cassandra rolled her eyes, “I know they taste horrible, but they help don’t they? I have supplies in my cabin.”

    Cullen caught her before she could rush off back towards the front gate, “I’m okay, Cassandra. Truly. Plus, I like this time of night. Everything seems so calm and peaceful. I feel like it’s the only time I can finally think.”

    “I found myself thinking the very same thing.”

   “Then I shall leave you to them.” He gave her a slight bow of the head, “G’night, Seeker. Try to get some sleep.”

   “You too, Commander.” Cassandra watched his retreating form and found herself wishing that he stayed. Sighing, she turned to watch the snow dancing across the frozen lake.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    The following night, Cassandra felt the great urge to seek the solitude of the docks. So, she dressed in a few layers and made her way through the quiet paths of Haven. There were a few people coming from the Tavern tonight. They were celebrating Alexandra’s victory over the high dragon plaguing the Hinterlands. Cassandra herself was still sore from the battle and she hadn’t been the one that got knocked by the beast tail. That would have been the Inquisitor and Varric. Their injuries didn’t stop either from celebrating. Alex wore her scrapes and bruises with pride as she drank and sang along with the bard.

   Cassandra partook in the celebration, sharing a drink of Bull’s making that nearly knocked her on her ass after the first sip. An hour or two later and her head was still swimming. As she passed the tavern, Cassandra could still hear the Inquisitor and some of their companions singing very off key at the top of their lungs. Oh, the hangovers they were going to have in the morning. Cassandra was glad she got out when she did.

    Smiling, Cassandra exited the gates to find a figure standing on the edge of the docks looking out at the frozen lake. She knew the silhouette well enough to know it was Cullen. For a moment or two, Cassandra wrestled with whether or not she should approach or find a different spot. In the end, she decided there was no harm in at least saying hello to him.

    Hearing her approach, Cullen turned and gave the Seeker a small smile. “Couldn’t sleep?”

   “I think I’m still feeling the effects of whatever Bull made me drink.”

   His gaze shifted over her shoulder to the tavern. “They still celebrating.”

   “Our dear Inquisitor Alexandra is currently standing atop the bar with Sera and Dorian singing. And very poorly.” Cassandra informed with a smile. It occurred to her in that moment, that the Commander didn’t smile enough. “I see you managed to escape.”

    “If I didn’t I’m sure Alex would have tried to drag me up there with her.”

   “I might have stuck around to see that.”

    Cullen felt his face flush, “I can’t carry a tune to save my life. It would have been a horrible scene.”

    “I don’t think it would have been as bad as you think.”

    “So.” Hoping to change the subject, Cullen invited to sit on the edge of the dock with him. “What thoughts keep you up tonight?”

    Using his shoulder for balance, Cassandra sat next to him, “This and that. What about you?”

   “Nightmare.” The information slipped out before Cullen could catch himself. It seemed his tongue was still loose from the liquor he shared during the celebration. He hated burdening her with that type of information. She asked after his wellbeing daily since she helped him nurse him through those horrible first weeks of the symptoms of stopping Lyrium. Now months into the endeavor, Cullen tried to hide what he could as the Seeker had more important to worry about then his health.

   A crease formed between Cassandra’s brows. “About what?”

   He sighed knowing there was no way out of answering her. “My time in the Ferelden Circle.”

   Cassandra didn’t know much about his time there, but from what little she did, she concluded that it wasn’t good. For his sake, Cassandra decided to steer the conversation in a different direction. “Your family is in Ferelden, are they not?”

    “My sisters and brother, yes.”

    “Have you had much contact with them since leaving Kirkwall?”

   “I’ve written my sister to let her know I was leaving for Haven. In the chaos of the explosion, I failed to inform her of my wellbeing and I received a very nasty letter.” His lips twitched into another rusty smile, “I'm surprised she didn’t come marching all the way up here to give me a good thrashing.”

   “This is Mia?” Cassandra tried to connect the information in her head. During those sleepless nights she sat by his side while Cullen purged the Lyrium from his body, they would spend hours talking, getting to know each other better.  She counted the Commander one of her closest friends along with Leliana.

    “Yes. She might be small, but Maker, she can be a scary one.” He went silent for a moment before letting out a rusty sounding laugh, “Maybe I should invite her up here. If anyone could whip these boys into men it would be her.”

   “I would very much like to meet her. She seems like a very interesting woman.”

   “Then you shall.” Cullen happily stated, “Once we’ve closed the breach I’ll take you to go meet my family. It’s been far too long since I’ve last seen them, I’m afraid they’ve forgotten what my face looks like.”

    Cassandra shook her head. “And such a handsome one to forget.”

    Cullen’s gaze snapped to hers. “Handsome, is it?”

    She felt her cheeks start to burn. “I must be more sleep deprived than I realized. I’m going to go back to get some sleep. I bid you goodnight, Commander.”

    Before Cullen could even think about apologizing, the Seeker was already working her way up to the front gate. He couldn’t help but smile at her retreating form. Handsome.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    Night after night, they would meet on the dock though the never verbalized the plans to do so. Days turned into a week, a week into three then even into four. The only time Cullen found the space empty was when Cassandra ventured away from Haven with Alex and the others. Those nights were the worst. He would sit on the edge of the dock, his mind running wild with the dark demons he struggled every day to keep at bay. Nightmares and memories of his time in the Hold and Kirkwall. No sleep would come. He spent his days fighting through the weight of exhaustion to carry out his daily routine while secretly waiting for the Seeker and her party’s return. 

   Sighing, Cullen sat down, resting his heavy head against his calloused palms. Maker, his head throbbed. He could actually do with one of Cassandra’s potions. As nasty as they were. Even after being shown a half dozen times, he couldn’t quite make it with the same potency. Any by the Maker, Cullen missed the Seeker. In more ways than he cared to admit.

   He rubbed his throbbing temple. The moment he saw her in Kirkwall, Cullen had been drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He couldn’t know then that the Seeker would become his salvation. She offered him a chance to have a better life. To atone for the sins of his past and leave the demons behind. She even supported his choice to stop Lyrium when others thought him mad. There were so many of those feverishly nights, Cullen would trash about with her bathing his brow to keep him cool. He his mind would become muddled with dreams and reality as he thought of her in inappropriate ways. So many nights, Cullen would lay awake with fantasies of the woman running around in his head.

   “Where is your cloak?”

   The sound of Cassandra’s voice had Cullen jolting and cursing himself. He prayed the cool wind against his cheeks would disguise his blush. He found himself smiling as he looked back. Sure enough, there was the Seeker, still wearing her armor from the road, standing at the end of the dock looking beautiful as ever. “You’re back?”

   Cassandra did her best to ignore the way that smile sent her heart fluttering. “We only just arrived. Since it’s the dead of night, we decided it best not to signal our return.”

   Cullen padded the spot beside him. “Come, sit. You look like you’re about to fall flat on your face.”

   Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. “I think that’s a polite way to say I’m unbearable to look at.”

   “No,” Cullen assured. “Beautiful as ever.”

   His words took her by surprise. Hoping to hide her small smile, Cassandra balanced herself on the Commander’s shoulder in order to take a seat. She studying his face while his gaze swept over the landscape across the frozen lake. He hadn’t been sleeping or eating. The dark circles under his eyes and slight gaunt to his cheeks gave it away. It caused her heart to ache to see him suffering. She left serval types of potions for him to use in her absence. He either refused to take them or plowed through him. Either scenario weren’t practically welcoming. The last thing Cassandra wanted him to do was trade one dependency for another.

   Because she ached to, Cassandra brushed her fingertips over his lightly bearded cheek. “Lose your razor, Commander?”

   Before he could stop himself, Cullen leaned into her touch. He was so tired that his actions and how they could be preserved didn’t register. “I’ve been told that it suits me.” Cullen sent her a lopsided grin. “I thought women liked beards.”

   “Perhaps.” Aware of how she was stroking the length of his jaw, Cassandra let her hand drop back to her lap.

   Cullen didn’t let the silence linger for too long. “Did you find success in the Marsh?”

   Thinking of it, Cassandra shifted to ease the ache in her ribs. “We got our men back.”

   He noticed the discomfort on her face. “Are you injured?”

   The concern in his voice was touching. Cassandra waved it away. “Nothing life threatening, I assure you. We had to face off with a small band of Avvars that issued a challenge for the Herald.”

   “And naturally you volunteered yourself to fight at her side.”

   “Of course I did. I am to protect her at all cost, remember.”

  Cullen sighed. Of course, she was right. Cassandra would give up her life if that meant keeping their Herald safe so they could close the breach. That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it. “Are you sure you shouldn’t see a healer?”

   “No. I just want to be here.” Tired, Cassandra’s head drifted to the Commander’s broad shoulder. “With you.”

   Those last two words were spoken so softly that Cullen wasn’t sure if he heard them correctly. His heart still soared. It didn’t take long before the Seeker drifted off into the fade. Since he could do it without being caught, Cullen brushed her hair off her brow. She stirred under her touch, sighed, and relaxed against him once more. He would have braved the cold to sit here like this until morning, but he knew how exhausted she had to be. And he was sure that she was in need of a proper bed after traveling so long.

   Carefully, Cullen stood with the sleeping woman in his arm. Her arm fell across his neck, her head settling against his shoulder once more. The weight and feel of her in his arms felt glorious. Felt right. Moving in the shadows, he made his way to her dwelling, careful to make sure that no one saw him.

   Cullen kicked the door closed behind him and moved towards the bedroom to lay her gentle as he could on the bed. She still wore her armor. His brow knotted unsure of his next step. Should he just leave her like this? Cullen couldn’t imagine that she could find peaceful sleep wearing her plates. He made sure he didn’t jar her as he quickly worked the buckles of her chest plate and removed it.

   Cassandra sighed, turning as if drawn to his heat.

   His body strained towards hers, it fighting him to keep certain emotions at bay. He was being friendly. That’s all they were, friends.

   Maker, how he wished they were more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   When they met that night on the docks something was different. There was tension in the air, a result of Cassandra’s impending mission that Cullen felt strongly against. Or maybe it was the situation that happened before the evening meal.

   Cassandra had been sparring with a young recruit, a good looking elf, with both wit and charm. The brave soul flirted while they circled around each other, looking for an opening to attack. And Cassandra flirted right back. Of course, after a moment of scowling and fumbling.  The elf reminded her of Galyan, right down to the overly cocky smile that usually ended with him on his ass.

   Where Cassandra finally figured the elf did it to get a better view of her backside. She drew the line when she noticed Cullen lingering behind the small group of onlookers with a look Cassandra couldn’t really name. The elf, Hamich, happily conceded the fight in which he followed up by heavily suggesting they try another sparring session in a not so crowded location. Before Cassandra could even muster a noise, Hamich kissed her hand and filed out.

   All while Cullen studied her with a completely stoic face. Cassandra tried and failed to figure out what the Commander’s issue was before they were pulled into the war council.

   After nearly half a day of arguing and debating, Cassandra found herself once again sitting next to Cullen on the dock when the rest of the town slumbered.

   Trying to judge his mood, Cassandra offered him a plate full of cinnamon sweats. Something she knew Cullen had a weakness for.

   He looked down and his stone cold expression wavered ever so slightly. “I guess I can’t pass them up knowing how much badgering you had to do in order to get the cook to bake these.”

   “Actually.” Pleased and proud, Cassandra sat up straighter. “I made them.”

   His brows shot up. “Really?”

   “I do have more skill beyond a blade, Commander.”

   “Oh, I’m sure you have many hidden secrets, Seeker.” He winked causing the woman to blush. Charmed by the fact Cassandra made them herself, Cullen plucked one of the deserts of the plate and took a healthy bite. His senses were flooded with an overload of sweetness.

   Cassandra watched his face closely and sat the slight cringe he tried to mask. “They’re horrible aren’t they?” Embarrassed, Cassandra adverted her gaze, muttering to herself.

   Cullen managed to swallow the piece of food while listening to Cassandra’s rambling. It was clear the Seeker took a great deal of time and effort to make the sweet rolls for him. Knowing there was a thousand different other things she could’ve done with that time, left Cullen’s heart beating a little bit faster. “Maybe a little less sugar next time.” Cullen finished the pastry in two bites. “Thank you.”

   “They were meant to be a peace offering. Oh- you have some…” Using her thumb, Cassandra brushed the leftover powdered sugar from the corner of his mouth. An affection gesture she didn’t recognize until it was too late. It seemed that it was becoming increasingly easier to be so open with him. After each late night session on the docks, she found herself growing closer and closer to the Commander. So close, it was on the verge of shifting into something more. Something, Cassandra found she yearned for.

   The gesture wasn’t lost on Cullen either. His golden gaze fell to her and they were wide with desire. In fact, it was pulsing through his veins and all he wanted to do was kiss her. Instead, he shifted away to let her hand fall back to her side. Cullen swore disappointment flashed across Cassandra’s face. “A peace offering for what?”

   “Whatever I seemed to have done to upset you.”

   “I’m not upset without.”

   “Could’ve fooled me.”

   Cullen huffed, trying to sort out the jealousy and other emotions swirling inside him as he recalled her sparring match with the elf. “I didn’t particularly like the way the elf spoke to you is all.”

   “He was flirting.”

   “Well, he shouldn’t have.”

   Her dark eyes narrowed. “And why not?”

   Cullen sputtered for a moment and only managed. “Because.”

   “How dare you! Who do you think you-.” The rest of her words were lost as Cullen slammed his mouth to her, stunning her into silence.

   Feeling her stiffen, Cullen drew away terrified he just ruined everything in one single action. Then, he saw the pleasure behind the shock. Well, if this ended with him flat on his ass, then he was going all in. Taking her face in his hands, Cullen dragged her across her lap to plunder her. This time she didn’t resist. Hands fisted in his hair, Cassandra shifted until she was straddling him, bring her perfectly aligned with his growing arousal.

   Maker’s Breath. She tasted divine. Nothing, no dream or fantasy, could compare to the real thing. She felt like fire in his arms. It made him ache and burn with a longing he held back since those first days in Kirkwall. He never dared to hope that there would ever be anything but friendship between them. How could such a strong and desirable woman want a wash out like him? An Ex-Templar, suffering from cutting his Lyrium lease and demons from his past. Nowhere near the man good enough for Cassandra.

   One taste. One small sample was enough to ignite the fire lying dormant inside her. Like Cullen, Cassandra longed for this very moment for longer than she cared to admit. The attraction, on her part anyways, had been immediate. Cullen Rutherford was a very handsome man after all. But the feelings, the one that made her heart jump into her throat every time he gave her a lopsided grin, was something she’d been battling for weeks now.

    After every late night talk, sparring or nursing session, Cassandra found herself growing more and more fond of the man. Something that shouldn’t be happening. He was the Commander and she was helping shoulder the Inquisition. There were far too busy. There were more important things to concentrate on than matters of the heart.

   Yet, she couldn’t pull herself away from the man. His taste, his scent, his touch invaded her senses, burning themselves into her memory. When she left tomorrow for the Mire, they would follow Cassandra and invade her dreams.

   Cullen groaned, deepening the kiss as Cassandra moved against him. He could barely control himself. It had to be some type of divine intervention that stopped him from laying her down and ravishing her.

   “Cassandra.” One hand caressing her cheek, the other falling to her hip, Cullen draw away to study her flushed face. He found her eyes blown wide with lust and her mouth swollen from his kiss. Maker! He wanted more. “Blessed Andraste, I-I…”

   The sound of his voice jolted Cassandra out of her trance. “No. No.” This should be happening. Under no circumstance was she going to admit her feelings for the man and let herself be distracted. She was to leave Haven tomorrow. She should be sleeping. Not sitting in Cullen’s lap, on the edge of the dock being kissed senseless. “I’m sorry.”

   “Cassandra?”

   The Seeker pushed away from him and struggled to gain her footing. “I-Just-I can’t.”

   “Wait, Cass…” It was no use. By the time Cullen scrambled to his feet, Cassandra was half way to the main gate. He could catch up to her, his strides were wide enough, but figured that would cause more harm than good.

   Well… Shit.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “Cullen.”

   The Commander snapped his attention at the sound of the Inquisitor’s voice. All eyes turned to him except the one he desired most. Cassandra had kept her gaze on the map the entire meeting.

   “What?” Cullen asked.

   Alex’s brows drew together. “Are you okay? You seem distracted.”

   “I’m fine.” Cullen did his best not to snap out the words. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck. He was exhausted. After leaving the dock, he spent the entire night pacing his room, going over everything in his head. Trying to figure out if he ruined the one relationship that meant the world to him. “What was the question?”

   “Is there anything before we set out?” Alex repeated, her gaze shifting between the Seeker and Commander. There was something very obvious going on between the two. She wanted to know what. Good thing they had the journey to the Storm Coast ahead of them. Plenty of time to work the answer out of Cassandra.

   Cullen cleared his throat and stood straighter. “Nothing more. I wish you luck, Inquisitor. May the Maker watch over you and your companions. Swift and safe travels, Lex.”

   Alex bowed her head to the three advisors. “See you in a few weeks.”

   A few weeks. Cullen couldn’t go that long without talking to Cassandra. Without trying to fix everything. There would be no sleep. Only nights of worrying and anguish while awaiting her return. “Seeker.” Cullen tried to keep her from leaving, only the woman filed out behind the others.

   Cursing, Cullen skidded around the war table and rushed out of the room. This time he didn’t leave her be. He snagged her by the arm and pulled her into a darkened corner of the Chantry hall. “Cassandra-.”

   “I need to get my gear and meet Alexis at the stables.” Cassandra to slip free, only his grip held steady. “Cullen.”

   “For the love of the Maker, it can wait,” He snapped. “I need a couple minutes, that’s all. A couple minutes to figure out what in the blight I did. Is it because of who I am? Because of what I’ve done in my past?”

   “You’re not that man anymore,” Cassandra softly assured.

   “Then what is it? Did I-I…” Desperate now, Cullen cradled the back of her head, holding her gaze in place. She looked terrified and hopeful and worried all at the same time. “Have I misread the signals? I thought-hoped that you may have felt something for me.”

   Tears burning in the back of her throat, Cassandra brushed her fingers over his stubbly chin. “I do.” Her voice wavered, “I do care, Cullen.”

   Hope flooded his golden eyes. “Then why? Why did you run away?”

   “Because I needed to think.” And it scared her so to feel so much, so fast. “Cullen, there is a hole in the sky spewing out demons. Our troops are missing in the Mire. There-.”

   “I know all that, but I also know that last night happened.” His body shifted closer until he felt her breast brush against his chest. “Tell me one thing. Did I ruin it all? Did I lose my closest friend?”

   “No.” Cassandra watched the tension ease from his taunt shoulders. “I need time. I need to think. When I get back we can talk.”

   “Okay.” Cullen could give her the space she craved. But first. He pressed his scarred lips firmly against hers. There was a brief moment of hesitation. Then, on a low pitched sigh, her mouth surrendered to him. And for a moment, they allowed themselves a moment of selfishness.

   Smiling, Cullen drew away. “Something for you to think about.”

   Cassandra blinked in response.

   “I believe our Herald is waiting for you.”

   “Right.” Cassandra found it difficult to pull herself away from the Commander. “Take care of yourself, Cullen.”

   “You do the same.”

   


	2. Chapter 2

   Since sleep wouldn’t come, Cassandra abandoned her bedroll and took post next to the fire. She stroked it and added another log to the flame to bring it raging back to life. Everyone was asleep with the exception of the Herald doing her rounds around the camp. It seemed, for now, any way, that the night was going to be an uneventful one. Cassandra almost wished it wasn’t. Now she was left with her thoughts and the memory of Cullen’s kiss replaying over and over in her head. Remembering his soft lips and his battle harden hands against her skin stirred a warm feeling in her stomach. Feelings she longed for from almost the first moment she saw him across the crowded bar in Kirkwall.

   Feelings that she shouldn’t have.

   Cassandra nearly snapped the twig she held in half. Yes, she longed to have a man desire her. To get knots in her stomach when that said man looked at her. She longed for romance. To be swept off her feet. To be loved and love in return. Now was not the time. They had a breach to close. People to help. People depending on the Inquisition to help heal the battle-torn land.

   But damn it, she had a heart. Under all the armor and stone exterior was a heart of a woman who longed for things she longed dreamed of.

   “Silver for your thoughts, Seeker.”

   Cassandra jolted at the sound of the Herald’s voice. “Just tired.”

   Alex smiled, sitting down beside the warrior. “You know your brow scrunches up when you lie.”

   “It does not,” Cassandra argued, rubbing a finger over the area to work away any traces.

   “What bothers you?”

   “Nothing.”

   “Right.” Alex watched Cassandra poke her stick at the fire. “And by nothing you mean something.”

   “No,” Cassandra argued wishing the mage would leave her alone to her thoughts.

   Alex granted the Seeker no such thing. “And that something involves the lovely Commander Cullen.” Alex knew she hit the mark when Cassandra’s hand jerked ever so slightly. “And don’t bother saying anything differently because the crease is coming back.”

   Cursing, Cassandra resisted rubbing her brow again.

   “He did seem quite distracted in our last meeting.” Alex enjoyed the blush working across her companion’s face. “Couldn’t seem to take his eyes off you.”

   “Your eyes must be playing tricks on you, Herald.”

   “Oh no, I think they work just fine.”

   “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

   “Nope.”

   “Fine.” Cassandra let out an exasperated sigh. Who knew, it might actually do some good to talk about it with someone. “He kissed me.”

   Alex struggled and failed to hold back her laughter. “A kiss?” She asked between breaths. “That’s what has you so worked up?”

   “With Cullen.”

   “Who is a very handsome man, I might remind you. Was it that bad? Was-.”

   “Maker, no!” Cassandra answered a tad too quickly. Her cheeks began to burn. “It was wonderful. Better than anything I could have imagined.”

   The Mage raised a brow. “Imagine it a lot, have you?”

   Maker’s breath. What had she gotten herself into? Cassandra knew Alex well enough to know that the woman had a way about her that allowed her to draw out every last bit of information from a person. “Since Kirkwall.” There was no need to withhold anything since Alex knew her tell when she lied.

   “That was several months ago,” Alex stated. “A lot of time to imagine.”

   “Things between Cullen and I, well at first, there was harmless flirting. I never imagined that he would find interest in me. Things changed In Haven.” Cassandra didn’t explain any further. If and when Cullen wanted to tell the Herald about his choice to stop taking Lyrium, it would be up to him to do so. “He is the closest friend that I have. I trust him to watch my back in battle, to keep me accountable for my actions and even tell me when my brashness gets the best of me.”

   “Brave man.” Alex touched a hand to the Seeker’s shoulder, drawing her full attention. “And having romantic feelings for a man you trust beyond others is a problem.”

   “Yes. No.” Cassandra hated feeling so unsure of herself.

   “What’s really the issue, Cass?”

   “The issue is that there is a hole in the sky and demons falling out of rifts scattered all across Thedas.” Cassandra took a shaky breath. “There are battles to be planned, people to be protected, and we are fight to bring order to this land. This distraction with Cullen just can’t be.”

   “It’s more than a distraction and you know it.” Alex could see it every time the pair looked at each other. “Yes, we fight for peace and to make things right, but as fighters, we must find that thing that gives us strength to go on each day. If you ask me, loving someone gives a person the greatest strength in the world.”

    The Seeker remained silent.

   “In the circle love wasn’t a thing. My parents shipped my off like a piece of cargo. I had friends, but life there was so uncertain and fear kept you in line. No one dared to risk making attachments.” Standing, Alex brushed the dirt from her hands. “You know what I’ve learned since falling out of the breach?”

   Cassandra glanced up. “What is that?”

   “Don’t let any opportunity pass you by.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   _The sudden blanket of silence falling over the patrons of the Hanged Man had Cullen looking up from his mug. There was a tall woman dressed in a dark cloak with short dark hair scanning the crowd, her dark gaze sharp and almost deadly. Cullen couldn’t help but slink further into the shadows. His Templar status still made him somewhat of a target with the citizens of Kirkwall. Though some knew his face, he usually ventured into the tavern in plain clothes accompanied by a hood for good measures._

_When the mysterious woman’s gaze settled on him, Cullen found himself momentarily stunned by her beauty before the fear kicked in. There was no chance for an escape. That would only draw more attention anyways. Cullen’s hand slipped from the table and to the dagger hidden under his cloak. While fighting his way out wasn’t a viable option, it was the only one he had. Cullen watched the woman saunter her towards him, his eyes drifting to watch her hips sway during her long strides. She was at his table before he could think of what he was going to do._

_Brown eyes, flooded with determination, bore down at him as she spoke. “Knight-Com-.”_

_His hand shot out to take her by the arm, the unexpected forced the woman to rock backward. Afraid she would fall, Cullen tugged, pitching her forward. Sprawled in his lap, Cullen found his arms full of mysterious woman, giving him a closer look at the sharp lines of her face and the jagged scar running down her cheek. She was a warrior. Cullen didn’t need to feel the harden muscles of her curvy body to know that. He could see it in her confident stride across the bar._

_In his distraction, Cullen hadn’t realized the woman freed to dagger from his belt until he felt the tip poking through his tunic and into his skin. He raised a brow. “Give everyone such a warm greeting?”_

_Her brown eyes turned to steel. “When they man handle me like I’m some working girl.”_

_Cullen released his hold on her. “My apologies, my lady.” Still, the pressure didn’t release. “I was only trying to stop you from using my title. Kirkwall is still weary of Templars, especially the Knight Commander.”_

_“Yet, you risk it to leave to gallows for a place like this?”_

_The corner of Cullen’s lips curved. “A man can only be cooped up in an office for so long. Now.” Taking her by the wrist, he eased it back until the pressure of the blade released. “I don’t believe we have had to pleasure of meeting.”_

_“Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast,” She introduced herself._

_“Ah, I’ve heard of your arrival through whispers. Trying to find Hawke, right?”_

_“Do you know where he is?”_

_Cullen shook his head. “I’m afraid not. There is a dwarf friend of his that would be the one to know. His name is Varric.”_

_“I’ve spoken with him and spun a story I’m struggling to believe.”_

_“I’m sure he did.” Amused, Cullen cocked his head to the side. “I’d be more than happy to help you figure out which part of his lies were true. Would you care to sit or are you comfortable where you are? I’m certainly not complaining.”_

_Fighting a blush, Cassandra realized she was still sprawled across his lap and could feel the heat radiating off his body. Among other things. She slid his dagger back into his belt before moving to the empty spot on the bench beside the man. He released her wrist and Cassandra found she missed the feel of his calloused fingers against his skin. “I’ve actually come to talk to you on another matter. I tried to catch you at the Gallows.”_

_“Well, if I’d known I would be visited by a beautiful woman, I wouldn’t have left.” Cullen smiled as her blush deepened. He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep or the drink that was making him so bold. With his luck, he would go too far and end up being struck by the Seeker. “And what would a Seeker of Truth want with a washed-up Templar like me?”_

_“I’ve come on behalf of the Devine with a proposition for you.”_

_He raised a brow. “Oh, really?”_

_“Your actions in Kirkwall has drawn the attention of the Most Holy.”_

_Cullen swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “I can’t believe I’ve done anything to warrant such attention.”_

_“I beg to differ. I’ve read the reports.”_

_“Then you’ll know I’ve done some things that I’m not proud of. Things unforgivable to some.” They haunted his dreams every night. Since the final battle with Meredith, Cullen hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep. There was so much he could have done earlier if he pushed harder against her. So many lives spared, both mages and Templars alike. Even the city might have been saved from Anders action if he stopped following orders that only drove the wedge further between the two fractions. Maybe that’s why he snuck off to the Hanged Man every night. To drown out the memories and the fact his faith in the order was nearly nonexistent._

_Cassandra leaned forward, drawing his attention back to her. “Please, take the time to hear what I’ve come all this way to say.”_

_Cullen listened. The only time Cassandra stopped was when the barmaid would come over with fresh drinks or he had a question. There weren’t many of them. He was too stunned to what she was telling-no asking of him to form words at all. In the end, the Seeker had given him a lot to think about._

_“I don’t expect an answer,” Cassandra finished. “We will be here in Kirkwall for a few days, a week at most.”_

_It took a moment for Cullen to realize she stood to leave. After leaving coins on the table, he stood to follow. “Will you come tomorrow to the Gallows? I would like to talk more about this.”_

_“I think it can be arranged.” She led them out into the darkened street. The breeze of the night air felt good against her flushed face._

_Cullen watched the Seeker lift her face to soak up the light breeze. His throat suddenly became dry and his body stirred once again. She was a woman of beauty and strength. Something that he was always attracted to. “Where are you staying?”_

_“In Hightown.”_

_“Maybe I should walk you back,” Cullen suggested with a slight curve of the lips. “These parts of Kirkwall aren’t that friendly at this time of night.”_

_Cassandra smiled, her eyes shining. “You’re drunk, Knight Commander.”_

_To prove her wrong or at least try, Cullen pushed away from the building bearing his weight on his own. “I beg to differ, Seeker.”_

_“Go rest.”_

_“Another time?”_

_Cassandra studied him a moment before breaking the silence. “We’ll see what the coming days bring. Goodnight, Cullen.”_

_Cullen found himself grinning. “Goodnight, Cassandra.”_

   Cullen awoke in the dead of the night, alone and aching from the memory of the Seeker’s smile. Her voice. Her touch. Taste. Groaning, he rubbed his tired face. This had to stop. Every night since Cassandra left, Cullen’s dreams had been haunted by the woman and of what things were between them and what could be.

   Since those early days in Kirkwall, Cassandra had been a beacon of light when he was struggling in the darkness while trying to hold to splintered city together. She offered him hope. Hope to make up for his past transgressions. Hope to leave the Templar order behind and actually do some good in the world. Hope to be a better man.

   Months later, the woman was his biggest supporter, advocate, comrade, and most importantly his closest friend. Now, it seemed like he couldn’t break without her unwavering faith, smile, and stubbornness.

  _Maker_.

    Cullen stared up at the ceiling. He loved her. She was the keeper of his heart and anchor of his broken soul.

   _And what if he ruined it all?_

   The question drove Cullen from his bed as it did almost every night in her absence. He began to layer up to protect him from the chill of the night. It was no surprise he found himself sitting on the edge of the dock overlooking the frozen lake.

   What if in their time apart, Cassandra convinced herself that the feelings she felt for him here purely plutonic? Or simple lust? Would she see his action as a breach of their friendship? Would she lose faith in him? Ask him to leave the Inquisition?

   A creak drew Cullen from his cluttered mind. He reached for the sword that wasn’t there. Cursing, he glanced over his shoulder and sighed. “Leliana.”

   “Peace, Cullen.” The Spymaster whispered, her arms outstretched reassuring him she was unarmed.

   “I’m sorry. I thought…” Blushing, Cullen returned to staring at the lake.

   Leliana took a seat next to the Commander. “You thought I was someone else.”

   Cullen sighed. Of course, she would know. It seemed like the blighted woman knew about everything and anything going on in Thedas.

   “No, fear Commander. I received a raven after evening meal.” Her news perked Cullen’s interest. “The Herald and her party should return the day after next.”

   “Did… Did…” Maker, help him. He felt like a fumbling adolescence. “Any other correspondence?”

   The corner of the Spymaster’s mouth lifted. “From Cassandra?”

   “Yes.” Cullen knew the Seeker and Leliana were close. He also knew Cassandra would write to the Spymaster separately on both official and unofficial matters. “I implore you, Leliana. Did she write anything about me? About what she’s thinking.”

   Her face softened at the desperation in his voice. “I’m sorry, but there was nothing.”

   Sighing, Cullen’s shoulders hunched. “I’m such a fool. I ruined it. I was mad to think there maybe something between us. Maker, how could I be so stupid?”

   “What are you going on about, Cullen?”

   “On the night before she left, we sat in this very spot and I kissed her.” Cullen forced a hand through his disheveled curls. “She ran off and the next day she wouldn’t even meet my gaze in the war room. I had to corner her to get her to even talk to me.”

   “What did she say?”

   “Basically, she cared for me, but that it couldn’t be.” His heart ached, recalling the Seeker’s words. “That with all that was going on in the world, anything between us would be selfish. That there were more important things for us to put our focus on.”

   “Of course, she did.” Leliana sighed. Cassandra was a woman to think with her heart before her heart. Even though, Leliana knew the Seeker’s true desire to be swept off her feet. It didn’t surprise her with the events of the Conclave still was an open sore that Cassandra would close herself off. “Speaking of battle strategies and troop movements come naturally to Cassandra. Matters of things involving the heart is another story.”

   “I noticed that on my own,” Cullen grumbled. 

   Leliana touched a hand to his arm. “I’m saying be patient with her. Life hasn’t give Cassandra many chances to be selfish so she hides from it. Don’t let her push you away. You must show her that in a world in such turmoil, things like love is a precious thing.”

   His brows drew together. “Has she confessed to such feelings?”

   “She didn’t have too. I saw the spark back in Kirkwall.”

   “She never said or gave any indication.” Back then it all been harmless flirting.

   “Because she sees herself as a brash and blunt woman who thinks herself unworthy of your devotion due to the lack of softness and other feminine qualities a man looks for in a woman.”

   “No. It is I who is unworthy of a woman as strong as her.” Cullen saw the confusion cross the rogue’s face. “I am a man still carrying the weight of his past. I may not be that same man, but I carry a darkness inside me. Something I must keep controlled. In ways, I’m sure she would not be able to accept.”

   Leliana shook her head. “Now look who is trying to think their way out of happiness.”

   Cullen only shrugged. “That’s what happened when left to his thoughts for too long.”

   “How can you know if you don’t open yourself fully?” Content she said her peace, Leliana stood. “Good night, Cullen.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   The Commander was in the middle of training the newest batch of recruits when the bell rang out. His attention snapped to the gates, his distraction costing him a bloody lip and a trip to the ground as the recruit delivered a well-placed blow with his shield.

   The young man began to apologize profusely.

   “I’m fine.” Cullen scrambled to his feet, gaze searching the approaching party. The small group looked tired, but thankfully unharmed.

   They stopped their horses in front of the crowd that gathered to greet them outside the training yard. Cullen remained in place, waiting not so patiently for a certain member to look in his direction. He didn’t have to wait long. Cassandra turned, caught his gaze, and a smile blossomed across her face.

   Heart soaring, Cullen returned it with one of his own. _Blessed Andraste_. How could he be so blind? Every morning he woke to see that smile. Woke to hear her voice. To find the calmness her mere presence created. She was his strength. She was the very breath in his body. Maker, could he be enough for her?

   Alex caught the exchange and grinned. “It appears your lip is bleeding, Commander.”

   Knocked out of his stupor, Cullen wiped his sleeve over his mouth. “My opponent used my moment of distraction to his advantage.”

   “I wonder what could distract the Might Commander of the Inquisition in the midst of battle.”

   Face burning, Cassandra averted her gaze.

   “I assure you, Herald, you have nothing to fear. My skill with a blade will protect me if another distraction occurs.”

   “Oh, I have no doubt.” Alex watched a blush dust the warrior’s cheek. “I’m sure you’re eager for a report, but I think I speak for everyone when I say we could use a moment or two of rest.”

   “And you shall have it,” Cullen assured giving her a slight bow of the head. “We shall meet in the war room before afternoon meal.”

   “Thank you.”

   Cullen watched the group dismount and start for the stables. Eager to follow, he forced himself to stay in place. He wouldn’t push. Maker knew that was the last thing he wanted to do. Pushing Cassandra never ended well in any case.

   “Aren’t you going to greet your Seeker?” Dorian asked leaning against his staff. “Maybe release some of that pent-up longing.”

   Now Cullen’s face was on fire.

   The mage chuckled. “Your room is right next to mind and the walls are paper thin.”

   “Andraste preserve me.” Cullen didn’t know why he found himself embarrassed. Life as a Templar meant no privacy. Moments of self-pleasure could always be heard in the tower or the barracks of Kirkwall. “Things aren’t-I mean-we’re not like that.”

   “Yet,” Dorian finished. He put teasing aside for now. “Why don’t you at least say hello. Maybe bring a flower. I hear women like that sort of thing.”

   Cassandra sensed his approach long before she heard the snow crunch under Cullen’s armored boots. Her heart began to flutter as she drew her last bag from her saddle. She tossed a look over her shoulder. “Commander.”

   Cullen stumbled for a moment at the formal use of his title. It was his worst fear come true. She didn’t want to be with him. Right when his mind was about to run rampant with self-doubt, he caught the slight curve of her lips. The air rushed out of his lungs. “Seeker,” He greeted. “I hope your travels were well.”

   “We accomplished our goal and secured new agents.” Cassandra stroked a hand down the stallion’s nose. “How have things fared in Haven?”

   “Productive.” Drawn to her like a moth to a flame, Cullen drew closer. “The end of the breach may be near. The mages think they’ve figured out a way to seal it with the Herald’s aid of course.”

   Cassandra turned, finding him so close their bodies brushed with each breath. “Truly?”

   Cullen nodded. “As soon as Alexandra is ready we’ll set out for the temple.”

   “That’s wonderful news.”

   “Eager to rid yourself of the Inquisition?” Of me? He meant to tease, but the question drew a harden expression from the Seeker. Cullen cursed himself to the fade and back.

   “There is still work to be done. Rifts to be sealed. Do you think I’d abounded this cause so quickly?”

   “No, of course not.” Stammering, Cullen dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn’t… I mean… Maker’s that not what I meant. I know more than anyone how dedicated you are to the Inquisition.”

   “I’m sorry,” Cassandra apologized slowly relaxing. “I shouldn’t have been so short. That was rude of me.”

   “How about we start over? Welcome back, Seeker,” Cullen greeted and drew his hand from behind his back to offer the warrior a brightly colored flower. He saw her lips twitch as if she was fighting the urge to smile. Of course, she failed making the Commander beam.

   After a moment or two of hesitation, Cassandra carefully plucked the flower from Cullen’s gloved fingers. She couldn’t resist pressing her nose into the buds. “It’s beautiful.”

   Cullen watched her run the petals every so softly against her lips. He bit back a groan. Maker he wanted to kiss her. Patience. He needed to be patient. “Not as beautiful as you.”

   Cassandra laughed softly. “That was horrible.”

   Laughing himself, Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “Dorian encouraged me to be charming. I fear I may not be very good at it.”

   “I beg to differ,” Cassandra argued. “I should get some rest before the meeting.”

   “Of course.” Cullen took a step back to give her room. “One thing before you go, if you’ll indulge me.”

   “Go on.”

   “Did-did you get a chance to think about things?”

   Her eyes softened. “I did.”

   His heart jumped into his throat. “And?”

   “And if what you say is true, that we could close the breach in the next day or two, we should talk once we’ve finished.”

   Well, he waited nearly three weeks. What was a couple of days? “I won’t detain you any longer.”

   She raised a brow, her lips curling once again. It was so easy to do in his presence. “Are you telling me I look bad again, Commander?”

   “Never.” Cullen bowed his head. “Until later.”

    Bags slung over her shoulder, Cassandra made her way towards her dwelling. She couldn’t resist running the petals of the flowers over her lips. The heart in her chest was bursting with emotions. Her steps felt like she was walking on air. Though bone tired, Cassandra felt fantastic. Leave it to Cullen to reduce her to one of those love-struck women she read in those romantic novels she may or may not have stashed under her bed.

   Cassandra opened the door, entered, and closed it by leaning against the solid wood with a content-no happy- sigh.

   “Saw Cullen, did you?” Leliana’s voice broke the seeker’s moment of solace.

   Cassandra nearly jumped out of her skin. With how silently the spy master moved, she sometimes forgot she shared a dwelling with the woman. “You startled me.”

   Leliana smiled softly. “For nearly spending three weeks on the road, you sure are cheerful.”

   “Happy to be able to take a real bath and sleep in a proper bed.”

   “And your mood has nothing to do with a certain Commander within the Inquisition?”

   “Is there anything you don’t know?”

   Eyes glinting, Leliana shrugged. “It’s my job to know secrets. I’m sure it’s what’s kept me alive thus far. Now, did you see Cullen?”

   “I did.” Cassandra hoped to keep her voice free of emotions. “In passing on my way in.”

   “In passing,” Leliana echoed. “No time for a kiss?”

   “Leliana.” Sighing, Cassandra set her bags down and took a seat at the dinner table. She played with the petals of the flower Cullen picked for her. And freshly done. Small amounts of dirt still clung to the end of the stem. “Things are complicated.”

   Leliana sat down across from the warrior. “It doesn’t have to be.”

   “I cannot just sleep with a man. Especially that man being Cullen and walk away.” It would destroy her. Knowing how it felt to be touched by him. To be kissed. To be loved by such a man and be tortured by the memory every time she walked by him in Haven. Even worse, the bond between them as friends and comrades would be completely shattered. And that was something she couldn’t live without.

   “That’s not what I’m saying, Cassandra.” Leliana understood well enough that Cassandra didn’t take matters lightly. Even if she tried to push her friend a few times over the years to indulge herself.

   Cassandra’s gaze fell to the brightly colored flower and recalled the Commander’s dazzling smile when he gave it to her. She remembered the way her heart fluttered. “I told him that after we close the breach, once everything was calm, we would talk about things.”

   “Why wait?”

   “The breach needs our full attention.”

   “There is always going to be something, Cass. Another battle. Another cause.” Leliana resisted to reach across the table and shake sense into her. She knew fear dictated the Seeker’s actions. “Why are you resisting? Say it, Cassandra. So, you can hear the truth for yourself.”

   _Damn her!_ Cassandra tore her gaze away unable to speak while looking at the gift from Cullen. She could lie, but knew Leliana would see right through it. No, answering wasn’t an option. “I’m afraid.” And Cassandra prided herself on never fearing anything.

   Leliana’s voice softened. “Of what?”

   “Not being enough.”

   “That’s crazy, Cassandra.”

   “I’m not exactly the type of woman men are usually drawn to. I’m stubborn, brash, and impulsive.” Cassandra took a shaky breath. “Cullen… He can’t…”

   “Can’t what? Maker, Cassandra you can’t see it, even when it’s right in front of you.” She reached to touch the Seeker’s hand. “I found him on the dock in the middle of the night sick with worry he’d ruined everything. That you did not feel for him the same he does for you.”

   The Seeker’s gaze cut back. “Truly?”

   “You two have been drawn to each other since Kirkwall. I saw that spark. I’ve watched it grow. You both think you’re not good enough for the other to see it for yourselves.”

   “He thinks he’s not good enough?”

   “His past still weighs on him. There is darkness that still lingers and he fights it every day. Fight to control it.” Leliana knew what means of control he used. She experienced it herself in the time she shared with the Hero of Ferelden. “Listen to me, Cassandra. I’m speaking as your friend. Don’t over think this. For once, don’t use your head, don’t use your duty as an excuse to find happiness. After all, you sacrificed in the name of service, you deserve it.”

   Once again, Cassandra ran the petals over her lips, wishing it was Cullen’s whispering against them. Leliana’s words hit close to home. For so long, Cassandra devoted her life to the service of the Seekers and the Chantry. Her relationship with Galyan had come second to her duty until it faded away into nothingness. Now that man was gone. No second chances. And that could happen with Cullen. They lived in dangerous times, faced battled and death almost at every turn.

   “I’ll talk to him,” Cassandra assured. “After the breach is closed.”

   Knowing pushing the Seeker would only end with a headache, Leliana sighed. “If you don’t, I swear to the Maker I’ll lock you two in a room till you do.”

   Cassandra chuckled and placed the flower on the table. “Thank you for the talk, Leliana. I’m truly blessed to have a friend such as you.”

   A smile bloomed across the Spymaster’s face. “One that doesn’t stand for your bluntness? And pushes against your stubbornness?”

   “Maybe that why she paired us together.” A moment of sadness passed between them thinking about the Divine. Cassandra stood. “I’m going to get cleaned up.”

   “I have some scented soap if you like some,” Leliana teased earning a disgruntle groan and an eye roll.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Entering the war room, Cassandra immediately felt Cullen’s gaze on her. She filed in behind the Herald, casting a quick glance in his direction. The moment their eyes connected he gave her a small quick smile. Most likely trying not to draw attention. Cassandra didn’t know why. She was sure everyone knew what was growing between them.

   “Welcome back, Herald,” Josephine greeted. “I hope your travels were successful.”

   “Very,” Alex reported. “I hear that progress have been made in our absence.”

   “Yes, we have.” Cullen put all his focus on Alex. “With the help of Dorian and Solas, it seems we’ve come up with a way to seal the breach.”

   “For good this time,” Leliana added. “With their combined magic powering the mark will give it the necessary energy to seal it.”

   Cassandra watched Alex’s face fall to her marked hand. She could see the worry etched into her friend’s face. They were all thinking the same thing. What if closing the breach took everything Alex had? What if it killed her?

   “We’ll wait until you’re ready, Alexandra,” Cassandra insisted. She wanted to give Alex the time she needed to prepare for the adventure back up the mountain. To make sure Alex got the chance to say what she needed to all the right people. With Leliana’s words in her head, Cassandra looked across the war table at Cullen. And maybe while Alex waited, Cassandra would take the Spymaster’s advice and not wait to talk to the Commander.

   Alex fisted her left hand. “We’ll move out as soon as possible.” Her announcement took the rook by surprise. The corner of her mouth lifted. “No sense in waiting. If we move now than we can be done with it before nightfall.”

   “If you’re certain.” Cassandra offered her once last chance.

   “C’mon, Seeker. Too tired for our next adventure?”

   “I’m may have a few years on you, Lex. But I can still run circles around you.”

   “That sounds like a challenge.” Alex glanced at Cullen. “Gather your men, Commander, in case any surprise come from that blasted thing. I’ll speak to Dorian and Solas about rallying the mages.”

   Cullen bowed his head. “Right away.”

   “Ready, Seeker?”

   “On your mark, Herald.” Once again, Cassandra took a quick look at the Commander. This time she was the one giving a quick smile before following the mage.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “So, the sky is healed.” Cassandra approached the Herald, joining her in watching the citizens of Haven celebrate. “All thanks to you. And here you are, all by your lonesome.”

   Alex rocked on her heels. “I didn’t do it by myself, you know that.” Her eyes tracked all the faces, never finding the one she longed to see. “And there wasn’t much opportunity for dancing in the circles.”

   “I’m sure somebody down there will be more than willing to teach you.”

   “And why are you up here?” Alex decided to turn the tables, making the warrior blush. “Why aren’t you with your Commander celebrating?”

   Because in truth, Cassandra was stalling. “Last time I saw him, he was debriefing his men.”

   The mage grinned. “When will he be debriefing you?”

   “Alex.” Face burning now, Cassandra rolled her eyes.

   “I’m only teasing, Cassandra.” Alex bumped the Seeker’s shoulder. “You did say you were going to talk to him.”

   “I will,” Cassandra assured as she fiddled with the hilt of her sword. “I’m simply waiting.”

   The sound of crunching snow drew Alex’s attention and she smiled. “It seems your wait is over.”

   “What-oh!” Cassandra’s heart began to flutter.

   Cullen’s golden gaze darted between the two women. “Am I interrupting?”

   “No.” Alex heard a soft disgruntle groan from Cassandra. “I was just leaving to join the celebration. Commander.”

   “Herald.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as he moved to occupy the spot Alex vacated. He tipped his head back, taking in the clear night sky. “The breach is closed.”

   Cassandra looked up herself. “There are reports that rift still lingers, but today was a major victory.” She felt his battle harden fingers brush against the back of her bare hand. Breath hitching, Cassandra turned to link fingers with his. She looked down, getting caught in his warm gaze. “Cullen.”

   He brought up his other hand, fingers grazing across her check before burying themselves in the short strands of her hair. “Cassandra.” He shifted closer, their nose brushing and breath mingling. Cullen figured when she didn’t push him away it was a good sign. There was still a sliver of apprehension in her dark eyes hidden behind the desire. The want. Maker. His grip tightened. He was so unsure what was about to happen. “I know we need to talk.”

   Her heart pounded in her ears. “Yes, we do.” Before he could say a word, she rose on her toes to press her lips eagerly to his. Words were not her specialty. That was Varric’s gift. Plus, she wouldn’t even know where to begin in trying to sort out and explain all her jumbled thoughts coursing through her.

   So, for now, Cassandra lost herself in the moment. She clawed at his pauldrons, wanting him close as possible. She cursed his armor, wishing she could feel him like that night on the docks.

   A sound in the distance had Cullen jerking away. It took a second or two for his muddled brain to decipher the noise. He felt the Seeker stiffen when she realized what they were hearing.

   “We need to get to the gate,” Cassandra instructed, pulling her sword free. “Quickly.”

  


	3. Chapter 3

   “Well, if he wants me.” Alexandra pushed her weight off her staff, expression grim. “Then he shall have me.”

  “Lex-.”

   “Don’t try to talk me out of it, Cassandra.” Her gaze swept over the worried faces of her companions. “Any of you. This is what has to be done or innocent people will die. As long as there is breath in my body, I will use it to hold this Elder One back so as many people can escape.”

   Cullen frowned. “There has to be another way.”

   “You should know better than anyone, Commander, that we’ve been boxed in. We only have one shot at getting these people out alive and that’s for me to go out there.” The Herald stated and watched the former Templar concede to her point. “Get going. We don’t have time to be sitting around for you to try to talk me out of this.”

   “We will show you the way.” Cole helped lift Rodrick to his feet. “He knows.”

   Cullen nodded and the two lumbered off along with a string of others. The Commander took a moment to look at the Herald. “May the Maker protect you, my friend.”

   Alex did her best to smile. “Same to you, Cullen. Now go. All of you.”

   Cullen complied only to stop a few feet when he realized that the Seeker wasn’t behind him, “Cassandra?”

   The woman in question met his golden gaze. “I’ll be right behind you.”

   He hesitated, concerned by something he heard in her voice. There was a feeling in his gut that told him to take her arm and drag her with him. But, he knew Cassandra well enough that she would just knock him flat on his ass. So, Cullen pushed the feeling aside and prayed to the Maker that was the right thing to do. “I’ll see you soon.”

   Alex also knew the Seeker was up to something and she too knew the woman well enough to know exactly what that something was. “No,” She hissed so Cullen couldn’t over hear. “You’re going with them.”

   “You’re not going out there alone,” Cassandra simply stated, glancing back quickly to make sure that Cullen was gone. “I vowed to you the protection of my sword and shield. And, as you put it, as long there is breath in my body, I will uphold that vow.”

   The mage held steady. “You will not give your life for mine.”

   “If it’s that’s the Maker’s will, then so be it.” Cassandra drew her sword, effectively silencing any further argument. “I’m staying with you, Alexandra. You will not face this alone.”

   Sighing, Alex readied herself for battle. And possibly her death. “Thank you, my friend.”

0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   The Herald stirred, finding herself surrounded by the dark and the cold. Everything hurt. Alex tried to move, only to howl in pain. Something was broken. Or maybe two somethings. She pressed a finger gently to her left side and found one of her lower ribs broken. And she had no mana nor strength to heal one of her many superficial wounds, let alone a broken bone.

   A moan filled the cavern.

   “Cass.” Alex remembered now. The Seeker had thrown herself in front of her to block what would have been a killing blow from the Elder One. They both hit the trebuchet with enough force to nearly rattle the teeth from their head. It also had been hard enough to set it off, sparking the avalanche that buried Haven. And hopefully Corypheus. “Cassandra.”

   The Seeker moaned.

   “C’mon, Seeker.” Alex forced herself onto her hands and knees, biting back her scream of agony. Leg was broken too. That wasn’t good. “This is no time to slack off.”

   “I beg to differ,” Cassandra whispered fighting to stay conscious. She touched a hand to her temple and came away with blood. “What in Andraste happened?”

   “You did something incredibly stupid and took a blow meant for me. Then we dropped a mountain on our heads and was blasted down a cavern,” Alex sarcastically informed causing the Seeker to chuckle. “Can you move? Anything broken?”

   Carefully, Cassandra tested out her limbs. There was pain, incredible pain, but everything seemed to work. “I think I might have broken a rib or two, but nothing too serious.” She rolled to take in the disheveled mage. Her pale face was branded by scraps and dirt, with a nice gash on her temple. The cold help slow the blood flow. The muck on Alex’s robes made it hard for Cassandra to tell if she was badly injured anywhere else. “How bad?”

   “A rib and my leg.” Alex was afraid to look down. Even after months on the battle field, she didn’t do well with the whole blood and guts thing. “It hurts like a bitch.”

   “Can you heal yourself?”

   Alex shook her head, “Too weak.” In fact, she couldn’t even hold her own weight any more. Alex happily laid back down on the cold hard ground. “Think they made it?”

   Cassandra’s mind drifted to Cullen and she had to close her eyes in order to trap her tears. She wished she had given him a proper goodbye. Knowing she in the end hurt him with her lies made her heart ache. Hoping to ease it, she focused on the man’s crocked smile and his cedar scent. “Yes.”

   “Maker tell you that?”

   The warrior rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t work like that, Lex. I just have to hope that they did.”

   “Guess if they didn’t, that would mean our sacrifice would’ve been for nothing.”

   “What sacrifice?” Cassandra demanded. “We’re alive aren’t we?”

   Alex laughed then cursed. “I don’t know if it’s escaped your notice, Seeker. We are stuck in some dark cavern and we’ve knocked half a mountain on us. Trying to find a trail would take a miracle.”

   “And who says we don’t have another one waiting for us.”

   “What about the little problem of my leg being broken?” Alex wondered, a smile playing in her voice. “I don’t suspect you’re going to carry me through all that snow.”

   “If that’s what it takes.”

    The Herald looked up, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

   “Are you ready to die yet? Because I’m not.” Cassandra thought about all that was left unsaid in her life. Thought about Cullen and the way her heart fluttered whenever he was around. Thought about all those times she wanted to tell him everything that was in her heart, but held her tongue. She had to find him. To tell him how stupid she was for thinking matters of the heart weren’t important. Putting duty first ruined what she had with Galyan. She was a fool to do that again with Cullen.

   Alex spoke after a long moment of silence, “No. I’m not.”

   “Then…” Cassandra used what strength she had to push to her feet, “Let’s get you up.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   _Where was she?_

   Cullen issued another command to another nameless person as he scanned the growing crowd for the Seeker. The tail of the caravan was starting to settle in, so that should have meant Cassandra should be here by now. Struggling to keep a level head, Cullen scrubbed a hand over his weary face. Everything was fine. She was fine. There was no way that she would do something noble like stay behind.

   Of course she would. Cullen’s heart sank straight to his stomach. He should have known. he should have forced her to come with him. Deep down, Cullen knew that Cassandra would never leave the Herald’s side. Even facing death, she would have stayed. Would have fought to keep Alex alive. How could he have left without her?

   “That’s the last of them.”

   The Commander spun around, “What?”

   Dorian glanced down the path they came to find it empty. There were no more torches to see. “Anyone else who have been buried in the avalanche. I barely made it out in time.”

   “No.” All the sudden Cullen’s knees felt weak. He braced against the mage before he fell face first in the snow. “Cass…”

   Dorian frowned. “I’m sorry, Cullen.” He felt the warrior’s grip tightened around his arm. “She stayed behind with Lex.”

   Maker in heaven. Tears burned the back of Cullen’s throat. He wasn’t strong enough to hold them back. Not when his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. Losing the woman he loved was the punishment he deserved for the sins he’s committed in his past. Didn’t it matter that he was trying to atone? That, since the moment Cassandra found him in Kirkwall, he was trying to be a better person because she believed that he could be.

   “Cold. So cold.” Cole appeared beside the two men. “How can it be so cold?”

   Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t have it in him to deal with the boys rambling. “Go away.”

   “They’re cold and lost. Been wondering. Feels like hours. Feels like she’s going to die.” Cole ignored Cullen’s command and continued to gaze down the mountain. “Won’t give up. Not until the Herald is safe. Not until she finds you.”

   “What are you saying?” Cullen demanded, taking Cole by the shoulder to make him focus. “Are you trying to tell me that you can hear them? That Cassandra and Lex are alive?”

   Cole nodding, bangs falling in front of his ghostly eyes, “Wondering through the cold. Surrounded by white. Full of anguish. Regret.” He gazed at the Commander. “Her heart is full of regret. Should have told him. Should have-.”

   “Focus!” Cullen screamed, “Is Cassandra alive?”

   “They won’t be for long.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

    Feeling Alex start to sag, Cassandra readjusted her grip and hauled the mage back up. Their pace was slowing and the howling snowy wind was not helping. If they didn’t find some type of shelter soon they were going to freeze to death.

   A wolf’s cry carried through the wind.

   Alex’s head lolled to the side. “Wonder what’s better.” She struggled to keep her eyes open as Cassandra dragged her along. “Being eaten or being frozen to death.”

   “I don’t intend to find out the answer to that one.” Cassandra’s muscles quivered under the Herald’s weight. “And neither are you.”

   “You would have a greater chance to live if you weren’t dragging my sorry ass through the snow.” But Alex knew that Cassandra rather chew off her own arm then leave her behind. She already proved that one.

   “You’re heavier than you look.”

   Alex scoffed, “Are you calling me fat, Seeker.”

   “I’m saying no such thing.” Cassandra forced herself to put one foot in front of another. A task that was becoming increasingly hard. Everything hurt, something she was struggling to mask from the Herald. Her injuries were a bit more serve than she first let on. More than just a rib was broken. “C’mon, Lex. We’ve gotten this far.”

   The Herald let out a soft mummer.

   Cassandra shook the woman until her eye lids snapped open. “Keep talking to me. You’ve got to stay away.”

   “It’s so cold.”

   “That’s why we have to keep moving.”

   “This is a good place as any to die.”

   “We’re not going to die.” Cassandra hiked up Alex again. “They’re going to send someone to look for us.”

   Alex’s huffed, “They think we’re dead.”

   “They might, but that won’t stop them from looking.”

   “Do you love him?”

   The question took Cassandra by surprise. “Excuse me?”

   “Cullen. Do you love him?”

   “I-I.” Cassandra swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “I think I do.”

   “He loves you,” Lex informed, resting her head on the Seeker’s shoulder. “I can see it when he looks at you. He stares when you’re not looking and he gets this look on his face. I’ve been trying to give him a push, but he doesn’t think himself worthy to be with a woman like you.”

   “He’s bound by the ghosts of his past.” Once they found camp, she was going to go straight to the man and make him see differently. “Hey-Hey. Stay with me, Lex.”

   “I’m trying.”

   “Find something to hold on to.” The mere thought of seeing Cullen was what Cassandra was clinging too. It was what drove her on through the blizzard when all she wanted to do was sleep. “Think about Blackwall.”

   The corner of Alex’s mouth twitched. “How’d you know?”

   “I’m a Seeker,” Cassandra stated on a laugh, “It’s my job to notice things. You’ve been finding your way to the training yard more and more. Especially when a certain Warden takes to chopping wood.”

   If it was possible, Alex flushed despite the fact her face was frozen. “I wish he was as attentive. I keep trying to hint, but he hasn’t caught on.”

   “Well.” Cassandra pulled Alex back up. “That just means you have to make him see it. I think if you can face a bloody archdemon and a half god, then you can tell a man how you feel.”

   “I’ll make you a deal,” Alex weakly spoke, her eyes drifting closed. “You tell Cullen, I’ll tell Blackwall.”

   “Lex, open your yes. Lex! Damn it.” Cassandra stumbled under the Herald’s dead weight and hit the ground hard. Cursing, she rolled the mage onto her side to get her battered face out of the snow.

   The wolf’s howl grew closer.

    Hands trembling, Cassandra pulled her dagger from her frozen boot. Neither the cold nor damn wolves were going to take her down.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o

   “This is crazy.” Dorian shouted over the roar of the wind. He drudged through the snow along with the small search party of Inquisition soldier’s, Blackwall, and a very determined Cullen. The Commander wasn’t going to stop searching until his heart stopping beating in his chest. “We won’t find them in such a condition.”

   Blackwall pulled his cloak tighter, though it did very little to warm him. “You’re free to turn around, mage.” The warrior was just as determined to find the pair.

   Cullen forced himself to block out the voices as the two men continued to bicker back and forth. They had to find them. They had to be out here. Cassandra was to stubborn to let something like snow keep her down. But what if she was too hurt to move? Or if Alex was? Cassandra wouldn’t leave the Herald alone. He shook the thought from his head. He wouldn’t stop. Even if that meant they had to hike back down to Haven.

   “Everyone be quiet.” Cullen barked and soon the only the howl of the wind could be heard. He squinted his eyes, scanning the darkened tree line. There was something, a voice maybe, faintly carried on a heavy gust of air. It sounded almost like the Chant of Light. A flash of green caught his attention. “There!”

   Blackwall sprinted off towards the light cutting through the darkness. “It’s them.”

   “Thank the Maker.” Cullen was close behind. “Cassandra.”

   Navigating through the trees, Cassandra stumbled under the Herald’s dead weight upon hearing Cullen’s voice. Could it be? Had the Maker given them another miracle? She swayed, blood staining the white snow at her feet, and waited. Cassandra didn’t trust her senses. She was fat too delirious from the loss of blood and energy.

   “Cassandra!”

   There it was again. This time crystal clear over the wind.

   Tears burning the back of her throat, Cassandra collapsed to her knees, catching Alex before the woman slid off her shoulders. “They found us,” She whispered even though the Herald was unconscious. “By Andraste, they found us.”

   Both males dropped beside the pair. Grimed face, Blackwall tried to relieve the Seeker of Alex’s weight.

   Cassandra jerked away. “No,” She weakly protested. “She’s hurt. Needs a healer.”

   “Look at me.” Cullen brushed his gloved hand over Cassandra’s frozen cheek. Glassy brown eyes flickered up to his golden ones. “It’s alright. It’s safe. Let Blackwall take her.”

   Still, Cassandra didn’t loosen her grip. “I can get her there.”

   “You kept her alive,” Blackwall softly argued, fighting his instinct to take the unconscious woman into his arms. “You did your job. Now, please, let me get her to camp.”

   Cassandra looked to Cullen. “We made it?”

   “Yes,” Cullen assured. His heart clenched at the alarming amount of the Seeker’s blood pooling in the snow. “I got you now, Cass.”

   Seeing Cassandra start to sag, Blackwall carefully plunked the limp Alex off her shoulders. He brushed her golden hair from her pale face. “Alexandra.” She stirred at the sound of his voice. Relieve flooded his voice. “Hang on, do you hear me?”

   Alex’s eyes fluttered open for a moment. “I hear you.”

   “Get her to camp,” Dorian demanded. “Get her straight to Solas.”

   Cullen caught Cassandra’s falling form. “Don’t you dare think about giving up now.” He frantically began to search for the source of her excessive bleeding. Her armor, or what was left of it, was tarnished and drenched as well. Praying, Cullen peeled up her frozen stiff tunic and found a large chunk of skin missing from her left side.

   “Cullen.” She could only muster the strength to bunch her hand in the fur of his cloak. Her mind was fading fast. “I need… Need to tell you something.”

    “No.” Cullen shook his head, fighting tears. “You’re not going to tell me like this. So, you just have to hold on. Dorian, help. Please.”

   The mage pushed the Commander’s blood soaked hand away to inspect the wound. “Hold her tight, Cullen. This is going to hurt.”

   With one hand cradling her cheek, Cullen held her tightly against his chest. “Keep your eyes on me,” He pleaded in desperation. The light was starting to fade from her dark gaze. He felt her tense as Dorian’s magic began to flow, followed by a soul shattering scream of anguish. Helpless, Cullen buried his face in her neck trying to sooth the best he could. Seeing her in such pain was almost too much for him to handle. “I got you. I’m never letting you go. Do you hear me, Cassandra? I don’t care how much you fight me. I’m going to show you there is always time for love.”

   “There,” Dorian whispered. “It will do until we get back to camp.”

   “Cullen.” Cassandra fought to stay awake a moment longer. “I love you.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o

    One day slid into two and two turned into three. Cullen stayed by the Seeker’s side as the sun rose on the fourth one. By some miracle, Cassandra had dragged both herself and the Herald through miles through the snow with a fracture hip, broken rib, and internal bleeding. She shouldn’t have survived. That’s what Dorian said the night they found her. The mage couldn’t even promise that Cassandra would pull through given all her injuries.

   Thinking about life without her, Cullen leaned forward in his chair to take her hand in his. He could hear camp start to wake outside the tent, but he put all of his efforts in willing his life into the Seeker. Dorian was wrong. She was going to make it. Cassandra was the strongest woman in Thedas. For bloody sake, the warrior took down a horde of dragons and saved the Divine’s life. And she put up with the likes of Varric without killing him.

  “Blessed be the Maker, hear my cry. Guide me through this blackest night.” Recalling Andraste’s prayer from the Chant of Light, Cullen brought her hand to his lips. The skin was still cold to the touch despite the fact the Seeker was buried under several layers of furs. He even draped his cloak on top, holding on to the hope that maybe his scent might help draw her from the darkness. “Steel my heart against temptations of the wicked. Make me to rest in the warmest of places. My Creator, judge me whole. Find me well within your grace. Touch me with fire that I be cleansed. Tell me I have sung to your approval.”

   “For you are the fire at the heart of the world. And comfort is only yours to give.”

   Cullen turned at the sound of the Herald’s voice to find her standing just inside the tent. With the exception of the healing gash on her temple and bandaged arm, the mage looked in good health. The same couldn’t be said for the Seeker. Cullen couldn’t push down the bitterness at seeing her standing there while the woman he loved laid still as death on a cot, fighting for her life. “You’re looking better.”

   Alex studied the man’s haggard face, frowning at the deep bags under his tired eyes. “And you look like shit, Commander.”

    He felt like it too. Cullen turned his attention back to the Seeker. “Have you decided where we are to go from here?”

   “There is a place high in the mountains.”

    “When will we move out?”

    Alex moved beside the Commander and touched a hand to his taunt shoulder. She was surprised the man didn’t shrug it off. Maker knew, she deserved his coldness. His anger. His hatred. After all, she was the reason Cassandra was in her current condition. “We’re not going anywhere until Cassandra wakes up,” Alex softly vowed. “She refused to leave me behind, so I won’t leave without her.”

   A silence felt between them.

   Until the Herald couldn’t stand it anymore. “I’m so sorry, Cullen.” Emotions filled her throat as she fought tears. “I tried to convince her to follow you, but she wouldn’t.”

   “Because she’s stubborn.” A small smile touched Cullen’s chapped lips.

   Alex laughed. “It’s what got us through the snow. She wouldn’t let me give up even though it would mean her guarantee survival.” She dug into her satchel and placed three potion vials near the cot. “Dorian said this will help with the pain and soreness.”

    “Thank you Lex,” He whispered as the Herald left.

   “She’s right, you know. You look like hell.”

    Cullen’s gaze snapped up and his heart leapt straight into his throat. “Cassandra?”

   Weakly, Cassandra brushed her finger over his bearded chin. “Do I look as bad as you?”

   Shaking his head, Cullen bent down to touch her scarred cheek. “No.” A tear slipped passed his guard. “You’re beautiful as always.”

   She scoffed then cursed in pain.

   “Here.” Scooping up a vial, Cullen used his teeth to pull the cork free and held it to her wind burned lips. “Drink. It will help.”   

    Using what strength she had, Cassandra lifted her head to drink. Almost instantly it became easier to breathe and form coherent thoughts. “Alex?” She softly asked searching for the mage in the tent. “Is she okay? I thought I heard her voice.”

   “She’s okay. You protected her.”

   “And you’re mad at me.”

    Cullen gripped her hand. “Furious.”

   “I had to.”

   “I know,” Cullen assured brushing his lips over her knuckles, “One of the many reasons I’m crazy about you.”

   “There was a moment or two I didn’t think we were going to make it.”

   “You’re too stubborn, even for death.”

   Cassandra shook her head. “That wasn’t what kept me going.”

   “What did?"

   “You.” She touched a finger to his bearded chin, too weak to do anything else. “Thinking of you and what we could be.”

   Cullen lean down, pressing his brow to hers. “I love you, Cassandra.”

   A smile blossomed across her pale face. “I love you too.” She tapped her fingers against his chin. “Now go and let me rest. You need to be out there helping Lex lead our people.”

   “Yes Ma’am.” With a short kiss, Cullen complied.

   


	4. Chapter 4

   Stepping out of the tent, Cassandra squinted against the harsh light of the morning sun. It appeared a good portion of the camp was all packed and awaiting orders to move out. She found Alex leaning over a map spread out over a barrel with Cullen. Cassandra couldn't help but smile upon seeing Blackwall lingering a bit out of the way from the pair so no one would think twice about what he was doing. She knew the Warden was trying to remain as close to the Herald as he could without drawing attention.

   She joined the two doing her best to ignore how winded she felt after such a short journey. "What's our next move?"

   The Herald jolted at the sound of Cassandra's voice. She looked up surprised. "I didn't think you'd be on your feet so quickly."

   Cassandra raised a brow. "Have you learned nothing about me in the last few months, Herald?"

   "Well, I figured dropping a mountain on your head might slow you down." Alex smiled happily at her friend. "At this point, I think it would take a large army of Griffins to bring you down."

   "Let's not test that theory please," Cullen politely asked. Resting a hand on the hilt of his sword, his gaze settled on the Seeker. She was still far too pale for his liking. He knew better than to try to get her to lay back down. "I'm not sure I can handle another scare anytime soon."

   "Even if such creatures existed, I don't plan on finding such a battle." Wanting to chase the worry from his golden eyes, Cassandra broke out that smile she reserved just for him.

   Groaning, Alex rolled her eyes in mock disgust. "Can you please refrain from jumping the Commander until we at least finalize our plans?"

  Feeling bold after her brush with death, Cassandra held Cullen's gaze. "I'm not sure I can promise such a thing."

   Cullen choked on air and flushed a deeper shade of red than his cloak. "I-er…Umm." He cleared his throat. "I'm going to, umm, brief someone." He pointed blindly over his shoulder. "Over there."

   The heat in his parting look left Cassandra with a warmth no fire could reproduce. She felt her cheeks start to burn well aware plenty of people were watching their exchange.

   "Minx," Alex grinned.

   Wanting to advert the conversation, Cassandra glanced over the mage's shoulder. "Nice shadow."

   Not it was Alex's turn to blush. "So…" She turned her attention back to the map. "About our plan."

   Cassandra watched Alex trace a path on the parchment while she explained about the mythical Skyhold Solas spoke of. As plans weren't, it wasn't the best one but seemed to be the only option as they couldn't linger in the mountains any longer and there was nothing left of Haven to return to.

   "So," Cassandra started. "I heard I missed a rousing rendition of a ‘Dawn Will Come' while I was out cold."

   Alex narrowed her eyes. "I rather not talk about it."

   "Why?" Cassandra wondered. "They believe in you. Believe that-."

   "And look at where that belief has gotten them," The mage muttered. "They lost their homes and loved ones. Now, we're stranded in the middle of the Frostback Mountains while facing a threat far greater than the Breach."

   "You've given them hope, Alexandra," Cassandra shot back. "Hope of finding a new home. Hope that the Inquisition still stands. Hope that together, we can meet this new foe and vanquish it."

   Alex shifted her weight from foot to foot unsure of herself under the Seeker's praise. The young woman looked up from the map. "Are you going to sing to me now?"

   "Maker no."

   "You're saying you don't believe in me?" The young woman asked in jest.

   But Cassandra sobered and clasped her hand over Alex's shoulder. "I would follow you into the darkest depth of the fade without question."

   Though she was fighting an overwhelming surge of emotions, the corner of Alex's lips twitched upward. "Still think you should sing."

   Cassandra rolled her eyes. "I should've let the wolves eat you."

   "Nah, you like me too much."

   "Hmm, if you say so."

   Alex squeezed Cassandra's arm. "Thank you, Cass."

   "For what?"

   "Facing death with me."

   "Lex." Cassandra made sure to avoid using the mage's title. Cassandra wanted Alex to know she didn't just see her as a charge to protect because of the anchor. She didn't want her to think she didn't care. In truth, Cassandra cared deeply for the woman as if she was her sister. "It's like you said. I like you too much to leave you on your own to face such things. But, let's not do it again for at least another week or two. Maybe a month."

   "Need time to break in our Commander?" Alex swore she heard Blackwall try to smother his laughter. She struggled to do the same. "I sure hope you're not going to wait too long to progress whatever the next step is for you two."

   Cassandra glanced over her shoulder at Cullen. "I think dropping a mountain on my head knocked some sense into me and taught me time isn't guaranteed."

   "Good."

   "And you?" Cassandra settled her gaze back on Alex. She kept her voice low, "I believe we had a deal."

   "I'm working on upholding my end," Alex softly assured. Being raised in a circle left her very little experience with men. And Blackwall was far from the man she conjured in her head all those lonely nights in the tower. He was a warrior and a bit older. She was deathly afraid of making a fool of herself in her attempts to pursue a relationship with him. "Baby steps."

   For now, Cassandra wouldn't push. Blackwall wasn't the easiest man to read and hadn't made it exactly clear that he was interested in the mage. "When do we move out?"

   "Within the hour." Alex began to roll up the map. "Go see your Commander before he bursts."

   Cullen was waiting for her, beaming bright with a smile.

   It made it next to impossible not to return it with one of her own. "What?"

   "She looks up to you, you know."

   "Of course, she does. I'm taller," Cassandra joked. A habit she seemed to be doing a lot more of recently. Alex must be rubbing off on her.

   "I'm serious, Cassandra."

   "I know. I can only hope I don't let her down."

   "You were willing to die with her. I doubt there is a risk of that."

   A bit uncomfortable with the current topic, Cassandra decided to change it. "Are you ready to move out?"

   Even though it was a time, Cullen had to ask, "Are you sure you don't want to rest one more day? We can join the second wave setting off tomorrow."

   The idea was tempting as she ached straight down to the bone and felt if someone breathed too hard, she'd fall over. But Cassandra would push through it. To be there with Alex in case she would need her blade. And despite the fact Cullen asked the question, Cassandra knew he understood that need. "No need to worry yourself over me, Commander."

  "I'll always worry about you." Cullen stopped himself before he could brush his knuckles over her cheek. They were in the middle of camp and more than a few pairs of eyes were watching them. Talk had been stirring ever since the night he carried her from the blizzard.

   Cassandra raised a brow. The Commander suddenly became anxious. "Cullen?"

   Closing his eyes, he took a moment to drown out the ambient noise and focus on the sound of his name falling from her lips. Rolling in her Navarran accent, there was a softness to it causing a nice warm feeling to spread through his chest. "I would very much like to kiss you."

   She let out a soft laugh. "Are you going to ask every time?"

   "Well, no." Cullen clutched his hands at his side, desperate to touch. "But we are in camp."

   "Shut up and kiss me, Cullen."

   HE surged forward having every intention for it to be a light kiss. Then the next thing he realized, he had her face in his hands, crushing his mouth to hers. There was this need that lashed out and took hold, demanding more. Cullen felt her shift and afraid he was about to end up on his ass in the snow, he started to pull away. Cassandra let out a high pitch whine of protest and found her pressed fully against him, kissing him senseless. He tried to be gentle, but Cullen couldn't find it at the moment. He had this unfathomed thirst for her.

   Gripping his wrist hard enough to bruise, Cassandra met him beat for beat. Lips, tongues and even teeth clashed as they attempted to devour one another. There was so much heat settling in the pit of her stomach making her year to have his hands all over her. And now, if it were possible.

   Cullen caught her bottom lip between his teeth and drew away at her hiss of pleasure. He was hard and straining, fire coursing through his veins, leaving his head swimming. Cullen figured it showed great strength not to drag the Seeker from camp to find a nice and very secluded spot nearby.

   "Well," Cullen started fighting to even his breathing. He didn't let her go. In fact, he pulled her tighter against him wanting her to feel how much he wanted.

   Maker, he wanted.

   He put all his concentration into the act of forming words. "If people weren't talking, they sure will be now."

   Cassandra tilted her head back searching his flushed face. She wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her again. There was so much passion in his touch. So much need. "Does that bother you?"

   "Having them all know you're mine? No."

   "Then let them talk."

   "Break it up you two!" Alex shouted across the camp. "Seeker, if you could peel yourself away from the Commander and find your armor, we're about to move out."

   Snickering, she pressed her lips to his for another quick kiss.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    They didn't travel far that day as the map didn't exactly help navigate the terrain of the mountain range. Cullen sent a scouting party ahead to hopefully make the next day's journey easier. Then they began to set up the small number of tents they possessed. There would be lots of sharing until they came across natural structures to help protect them from the elements.

   Cullen and the others set off to find enough fuel for a fire to get them through the night.

   Dorian bent down to scoop up another piece of wood. It was damp, but finding a dry one in this snow proved futile. "That was some kiss. Guess the flower idea worked."

   Cullen nearly frowned thinking his first romantic gesture, or his attempt rather was buried in the rubble of Haven. He'd have to replace it. This time it would be just the right flower. Even in such a cold tundra, there had to be a few in bloom.

   "I must say it even got me hot under the collar." Dorian didn't need light to know the Commander was blushing. "There was so much heat. Passion. It was a wonder you two didn't burst into flames."

   "Is there a point to all this teasing?"

   "Only wondering why it's not Cassandra here with you so you two could take advantage of the solace."

   Thinking about being with the Seeker caused Cullen's body to stir. He desperately longed to feel the female warrior come alive under his hands. Hear his name fall from her lips as he took her over the edge. Blight it! The mental image did nothing to calm his arousal. "It's not that simple."

   "Do you need the birds and the bees talk, Commander?"

   "I'm well versed in such things," Cullen growled.

   "From what I understand is you two have been dancing around each other since Kirkwall. It's been nearly a year and you came close to losing her."

   "Don't remind me."

   "My point is, we are on a dangerous path. Who knows what tomorrow will bring."

   "I know."

   "And?"

   Sighing, Cullen took a moment to pick up a large stick. "I'm a fucked-up man. I have dreams. A darkness inside me that I have to control. I need to control." It should feel odd bearing himself to the mage anger his turbulent history with them. "When I can't… Well…"

   "You find the control," Dorian finished in understanding.

   "And asking such a fierce and strong-willed woman like Cassandra to submit in those moments, seems like… I don't know, really." Utterly frustrated, Cullen let out a huff of breath. "I never even attempted a relationship since I was transferred to Kirkwall."

   "Then how'd you find this need of yours?"

   Cullen ran a hand through his disheveled curls. "With nameless women from a brothel. I'm not exactly proud of it and would rather not go into further detail than that."

   "Cassandra loves you, Cullen."

   "That doesn't mean she can accept this part of me."

   "Don't bottle it up or avoid her. Be upfront. I think you'll be surprised."

   After most of the camp had broken away from the main fire to find what slumber they could, Cassandra took the moment alone with Cullen to talk to him. Ever since returning from collecting firewood he appeared distant. "What's wrong?"

   Cullen felt her shift along the long until their bodies brushed. "What makes you think something is wrong?"

   "You've been staring into your cup of broth for more than an hour now."

   He lifted his gaze. "Nothing is wrong."

   "Don't believe you." Cassandra reached to rub the crease in his brow. "Talk to me."

   He leaned into her touch, enjoying the feel of her sword callused fingertips massaging his skin. The simple touch sent his blood humming. It thirsted for her. To touch. Taste. Conquer. To be with her. "You've seen me at my weakest in those first days of my withdrawals. You saw a part of me over run by my past. My demons."

   She moved to cup his lightly bearded cheek. "And this worries you?"

   "What you didn't see, what you don't know, is the effects those demons over me."

   "You hesitate to tell me. Why?"

   "I'm afraid of scaring you or possibly driving you away." Going on Dorian advice, Cullen pushed forward determined not to stop until he got everything out. "At times the demons and my past slip out of my control and I have to get it back. By the way of dominance. Other times while submitting myself to another to rule over me."

   "Cullen-."

   He didn't let her finish. "But it's not always like that. I love you, Cassandra. I need you in my life. I would never hurt or want to scare you, but you need to know about this part of me."

   Cassandra waited a moment or two before speaking. "Are you done?"

   He nodded.

   "Good." She brought up her other hand to cradle his face. "I love you, Cullen. And the way I see it is when you love someone, you love all of them. Good, bad, ugly, and everything in between."

   "You're an amazing woman, you know that."

   "It's nice to be reminded from time to time." Cassandra stroked her thumb over the scar scorching across his upper lip. "You never told me how you got this."

   "A tale for another night. You need to rest." Cullen kissed her when she frowned. "You're trying so hard to mask it, but I know you're exhausted."

   This once, Cassandra figured it was best not to argue. Mostly because he spoke the truth. Sleep, even in a tent shared with three other people, sounded delightful. "I doubt I can convince you to join me."

   "I need to wait up for the scouts to prepare ourselves for tomorrow. We need to find a better path to pick up our pace. We hardly covered any ground today."

   "Tomorrow is a new day."

   Always one to see the bright side of things."

   "Nearly dying does that to a person."

   Thinking of how close she came stilled his heart. Needing to wash the thought from his mind, Cullen dropped his tin cup of broth in order to drag the Seeker across his lap. His lips just touched hers when someone behind them clear his throat. Cullen took a moment to gaze into her lust filled eyes. "Yes?"

   "Pardon me, Ser. The scouts are back."

   "I'll be right there." Cullen crushed the back of his hand over Cassandra's marred cheek. The roaring in his blood would have to wait. "Get some sleep, Cassandra. I'll see you in the morning."

   "Goodnight, Cullen."


	5. Chapter 5

  Wrapped in the warmth and scent of Cullen’s cloak, Cassandra passed through the quiet camp in search of the man. Since their late-night talk three days ago, she felt like she hardly seen Cullen. It was impossible to tell it un unintentional or out of embarrassment as the topic of the conversation couldn’t have been easy for him to breach. She found the Commander sitting on a fallen log at the edge of the perimeter they set up to keep camp safe. Maker, he looked so tired. “How much longer until your watch is over?”

  Cullen tore his gaze from the darkness, tilting his head up to look at her. “You should be resting.”

  “As should you,” Cassandra shot back. There were bags under his golden eyes telling her just how tired he really was. “When was the last time you slept?” It occurred to her that was something she should know. Only Cullen took first watch and her still healing body had her seeking the tent she shared with three other people for much needed sleep.

  Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his weary face. “Honestly, I don’t know. All the days seem to blur together.”

  “Cullen, you can’t keep pushing yourself like this. Is it the headaches? I’m sure I can find the right herbs-.”

  Cullen stopped her from leaving, tugging her down onto the log next to him. “It’s not the headaches,” He confessed. He wished what kept him up was something so simple.

  She brushed her fingers over his lightly bearded cheek. “Then what is it?”

  He leaned into her touch, soaking up her warmth. “I can’t sleep because every time I-I…” He struggled to control his emotions in order to string coherent thoughts together. “I close my eyes and I see you on your knees in the snow, half frozen and bleeding to death. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get the image out of my head. I can’t… I can’t…”

  “Look at me, Cullen.” When he refused, Cassandra slid onto his lap forcing his golden eyes, filled with fear and anguish, to lift. “I’m right here. I’m safe.”

  “What if I couldn’t get to you? What if-.”

  “Hush,” She softly soothed taking his gloved hand to lay it over the swell of her left breast. “Feel my heartbeat.”

  Closing his eyes, Cullen hand flexed under her touch. The pounding against his palm wasn’t enough to wash the image from his mind. Blood. There had been so much blood. Hastily, he used his teeth to pry off his woolen glove. “Cassandra.” His now bare hand slipped between the edges of the cloak, seeking skin to skin contact. She didn’t recoil or stop him. Instead, she guided his hand up her body. He nearly whimpered as Cassandra dragged it slowly through the valley of her breast. She used her mother hand to pull open to top of her tunic just enough for his palm to slide inside and rest over her beating heart.

  A nice strong beat.

  Wrapping her arm around his neck, Cassandra cradled his head against her chest. His fingers dipped over so slightly and Cassandra fought a gasp. “Trust what you feel.” He grew bolder in his touch. Cassandra gripped his curls as his calloused palm brushed over the sensitive nub of her breast. His lips soon followed. She arched against his eager mouth. “Maker’s breath.”

  Cullen large hand fell to her hips, pulling her firmly over his growing arousal. It didn’t matter camp was a few yards away. Or the fact this wasn’t the most romantic setting for this. But Cullen couldn’t stop. He needed to feel her come alive under her touch to wash away the horrid images of seeing her so close to death.

  Lost in the moment, Cassandra’s stiff fingers struggled with the buckles of his breast plate. The crackling of the main file, sounds of shuffling feet, and soft conversation was all lost-on Cassandra. All that registered was Cullen and his wonderful mouth and hands tormenting her.

  “Cassandra.” He scraped his teeth along the inside of her breast. “Tell me to stop.”

  She shook her head, finally releasing the last fastening of his armor, letting it slid off him and land into the snow with a soft thunk. Cassandra found herself grateful that the Commander decided to wear minimal armor. “For the love of Andraste, don’t you dare stop.”

  “But I wanted… You-.” Cullen bucked hard against her. “Deserve more.”

  “Cullen.” Cassandra yanked on his curls until his face tilted upwards. “Shut up.”

  Her brutal kiss, all teeth and tongue, snapped Cullen’s remaining control. It took all his strength not to throw her to the ground. Instead, holding her by the waist, Cullen slid to his knees and laid her out beneath him on the chilly earth. “Sweet Maker in Haven.” Curling his fingers in the short strands of her hair, he tugged, exposing the beautiful line of her throat. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to touch you like this?”

  Cassandra worked the glove off his other hand. “Tell me.”

  Now free, Cullen hastily shoved up her tunic and roughly capture one of her breast. “Since that moment you walked into the Hanged Man in Kirkwall. You’ve been in my head.” He lowered his head, nipping at the pulse in her neck. “That night on the dock, it took every ounce of willpower I had not to take you right then and there.”

  “Cullen, please.”

  Working off her throaty pleas, Cullen’s hand slipped between them. He could feel the heat radiating through her leathers. “Please what?” He sank his teeth into the shell of her ear. He couldn’t find it within himself to be gentle. No, he needed to claim her. To even punish her for putting him through hell. “Tell me what you want, Cassandra.”

  Cassandra couldn’t think beyond his large hand stroking her and his teeth marking her throat. Come morning, all of camp would know who she belonged to. The thought thrilled her. Just as much as Cullen’s firm touch and commanding voice.

  “Tell me, do you want my mouth on your cunt?” He tugged at the laces of her trousers. “Or do you want my cock? Filling you and fucking you until you shatter around it?”

  Romantic words be damned. His husky tone turned her blood to lava. Clawing at his shoulders, Cassandra writhed against his hand. It was so close to where she wanted it the most. “Please.” The one word plea was all she could manage.

  Cullen continued to drag his fingers lazily up and down her damp folds, feeling powerful with the knowledge he could reduce the Seeker to beg. “You’re so wet for me. I can feel how close you are.” He withdrew and she moaned in protest. Smiling, he twisted to remove her boots, which thankfully were untied, to tug down her leathers. After throwing them carelessly to the side, he started his journey up her body with both mouth and hands. He only wished he had the proper light to see her.

  “Cullen.”

  “Tell me what you want,” Cullen demanded looming over her trembling frame. “Tell me and I’ll ease your aching.”

  “Inside me.” Next time they could take their time. Drive each other made with touches and kisses before they came together. Right now, she wanted-no needed-hard and fast. Her hands fell to the buckle of his belt. “Now.”

  Cullen groaned the moment her hands closed over his pulsing arousal. They felt so much better than in his dreams as they slid up and down his shaft. Fighting off his impending release, he gritted his teeth. “Stop. I said stop!” He commanded yanking her hands away, pinning them above her head with one of his large hands. He gazed down at her, finding her brown eyes blown wide with lust. “I love you, Cassandra.”

  She could see the darkness flickering around the edges of the gold of his eyes. He was struggling with it. Struggling to keep the beast contained. She wanted to touch him, a quick brush of her finger trips to assure him that it was okay. That it didn’t frighten her. “And I love you.”

  Shaking, Cullen sank into her wonderful heat. “Maker.” He was already tumbling towards the edge. Desperate to take her with, he reached down to where they were joined. “I can’t… I’m sorry.”

  Cassandra met each brutal thrust as his clever fingers drove her towards madness. Months of longing exploded into a frenzy. “Cullen.” Realizing she might have just screamed the man’s name, Cassandra bit her lip to trap any other noise that wanted to escape.

  “Don’t.” Cullen slammed his mouth to hers, coaxing it open with his tongue until her moans spilled out. His scarred lip pulled into an almost arrogant smile. Despite the cold temperature, sweat beaded off his brow. “For so long I wanted you to be mine. I want more than the Maker to know that finally you are.”

  She arched against him, nipping hard at his mouth drawing a deep rumble from his throat. The sound wouldn’t go unnoticed. “And now they who you belong to.”

  “Such a minx.” Feeling her walls start to shudder, he tangled a hand in her hair and snapped his hips forward, his thrust erratic as he completely came undone.

  Cassandra welcomed his weight as his trembling arms gave out. There was so much she wanted to say, but only one word worked its way out of her mouth. “Cullen.”

  He didn’t look up far too afraid to find disappointment. He should’ve had more self-control. Maker, she deserved something more than this. “Are you alright?” He asked before he could think better of it.

  Laughing softly, she ran her fingers through his damp hair. “I would say so.”

  The answer had him tilting his head back, searching her face. She was glowing in the aftermath of their lovemaking.

  “But,” Cassandra looked down. “If you’re asking I guess I didn’t so something right.”

  “By the light, no!” Bracing his weight on one hand, Cullen cupped her cheek. “You were amazing. Fantastic. Better than any dream.”

  “Then why do you sound like you’re about to apologize?”

  The tips of his ears began to burn. “Because I couldn’t imagine you found much pleasure. I’ve been starved of any kind human touch for so long and I wanted you so damn much. I-.”

  “Cullen.” She silenced him with a firm kiss. “Being with you, knowing how much you wanted, needed me, I can’t even find the words.”

  “I should’ve had enough self-control to at least find a tent.”

  The corner of her mouth lifted. “Then we would’ve ended up like this much closer to camp as I doubt I could have waited that long.”

  Laughing, the pressure eased from his chest. “Think they got themselves an earful?”

  “They’ll be lots of teasing.”

  His hand drifted to the marks he left on her throat. “Especially when they see these.” She shot up so fast Cullen couldn’t even process her intentions until her teeth scraped across the thudding pulse in his neck. “Andraste’s mercy.”

  Satisfied with her mark, she drew away. “Only seem fair you get it as bad as I do.”

 Not wanting to, Cullen slipped free from her and helped straighten her tunic. “I’m going to find a bedroll and some furs. I doubt anyone is going to be brave to say anything tonight.”

  “Lest they want to suffer the wrath of the might Commander Cullen.”

  “Watch it or you’ll taste my wrath.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “You’re going to regret those words, my love.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

  Cassandra was just beginning to stir from her slumber when she heard Cullen let out a breath of relief. She turned to look over her shoulder to find his amber eyes burning into her. “Cullen?”

  “Thank the Maker.” Cullen slid one of his hands under the hem of her tunic, stroking the warm flesh underneath. “I feared I’d wake and find it all had been another wonderful dream to add to the collection.”

  “Collection?” Cassandra arched like a cat under his wandering touch.

  “Hmm.” Cullen leaned forward to run his teeth along the column of her throat. Arousal and pride tore through him at the sight of the marks’ left in the wake of their love making. “It’s a very big collection.”

  Her chuckle turned into a soft moan as he thrust against her. He was already hard and pulsating. The sun was starting to break and it was only a matter of time before all of camp began to stir and therefore anyone could stumble upon them any moment. Yet, Cassandra couldn’t bring herself to care as she grinded her backside against him. The sound she provoked from the Commander made her smile. “And just when did this collection start?”

  It had been a mere couple of hours since they made life and despite that, Cullen’s body burned like it’s been days. “Since that very moment I spotted you across the room of the Hanged Man.”

  “And did reality match these collection of yours?”

  Cullen captured her breast, rolling and squeezing until the Seeker was rutting breathlessly against him. “You, in the flesh, was far better than anything I could've dreamed of.” His voice dropped, his husky tone turning sheepish. “I’m certain I didn’t shatter expectations.”

  Doing her best the keep the cloak in place, Cassandra rolled until their noses brushed. It was her turned to reach out in her quest for flesh. “I had my fair share of restless nights thinking of you. Of us together.” Her hand slipped beneath the band of his trousers curling her fingers around his rock-hard arousal. With a few lazy strokes, beads of sweat began to form on his scrunched brow. She savored in the feel of him as she did the same with her touch. Savored it like a man dying of thirst would water. Her heart broke as she recalled his confession of being starved of any kind touch for years. “The only thing that could’ve made it better was if it wasn’t so damn cold.”

  “Cassandra.” Cullen clenched his teeth desperately trying to find control over his body. But her hands, her oh so wonderful hands, were driving him to the brink of madness. He wanted to curse himself but couldn’t find his breath to do so. He should’ve had more control of his body. Should’ve…Should’ve. His thoughts tapered off as heat began to coil in the base of his spine.

  Cassandra nuzzled his cheek loving the feel of his whiskers scraping over her flesh. “You were perfect. It was perfect. I love you, Cullen.” She quickened her pace until he was bucking wildly into her hands. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. To go so long without a kind touch. A loving one.”

  “Can’t miss what you didn’t know. Maker, Cass.” Stifling his groan by pressing his lips to hers, Cullen’s hip jerked upward as he tumbled over the edge.

  In that moment, watching him being swept away by the pleasure, Cassandra vowed to make up his years void of kindness. After a few more lazy stroke, Cassandra withdrew and wiped her hands clean on the pelt they laid on. She stopped him when she felt his touch start to drift in search to return the favor. “This morning was to show you that not every person demands something in return,” She explained at his questioning gaze.

 Cullen struggled to even his breathing. “I love you.” There was so much he wanted to say but lacked the proper words and grace.

  “I know you two are awake.” The Herald’s voice coming from somewhere in the middle of camp caused the newly formed lovers to jerk away. “Will you two quit screwing around, pardon the pun, and get dressed so we can move out soon.”

  “So the teasing begins,” Cassandra muttered causing the Commander to laugh. “Yak it up, mister. They’re going to be relentless. Especially Alex.”

  “I’ll find a way to suffer through it because it’s well worth it.”

  Alex was just finishing breaking down her tent when Cassandra, armored and ready to go, found her. She smiled, her gaze immediately falling to the love bites on the Seeker’s throat. “I'd ask how you slept, but I don’t think much of it occurred.”

  Cassandra fought a blush. If she started now then she’d never stop and it was only bound to get worse once the others joined in. “There was some,” Cassandra argued.

  The corner of the mage’s mouth lifted. “I wonder how many others sleep was interrupted by the very loud noises you two were making.

   _Damn._ So, she did end up shouting Cullen’s name. Cassandra fiddled with the hilt of her sword. “I believe you were the one who encouraged me not to waste any more time.”

  “I did and I’m quite jealous in fact. Is the Commander glowing bright as you?”

  “I am not glowing.”

  “Almost brighter than the sun,” Alex assured. “Love looks good on you, Lady Cassandra.”

  And it felt good too. Cassandra silently mused. “Now before the teasing continues, can we at least get down to business and go over the plan for the day?”

  “I know you rather get down the business some more with Cullen-.”

  “Alexandra!”

  “What?” Alex asked laughing. “Not my fault you’re making it so easy.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

  The sound of the crackling small fire next to him was nearly lulling Cullen to sleep. He fought, forcing his eyes open to stare at the dancing flames. They were close to closing again in a matter of moments. He was beyond exhausted. They had made great progress, covering more ground in one day then the last three combined. Cullen figured it was due in part to the thinking snow and the harsh winds being blocked out by the twin mountains they were passing between. Though, it was still unclear if they were any closer to this mystical Skyhold Solas spoke of. In the back of his mind, Cullen was beginning to wonder if this place even existed. He wondered if they were going to even make it out of this frozen tundra before death from hunger and cold claimed every last one of them.

  Jerking himself to a light stage of consciousness again, he continued to keep that thought to himself as he repositioned himself against the trunk of the tree. He didn’t want to infect Cassandra with his doubt even though he suspected she had plenty of her own. Regardless, she kept them hidden and most of all Alex. So many looked to the Herald for guidance. If Alex wavered, even for a moment, so would those she was leading. And if Cassandra did indeed have doubts, she stood next to Alex, supporting her in any way possible.

  “You look positively exhausted, Commander.”

  Cullen forced his heavy eyelids open watching as Alex sat across from him bundled in her cloak. “What are you doing up?” He was so sure she retired with the others long ago.

  Alex picked up a stick and began to stroke the fire. “Suddenly found the tent to crowded tonight.”

  “Sorry to break it to you, Herald. A bed roll is barely big enough for two. Three is impossible.”

  “I’m sure you and the Seeker are finding creative ways to make such a small space work.”

  Through the light of the dancing flames, Cullen noted the Herald’s knotted brow. “What troubles you, Alexandra?”

  She let out a long sigh. “I’ve always taken you for an honest man.”

  “I like to believe that I am.”

  “Then tell me.” Alex lifted her gray eyes to meet his amber ones across the fire. “Do you honestly think we are going to make it out of here? That Skyhold even exists?”

  “My doubt grows with each day that passes.” Cullen honestly answered since she asked for it. “Even if we do, the hardship won’t be over. We’ll need a steady supply of food and water. And since we don’t know the state of this Skyhold, shelter may be an issue. Some won’t make it.”

  She rubbed a hand over her tired face knowing those deaths would be hers to bear. “I think they all know that. Yet, they still follow me deeper into the mountains.”

  “But their belief in you out ways their doubt.”

  “And you?” Alex softly asked. “Do you believe in me?”

  “I do.”

  “Is your belief for the sake of Cassandra.”

  “I wouldn’t be he here if I didn’t believe in you.”

  “But a part of you doesn’t trust me.”

  He opened his mouth to argue you only to shut it. He’d promise her honesty. “Not completely, this is true.”

  Alex tossed her braid over her shoulder. “Because I’m a mage.”

  “Yes,” He shamefully admitted. “You can say that my opinion of mages hasn’t always been kind. Though it has shifted, I’m still wary of them.”

  “I’m sure you have your reasons.” Alex had long ago grown accustomed to people’s disdain and apprehension of her being a mage. “It’s not easy for me being so close to a former Templar.”

  Clenching his jaw, he averted his gaze. He knew that abuse inflicted on mages by Templars. It still sickened him that so many in the order used their positions to use and treat mages like dirt. In his time in Kirkwall, he lost count of reports of Templars raping and beating mages. “I believed in the principals the order stood for. I believed we were truly protecting both the common people and mages alike. I learned not many believed in their duty as I did.”

  “The circles, in principal, had it right. In helping mages harness their powers to help them find control as they grew.” Alex jabbed at the fire. “But we are people. We want a life outside the walls of the tower. We have families that some are ripped away from. We want to have families of our own. Have relationships that are something more than a few stolen moments in a darken corridor.”

  “I understand that.” He truly did. Life in the order left him wanting the very same things. “But mages still need to be monitored.”

  “And I agree with you, but the circles have to be reformed into something than a prison.”

  Cullen hunched his shoulders as he wrestled with the sins of his past. Of the pure hatred, he once harbored for her kind. “Let’s work on the easier task of saving Thedas first.”

  Alex smirked. “Defeating a half god does sound easier than reforming both the Templar order and the mage circles.”

  “The next Divine has their work cut out for them.”

  “Did you know her well?”

  “Not really.” Something that saddeedn Cullen greatly. “I had very few chances to talk to her once I arrived in Haven.” His first two weeks were spent being held up in his dwelling starving off his body’s desperate need for Lyrium as his withdrawal symptoms peaked. He wouldn’t speak of that now. Once they reach Skyhold, if they found it, Cullen would consider telling Alex.

  “I met her briefly the night before the Conclave.” Alex remembered finding the Divine sitting in a lone pew inside the empty Chantry close to midnight. The woman looked so tired and worried. Recalling their conversation, the woman’s words, Alex felt like she knew something was going to happen the flowing day. “We prayed together. I wish I had more of an opportunity to know her as she seemed like a good person.”

  “Why are you two up?” Cassandra asked drawing both their attention as she approached.

  “Trying to solve the world’s problem,” Alex replied.

  The Seeker unbuckled her sword belt, wrapped the leather wound its sheath before propping it up against the tree next to Cullen. “I fear any solutions you two have come up with seeing how you both are so sleep deprived.”

  Alex looked over at Cullen. “I think she’s saying we look bad.”

  “I wasn’t going to say anything,” Cullen jested.

  Scoffing, Alex stood and wiped the snow from her tattered ropes. “Only if I had a mirror to show you how you look, Commander.”

  Cullen scratched the growth on his face. “I thought women liked beards.”

  “I have no complaints,” Cassandra stated with a small grin.

  Laughing, Alex bid them goodnight before making her way back to her tent.

  Cassandra gazed down at Cullen. “You look tired.”

   “I am,” He confessed.

  “Why aren’t you asleep?”

  “Was waiting for your watch to be over.” Cullen rubbed to back of his neck. “I’m so sore, I knew once I laid down I wouldn’t be able to move.”

  “Then scoot.”

  Cullen raised a brow, but complied nonetheless.

  Cassandra wedged herself between Cullen and the tree. She outstretched her legs on either side of him. She heard him sigh at her first gentle touch. She started kneading the taut muscles of his shoulders. Cullen responded, twisting in a way to show her where he longed for her touch the most. Cassandra happily obliged, working every knot she found with her skilled fingers and her palms for the more stubborn ones.

  Groaning, Cullen’s head slumped forward as his muscles began to loosen under her menstruation. Maker, it felt so good. Her touch so tender and loving. The sensation nearly left him breathless. How did he survive all those years without this kind of contact? With the women at the Rose, their touches felt like wisps of a ghost now. Hollow and cold. It had been enough at the time, but now he knew the difference, there was no going back.

  Cassandra brushed her lips across the nape of his neck. “Feel good?”

  “By the light, yes.” He melted back against her, his head falling to her shoulder. “Where’d you acquire such a skill?”

  “From a mage I traveled with when I was still young.” Talking freely of Galyan caught Cassandra by surprise. His death still left a hole in her heart. She doubted, since he was her first and only lover until Cullen, that missing pieces would never truly heal. In time, it may scar. “I’m sure my skill is second best to his as he had the help of his magic.”

  Cullen should’ve at least felt a twinge of jealousy, but he was just too tired to feel anything but her wonderful touch and hot breath against her neck. “Was he a good man?”

  “A bit arrogant, but yes, he was a good man.”

  “What’s his name? Where is he?” He apparently wasn’t too tired to let his curiosity to get the best of him.

  “Galyan. He…He.” Her fingers faltered for a moment. “He died at the conclave.”

  Cullen’s groggy mind went back to that night he first found her standing on the docks and remembered the sadness on her face. Remembered the tears in her eyes. It hadn’t occurred he didn’t know much about her personal life. She spoke of her brother time with the Seekers, and a bit of her service to the Divine. She always inquired about his life before the Templars and his family as she knew his time in the order was hard to speak of at times.”

  “Seeing him at Haven was the first time we laid eyes on each other in tears.” Cassandra couldn’t block out the memory of Galyan’s overjoyed smile upon seeing her against. She felt the hot prickle of tears thinking of his death and all the others both at the Conclave and Haven. She quickly blinked them away not wanting to add to Cullen’s stress and undo all of her hard work in getting him to finally relax. “We drifted apart as we allowed duty to take priority in our lives.”

  Cullen made a noise of understanding.

  “Have you ever loved, Cullen?”

  He blinked at her question spoken so quietly it was nearly lost to the crackling of the fire. There was more to the story of Galyan, but Cullen would wait for another day to inquire further. “perhaps if things had been different I might have.” Cullen thought back to his time in the tower. To a mage he hadn’t seen or heard from in over ten years. _Blessed Andraste._ Had it really been that long since his last friendly touch? No wonder he was positively melting under Cassandra’s hands. “There was a mage I had grown fond of in my time at the circle. As that was forbidden by Templar law, I found enjoyment in a few women. Thought in the tower that meant stealing away, finding a hiding spot, and pray you didn’t get caught.”

  Turning her head, Cassandra peppered his neck with kisses. She heard him moan and she smiled keeping him in place. They hadn’t made love since that night three days ago, but they were far too tired for it tonight. “Rest, my love.”

  His chest swelled at her words. “I can only pray we find this blasted Skyhold soon. I want a proper bed and a proper night with you.”

  A soft chuckle left her. “I long for the same things.”

  Cullen stretched out on his side, beckoning her to lay down beside him. After pulling his cloak over them, he happily allowed Cassandra to use his outstretched arm for a pillow. He used his other to hold her close. “G’night.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

  “Maker, can we just stay here?” Cassandra asked sinking deeper into the scalding hot water until it hit the underside of her chin. This place was sent by the Maker himself. Days, after what felt like weeks, wandering aimlessly through the mountains, they stumbled across a cavern full of hot springs when seeking shelter from the harsh winds. The discovery was a major morale booster. And great for Cassandra to help ease the ache in her bones from her still healing body.

  “Tempting.” Alex laughing swimming towards the ledge of the spring. The only thing that would truly make this better would be soap and fresh clothing. She wasn’t complaining too much. A dip in hot water to help wash away the dirt and grime of travel was good enough. “Best get out. Think I’ve hogged the water enough.”

  Opening her eyes, Cassandra watched the mage’s shoulder blades flex as she pulled herself out of the water, the light catching several thin silver scars streaking across her back. Cassandra asked about them when they entered the spring and the answer had been simple: Punishment from her time in the circle.

  “Do we have to?” Cassandra whined to keep herself from inquiring about the scars further. Just what had the Herald done to warrant such a punishment.

  Alex hitched up her leathers over her hips. “I’m sure given you were near death only a handful of days ago, you can indulge a little longer.”

  Cassandra wasn’t going to argue.

  Fully dressed bow, Alex began to braid her ashen brown hair on the way out of the cavern. “Don’t stay too long or you’ll turn into a prune.”

  Cassandra didn’t plan on staying much longer. Other people needed their own drip in the spring before the braved the cold tundra of the mountains. Despite the near boiling temperature of the water, her body shivered at the thought. They needed to find this Skyhold and fast. They wouldn’t survive much longer. Figuring it would be selfish to linger, she swam to the side and lifted herself out of the water.

  Oh, how she wished for clean clothes.

  The thought was disturbed by the loud clanking of plate armor hitting the cavern floor. Whirling around, she found herself caught in the Commander’s penetrating gaze, rooting her to the spot. His golden orbs were aflame and darkened with hunger, but Cassandra found herself moving to cover herself. She nearly laughed at her ridiculous behavior seeing how they already made love. But damn it, she was a woman after all and had some insecurities about her body.

  “Cassandra,” Cullen whispered.

  The thickness of his voice sent a jolt of desire through her core. Slowly, Cassandra lowered her hands, entranced by the way his gaze grew hotter with each inch of newly exposed flesh.

  Cullen took his time, dragging his gaze slowly away from her face. The natural light illuminated the area giving him the perfect opportunity to study her like he wanted to do that night in the camp. He too in everything, memorizing every ripple of muscle, curve of her body, and scar that branded her skin. Her already flushed skin, left by the hot water, turned a deeper shade of red under his ministration. Cullen noted the way the Seeker’s arms twitch like she wanted to covered herself and it dawned on him that the fearless warrior was feeling a bit bashful.

  His gaze trailed back up until he found her face again. “Andraste’s mercy.” Cullen fought to even his breathing and to control the animalistic hunger raging through him. Maker, how he wanted to fill his hands with her breast or spend the remainder of the day with his face buried between her legs worshiping her. “You’re so beautiful.”  

  Cassandra couldn’t seem to find her voice.

  Stepping away from his pile of armor, Cullen moved towards her, his eyes roaming all over again. He felt his knees knock together finding her thighs slick with more than droplets of water. “Allow me to help you dress, M’Lady.”

  A shiver worked down her spine. “Hurry,” She whispered wishing that they could be selfish and indulge in one another within the spring.  “Before I free to death.”

  He sent a small prayer to the Maker and his bride for self-control he needed to not give into the urge to take her. Snaking an arm around her waist, he pulled her tightly against him so her back was flush with his front. Cullen brushed his lips over the fading love marks he left the night they first made life. He continued to work his lips along her shoulders until he met the nape of her neck and began his journey downward.

  Cassandra found herself bracing her hands against the cavern to remain upright as the Commander took his time trailing lazy kisses down her spine. She couldn’t seem to find her breath. “I’m not sure this constitutes as helping me dress.”

  He nipped the curve of her backside. “Patients.” There was no way he was going to pass up this golden opportunity to know her and worship her like she deserved. Taking her by the waist, Cullen turned her towards him, his mouth moving along her skin until it rested above her dark patch of curls. “Hold on to me.”

  “What?” It was hard to concentrate on anything but his loving touch.

  Chuckling, Cullen reached up to placed her hands on his shoulder. “Hold on and lift your foot.”

  “What-Oh.” Looking down, Cassandra noted that Cullen had her leathers open and ready to help her into them.

  Cullen kissed the thigh of her left leg as she lifted before slipping her foot into the pant leg. He repeated the gesture with her right, drawing closer to the inside where they were coated with her arousal. Maker, how me wanted to taste her. To bring her to the brink with his mouth until she screamed his name so it echoed throughout the entire cavern.

  Her hands were buried in his unruly hair now as he pulled up her leathers around her hips. “Sweet Maker,” She whispered when he nuzzled her curls before expertly tying the laces.

  His gaze was drawn to the nasty scared skin to her side where the wolf took a chunk out of her. Cullen stroked his fingers over the area focusing on the face she was alive rather than how close he came to losing her. He continued his exploration, caressing and kissing each patch of raised skin he found. Acquired, no doubt, in her services to both the Seekers and the Chantry. Some were too close for comfort and Cullen forced back the question. He would ask about them later.

  By the time Cullen was stretched to full height, Cassandra was shaking like a leaf. Never in her life had a man made her feel so desirable. So beautiful. Not even Galyen. Cassandra wouldn’t look away from his amber eyes full of admiration and love. “Cullen.”

  The Commander was about to break the leech of his self-control when he heard rushing footsteps echoing against stone. Tucking Cassandra behind him to shield her half naked form, Cullen turned to find Dorian racing towards them. “Dorian, can’t-.”

  “Sorry to interrupt,” The mage interjected. “Both of you need to come with me as soon as possible”

  Hastily throwing on her tunic, Cassandra left her armor behind, stumbling after Dorian and struggling to pull on her boots with her sword belt wedge under her arm. “What’s going on? Is Alex hurt?”

  “Just hurry,” Dorian called over his shoulder.

  Cassandra was fighting the buckle of her sword belt as she followed Dorian up a rather large snowy hill. A thousand of horrors were running through her head to the point of overwhelming her. She cursed herself. She knew she should have let Alex leave without her. There were no telling what dangers lurked in the mountains.

  “Maker’s breath.”

  Cullen’s exclamation had Cassandra’s head jerking up and froze next to an equally stunned Herald. “It’s… It’s…” Cassandra blinked several times and yet the scenery didn’t change. “Is that…?”

  “Skyhold?” Solas finished leaning against his staff. “Yes, it is.”

  “We made it.” Tears burned the back of Alex’s throat as she hugged the Seeker. “We made it!”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some game plot progression and some Cullen and Cassandra time.

 Cullen’s predictions had been right. While Skyhold was massive, providing shelter and defense, they still lacked the proper supplies to sustain anything to resemble a normal life. Engineers and designated workers were working around the clock to patch up holes. Reinforce the guard towers, and clear out the rubble from damaged areas that prevented people to use as a proper shelter. Inquisition soldiers along with hunters from those that survived the attack on Haven were sent out to hunt daily.

  But it wasn’t enough.

  Sighing, Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, his finger lingering over the single scar there. They’d settled in two weeks ago and still many slept out in the cold mountain air instead of somewhere with a roof over their head and a proper bed. They had nothing put the things they managed to grab in their mad dash to evacuate Haven. Food and supplies would continue to diminish until they formally set up supply lines and people would continue to suffer the cold until proper housing and furniture were built. Blackwall took up post in the stables working with other carpenters to make the furniture needed, beds mostly at the moment, and scaffolding they needed to use to reinforce crumbing parts of the fortress.

   They were working themselves into the ground, but it wasn’t enough. People were still hungry, cold, and dying. And Cullen detested feeling so helpless. It was his fault they were even in this predicament. He failed to protect those in Skyhold. To see Corypheus’s attack coming. His neglectfulness cost many lives and almost that of the woman he loved.

_Damn It!_

  Cullen clenched and unclenched his fist as his body raged war against him trying to compel him to see out Lyrium and take it. Maybe if he had been taking it in the first place, if he never tried to cut his leash, none of this would’ve happened.

  "Uh-oh.” Alex’s voice jolted him out of his world of thought.  “I know that look.”

  He glanced up from the blueprints they managed to uncover during their exploration of the keep. “What look.”

  “You’re brooding.”

  Cullen tried to school his features. “Maybe so.” Hiseyes fell back to the blueprints all while his mind was screaming at him to give into its desire for Lyrium. The scouts were due to return within the hour and maybe, just maybe, they would have the intel to put together a map of the surrounding area. “I only want to make sure that we don’t repeat out mistakes that caused us to lose Haven.”

  Alex could hear the guilt dripping from the Commander’s voice. “What happened wasn’t your fault. It was a blitz attack. None of us saw it coming.

  “All the more reason to remain vigilant.” Cullen forced a hand through his disheveled curls. He hoped the Inquisition soldiers could figure out the Keep unusual water pump system to get the bathhouse going so they could have at least a proper bath. “If Corypheus attacks again we may not be able to retreat. We must be ready.”

  “And we are,” Alex pointed out. “Work on Skyhold is going day and night. We have a guard rotation and scouts positioned out in the mountains and forest.”

  “It may not be enough,” Cullen snapped.

  Alex narrowed her eyes. “You need to stop running yourself into the ground, Cullen.”

  He set his jaw and cast his gaze to the mountain range in the distance. “Now you’re sounding like Cassandra.”

  “Maybe you should listen to her, you stubborn ass,” Alex shot back anger rising in her voice. She saw the twitch in his jaw and tried to understand the man’s frame of mind. “It’s not like she’s the woman you love looking out for your wellbeing or anything.”

  “I’m a grown man capable of looking after myself, thank you very much!” Cullen angrily retorted. He snatched up the parchment he’d been working on and blueprint and breezed past her. “If you’ll excuse me.”

  What in Thedas was wrong with that man? The thought stuck in her mind as she watched him stalk down the stairs the courtyard in order to meet the newly arrived scouts. She’d never seen him so short tempered before. In fact, Cullen usually was the calm and collected one out of all the advisors. Even if the topic upset him, he never was short or crude.

  “You okay, Alexandra?”

  Alex looked up. “I’m fine. Not sure I can say the same about your Commander.”

  The Seeker’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “He’s in quite the mood,” Alex explained.  “Cullen was the last person I’d beg to act like he had a stick up his ass.”

  “He usually doesn't,” Cullen defended knowing it wasn’t tiredness that caused Cullen to act in such a manner. The guilt of the Haven and the stress of trying to stabilize and get Skyhold up and running had to trigger his need to take Lyrium. And he was fighting it which usually turned him into an insufferable ass and hard to be around. “The last few weeks have been hard on all of us, don’t you think? Pushing us all over some type of edge.”

  “You’re right. He needs to slow down and sleep for more than a handful of minutes,” Alex stated. “I’ll pull my Herald card if I have to, but maybe you can talk to him.”

  Cassandra looked across the courtyard and could clearly see the tension in her lover’s shoulders. “I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, you get something to eat and rest yourself. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

  “Yes, mom.”

0o0o0o0o0o

  Cassandra could hear Cullen’s angry gruff as she approached him and the scouts. The men looked downright petrified. They even looked to her for help, but Cassandra knew better than to try to approach the Commander when he was in such mood. The withdrawal symptoms had a vise-like grip on him and only Cullen himself could shake it.

  Give the scouts an apologetic smile, Cassandra placed a tray of a small portion of rations and a cup of wine they somehow still managed to have. Her hope that it would be enough to help him relax.

  Startled by her appearance, Cullen blinked then lifted his heated gaze towards her almost daring her to say something.

  Cassandra pointed at the plate and simply said ‘eat’ and walked away.

  Looking at the scout’s faces then back to the plate of food the Seeker went out of her way to make took the wind out of his sails and his agitation with the world began to dissipate. He gathered their reports and sketches they compiled of the thickly wooded area outside Skyhold’s walls. “Thank you.” His gratitude even surprised them making him feel like the royal ass that the Herald called him out to be. “You may go.”

  They exchanged a look of surprise with one another before saluting the Commander and leaving him to his work.

  Even though he wasn’t particularly hungry, Cullen bit into the piece of dried meat. He most likely owed Alex and half a dozen people as well. Gathering all the pieces of parchment, he rolled them inside the half-drawn map of the perimeter. He would work somewhere private to avoid any more run-ins.

  Cassandra was watching the sun sink behind the mountain range when she heard the familiar sound of Cullen’s heavy armored boots clicking against the stone of the battlement. Once again, Cassandra didn’t speak leaving it up to him to engage her. One wrong word or phrase could set him off and she didn’t have the strength nor the patience for that tonight.

  Cullen stood behind her. “Thank you for the food.”

  “You should thank Alex.”

  “I should also apologize to her,” Cullen muttered to himself.

  “You should tell her about your choice to stop taking Lyrium.”

  “I will,” He promised then faltered. “I just don’t think now is the right time. Maybe once the dust settles…”

  Cassandra wouldn’t push. This wasn’t her choice to make. Feeling his strong arms slip around her waist, Cassandra smiled and allowed him to pull her until she was flush against him. “Are you feeling better?”

  HE nuzzled her cheek. “I feel even better with you in my arms.”

  Cassandra couldn’t back her snort. “Did Dorian tell you to be charming again?”

  “I figured I’d try on my own. Guess I still need to work harder at it.” He placed a kiss right behind her ear, trailing down the side of her neck. He smiled as her head fell back against his shoulder to grant him better access. He hardly touched her and he was already rock hard and aching. They’d been so busy getting Skyhold up and running there hadn’t been any time for moments like this. Since that night in camp, Cullen longed to touch Cassandra. To feel her against him. To be inside her and make her fall to pieces in his arms.

  “Cullen.” It was meant to be a warning but came out more of a plea the moment his sword callused hand slipped under the hem of her tunic.

  He teased his fingers along the waistband of her leathers. “Yes, my lovely Seeker?”

  His hand slipped inside and she momentarily lost the ability to think. Cassandra grasped his arm with every intention to push it away. Dusk had settled over the keep, but there were still people moving about in the courtyard below. “Cullen.” It was a plea this time for what she wasn’t entirely sure. Maker, it felt like months since he last touched her like this.

  Cullen curried his face in her neck, gently grazing his teeth over the tender flesh there. He pressed into her so she could feel how hard his arousal was. “Relax,” He cooed leaning against the inner parapet. “Let me give you this.” The last time they had been intimate was that morning in camp where she’d been the one giving him the pleasure and he never had the chance to return the favor.

  “Someone can come across us.” Not that she could worry about that too much with his fingers stroking her in all the right ways. She threw her head back against his shoulder once more, pushing further into his hand. She should stop him and find somewhere private though privacy was majorly lacking in Skyhold.

  “Guards don’t rotate for another ten minutes.”

  Cassandra let out a breathless laugh. Of course, he would know such a thing down to the precise moment. “People in the courtyard,” Cassandra weakly argue. He hit the right spot causing her to write against him. “Mother of Andraste.”

  Gritting his teeth, Cullen struggled to keep himself focused on pleasing her and not her wonderful backside grinding relentlessly against his cock painfully trapped in his trousers. “If they were to look up they would simply see two lovers taking in a beautiful sunset.” His other hand left her waist, slipping under her tunic, traveling upwards to cup one of her heavy breasts in his palm. Cullen clucked his tongue. “No small cloth or breast band?”

  Head swimming with need, Cassandra reached blindly behind her snagging two fingers in his belt to pull him hard against her. It amazed her that he was so aroused by simply pleasing her. “Washing clothes hasn’t been exactly an easy task. Maker, Cullen.” He was bucking wildly into her now dragging his hardened cock between her cheek while his fingers pressed hard with each pass of her pearl. She bit her lip to trap her cries that would’ve been loud enough to draw anyone’s attention. Even with the risk of being caught didn’t stop Cassandra from parting her legs to open herself to him, desperately wishing he would fill her. To take her right where they stood. “Don’t you dare stop.”

  “Shy, my love.” Cullen nipped at her ear. The friction of his thrusting was enough to cause his release to start to stir. He willed it aside. This was about her. Lapping at the pulse in her neck, he kneaded her breast, his other hand quickening its pace, drawing muffled whimpers from his lover. He knew she was close by the erratic movements of her hips and uneven breathing. “Come for me, Cassandra.”

  His commanding voice was hard to refuse, yet she tried to fight. Cullen… I can’t.” One arm snaked back to wrap around his neck. “Shut me up.”

  Cullen was all too happy to comply. Releasing her breast, Cullen roughly grasped her chin to turn her face towards his. Cullen’s lips found hers in time to muffle her sob of ecstasy as he took her over the edge.

  Unable to do anything but ride the wave of pleasure coursing through her, Cassandra melted against him, giving him her full weight as he muscles quivered too violently to bare her own weight. He held her firmly against him, like she trusted him too, swallowing each whimper and breathless cry. Her orgasm took her to new heights that left her dizzy and completely unsteady. She figured it was sheer willpower that she didn’t melt into a puddle at the Commander’s face.

  Cullen brought her slowly down, released her mouth confident her noises of pleasure were nowhere near loud enough for anyone but him to hear. “By Andraste’s light.” He caught himself before he could shout the words. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

  Cassandra turned forcing him and found his amber eyes blown wide with lust. A new burst of arousal hit her when Cullen brought up his hand to suckle her juices from his fingers. “Damn it.”

  He smiled. “I laid awake so many nights wondering how you tasted.”

  Desperate, the Seeker looked wildly about trying to find someplace they could truly be alone. He was driving her mad. “Cullen.”

  Teasing brushed aside, he took her by the arm and literally dragged her across the battlements, his gaze set on an abandoned tower. Cullen wished for a bed. He wished for proper light to see her. He wished for a room that wasn’t filled with the musky scent of dust. He wished he could heed off his sexual frenzy that had him tearing at the laces of his leathers. He wished for gentleness as he all by yanked hers down far enough to satisfy his need. And by the Maker, Cullen wished he could give her more than this quick moment to love and worship her properly.

  Cassandra gasped not prepared for Cullen to forcefully kick her legs apart as much as possible, bend her so her face was all pressed against the brick wall and drive himself into her in one powerful stroke. “Cullen!” His name echoed off the walls of the deserted pitch-black room. She braced her hands against the wall to steady herself as Cullen began to pound feverishly into her.

  Curling his fingers in her hair, Cullen forced himself to be gentle when he tugged to force her to arch her back further to allow him to sink deeper into her wonderful heat. “Andraste’s mercy, Cassandra.” The other hand cupped one of her arse cheeks, fingers digging hard enough to bruise. He leaned forward to press his lips to her ear. “You feel so good. So perfect.”

  Cassandra felt his hand flex against her backside like he was fighting the urge to give her a curt tap. The thought coupled with his noises of pleasure whispering in her ear had Cassandra begging for more. Begging him to take her outside her comfort zone. To show his dominance. “Please, Maker, please Cullen, don’t hold back.”

  Even with her permission, he gritted his teeth struggling to cling to his self-control. All he wanted to do was give her pleasure and find his own. There was no need to seize dominance, to take complete control. Cullen released his grip on her hair, hand falling to her shoulder holding her in place as he continued to drill himself into her. His release was approaching and fast. Still, he wanted to bring her to the bring one more time. He sank his teeth into the nape of her neck. “I’m close. Touch yourself, my love. I want us to go together.”

 There was a roughness in his demand that struck a chord of defiance inside her. Never once did she say she would give into him in a single breath.

  Growling, Cullen realized that very same thing. In any other situation, if he wasn’t about to fall apart, he would’ve smiled and toyed with her until she submitted. Instead, he gave her what she craved and gave her a sharp slap to her backside. “No time for games, my dear Seeker.” Breathless, Cullen came down again, a tad harder causing Cassandra to clench tight around his cock. “Please. I need to feel you.”

  The helpless plea in his voice broke Cassandra’s resolve and had her seeking her swollen pearl. Everything, the pressure of her own fingers, the feel of his cock sliding against her slick walls, and the still stinging pain from Cullen’s hand, catapulted her towards the edge faster than she was prepared for.

  “That’s it. Maker’s breath.” Feeling her start to crash around him, Cullen took her by the waist moving frantically and unsteadily until he felt his release start to uncoil. Something between a gasp and a sob caught in his throat as the explosion happened, swallowing him up in a pool of unfathomed pleasure.

  She rested her brow against the stone finding it cool against her flushed skin as his hips slowed to short and shallow thrust until he completely emptied himself inside her. Cassandra welcomed his weight once he slumped forward, his head finding its way to the back of her shoulder. “Dear Maker, if this is how you’re going to apologize to me for your moods, you’ll never hear me complain.”

   HE chuckled against the fabric of her tunic. The smell of musk and dust began to overpower the scent of their lovemaking. Carefully, Cullen slid free from her and turned her around. He could just make out her features in her darkened room. “I love you, Cassandra.”

  “I know that.” She brushed her fingers over the scar streaking across his upper lip. “And why do I feel like you want to apologize again?”

  “Not apologize.” Cullen cupped her cheek. “I want more than a quick fuck. I don’t want you to think that’s all I want from you.”

  “That’s the last thing I think, Cullen. Circumstances had led us to take the moments where and when we can.” She kissed him effectively silencing any argument he might have planned. “Sooner or later, we’ll have a bed and be able to take our time. Until then, I’ll continue to enjoy such moments like this.”

  “You’re truly extraordinary woman, Cassandra.” He helped her straighten her clothing and carefully secured himself back into his leathers. “Let us find a hot meal and secure a bedroll before I go apologize to our Herald.”

  “I do hope you don’t ‘apologize’ to her in quite the same manner.”

  Even though it was too dark for her to see it, Cullen smirked. “Well, it’s a man’s dream to have two women sharing his bed.”

  She slapped his shoulder. “Ass.”

  “Love you too.”

  “You’re lucky I love you back.”

00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Alex saw the pair approaching and instantly noticed that whatever crawled up Cullen’s ass was gone. She also noted the glow they wore similar to that night in camp after they made love. Alex found bitterness mixing with the anger that still hadn’t dissipated over her earlier interaction with Cullen. Biting back a sigh, she stole a glance at Blackwall from the corner of her eyes. He sat next to her next to the fire sipping the broth that helped keep them warm. The Warden sat closer than usual, but still not close enough to even brush up against him accidentally. Frustration joined the mixture of emotions.

   After the destruction of Haven, Blackwall was her shadow and even began to truly open up to her when they indulged in late night conversations when sleep wouldn’t come. Even here, he would seek her out a few times during the day, mainly at meals. A contrast to his behavior in Haven where he isolated himself in his cabin and hardly joining the other members of the Inquisition unless he accompanied her on the road. Yet, since things were finally starting to settle Alex felt like the warrior was starting to distance himself from everyone including her. That only added her jealousy towards not only Cullen but Cassandra as well as it seemed the Seeker had no trouble holding up her end of the agreement.

   The moment Cassandra saw Alex starring down at her cup, she could sense her friend’s turmoil and immediately let go of Cullen’s hand. The last thing she wanted to do was rub her relationship with Cullen in her face when Cassandra knew that the mage was still struggling with figuring out Blackwall. “Any broth enough left for two?” Cassandra asked trying to cut the tension and failed miserably.

  Blackwall spoke, his body shifting ever so slightly like he was trying to protect the Herald. “I believe so.”

  “I’ll go get some.” Cassandra started off towards the bot of broth warming on a nearby fire, leaving Cullen alone to make amends with Alex.

 Cullen noticed the change in the Warden’s behavior and the fact that Alex refused to look up. He sat on the cool grass on the other side of the fire. No one spoke and Cullen was pinned by Blackwall’s deadly glare. Cullen crossed his legs and cleared his throat. “Alexandra.” Using her full name did the trick to get her to look up at him. He didn’t know what the mixture of emotions “I owe you an apology.”

  She raised a brow. “Whatever for, Commander?”

  Cullen fought the urge to sigh or curse. Long ago, he learned that their Herald was one to hold a grudge for long periods of time if it warranted it. “For my actions and the way I spoke to you. I was tired, as you kindly reminded me, and stressed, but that was no excuse for me taking it out on you.”

   The heat in her sapphire colored eyes began to slowly seep away. In the time since their chat, Alex realized that, like Cassandra said, everyone was on edge or already leaping over it. “You sound like I’m about to give you to boot, Cullen. If I recall, I was guilt for taking out my frustration on you for being an ass. Which you were being.”

  The corner of Cullen’s scarred lip lifted. “So I’ve been told.”

  “And I shouldn't have done that. I hated seeing you running yourself into the ground for reasons beyond your control.” Alex knew that the Commander will still harbor guilt and came to terms that there was nothing she could say to change that. He was almost as stubborn as Cassandra. Alex held out a hand. “How about we call it a truce and promise to each other to get some sleep tonight.”

  Cullen shook her hand. “Deal.”

  “And I mean sleep,” Alex repeated eyeing the Seeker as she joined them. “And only sleep.”

  Cassandra handed a small tin cup to Cullen. “When you’re particularly sleeping ten feet from a person, it makes it hard to do anything else.”

  The Herald’s raised a brow and swept her gaze between the two lovers. “Never thought that was a problem for you two.”

  While the two men sputtered, Cassandra took a tentative sip of the hot broth before sending her friend a smile over the fire. “Got to take the moments where you can, Herald.” She regretted her words almost instantly when all humor faded from the mage’s face and her gaze fell back to the flames. Cassandra needed to help Alex figure out just how to get through to Blackwall. The Warden was still her constant shadow, yet the man hardly spoke to her or to anyone for that matter. “But tomorrow is going to be an extra busy day, so rest assured only sleep will occur tonight.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Alex walked her way over the bridge leading into Skyhold after a nice soak in the hot springs. IT’s was a bit of a hike, which was why most were satisfied with rubbing the days grim away with the chilly water from the Keep’s well. From talk around the fortress, the engineers were on the verge of getting the pumps working and the bathhouse up and running. That would boost morale. Something they desperately needed.  

   Her defenses went up when Cassandra was waiting for her just inside the main gates. “What is it?” She was already reaching for the staff on her back. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Cassandra stopped Alex before she could get a hold of her weapon. “Maker, you’re worse than Cullen.”

  “Not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment,” Alex muttered. “If nothing is wrong then why are you waiting here for me?”

  “Can’t I simply want to talk to my friend?”

  “Well, yes…” Alex eyed the Seeker carefully. “But if it’s about our agreement, I’m going to slap you.”

  Cassandra motioned for her to follow as she started through the busy courtyard. “The advisors and myself were discussing Corypheus this morning.”

  That caused Alex to stumble. In all of their hustle and bustle to get Skyhold stable they really hadn’t talked much about this mysterious half Tevinter god. “Really?” Did that mean they were on the verge to start hunting leading and venturing out back in the world?

  “He is out there, and it’s only a matter of time before word spreads that we are still standing.” Cassandra led Alex up the stairs, “We have the walls and numbers to put up a fight. But the threat is far beyond the war we anticipated. We now know what allowed you to stand against him. What drew you to him.”

   Setting her jaw, Alex lifted her left hand. “He cared for this.” Thinking about the anchor made the magic flare. Anger had her voice rising, “Not it’s useless to him, so he wants me dead. That’s it.”

  “The anchor has power, but it’s not why you’re stills standing here.” Cassandra thought back to their last night in Haven. Of the trekking through the snow and wind to find the survivors. “Your decisions let us heal in the sky. Your determination brought us out of Haven. You are that creature’s rival because of what you’ve done. We know it. All of us.”

  Alex wasn’t sure where this conversation was leading or where Cassandra was taking her until she found herself climbing the stairs leading to the main hall and saw Leliana standing on the landing with a sword in hand. Suddenly it became hard to breathe and she had the greatest urge to run away. Almost as if sensing her panic, Cassandra positioned herself behind her cutting off any escape Alex had. _Shit._

  “The Inquisition requires a leader,” Cassandra continued hoping to spark some confidence in the mage. “The one who has already been leading it. That person being you.”

  Swallowing the lump in her throat, Alex’s gaze swept across the courtyard where everyone in the whole damn place seemed to gather. Cullen was at the front along with Josephine looking up at her like a soldier awaiting orders. Her orders. Even Blackwall, a man who showed very little emotions, beamed up at her. That sent her heart fluttering for an entirely new reason. “You’re offering this to me?” She shifted back towards the two women standing with her. The confidence she saw in Cassandra’s eyes helped chase away some of the nervousness away. If she believed in her then maybe, just maybe, she could do what they were asking of her. “Are you sure that knocking a mountain on your head didn’t knock your senses loose? Shouldn’t it be you?”

  “I’m not the one who went charging into the night ready to give up everything to make sure that the people in Haven had time to escape. They’ll follow you, Alexandra. They believe in you.”

  She had said that before and Alex still struggled to believe such a thing. But here they were, offering her, no, believing in her to lead the Inquisition. To make the right choices. To uphold everything the organization stood for. Stealing another quick look at Blackwall’s face, Alex reached for the old and tarnished dragon sword. “With fear running rampant, they need to see a mage standing for what is right.” There was so much confidence in her voice that Alex scarcely recognized it. Defeat Corypheus standing with them, not over them.”

   “Wherever you lead us.” Cassandra moved closer to the edge to speak to those below. “Have the people been told?”

  Josephine smiled. “They have and soon the world.”

  The Seeker’s gaze fell to her lover and felt his love and pride radiating across the distance. Pride in her work. Pride in her choice to name Alex Inquisitor. For the first time in recent memory, Cullen looked hopeful, purposeful. “Commander, will they follow?”

  Yesterday feeling like another lifetime, Cullen stalked in front of his men and the citizens that followed them into the mountains. “Inquisition!” His commanding voice broke through their chatter. “Will you follow?”

  The crowd cheered.

  “Will you fight?”

  The noise turned into a roar that rivaled a dragon’s.

  Drawing his sword, he whirled around with the people cheers reinforcing his words. “You’re leader! Your Herald!” He looked up to Alex beyond confident that this woman, this mage, would care and lead these people with honor and integrity. “Your Inquisitor!”

Alex hand shook but did everything she could do to mask it as she thrust the sword into the air. The people all cheered, even amusingly Josephine who seemed embarrassed by her public display. This was like that night in camp when they came together singing ‘A Dawn Will Come’. Hope and trust. They were looking for her once again and Alex prayed to the Maker and his bride that she didn’t let them down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do try to keep smut a few chapter's apart, but sometimes it doesn't work that way. We are moving forward now with the game plot, but know since this is a Cullen x Cassandra fanfic it's not going to be a true retelling of the game and certain moments will be just mentioned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine

  Varric waited until the Seeker had been dispatched from Skyhold with Cullen and a few other Inquisition members before approaching the Inquisitor. Nearly a week into her reign, the mage was doing a bang-up job in keeping morale at an all-time high. Now, it was time for Alex to get leads to take the fight back out into the field and to Corypheus. And Varric’s informant would be the only person in Thedas to give them that piece of information and just who that informant was, was the sole reason he waited until Cassandra was nowhere to be found.

  Alex jogged up the last few steps to meet the storyteller on the landing of the stairs towards the battlement east of the main gate. It was a bit out of the way from the public eye and made Alex wonder just what the rogue was up to. “I’m here, Varric.” She happily announced though he didn’t look all that pleased. He looked very anxious actually. Fear began to settle in her spine. Exactly who was he having her meet? And why was it taking place in the most deserted part of the Keep?

   “You can wipe that look off your face, Freckles,” Varric assured. “I brought you up here to meet a contact of mine. The only other person in Thedas that I think could give us a read on Corypheus.”

  Her brows shot up. “Are you talking about the Champion-.”

  “Of Kirkwall, yes he is.” A voice coated in a Kirkwall accent had the mage turning in time to watch Hawke descend the last couple stairs from the battlement where he must have been hiding. Hawke gave her a charming smile. “Though I don’t go by the title very much anymore. I find it only gets me into trouble.”

  “Like you need help in that department,” Varric quipped. “Freckles, I figured it was about time you two meet.”

  “Still going on with the nicknames I see.” Hawke offered his hand. “Please call me Garrett, though most do prefer to call me Hawke.”

  Alex shook his hand finding it calloused by years of battling with the twin blades on his back. The first thing she noticed about Garrett Hawke, besides his good looks and boy did he have them, was his piercing grey eyes. They had a spark of the youthful charm he spoke with, but she could see underneath it. Could see the tiredness. A look and feeling she knew all too well since falling out of the fade. “Well, Hawke.” The Champion didn’t look like she expected. In her mind, thanks to Varric’s book, she pictured a tall dark and overly handsome man who could turn a woman’s legs into jelly with one look. Now while he had looks and a smile buried beneath his thick ginger beard, matching his wild and thick hair that did make her heart flutter ever so slightly, she never pictured him being tall, lanky even, and slender. He did have tone muscles and scars that went along with years of constant battle, but he didn’t seem as larger than life Varric made him out to be. Not that Alex considered that a bad thing. “I’m Alexandra, but people around here just tend to stick with Alex.

  “Or freckles,” Hawke added with another smile.

  Well, Varric had written something right, the man had a certain charm about him. “Only Varric seems to be brave enough to call me that.” Alex settled her gaze on the dwarf. “You better find a nice hiding spot to crawl in and stay in for the rest of your life when Cassandra gets back and finds out about this little meeting.”

  Varric held up his hands. “Don’t you worry about me, Freckles. I’ll pay the piper when it comes to facing the Seeker.” He picked up a bottle that he had rested on a nearby barrel. “Right now, Hawke is the only one who has faced Corypheus besides you. I thought maybe you two could swap war stories.”

  Moving closer, Hawke leaned his hip against the edge of the staircase. “You dropped a damn mountain on his head from what Varric has told me. Not sure how much more advice I can give you after that.”

  “Any advice would be helpful.” Alex agreed.

  The humor dancing on his ruddy face died in an instant. “You want my advice? Did you hear what happened in Kirkwall?”

  Her heart hurt hearing the guilt dripping from his voice and the furry stirring under his stormy grey eyes. “You did the best you could with an impossible situation. A lot of people were going to die either way. From what I heard, there are a lot of people alive today because of your actions.” She shifted, forcing him to look up at her. “I’m in the same situation now. Any advice is better than none”

  “What do you want to know?” Hawke wondered his anger seeming to dissipate under her soft gaze. He knew their conversation was serious and important, but he couldn’t help but notice how wonderful she looked even with her one-sided braid that was completely frayed and the dust smeared on her cheeks.

  “Corypheus has already killed the Divine, along with countless others… and he’ll kill a lot more unless we stop him.” The very thought kept her up most nights and walking the battlements until her body became too exhausted leaving her no choice but to sleep.

   “You already sealed the breach. That’s pretty damn impressive.” He looked out over the courtyard as the bitterness replaced his cheery disposition. “I could barely get my friends to stop fighting with eachother. Still, if you think I can help…”

   They spoke though, to be honest, it didn’t really help much in finding Corypheus’s weakness. Alex listened why Hawke told her about his first encounter with the Tevinter God and how he thought that they killed him. He talked about the Grey Wardens holding him and how Corypheus used their connection to the darkspawn to influence them. Both Hawke and Varric were worried that the once influence Corypheus had over the Warden’s was back and had to be the cause of their disappearance.

  “Fantastic.” Alex rubbed the bridge of her nose fighting the headache that was brewing. “So, the bastard has the Venatori, Red Templars, and now possibly the Wardens as well? Well, shit.”

  Hawke’s lips twitched at the Mage’s attitude towards the whole situation. “I didn’t come this far just to give you bad news, my dear Inquisitor.”

  She tried to ignore the effects that his words had on her. “By all means, don’t leave me hanging.”

  “I’ve got a friend in the Wardens. He was investigating something unrelated for me,” Hawke informed. “His name is Stroud. The last time we spoke, he was worried about Corruption in the Warden ranks. Since then, nothing.”

  Varric cut in, “Did your friend disappear with them?”

  “No. He told me he’d been hiding out in an old smuggler’s face near Crestwood,” Hawke answered.

  “There may be a chance your friend may have fallen under Corypheus’s spell.”

  Hawke let out a long sigh. “I understand. I’ll do whatever’s necessary to stop him.” His voice grew serious again. “Corypheus is my responsibility. I thought I’d killed him before. This time, I’ll make sure of it.”

  Because she felt compelled to do, Alex gave his arm a friendly squeeze. “None of this is your fault.”

   Sighing and wanting to focus on happier times, or at least try to, he leaned fully against the ledge next to Alex looking down at the courtyard. “This view reminds me of my home in Kirkwall. I had a balcony that overlooked the whole city. I loved it at first. But after a while, all I could see were the people out there depending on me.”

  Alex leaned against the ledge next to him understanding his way of thinking completely. “If I thought like that I’d never get anything done.” She would go mad with worry. If it wasn’t for Cassandra’s occasional interference, she would’ve dove of the deep end by now.

   Hawke glanced over at her, study her face with his piercing gaze. “How do you put it out of your head?”

  “Oh, you know,” Alex shrugged her shoulders with a plastered smile on her face. “Try to keep up with the happenings of what is going on in Skyhold. What scandal is at the top and who is trying to sleep with who? Take parts in pools on who will see that their hatred for each other is something else. Soon that won’t work, and I’ll go out into the wilderness and find something or someone that wants to kill me. That mostly does the trick.”

  Laughing, Hawke turned to look back at the dwarf. “Does that mean there is one going on between Varric and this Seeker? I bet it’s a massive one.”

  “That would be rather awkward seeing how she’s all caught up on Cullen,” Varric explained. “The former Knight-Captain Cullen may I add.”

  “Cullen is here?” Hawke wondered. “I never thought that man would ever leave the order.”

  “Certain events can change a man,” Alex reminded. “I’m sure that is something we both can understand.”

  “You’re right,” Hawke replied.

  “Would you care to join me for afternoon meal so we can talk some more a bit more comfortable?”

  Hawke smiled. “That sounds wonderful.”

00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   “Why in Thedas did you pick this place of all of the areas around Skyhold?” Having returned with fresh supplies and new trade routes cemented, they made their way to the tower that Cullen claimed as both his office and his quarters. The desk had been made and put in place the day before. Already it was covered in rolls of parchment and other reports that she knew he needed to attend to.

  Cullen placed his sack near the corner of the room by the armor stands. “This coming from the woman who took up in the forge.”

  “It’s not like I’m going to spend a lot of time there as I’ll be on the road most of the time with Alex,” Cassandra simply argued looking up the ladder. “You, on the other hand, choose a place where you have to climb a blasted ladder up to a room that has a hole in the roof.”

  “It helps me feel less trapped.” Cullen hadn’t cared for small spaces since his time in the Ferelden circles. He unclasped his cloak and tossed it over the back of his chair before working on his boots. The trip hadn’t taken that long, but it was more than he wanted to do today. Hopefully, the plans that he had set up in his absence had been taken care of.

  She raised a brow at him. “And what if it rains?”

  “I’ll put a bucket or two down. Come on, it’s not that bad. I’ll show you.” Cullen started up the ladder hoping the Seeker would take the hint and follow. His throat tightened as panic bubbled to the surface. Blackwall had promised that the bed would be delivered today and he even enlisted Dorian’s help in setting up an extra surprise to share with Cassandra. It was his first attempt at a romantic surprise and he wanted everything to go right. Or at least remotely so, since things never did work out the way the every planed. Thankfully, all those worries were sent flying out the window when he saw not only the luxurious bed but the table set up with an afternoon meal accompanied with candles and the brightly colored flowers he’d found outside of Skyhold’s walls.

   “Little help,” Cassandra asked reaching up through the hatch for him to assist her in scaling the last few rungs of the ladder. Why Cullen would choose to do this on a daily basis was a mystery to her. She opened her mouth only to close them when she found whatever she was about to say lost at the romantic sight before her. “Cullen?”

  The Commander strode over to the small dining table Dorian set up for them. “I promised you one day that we would have a proper night with each other and I wanted to do this right. I know it’s not much as rations are still low, but-.” His words were muffled against her lips that were pressed hard against his. He hooked his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him beyond grateful that they travel in light gear so he could feel the curves of her body. Cradling the back of her head, Cullen drew back. “Surprise.”

  A smile blossomed across her face. “This is why you were so insistent on my coming with you this morning.”

  “That and I wanted to spend time with you. Since naming Alex Inquisitor, it seems life has become crazier than before. Things are starting to move and I know our time together is fleeting.” He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek. “Plus, I think so far we haven’t really had a lot of romance.”

  She began to tug on the laces of his leather chest piece. “I think this is a great start. I’m assuming that Dorian had a hand in this.”

  Her lips were already working their way along his jaw making it incredibly hard for Cullen to think. “Well… Mostly.” He took her by the hips, pressing his already hardened arousal against her hips. “I did manage to replace the flower you lost in the destruction of Haven.”

  She glanced over her shoulder and found four brightly colored flowers that reminded her of a sunset. “Orange.”

  “Your favorite color,” Cullen finished as his piece of armor fell carelessly to the ground. She was already working on his bracers. “I would ask if you wanted to start with the food, but I feel like you’re hungry for something else.”

  Smiling, Cassandra nipped at his bottom lip. “I’m famished.”

  The way she pulled at the edge of his tunic, Cullen figured exactly what it was his Seeker was hungry for. Smiling, he whisked his tunic over his head. “But not for food.”

  Her ravenous gaze fell to his bare chest elated that there was proper light to be able to see him. Cassandra had been dying to get a full look at him since he already got his fill that day in the hot springs. She took a step back. “Lose the pants, Commander.”

  A lump formed in his throat. All the sudden he became nervous under her intense stare. He wasn’t particularly shy about his body. He was in decent shape, a bit on the skinny side from the stress of the last month and the withdrawals. Of course, there were scars, but he had long ago come to terms with them. Yet, Cullen found himself fighting a sense of bashfulness as he stripped down until he was standing there completely exposed for her. He found himself slightly embarrassed that he was already fully aroused.

  She had seen her fair share of naked men, granted not in this fashion or close, except for one, and knowing that this beautiful man was hers was enough to leave her breathless. Cassandra found it endearing the flush that was starting to creep over his fair skin. Most women would compare lovers to one another. Cassandra wouldn’t. Couldn’t really as Galyan held a part of her heart that Cullen would never be able to touch with the mage being her first. Not to mention the two men couldn’t be any more different both in personality and looks.

  “You’re blushing.”

  “I’m beginning to feel like a prize stallion on display,” He whispered.

  Touching a hand this his chest, Cassandra shifted closer letting her gaze take in every inch of his face neck and upper torso. It would all be too easy to look down and inspect his manhood, but since she was already somewhat acquainted with that certain part of his body, Cassandra wanted to explore what she didn’t know.

  No longer shy, Cullen watched her with great interest as her dark eyes moved over him before her hands began to slide over the plains of his chest to his one of his wide shoulders. Though there was a serious tone to her expression, there was also a faint smile on her face and lust blazing in her eyes. He figured it showed great restraint on his part to stay still and not take her in the arms and take full advantage of the bed. He followed her, turning his head as she moved until she escaped from his view. Her hand never left him, trailing along his bicep to his back, stopping to stroke a few lines of hard cartilage. A few of them had been sustained in battle, the others were left by the few lashes he received in Kirkwall after questioning Meredith one too many times.

  Her hand drifted, tracing the plains of his back and the sharp curve of his arse. He let out a surprised noise when she gave it a quick squeeze. “Seems you found something you like.”

   Cassandra hummed in agreement her hand trailing along his waist as she made her full circle. She traced his hips and down his thighs, never touching his harden cock that begged to be touched. “I found a lot of things I like.”

   Cullen wasn’t prepared for her to lean forward and press her lips to the center of his chest and was nearly knocked off balance when she trailed downward. “Cassandra,” He croaked out her name unable to say anymore. Swamped with emotions, he threaded his fingers through her hair and glanced down. Seeing her down on her knees peppering kisses along his thighs, so close, yet so far away from his arousal, was almost too much to handle. Her hands trailed up his calves to his thighs, caressing until she filled both of them with his arse cheeks. “Cass.”

  “Shh.” She nipped at his left hip bone and could feel him trembling. “I’m exploring.”

  The hand in her hair tightened and he fought the urge to guide her to where he wanted to feel her touch the most. Maker, she was driving him mad and they barely started. “When do I get my turn?”

  “You already did in the springs.”

  “That ah… Doesn’t.” Feeling her hot breath fan across the head of his cock had his tongue growing thick. Cullen had spent plenty of nights touching himself while imagining her like this, on her knees, and driving him crazy with her wonderful mouth. He tugged on her hair forcing her to stand. If she were to touch him like that now everything would be over all too soon. “Maker in heaven.”

  Concern crossed her face. “Was I doing it wrong?”

  “By the light no!” He pressed his damp brow to hers bringing both of his hands to her face to caress her cheeks. “We’ve waited for this moment and I don’t want it to end just yet.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes rounded in understanding and found her heart hammering in her throat. “Do you find me that desirable?”

  “Fuck, Cassandra.” Cullen took her head, bringing it to down. To feel his rock-hard cock and the arousal coating it. He rutted against her palm, pleasure having his breath quicken. “Andraste’s flaming sword, the mere thought of being with you is enough to bring me over the edge. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I laid my eyes on you.”

  Cassandra pressed her lips to his, swallowing his sounds of pleasure allowing it to fill her and had to the heat already pooling in her belly. “Bed,” She breathlessly instructed. “Bed.”

   Cullen released her and took a step back. “You’re a bit overdressed, my love.”

  The corner of her mouth lifted.  “Are you going to help me? It would be the gentlemanly thing to do.”

  His amber eyes narrowed. “Believe me there is nothing gentlemen like about what’s I’m going to do to you when you’re naked.”

  “Promises, promises, Cullen.”

  Taking her by the hips, he led her towards the bed and tucked it away under all of his sexual thoughts to thank Blackwall for helping make today possible. “Tunic.”

  Cassandra couldn’t move fast enough to yank the damn thing over her head and fumbled to remove her breast band. The groan that escaped from somewhere deep in his throat made her blood turned to liquid fire. Before she could try to remove any more clothing, Cullen lunged forward taking her mouth in his and cupping her breast in his sword calloused hands. The kiss was bruising, yet his touch was gentle as he dragged his thumbs over her hardened nipples. He traced small circles, teasing them until she was pushing harder into his touch clearly wanting more.

  “Bed,” He whispered against the lips more like he was reminding himself. Without breaking contact, he wasn’t that strong yet, Cullen walked her backward until the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed. That’s when he let her go. “Sit.”

  She wordlessly replied.

  Kneeling between her legs, Cullen's hands were on her breast again kneading and exploring like he’d wanted from their first night together. This time he didn’t just use his hands. He used his lips, sucking and nibbling on her left breast doing anything to draw out the low whine from the Seeker that she was trying to swallow. “Blessed Andraste, you’re so perfect. And all mine.” Cullen kissed his way across her chest to give her other breast the same lavishing treatment until the hands in his hair twisted painfully making him ease up. He could tell by her flushed face that she was overwhelmed.

  “I’m… I’m…” Cassandra couldn’t seem to find her words.

  Cullen kissed the tip of her nose, smiled, and bend down to unlace her boots. Though he was ashamed to count his time at the Rose in Kirkwall apart of his sexual experience, Cullen had to remember that Cassandra had only been touched by one other man. After removing her boots, Cullen looked up at her as his hands fell to her hips waiting for her permission to continue. He found it endearing that she was reverting back to shyness. Especially after their time together in the tower.

  Once she nodded, Cassandra found herself completely naked and laid out on the bed with Cullen looming over her. His amber eyes were dark and blown wide with lust. She reached up to touch his stubbly cheek. “I love you, Cullen.”

  Turning, he placed a kiss in the center of the palm. “And I you.” Cullen followed his confession by lowering himself to her, his lips startng at her collarbone, down the valley of her breast, and to the spot right above her mound. He cupped her, slipping a finger into her scolding hot sheath. “You’re positively dripping, my love.”

  “Cullen, please.” Her fingers dug into the flesh at his shoulder not sure what she was actually pleading for. She wanted his touch, wanted everything he wanted to give. His lips passed over her center and Cassandra’s back arched off the bed. “Oh, shit.”

  Smiling against her slick folds, Cullen eased another finger inside her. “I take it no one has ever touched you like this.”

  “No.” Breathing hard, Cassandra’s hands found their way into his disheveled curls trying to anchor herself. “I’ve read about it and always wondered.”

  “Read about it?” He glanced up with a glint of a laughter in his eyes and like he was ready to devour her. “Just what types of books do you read?”

  “Can we please save this conversation for another time?” She harshly demanded unsure how much longer she could stay teetering on the edge.

  Cullen let out a soft chuckle. “Of course, of course. Now, where was I?” Slowly dragging his fingers against her slick walls, Cullen’s mouth closed over the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thigh. The hands in his hair tightened, pulling him harder against him wanting more. Cullen was all too happy to oblige. Maker, he felt like he waited a lifetime to be able to touch her like this. To taste her. To drive her crazy until she was begging him not to stop.

  And Cassandra was doing just that. Lost in the throes of passion, Cassandra shifted her legs open to give him full access to her body. “Oh, Cullen. Don’t you dare stop.” He was building her up, using his lips, teeth, tongue, and oh so clever fingers and soon it was almost too much to remind herself to keep taking in breath into her body. Head lulling to the side, Cassandra found his wild amber gaze focused on her like she was the only thing that existed in the world. His gaze, nearly black already, darkened as he watched the erratic movement of her breasts with each of her shuddering breath and every time a plea fell from her kiss-swollen lips.

  Her release blindsided her. She felt it building but wasn’t prepared by how fast it snapped inside her. Heels digging into the soft matters and hands twisting harder in his hair, Cassandra arched against him as the wave of pleasure took her over. Cullen kept tormenting her wanting to prolong her pleasure until he milked every ounce of her release. The stimulation was almost too much, but she couldn’t bring herself to push him away. This was so much different than anything she’d ever experienced before not only with him but Galyan.

  Cullen slowly withdrew himself from her when she fell back onto the bed limp like putty.  _Maker!_ He stroked a hand down his aching shaft hoping to ease some of the pulsing, being careful not bring a premature end to things once again. “That was.” Cullen kissed her trembling thigh and started his lazy journey back up her body. “The most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

  She was struggling to even his breathing. “Is it always like this?”

  Shaking his head, Cullen nuzzled her nose. “No.” He kissed her, hearing her make a noise he’d never heard before as she tasted herself on his tongue. His cock twitched, begging him to find release. “It’s never been like this before with anyone. I think this is how it’s supposed to be when there is a deeper connection. Beyond lust. Even beyond simple love. Because this is more, Cassandra.”

  “So much more,” Cassandra whispered brushing her lips over his again. “See you can be both charming and romantic.”

  Smiling, he brushed her sweat soaked hair from her brow. “Don’t let it get around. I have a reputation to protect as the might Commander of the Inquisition.”

  She brushed her fingers over his chin. “Please, Cullen. I want to feel you inside me. Maker, I know you have to be aching.”

  Bracing his weight on his hands on either side of his head, Cullen kissed her, swallowing her sounds of delight as he eased into her until he was at full hilt. He stilled, staring down at her taking in her flushed face and loving gaze. Maker, he adored this woman. He was enamored by her. He realized in that moment he didn’t have the words the tell her exactly what was in his heart. Pressing his brow to hers, he began to move nice and slow this time, almost torturous. There was no need to hurry, even if his body was screaming at him to move faster to find his end. “Look at me, Cassandra.” The demand was gentle but still had some steel behind it.

  Cassandra forced her eyes open and was immediately trapped in his loving gaze.

  “I raise my sword to fight for the Inquisition. To protect those that we can from Corypheus and his agents.” Shifting, he put all his weight on one hand so he could cup her cheek. His thrusts became stronger, faster as he pressed her harder into the matters. Cullen fought to form words between his labored breathing. “More importantly, I raise my sword and shield to fight and protect this. You. The woman I love.” The only woman he ever truly did and ever would.

  Wetness clinging to her lashes, Cassandra drew him against her. She could feel his hot breath against her ear in between his sounds of pleasure as he chased his release. She held him tight basking in the warmth of his words and feel his body pressed into her. Duty always came first for the both of them and they both had no disillusion that there was a happy ending waiting for them at the end of their quest. Thedas was in turmoil and danger lurked around every corner with death close behind. His vow to fight left her reeling. When she felt him tense and his cock swell inside her, Cassandra pressed her lips to his temple to whisper into his ear. “I will fight, Cullen Rutherford,” She vowed holding him tighter when he began to tremble. She welcomed his weight as he was unable to bear his own anymore. “I’ll fight until there isn’t a breath in my body for you. For this. For us.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

  Still basking in the glow of their love making, they decided to finally get to lunch. Cassandra sat in nothing by Cullen’s crimson tunic while Cullen wore untied leathers. They had been chatting away about this and that, swapping childhood stories, anything but about awaited them the moment they descend the ladder.

  “Cullen.”

  The serious of her tone had Cullen look up from his plate. “Yes?”

  “There is something we need to discuss, about us.”

  He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Alright.”

  “Our focus has to be to help Alex and find a way to defeat Corypheus once and for all.”

  “I know it does,” Cullen assured uncertain where this conversation was going. “If you think I’m going to suggest as Commander to keep you out of the field-.”

  Cassandra waved that thought away. “I know you’d never do such a thing even if you want to in order to keep me safe.” She reached across the table to take his hand to stop him from drumming his fingers against the wooden surface. His tell that he was nervous but trying his best to hide it. “We need to be careful when we’re together.”

  “What-Oh!” Cullen felt the tips of his ears burn. “Of course, you’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t think of that. Well, I can’t think of much of anything when you’re in my arms.”

  “And that can lead to something that can’t happen,” Cassandra’s voice lowered as she added, “at least not yet.”

  His gaze snapped to hers. “Yet?” He echoed.

  Fear filled her dark eyes. “I mean – I thought… Well, maybe if you wanted.” She averted her gaze. “I didn’t think…”

  It was his turn to grasp her hand silently urging her to look back up at him. “Are you saying that you’ve given thought to having kids?” Cullen softly asked emotions flooding his voice.

  She nodded. “I mean not until recently.”

  “Blessed Maker and all his glory,” Cullen prayed tugging her around the table until she was seated on his lap. He needed to feel her. To make sure that this moment in time was real. He never thought that this conversation would ever occur in his life. “You-you want to have a child? My child?”

  The astonishment in his voice made her heartache because she knew that he thought himself unworthy of such a miracle in his life. Cassandra took his face in her hands and pressed her brow to his. “Being with you has given me pause and made me rethink what I thought was important in my life. I always thought it would be duty and I would sacrifice something like a family, something I was okay with. Then I did something stupid and dropped a mountain on my head and I nearly died missing out on the best thing in my life. You.”

  Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. “Cassandra.”

  “The afternoon before the destruction of Haven, Leliana told me that I always put duty before everything. And that there will always be another cause another mission to see through. That I shouldn’t shut myself off for the things that life has to offer.” Seeing the tear slid down his stubbly cheek made her own burn in the back of her throat. “I love you and I know who knows what tomorrow will bring or what awaits us at the end of this mission, but I know what I want. I want you. I want a life with you and everything that goes with it.”

  Cullen pressed his lips to hers, pouring everything he could into the kiss as he didn’t have the words to. When he signed up for the Inquisition he’d never in a million thought it would bring him this. Bring him her, the woman he loved with every breath in his body. “I love you, Cassandra. With all my heart. Who knows what fate has in store for us, but I want this. I want everything I could possibly have with you.” To assure himself that he wasn’t in fact dream, Cullen kissed her. “I will love you well, my dear Seeker. For all my days that the Maker sees fit to grant me and even after then.”

  “There you go.” She nuzzled his nose. “Being all romantic again.”

  HE gave her a gentle smile. “We’ll be careful. I’m sure there are herbs and potions or some other method a healer knows that will help us have any surprises.”

  “Meaning we’ll have to control ourselves until we have such conversations.”

  “That just means sex is off the table.” Cullen drew away to see his lover grinning down at him. He rushed the tips of his fingers over her lips. “Plenty of other things we can do.”

  “Hmmm. I might need a demonstration.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0

   After they finished their meal, Cassandra left Cullen to his duties while she set off to find Dorian. Of course, the mage was in the spiral tower library. It still amazed her that the books had held up so well that had been left by whoever inhabited Skyhold before them. The empty shelves were slowly being filled with books people had on their person and those who made the pilgrim to Skyhold from the far reaches of Ferelden. Seeing the people was uplifting, but it also brought Cassandra great fear. If the people knew where to find them then it was only a matter of time before Corypheus could as well.

   She tried to push that from her mind as she reached the landing and found Dorian exactly where she knew she would. Lounging on a chair with a book in his lap and a scowl on his face. He had been very vocal about his displeasure of Skyhold’s selection of books. “What’s wrong this time?”

  The mage looked up and his expression changed as he gave her a charming smile. “Too many things to count. My, don’t you look positively happy and glowing I might add.”

  Though she fought it, Cassandra could feel herself blush. “I think you’re just jealous.” The more time she spent with the man the more he reminded her of Galyan.

  “Or there is no doubt about that,” Dorian assured closing the book. “I hope you didn’t come all the way here to gloat that you’re sleeping with one of the most handsome men in Thedas.”

  “One?”

  His grin grew. “After me, of course.”

  Cassandra rolled her eyes. “You take pride in your arrogance, don’t you?”

  “Do you really need to waste your breath by asking such questions?” Dorian was pleased by the disgruntled noise he provoked from the Seeker. “Now, I feel like you’ve sought me out for a reason other than to see my pretty face. What can I do for you, Lady Cassandra?”

  “Will you take a walk with me?” Cassandra softly asked as this wasn’t a conversation to be had with others so close by.

  Without hesitation, Dorian set the book aside and pushed up from the chair. “I could take in some fresh mountain air.”

  “You are the one who chooses to stay with the dusty books.” Cassandra leads him down the flight of stairs, through Solas’s domain, and out to the walkway from the Keep to the battlements. “I have a question of a personal nature.”

  The tone of her voice made Dorian sober up and listen intently as they walked the battlement and away from any prying ears. “Okay.”

  “Being a mage and having some knowledge in healing herbs and such, you must know…” Her face felt like it was on fire despite it being near freezing outside. “I haven’t been with many men in my life leaving me not to worry about such things. I was wondering if you would know of any herb or potion that could prevent pregnancy.”

   Twisting the one end of his mustache, he thought for a moment. “I know of some practices in Tevinter and nothing has lead me to believe that Ferelden is any different. I’ll do some research, but I know of an herb that is widely used. I can see where they grow and now that we have supply lines started, I’ll get some if we can’t find them out in the Frostbacks.”

  “Thank you, Dorian.”

  “I would make a great uncle though.”

  “Oh, I’d have no doubt.” Cassandra shook her head laughing. “Have you seen Alexandra?”

  “I saw her about an hour ago to tell me about her meeting with Hawke,” Dorian spoke without thinking and when his words caught up to himself, his eyes rounded and sought Cassandra. To say that the Seeker was shocked and royally pissed was the understatement of the year. “Oops.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tend to write my stories out of order. To write scenes as they come to me and then string them together. With that being said, I feel like I might have repeated some things in this chapter. If I did I'm sorry. Enjoy!

   Cullen was ready to start on his stack of reports when his office door swung open. The person barreling through had the Commander shooting to his feet so fast his chair toppled over. “Hawke?”

   “Hey, Cullen. Nice to see you again.” The Champion was out of breath and slightly panicked. “I’m sorry, but we can’t catch up right this minute as I’m in desperate need of your help.”

   “What kind of help?” Cullen hadn’t seen the man in well over four years and now here he was in his office looking nothing like the cocky rogue he remembered. “What happened?”

   Hawke took a long deep breath to calm himself. “Long story short, your Seeker found out that Varric not only knew where I’ve been, but I was also hiding out here in Skyhold.”

   Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. “For the love of Andraste.” He was already rounding the desk. “Where?”

   Hawke was hot on the Commander’s heels. “I saw Alexandra racing across the courtyard towards to forge when she told me to come and get you. Varric did say the Seeker had a temper.”

   “When it comes to him, you have know idea.”

   The down stairs portion of the forge was deserted. No doubt the occupants were driven out by the shouting and heavy sounds that had the be furniture being thrown. Cullen was half way up the stairs when he heard Alex shout at the pair to stop being childish. Varric and Cassandra tried to argue their point both thinking they were in the right. Cullen stopped, not wanting to announce his presence, listening to both sides and even he didn’t know who Alex should support in this situation. He was still beyond furious with Varric and his clever lies that led them to this explosive moment. Varric had to know this would’ve been the outcome of this situation.

   Both men hit the landing bringing the true heat of the argument to an end. The dwarf left sulking while Cassandra leaned against the railing seething. Alex stood there unsure what to do.

   Hawke didn’t know much about Cassandra, but he did know that there was nothing more the Inquisitor could do. He gently touched the mage’s arm. “Come, Alexandra. I think you’ve done all that you can.”

   Alex jolted out of surprise that he used her name instead of her title. Everyone used it so much, she almost forgot she had one. She hesitated, not wanting to leave her friend such a state. “Cass?”

   The Seeker hung her head. “Hawke is right, Alex. Go.”

   “But-.”

   “I’ll be fine,” Cassandra assured.

   “I’ll go. Only if you promise me you won’t kick the dwarf off the battlements.”

   Cassandra fought a smile which she knew was the Inquisitor’s intention. “I’ll try my hardest.”

   Rubbing the back of his neck, Cullen waited until the rogue and mage descended the stairs. “Well, Hawke. That’s something.”

   She watched the pair leave the forge and Cassandra let her anger lash out again. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. I believed him.”

   “We all did,” Cullen argued. “He played us all for fools.”

   “But he was right.” Sighing, Cassandra sank heavily into the nearby chair. “I kidnapped, interrogated, and dragged him to Haven against his will. I gave him no cause to trust me.”

   Cullen knelt down in front of her. “But Varric saw what happened to the Conclave and what was happening with the breach. That should’ve been enough to trust us to tell us about Hawke.”

   She rubbed her tired face. “Perhaps if I just stopped and took the time to explain why we needed him-.”

   “Like Varric said, would it have made a difference?” Cullen echoed Varric’s earlier question trying to help them both find the reasoning behind the rogue’s actions. He brushed his knuckles down her scarred cheek. “I know it’s hard to come to terms with, but even if we had the Hero of Ferelden and Hawke, there was nothing we could’ve done to stop what happened at the Conclave. Corypheus had it planned for quite a while.” His voice grew quiet and he eyes soft. “There was nothing we could’ve done to save them.”

   Thinking of not only the Divine but Galyan, made the tears start to well. She closed her eyes to keep them from falling. “I go over that day in my head over and over again trying to see if I missed something.”

   “You’ll only drive yourself mad, Cassandra.”

   “She told me to stay in town. Almost as if she knew something was going to happen.” Cassandra swiped at the lone tear on her cheek. “If I’d known that was going be the last time I would either of them, there was so much I would’ve said.”

   Cullen squeezed her thigh. “I know.” The little Cassandra had spoken of Galyan held so much weight to it. She cared deeply for the man. Cullen couldn’t bring himself to be jealous. His own heart ached for her and the grief she carried for not being able to have a proper goodbye with the mage.

   “I don’t know how or if I should forgive Varric for this.”

   “Hawke is here and now and he’s with us completely.”

   “You knew?”

   Cullen shook his head. “No, but I know Hawke. He’s a good man and wouldn’t just stand back and watch Corypheus kill innocents and let him destroy Thedas.”

   “Then why is he only showing up now?”

   “That’s a question only he can answer. From what I know of the man, it was an important reason.”

   “I thought you two didn’t get along?”

   He let out a soft laugh. “We weren’t drinking buddies and Maker knows we didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. Hawke carried for the people of Kirkwall, wanted to help them. He stood up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. And not just the mages.” Standing, Cullen tugged her to her feet and into his arms. “It’s your choice if and when you’ll forgive Varric.  Talk to Hawke before you lump your anger toward Varric with him.”

   Cassandra laid her cheek against his shoulder. “Just keep the damn dwarf away from me for a bit.”

   “Oh, I’m sure he's going to avoid you like you have the Blight.” He kissed her crown. “Do you need some time?”

   “I think a dummy is calling my name.”

   “Want company?”

   “Not really.”

   “I’ll get you some food and take it to my chambers.”

   “Thank you, Cullen.”

   “I love you,” Cassandra whispered before descending down the stairs with a look of determination on her face mixed with furry.

   Cullen figured by morning Skyhold would be in need of all new training dummies.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Cassandra waited for two days before she adventured out in search for Hawke. It would take a lot longer before she willingly sought out Varric. If she could ever find it within herself to think about forgiving him. Cassandra didn’t have to look far as Hawke was standing atop the battlement leaning against the parapets overlooking the courtyard.

   The bearded man looked different than she pictured while reading the tale of the Champion. Varric made Hawke out to be as handsome as some Avvar warrior with the poise and looks of the older race. Cassandra by no means was not saying he was hard to look out in any way. She found him classically handsome, far better than hat the dwarf wrote about. Maybe once she sorted out her feelings about Hawke, she’d have to talk to the rogue about the book and exactly what was true and what Varric made up.

   Approaching him, Cassandra noted that Hawke’s brow was furrowed and grey eyes clouded with something she couldn’t name. Cassandra glanced down at the courtyard to see the normal life of Skyhold going about along with Alex and Blackwall joining Cullen’s training. She nearly smiled at the way the Warden stole looks when he thought no one was looking. Or so he thought. Because judging by the slight curve of the Intuition’s lips, she wasn’t oblivious.

   _Good_ Cassandra silently thought. It was about time Blackwall started to make his attraction noticeable or at least by her standards.

   “So, you’re the big bad Seeker.” After one more lingering look down below, Hawke turned towards Cassandra. “I see you only have your boot knife, so I doubt you came to cause harm.”

   His charming and slightly arrogant tone made her raise a single brow. “Well, we are standing somewhat high up. One hard push and you’ll be tumbling down the side of the mountain.”

   “Right you are, Seeker,” Hawke laughed offering a hand. “Varric is all about his nicknames. I prefer real ones. Garrett Hawke.”

   After a moment of two of hesitation, Cassandra gave it a firm shake. “Cassandra.”

   “No last name?”

   “We’ll get there.”

   “Mind walking?” Hawke suggested with a smile. “Less chance you’ll get away with pushing me over.”

   “Still risking it. You saw my temper at full force.”

   Chuckling, Hawke started to walk. “I heard we lost a chair and table.”

   She felt her cheeks start to burn. “At least they missed Varric.”

   “I’m sure it would’ve been more satisfying if it didn’t.”

   “The day is young.”

   Hawke clasped his hands behind him wishing that he had his blades on his back. Not that he planned to cross swords with the Seeker, he just would feel more comfortable seeing how he’d worn them almost constantly for well over a decade. “I’m sure you have many questions for me.”

   “You’d be correct.” Cassandra was sorting them out in her head, trying to figure the ones that were more important and the ones she should let go of. Cullen convinced her to understand and come to terms with the fact the past couldn’t be changed or fixed. She had to look forward and focus on what needed to be done. And that was stopping Corypheus. “As I’m sure you have some for me. Maker knows the horror stories Varric relayed to you.”

   “I know you’re furious that he lied to you. A right I think you have, but you must understand his reasoning.”

   Cassandra pressed her lips together trying to rein in her anger. “I’m trying to. Not an easy task.”

   “Varric has always been difficult in his own way.” Hawke sent her a sideways smile. “He does have some redeeming attributes. One just has to find them.”

   “Alex told me that you’ve face Corypheus before.” Cassandra watched his smile falter. “Even defeated him.”

   “I sure in the blight thought I did. Recent events have proven I was wrong.” Guilt filled Hawke’s voice. “I don’t understand how the bastard survived.”

   “What is happening isn’t your fault, Garrett.”

   The Champion forced a hand through his thick ginger colored hair. “It feels like back in Kirkwall with Anders. I was there. I should’ve done more and maybe none of this would be happening.”

   Talk about taking the weight of the world on one’s shoulders. Cassandra hoped that Hawke took the time to speak to Alex as he was the only one in the fortress that could understand that feeling. “Though I’m sure most of what Varric told me wasn’t even close to the truth, I believe him when he said that Anders acted on his own. The tension between Mages and Templars had been mounting for years before Anders-.”

   “Blew it all to the fade and back,” Hawke muttered stopping to lean against the ledge of the battlement. His grey eyes darkened and a tick began to appear in his jaw. “The bastard used me, our friendship, to be the ends to his means. Looking back, there were signs I should’ve noticed.”

   Cassandra’s mind drifted back to the Conclave and then to Cullen’s words of wisdom. “Looking back will only drive you mad.”

   He let out a soft laugh. “Wise words.”

   “Kirkwall was falling apart at the seams. One man, even one with the drive like you, couldn’t hold it together.”

   “Cullen tried,” Hawke stated catching the Seeker by surprise. “He finally got it through his thick Templar skull what a true cluster fuck everything was. By then it was too late.”

   Something that haunted her lover nearly every second of everyday. It was most heartbreaking when it manifested into his dreams because that’s when Cassandra could see it fully instead of hidden behind his mask. “Alex said something about you and your Warden friend were tracking down some lead.”

   Grateful she sensed his need to shift the conversation, Hawke nodded. “He’s hiding out in Crestwood and now the rumor is the Wardens are looking for him.”

   “Why?”

   Hawke only shrugged. “My communications with him have slowed. I fear what has happened. Getting to Crestwood is where the Inquisition should investigate first.”

   “I’ll have to agree, but there is still much to be done here before it’s stable enough for us to venture back out.”

   “With your permission and blessing, I would like to help where I can.” Hawke gave her one of his charming smiles. “I know not all is forgiven and we have many conversations left to be had, but I’d like to be useful.”

   Cassandra gave him a long hard look. “Cullen said you were a good man. Even an honorable one.”

   Hawke couldn’t have looked more surprised even if the Maker himself had appeared. “Cullen actually said that? Hmm.” He stroked his bearded chin for a moment. “We were at each other’s throat in those first few years. It was a miracle we didn’t kill one another. Once I gained the title Champion he truly lost his chance much to his dismay.”

   The corner of his mouth lifted. “He said something similar. He said he respected you because you stood up for those who couldn’t themselves.”

   “Your Commander tried his best under Meredith’s leash. I did-do-hold a degree of respect for him.” Hawke looked about the keep and the people going on about their day. Good could be done here. He could see the draw that appealed to Cullen to join in hopes of redemption. And as a man running from his own demons, Hawke saw the same appeal. Felt the same need. “I hope you’ll allow me to stay, Cassandra. To allow me to do what I can to aid your Inquisitor and her quest.”

   “It would not only be foolish, but I’d be horrible at my job to turn your help away. Welcome to the Inquisition.” Cassandra started to walk away only to stop a few feet later. “This doesn’t mean I’ll forgive the dwarf.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o00o

   A few days later, while the news of Hawke’s sudden appearance had settled, the council stood around the war table along with Blackwall and Hawke. They were discussing how to proceed on what to do with the Champion’s lead in Crestwood.

   There wasn’t any resistance to the lead, only trying to find the best time to move out. Skyhold was in a fragile state of stabilization and Josephine feared that Alex leaving would know it off balance. Cullen, of course, thought it best to follow up on it as soon as possible because the more they dragged their feet, the more they risked Corypheus gaining more power. Causing more destruction. Death.

   Leliana, who had been mostly silent throughout most of the meeting, settled her gaze on Blackwall. “I find your lack of knowledge on the Grey Warden’s disappearance quite disturbing. You must’ve known something was off.”

   The Warden crossed his arms over his chest. “As an intelligence officer, shouldn’t have you?” There was venom in his voice. “The Blight is ten years over. The Wardens were the first thing to fade away. Now, since we know exactly who this Elder one is, the Wardens are being accused of the Divine’s death when the person who released the bastard is in this room.”

   Curling his hands at his side, Hawke spoke softly though his tone was one of animosity. “If we are casting blame, I will accept my part in releasing him and it’s been something that haunts me every moment of every day. But if I recall correctly, it was an overzealous Warden that thought they could control Corypheus as a weapon. Or do Wardens only remember parts of their history that paints them in a good light.”

   “Am I supposed to be lectured on such a thing from the man who allowed Kirkwall to fall to pieces?” Blackwall growled.

   Surprised by the Warden’s gruff, Alex stepped between the two men. His demeanor seemed to be changing by the hour. “What is done is in the past. What our sole focus should be is on how to stop Corypheus and not blaming one another.” Her statement seemed to defuse the situation but not the tension between the two men. “We need to know what is going on with the Wardens. He already has an army of Templars.”

   “Hawke, you said that Corypheus controlled the Wardens somehow. Could this be happening again?” Cassandra asked.

   Hawke shook his head. “He got in their heads, turned them against each other using their connection with Darkspawn.” He ran a hand through his thick mane of hair. “With Corypheus back, they may have fallen under his influence again.”

   “Hopefully not all,” Leliana argued gesturing to Blackwall.

   Cassandra knew the Spymaster was thinking of her Warden lover the Hero of Ferelden. “Then there is no more arguing on what to do. We need to investigate.”

   “Agreed,” Cullen remarked being backed up by Leliana. “It will still be a couple days to get all our supplies fathered. We’ll dispatch a scouting party as soon as possible.”

   “There is a question nagging me.” Alex turned her attention to Blackwall. “Are there anymore Darkspawn like Corypheus?”

   The Warden shrugged. “I don’t know.”

   “Aren’t Grey Wardens supposed to know everything about Darkspawn?” Hawke quipped.

   “You don’t need to know how a Darkspawn came to be to kill one. We’re soldiers, not historians. The world would be a better place if we focus on defeating evil than trying to figure how it come to be.” Blackwall sneered at the Champion before storming out of the War Room.

   Josephine flinched as the heavy door slammed shut. “Oh.”

   Feeling Alec’s gaze burning a hole in the side of his face, Hawke held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’ve never been known for my professionalism.”

   Cullen snorted in agreement.

   “I feel like something isn’t right. I’m not saying every Grey Warden is connected telepathically, but Wardens must know something is happening,” Hawke stated and judging by the look on Cassandra’s face, the Seeker agreed. “I mean no disrespect to the Inquisition.”

   “I think that’s enough for one day,” Cullen suggested bringing the meeting to a close.

   “Hawke.” Alex caught him before he could go too far. “I want to go everything that happened with you and Corypheus again.”

   Hawke bowed his head. “As you wish.”

   Cassandra watched the two file out of the room already engaged in deep conversation. The Ambassador and Spymaster left without a word leaving the two lovers alone. She waited until the door shut to speak. “Are you feeling okay?”

   The question took the Commander by surprise. “I beg your pardon.”

   Moving, she leaned against the war table in front of Cullen to gain his full attention. “You look tired.”

   “Only because it took us over an hour to reach a conclusion that shouldn’t have been up for debate in the first place,” Cullen snapped, sighed, then rubbed his temples. “It just left me with a bit of a headache is all.”

   “Do you need something for it?”

  He took her by the chin. “Only this.” He pressed his lips against hers.

   Cassandra allowed him to sweep her away with a gentle hungry kiss. There was nothing wrong to steal a quiet moment before they were thrust back into the world of responsibility.

   Grasping her by the hips, Cullen pulled her flush against him. “You know.” He nibbled at her bottom lip drowning in her soft noise of pleasure. “I have a certain fantasy of laying you down and fucking you across the Exalted Plains.”

   Heat curled in her belly at the imagery his words conjured. Cassandra became lost in him as he lifted her onto the table. It was the simple sound of map makers knocking together that broke through her lust filled haze. “You’re trying to distract me.”

   He pressed a kiss right below her ear. “Started that way.”

   “Cullen.” Before she let him carry out his fantasy, Cassandra took his face in her hands and drew away. “You were gone when I woke. It’s more than a headache. You’re exhausted. Talk to me.”

   Cullen rested his brow against hers. “Being around Hawke, it’s…” He let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s hard not to think about Kirkwall. About what my life was before the Inquisition. I’ll get through it.”

   “And I’m right here to help you,” Cassandra whispered worried about the days to come when she would leave Skyhold for Crestwood. “I know asking you to go rest would only be a waste of my breath. At least take an easy today. No training.”

   “But I like yelling.”

   “I’ll do it for you today.”

   “Maker help them.”

0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   _Shit!_ Cassandra nearly missed the fireball hurling towards her. Cursing more, she tucked her word against her and rolled to doge. The ball of flame slammed into the hay target behind her. She settled effortless back on her feet. Her gaze settled on her sparring partner and quickly thrust her shield up, narrowly avoiding taking a spray of ice shards to the face.

   “Andraste’s mercy, Alexandra.” Sweat poured off her brow as the force of the spell sent her staggering. She was sure if the Inquisitor had the mana, Alex would’ve zapped her with a bolt of lightning next since she seemed to be exercising an array of elemental spells. Cassandra lowered her shield, peeking to find Alex panting with a wild look in her hazel eyes. “Are you trying to kill me?”

   Alex’s attention snapped forward, blinking rapidly as her mind began to focus. The Seeker still had flecks of ice in her hair. “Damn it.” Tired, Alex leaned heavily against her staff. “I’m sorry, Cass.”

   Driving the tip of her sword into the earth, Cassandra released her shield to relieve the ache in her arm. “Think you can put that out before you burn down all of Skyhold?”

    “What? Oh!” Conjuring a small sphere of water, Alex flung it at the flames, killing it before it spread too far. Her cheeks started to burn. “Sorry.”

  “You, uh, seem a bit wound up today,” Cassandra politely pointed out. “And I’m wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did to piss you off in the last couple days.”

   “I’m not mad,” Alex stated as she sat on the ground to ease the throbbing in her own out limbs. They’d been sparring far longer than she realized.

   “Really?” Cassandra casted a quick glance at the torched bundle of hay. “Simply trying to cut down on some of Skyhold’s allergens then?”

   “I’m not angry with you. Maybe a tad jealous.” Alex refused to meet her gaze.

   The Seeker arched a brow. “Of me? Why on earth are you jealous of me?”

   “Because of how easy it seems for you to uphold your end of our bargain.”

   “Oh.” Cassandra sat crossed legged next to the Inquisitor.

   Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alex fought the urge to cry. Maker, she felt like a foolish adolescent. “That makes me sound like a heartless bitch.”

   Cassandra bumped Alex’s shoulder. “Not a heartless one.” She was grateful she could get her friend to laugh and ease some of the frustration knotted in Alex’s brow. “Blackwall still being stubborn?”

   “Was it the fireball or ice shards that helped you figure that one out?”

   “Remember, I’m old so I’m a bit slow to catch onto things.” Cassandra thought back to the week before when Blackwall was stealing those looks. She was sure progress was to follow.

   “Well, I think it’s about time I’ve not only caught onto to it but start accepting the fact Blackwall finds no interest in me.”

   Cassandra frowned. “I know that’s not true.” Ever since the destruction of Haven, the Warden had been the Inquisitor's shadow. He even took to venturing to the tavern to share meals with them instead of holding himself up in the stables. But come to think of it, he seemed to be slowly reverting back to how he was in Haven. “I saw you two up on the battlement yesterday morning. Alone.”

   “And I made an utter fool of myself, Cass.” Alex couldn’t believe she let herself hope for such a thing. To let herself think a man could have feelings for a foolish mage such as her. Alex remembered that her heart nearly leaped from her chest the moment the Warden asked to walk the battlement with her. She was too naïve to think that after weeks of stolen looks that the next step was finally going to occur. “I confronted him, told him I knew he had feelings for me. After admitting he was _fond_ of me, he said we couldn’t let this go any further.”

   “What?” Cassandra angrily demanded. “What exactly did he say? Is it possible you miss understood?”

   “It’s impossible, he said. Foolish. ‘We both are bound by duty. Our lives aren’t ours to live’. He asked me not to make this any harder than it had to be.” Alex knuckled away the lone tear that slipped past her guard. “Not much room for misinterpretation.”

   “Alexandra-.”

   “Foolish as it is, I do care deeply for the man. But now it’s time to put that foolishness behind me.”

   Wrapping her arm around the young woman, Cassandra drew Alex’s head to her shoulder. Something about the situation didn’t sit right with her. It was clear as day to the Maker and everyone else that the Warden cared deeply for their Inquisitor. “Did you hufireball ball or ice shards at him?”

   “Sadly, no.”

   “Pity. I’m sure it would’ve been far more satisfying than hurling them at me.”

   “I was very tempted to blast him off the battlement.”

   “I would’ve paid to see that. Go get cleaned up. I think that’s enough sparring for one day.” Plus, Cassandra wanted a moment or two alone with her fellow warrior. She was either going to break the man’s legs for hurting Alex or bash sense into him to fix his mistake before it was beyond repair. “I’ll distract you with a game of chess and tea after we clean up.”

   Better than sitting around and wallowing in her thoughts, Alex silently mused beyond grateful for Cassandra’s friendship. “Make it wine and it’s a date. I mean, as long as your Commander doesn’t mind lending you to me for a few hours.”

    As soon as she was sure there was no risk of Alex reappearing, Cassandra marched across the courtyard towards the stables. She found the Warden working on turning a piece of wood into a horse. Or maybe a Griffin. It was hard to tell and Cassandra was far to pissed off to care. “Blackwall, you son of a bitch.” She came in hot and looking for a fight. “We need to talk.”

   Sighing, Blackwall paused mid chisel. “There is nothing to talk about. Now, I have-.”

   “I don’t understand,” Cassandra cut him off. “I didn’t peg you for the type of man that strung women along to play them for a fool.”

   “You don’t know me, Seeker. None of you do.” He placed his tools on his work bench. “And that’s the problem.”

   “It’s not for the lack of trying. Especially Alexandra. I thought you cared for her.”

   Blackwall stalked away towards the fire. “When I felt the ground shake under my feet, knowing it what it meant. My heart turned to stone.” He would never forget the feeling of the chilly fingers of grief gripping his very soul the moment he realized Alex was gone. “Then I saw you carrying her through the snow. It felt like seeing the sun. That’s what Alexandra is. A ray of light. Of happiness.”

   “Then why did you push her away?”

   “Because such a gift shouldn’t be wasted on a man like me.”

   “For the love of the Maker.” Cassandra rubbed a hand over her face. “You sound like Cullen.”

   Grumbling, Blackwall folded his arms over his chest. “Both men haunted by our pasts.” He closed his eyes recalling Alex’s dazzling smile from the depths of his memory. He had been in Haven only a few days when she came to visit him down by the smithy. In that single conversation, he managed to cause her to blush, stammer and smile. And that smooth curve of lips was when Blackwall began to realize his heart could beat for something else other than duty. “But there is a difference between myself and your beloved Commander.”

   “And what might that be, Warden?”

   “He can atone for his sins. He can one day look back without sorrow and regret.” He opened his eyes and turned. “There is nothing I can do in my life to get there. Alexandra deserves someone-.”

   She cut him off as she came barreling towards him. “Let me tell you something about women.” Cassandra drilled her fingers into the man’s chest. “Women don’t like.” Another hard poke. “Being told.” This time she was sure her finger left a mark. This would have to do since she really wanted to knock him on his ass. “What men think we deserve.”

   Blackwall snatched Cassandra’s wrist. “She’s young with a silly infatuation. If she truly knew what was underneath all the grime and armor, she would only find disappointment.”

   “Fine.” Cassandra yanked herself free from his grasp. “Make all the excuses you want, but it doesn’t change the face you hurt a woman who cares for you. A woman willing to dive beneath the grime and armor.”

   The thought of not seeing Alex pained him. If she continued to drop by unexpectedly with her idle conversations and drinks, his resolve would’ve broke. He would’ve gave into his heart’s desire. “Believe it or not, this is for the best Cassandra.”

   “Maybe while we’re in Crestwood you’ll have time to think that through.”

   “Crestwood?” Blackwall echoed.

   “Hawke thinks it’s time to seek out his Warden friend.”

   “Hawke?” This time there was a tad bit of jealousy in his scruffy voice.

   The corner of her mouth lifted. “You’re the one who pushed her away.”

   Blackwall scoffed and said nothing, knowing the Seeker spoke nothing but the truth.

   “We leave in the morning,” Cassandra informed on her way out to let Blackwall stew on the information. Mentioning the Kirkwall rogue had caused a spark leaving her to wonder if it was enough to push the Warden into action. In fact, she had half the mind-. Running into a wall of flesh knocked Cassandra out of her world of thought. “Hawke?”

   The bearded man greeted her with a smile and bow of his head. “Afternoon, Lady Seeker.”

   Something about his tone had her eyeing the man with great suspicion. “Afternoon, Champion. Can I help you with something?”

   “I-umm-well, as a matter of fact, yes.” Hawke ran a hand through his ginger colored hair. “I have seemed to have upset your Commander. Not intentionally, I assure you.”

   “Exactly what did you do?” From what she gathered from Cullen was that his relationship with the Champion was one of respect and slight indifference.

   “We were talking about the state of Kirkwall. He even asked after my sister.”

   “Hawke.”

   “I accidentally mentioned Meredith by name and it triggered a bout of hanger he proceeded to take out on his recruits and a few training dummies. You’ll need to replace them by the way.” He held up a hand to stop Cassandra from unleashing her own anger on him. “I truly didn’t mean it, I promise. Sometimes my mouth works faster than my brain. A good trait in bed, but not so much everywhere else.”

   Cassandra rubbed the bridge of her nose. Best to go check to make sure Cullen didn’t do too much damage. Then she would clean herself up and bring a bottle of wine to Alex. On second thought. “I need you to do me a favor, Garrett. I was supposed to meet the Inquisitor. Would you run a message to her that things have changed? And why?”

   “On it. By the way, I saw Cullen stalking off towards the barracks.”

   Glancing over her shoulder, Cassandra found Blackwall outside of the barn cross armed and glaring after the Champion. Maybe the warden wouldn’t wait until they returned to speak to Alex.

   Cassandra found the barracks deserted with the exception of a single soul. She could hear Cullen’s heated murmurs from the back of the room, hidden by the large weapon racks. “Cullen.”

   “Wouldn’t come near me if I were you.” His voice was harsh and strained.

   Cassandra rounded the last rack finding the Commander from the waist up with his hands braced against the stone walls and his head bowed. Sweat glistened off the taunt muscles of his shoulders. “You know that’s not going to happen.”

   “You may regret those words.”

   “Cullen.” The moment she touched his shoulder, he whirled around, caught her wrist in a bruising grip, and shoved her against the weapon racks. Steel clattered to the ground, but Cassandra couldn’t tare herself away from Cullen’s gaze. His eyes were nearly black and feral. She let out a shuddering breath. “I guess I shouldn’t bother asking if you’re alright.”

   His breathing was labored as he spoke. “You should go, Cassandra.” The beast made of all the blackness inside him was screaming to be released. “I need… Need…” He looked away to ashamed to say it aloud. This was what he was afraid of when he spoke to Dorian all those weeks ago in the woods. The flashback caused by Hawke unleashed what he did everything he could to keep locked away. Now that it was free, he needed a way to control it. To seal it back and in order to do that he needed to seize control he only way he knew how.

    Cassandra swallowed doing her best to gauge the situation she found herself in. She knew this part was within him, he told her so and told her what he had done back in Kirkwall. This was the first time seeing it truly for herself. She brought her hand up to his cheek and he flinched at her soothing touch. Calm and gentle wasn’t what he wanted. What he needed. Dominance and control was what he was seeking. Her heart began to hammer in her throat. She had read about it in those trash romance novels she secretly loved to read and even had a dream or two about it in her life. But now the real thing was staring her in the face and Cassandra couldn’t help admit to be a little afraid. Not of her Commander. Never of him because she knew what laid in his heart and that he would never hurt her. He would die before letting that happen.

   “I’m not going anywhere.” Cassandra wished her voice was steadier. “I want to help you.”

   His face gentled slightly. “Are you sure?”

   “Yes.” As soon as she gave her consent, Cassandra found her hands bound in front of her with Cullen’s sword belt in, what seemed, the time it took her to breathe. She looked up at him almost wide eye taken by surprise that he wasn’t waiting until they got back to his tower.

   Taking her by the restraints, Cullen pressed her against the thick wooden support beam, latching it on a hook above her head. “You can tell me to stop at any time.” He kissed her hard until she was twisted against the leather belt and writhing against him. “Until then you do what I say. Understand?”

   A twinge of both excitement and fear worked up her spine under his intense gaze. “Yes.”

   “Commander,” He breathlessly added.

   “Commander.”

   A hungry smile touched his face as the beast inside him roared in approval.

 


	9. Chapter 9

    This was useless. Cullen rubbed his eyes before refocusing them on the report in his hand. He stopped his pacing and crumbled the parchment. It didn’t matter what it said. He’d been trying and failing to read the damn thing for the past half hour, but his mind was too preoccupied to concentrate on work anymore. All he could think about was Cassandra and how noticeably absent she’d been all day. Even from the debrief in the War Room. Something highly unlike her.

   Cullen started pacing again, dragging a hand through his disheveled curls. She was avoiding him. It was the only logical conclusion. She’d been happy enough to see him upon her return to Skyhold. After greeting him with a smile and heartfelt kiss, Cassandra sought out a bath and some fresh clothes with a promise to see him out afterwards. When she didn’t, Cullen’s first stop was the loft above the forge than all over Skyhold checking the spots she found the most solace in. Every one of them were empty with no trace of her.

   Silently cursing himself, Cullen braced his hands against his cluttered desk. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that the part of himself he kept hidden, the blackness, was too much for her. That asking her to submit was a betrayal of such a strong-willed woman. How could he be so -.

   His thoughts tapered off when Cullen heard a noise coming from the floor above. Anyone who thought it wise to hide and wait to attack was both foolish and had a death sentence. Pulling his sword from its sheath, Cullen cautiously approached the ladder. There was nothing by darkness as he hadn’t returned to his chambers since leaving at first light. Taking the lantern off the desk, he lopped the hand over his arm and began to ascend the ladder.

   At first glance nothing seemed to be out of place. Now halfway through the hatch, Cullen lifted the lantern, the soft glow of the flame illuminating the room. What he found made the air whoosh out of his lungs in a heavy sigh of relief.

   There dead asleep, wearing one of his crimson tunics, was the very woman he looked all over Skyhold for. Cullen set his sword down, careful not to make a sound and finished his climb. Finding her there, in a bed he thought as theirs, made his heart sore as Cassandra seemed think a bit differently. He hadn’t argued when Cassandra took residence near the forge because he didn’t want her to feel like he was crowding her. They still had lots of things to sort out when it came to their relationship and where they wanted to be in the future. Right now, their quest took priority. In fact, Cassandra would be setting out in a few days back out to the Hinterlands before she left on a long expedition to the Western Approach.

   Placing the lantern on the bedside table, Cullen lit the dead one to give him the light to see her fully. Maker he missed her. The mere sight of her made everything quiet. She made him feel lighter. Feel at ease.

   He began to pull at his armor to move about to room silently in order not to wake her. She obviously needed the rest if she missed every meal and two meetings. Free of his armor, Cullen sat on the edge of the bed and simply watched the rise and fall of her chest. Nearly every night his dreams had been filled with horrible images of her bloody and broken in some random field. It was hard to watch her leave in Haven. Now, it was almost unbearable.

   Having must of sense him, Cassandra turned and curled her body in his direction. She smiled upon feeling the tips of his fingers trail down her cheek. “Hmm.” She nuzzled his hand. “Afternoon.”

   “Evening, actually.”

   Her eyes shot open. “What?”

   “Seems like you’ve slept the day away.”

   “Why didn’t you come and fetch me? I missed-what?” Cassandra caught the small shift in his gaze. She didn’t like the knot forming between his brows. “Cullen, what is it?”

   “I umm, well…” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck forcing to keep his gaze trained on hers. “I thought perhaps you were avoiding me.”

   “Why in Thedas would you think that?”

   “I thought you were upset or frightened by out last night before you left for Crestwood.”

   “Oh, Cullen. My handsome and oh so dense Commander.” She drew her towards him until their noses brushed. A nice warm feeling seeped into her belly recalling that very night. Cullen, her Commander, ruled over for hours, demanding her obedience. But being the woman she was, Cassandra didn’t give in immediately, not even when they were in the barracks. He enjoyed her defiance as well as ‘punishing’ her with curt taps to the backside, teeth sinking harshly into her neck, and several other various ways to make her cry out. In the end, she did submit to him. She begged and pleaded with him to give her the release he’d been denying her over and over again.

   “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have stopped you if I felt pressured in anyway?” Cassandra softly asked. “If I wasn’t enjoying myself.”

   “I’m sorry.” He felt ashamed now for having such thoughts. “We didn’t talk afterwards.”

   The corner of her mouth lifted. “Because I passed out from sheer exhaustion from being pleasurably tortured by you for hours on end.” She touched a hand to his stubbly cheek. “You’ve been making yourself sick over this, haven’t you?”

   He let out a soft laugh. “You know me well, my lady.”

   “You’re such a foolish man, Cullen Rutherford.”

   Not wanting to dwell on the matter any longer, Cullen kissed the tip of her nose. “You must be starving.”

   “I am.” She acted quick, using surprise as her weapon to roll them until she was perched above him. “But I think food can wait for a little longer.”

   “Oh?”

   “I spent the last three weeks unable to sleep because all I could think about was how you reigned over me. It caused such an ache.”

   Cullen slid her hands up her bare thighs. “Did you touch yourself while thinking of me?”

   “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

   He pushed the tunic up passed her hips and groaned finding nothing underneath and the inside of her thighs already slick with arousal. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of your distain of sleeping in small cloth.”

   She chuckled softly. “I’m pleased to hear that.” Grabbing the tunic by the collar, she whisked it over her head and watched his amber eyes darken. She started clawing at the ties of his trousers. “Now, I’ve gone far too long without your touch. I think it’s time to rectify that.”

   “Boots. Boots.” Cullen crocked out franticly, finding it hard to think beyond her sword calloused hands stroking down his hardening cock. “Sweet Andraste.”

   “I need you now, Cullen.” Hands holding her firmly by the hips steadied her as she sank down onto him. “We’ll go nice and slow next round.”

   Cullen groaned in agreement.

   The coupling was hard and fast. Filled with sloppy kisses and desperate touches. Under the urgency, there was a tenderness to it of two lovers reconnecting after weeks apart.

   Shortly after, Cassandra’s growling stomach led the pair to leave the comfort of their bed in search of food.

   “I can’t believe you’re walking around Skyhold in nothing but my tunic,” Cullen muttered pulling her into the kitchen. Thankfully, it being the dead of night, the area was empty.

   She glanced down. The fabric fell to about mid-thigh. “All the important bits are covered. Besides.” Cassandra smiled at him. “I doubt anyone would be brave enough to say anything with you around.”

   “Not if it was Bull,” Cullen countered. “Or worse, Dorian.”

   Laughing, Cassandra tugged on his hand. “Come and sit. I’ll see what kind of food is laying around.”

   “You just returned after three weeks on the road. Aren’t I supposed to be taking care of you?”

   “I feel well rested and refreshed after sleeping the day away.” Cassandra pushed on his shoulders, forcing him to sit at the table. “You on the other hand probably haven’t eaten or slept properly in the past three weeks.”

   Cullen opened his mouth only to close it when he realized he didn’t have a leg to stand on. Instead, he watched her move about in solely his tunic while piling an array of food on two plates. He couldn’t deny seeing her like this made his mind wander to a different time and place. To a future he didn’t think was possible. To a life he didn’t know he desperately wanted. One away from constant life-threatening violence and rib crushing responsibility.

   “I see Skyhold has made great strides since we left.” Cassandra set the plates on the table followed by a jug of wine and cups before sitting across from him.

   Cullen filled them both to the brim. He had to admit that the sight of the food made his mouth water. Now that the gnawing worry was gone, he found himself famished. “The supply routes that our Ambassador set up have contributed greatly. In fact, a few merchants have set up shop and we get new recruits and pilgrims almost daily.”

   Though she was joyous to see the Inquisition thriving, it also made Cassandra worry. “Have we increased the number of scouts?”

   He nodded. “And extended their range. There hasn’t been much to report. It seems that the Red Templars and Corypheus’s attention is elsewhere.”

   “I wish we knew what awaits us in the Approach. Stroud was vague on the details.”

   “I got the same impression from Hawke during our meeting this afternoon.” Cullen took a small sip of the wine. “A meeting you missed by the way.”

   “Did I miss anything important?”

   “Not much. Mostly Josephine drawling on about the Winter Palace and how we have to prepare ourselves adequately. By that she means learning all about the game, proper manners, and how to dance.”

   Cassandra froze, sandwich halfway to her mouth. “Dance?”

   The corner of his mouth twitched. “I think that one was directed more at Alex. Even forcing her to have lessons.”

   “Who is the poor soul that has to suffer along without dear Inquisitor?” Cassandra wondered and not at all prepared for the answer.

   “Hawke.”

   Her gaze shot to Cullen and found him dead serious. “What?”

   “He wanted to feel useful since he’s hanging around for the for see able future.” Cullen shrugged. “It might be easier on Alex to go through the lessons with someone she knows than some random person.”

   “Perhaps.” Cassandra thought to the last three weeks as she took a healthy bite of her sandwich. She’d awaken several times to find the pair sitting by the fire talking. Some nights it was Hawke talking about his experience in Kirkwall and listening to the burdens that now fell on Alex’s shoulders. Other, to Cassandra’s amusement, they would be softly arguing over constellations. Something Alex had a fondness off. Was it friendship or something more brewing between them? Cassandra intended to find out, but for now she was going to focus on her time with her Commander.

   “I received a letter from my sister yesterday afternoon,” Cullen announced beaming. “Less yelling in this one. Apparently she is teaching my oldest nephew to beat me in chess should I ever come visit.”

   “Well, it has been some time since you last were home,” Cassandra pointed out. “You haven’t even seen your youngest nephew and he’s three seasons now?”

    “Four.” Cullen felt a pang of guilt. It had nearly been a decade since he last laid eye on his family. He had helped his sisters and brother relocate after the blight tore their village apart before he settled in Kirkwall. He didn’t even return for his brother in law’s funeral as tension in the city left him unable to leave. Sighing, Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. “When this is all over, we’ll go visit.”

    She changed the subject to help relieve Cullen of his guilt. “Tell me what else has happened while we were away.”

0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0

   “Don’t you look refreshed,” Alex teased the following morning when she met Cassandra near the sparring ring.

   “I’m sorry I missed the debrief,” Cassandra apologized.

   The mage dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “It wasn’t too terribly exciting.”

   “I don’t know. I heard that you’re being forced to take dancing lessons.” Cassandra watched her friend blanch at the thought. She couldn’t help but smile as she continued her teasing. “With Hawke of all people.”

   “He volunteered for it.”

   “So I heard.” Cassandra glanced in the direction of the stables. “Has Blackwall approached you?”

   “No,” Alex huffed trying her best not to think about it. Even after three weeks it stung to think about their walk on the battlement and what was said. But Alex refused to lose any more sleep over the man. “For the best it seems.”

   Cassandra thought back to Crestwood and how the Champion seemed to be growing fond of Alex. She wondered if the Inquisitor noticed the shift in the relationship. Or if Alex was shrugging it off to protect herself from making a fool of herself all over again. Cassandra figured that it would be best if she sought out Hawke to get down to the bottom of things for Alex’s sake. And, of course, her own curiosity. For now, Cassandra didn’t push. “Are you ready to spar?”

   “Actually, no. It seems we need to set out for Redcliff this morning.”

   The Seeker’s brow furrowed. “Why the urgency?”

   “A letter arrived for Dorian yesterday evening and it’s a delicate matter of sorts. I’ll leave it up to him to explain as it’s not my place to do so. The two of us can easily make the trip, but I would feel better with you and Cole tagging along.”

   “Of course. No reason to make another trip in two days’ time if you’re going today. I’ll get my pack and meet you by the gate with the horses.”

   “I’m sorry, Cass. I know this isn’t fair to ask of you.”

   “None sense. I am here to service the Inquisition in whatever capacity is asked of me.”

   “I am unworthy of such devotion, but I won’t get into that as I won’t win that argument.”

   Cassandra smiled. “You know how I love to argue.”

   As Cassandra suspected, Cullen wasn’t exactly happy with the news, but knew better than to question it. He ended his meeting early to walk her down to the stables. Cassandra bumped his shoulder with her own. “Don’t fret, my love. A quick trip. We should be back by nightfall.”

   “My fear is that it won’t be a quick trip. Trouble always seems to follow the Inquisition.”

   “That it does.”

   Cullen took her hand, linking fingers. “I would feel better if I knew the details of what makes this so urgent.”

   “It’s for Dorian. That’s all I need to know.”

   “Yes, of course. You’re right.” Despite his apprehension of mages, Cullen had grown fond of the Dorian. He owed him for saving Cassandra’s lift that night they found her wandering the snow bleeding to death.

   “Good morning, Master Dennet,” Cassandra greeted the horse master with a warm smile. “I hate to put this on you with such short notice, but we need four mounts ready to go as quickly as possible.”

   “Is everything alright, my lady?” Dennet asked.

   “We’re moving up our trip to Redcliff is all.”

   “You’re leaving so soon?” The question came from Blackwall behind them. “You only just returned.”

   Cassandra sparred him a glance. “Circumstances have made our plans shift.”

   “Who is accompanying you and the Inquisitor?” The Warden wondered.

   Cassandra thought about lying and saying Hawke, but she wasn’t one to stir trouble. Not to mention, Hawke was growing on her. “Cole and Dorian. We should be back before nightfall if things go as planned.”

   “Which they never do,” Cullen muttered next to her, earning an elbow to the gut. “It’s true.”

   “Don’t worry, Mistress Seeker. I’ll have the horses ready in ten minutes,” Dennet assured.

   “Thank you, Master Dennet.” Cassandra linked arms with the Commander and started back towards the courtyard without another word to Blackwall.

   Cullen glanced back to see the Warden brooding. “Not sure if that constitutes as being very professional.”

   Cassandra scoffed. “If he never planned to act on his feelings for Alex then he shouldn’t have strung her along for so long.” She urged Cullen to look forward. “He’s lucky that I haven’t resorted to knocking him on his ass.”

   “To knock sense into him?” Cullen asked highly amused by his lover’s protectiveness of Alex.

   “That ship has long ago sailed.”

   “You have to look on your face?”

   “What look?”

   “A look means you’re scheming something,” Cullen explained watching her expression closely. She may have schooled her features, Cullen knew her well enough that he hit the nail on the head. “Care to share, my dear Seeker?”

   Ever so slightly, Cassandra rose on her toes and planted a kiss on the corner of his scarred mouth. “Not just yet, dear Commander.”

   “Hmpf.” Cullen made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat, but let the matter drop for now. He had few precious moments left to spend with her and he was going to make the best of them.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “Are you sure you’re okay?” Alex asked Dorian for the third time in less than a minute. She could tell the mage was still struggling to process everything that happened in the tavern. The tick in Dorian’s jaw concerned her greatly. She’d never seen him mad or even truly upset.

   Sighing, Dorian leaned against the fence post that was down the path from the tavern. “To be honest.” He ran a hand through his hair, dislodging a free strands in the process from his perfectly sculpted mane. “I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting…Well, this.”

   Cassandra placed a hand on his arm. “What can we do for you?”

   “Can I help?” Cole asked hopeful.

   Dorian waved them both away. “I’ll be fine. I would like to walk for a bit.”

   “I’ll be around the market if you need me,” Alex informed.

   “And I’ll be down to visit the herbalist,” Cassandra added and Cole said nothing. The Seeker knew that he would follow the mage around in his special way. 

   Dorian perked up for a moment, mouth twitching as he couldn’t quite muster a smile. “I still stand by my statement. I would make a good Uncle.”

   Cassandra felt her cheeks start to burn and could feel Alex staring down at her intently. Cole, bless the young man, looked up from under his large brimmed hat with a mixed expression. Cassandra spoke before the spirit could dig into her thoughts. “Do I need to gather any other herbs?”

   “I could use some more Crystal Grace if you can find some,” Alex answered still looking at Cassandra with a curious expression.

   “Then I shall meet you three at the Cross Roads.” On their first visit to Redcliff they had convinced the elvhen Herbalist to move to help those that needed it most.

   “Alex you go with her. Who knows what kind of trouble our Seeker can get herself into,” Dorian insisted. “I’ll be fine. Plus, I’ll have Cole.”

   Cassandra looked around to find the man in question already gone. “What if your father decides to take you back by force?”

   Dorian gave her tight lipped smile. “I’m a very adapt mage and will not hesitate to burn off his family jewels. Maybe that would get the point across.”

   Because she felt compelled too, Alex hugged the mage. “Remember you have a family that does love and accepts you.”

   “I mean honestly, if you think you kept such a secret hidden you should never play Wicked Grace. You’ll lose the clothes off your back.” Cassandra managed to get Dorian to flash her a real smile this time. “I mean walls aren’t sound proof and you and Bull could be heard throughout the entire Keep.”

   “If you’re saying this in hopes to make me blush, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.” Dorian released Alex, feeling lighter as the burden of his secret was out there in the open. “And may I remind you of a certain night in camp where a certain someone shouted a certain Commander’s name?”

   Cole appeared beside them within the blink of an eye. “Smiles. He likes when you smile. Your eyes dazzle. You like his eyes.” The trio looked between them trying to figure out which of their thoughts he was picking at. “You watch him and he watches you. Neither of you notice. But you hope. You’re afraid to hurt again.”

   It was clear now that he was pulling from Alex and Cassandra’s gaze shifted watching the Inquisitor’s expressions very carefully.

   “He remind you of f-.”

   “Cole!” Alex grabbed the spirit by the arm to silence him. “Remember what we talked about? How some thoughts are not meant to be shared with others?”

   He cocked his head to the side as if he was fighting the urge to blurt out more. “But you’re thinking loud.” His pale eyes swept over the other two in the group. “You all are. You are full of feelings. Good ones. Of the ones that make you happy.” Now he turned back to the Inquisitor. “He’s happier too.”

   Though the information caused Alex’s heart to flutter, Alex took Cole by the arm. “That’s enough. I know they’re good feelings, but they’re still personal.”

   “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder,” Cole promise committedly.

   “I know you will,” Alex assured with a gentle smile and like that Cole was gone again.

    Dorian waved the two women off. “Shoo. I promise I’ll be fine.”

    “If you’re not at the cross road in half pass the hour, we’re launching a raiding party on Tevinter,” Cassandra threatened drawing a deep belly laugh from Dorian. “We’re family after all and nobody messes with it.”

   Dorian leaned over to kiss the Seeker’s. “You’re delightful, you know that.”

   She scowled. “I object, there is nothing delightful about me.”

   Dorian just walked away laughing.

   Cassandra looked to Alex to find the mage smiling. “What?”

   Alex’s smile grew wider. “You’re quite delightful.”

   Letting out a disgruntled noise, Cassandra led them away from the tavern.


	10. Chapter 10

   Hearing familiar footsteps, Cassandra finished checking the straps of her saddle and turned with a smile already on her face. “Hello, Handsome.” She laughed at the slight blush dusting Cullen’s cheek.

   The Commander was dressed in his armor with his weapon on his hip and shield on his shoulder. While she was going to the Hinterlands with Alex, Hawke, Bull and Cole. Cullen was leading an expedition of his own to investigate the alarming numbers of Red Templars along the Storm Coast with Varric, Solas, and Blackwall. Vivienne and Dorian were keeping themselves busy by pouring themselves into the newly discovered scrolls into the personal history of Corypheus in hopes to find the creature’s true origins and hopefully a weakness.

   Josephine had voiced her hesitance to letting Cullen venture from Skyhold to lead an expedition of his own. With the issue involving Templars, the Commander was the perfect one to figure out exactly what was going on at the Coast. He was leaving behind his best Lieutenant to cover his duties while away. Cullen’s trip wouldn’t take nearly as long as the Inquisitor’s.

   Cullen had to admit that wearing his full armor felt strange. He hadn’t truly fought since the aftermath that immediately followed the explosion of the Conclave. Sparing and fighting in the field battle were two different things. It had to be like riding a horse. Once Cullen held his weapons at the ready for the first time every ounce of training, every instinct would come rushing back to him.

   Cullen smiled. “You left the bed early.” Well, more than usual. Cassandra was always to first to rise, moving about the room just loud enough to keep him from going back under and motivating him to get out of bed. After she dressed and brushed a kiss over his brow, Cassandra would find her way to the empty gardens where she always found the most solace for her morning meditations. Cullen had joined her for a time or two and found himself enamored by her unwavering devotion.

   “My trip is a tad longer than yours. I had to double check we had out supplies.” Shifting closer, Cassandra’s eyes darkened as she ran her fingertips over his heavily marked throat bared for all to see. Knowing he wore them proudly made Cassandra’s blood start to heat.

    Cullen tilted his head back ever so slightly allowing her better access to trace the marks she left the night before. Thinking of it. _Maker!_ Cullen fought back the surge of arousal invoked by the simple touch. A low growl escaped from the depths of his throat as memories flooded his mind. He would love nothing more than to throw the Seeker over his shoulder and escape to the tower. He would submit to her all over again. After winding him up, Cassandra would tease until there was a burning ache that caused a mixed sensation of pleasurable pain and in the end, deny him what he desperately needed.

   “Why are you smiling?” Cassandra asked wearing one of her own.

   Taking her hand, Cullen ran his fingers over her knuckles. “Remembering that when I get back that I have to get the headboard fixed.” He recalled the moment perfectly that resulted in the broken furniture. Cassandra was perched above him riding him once again to the brink. He’d been wound so right under her rule, that he found purchase on the edge of the headboard as he feared he’d hurt her with his touch. The moment he peaked, the tension coiled in every fiber of his being, snapped alone with the piece of wood he was holding onto. “I’m thinking about going with maybe one made of iron. Be a lot harder to break.”

   “That almost sounds like a challenge.”

   “I know you’re fond of them.”

   “C’mon Commander.” Alex grinned at the couple before pulling herself onto her mount. “Kiss her so we can get on our way.”

   Cullen’s expression sobered as he cupped the back of Cassandra’s head. Stay vigilant. Stay safe.” _And come back to me._

   “You too, Commander.” Cassandra drew his lips to her.

   Alex watched transfixed by the heat and the gentleness of the love beyond the passionate exchange. Blushing, she averted her gaze as Hawke joined them, leading his horse by the reins. She swore she felt his on her or maybe it was Blackwall’s disapproving one. Alex had made it a point to avoid the Warden at all cost.

   “I believe the Inquisitor said kiss her,” Hawke stated watching the pair smile, but not part. “Not swallow her.”

   Cullen ended the kiss with a slight nip at Cassandra’s bottom lip. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Champion?”

   Cassandra quickly looked to Hawke watching him playfully dismiss the thought, but she saw it. For the briefest of moments, the man’s stormy grey eyes flickered in Alex’s direction. Yes, Cassandra silently concluded. Something was defiantly there. It was her mission now to uncover as much as she could during their trek to the Approach.

  Turning, Cullen gave the mage a slight bow of his head. “Safe and swift travels, Alexandra. I hope you find the answers you seek.”

   “As do I, Commander.” Alex returned his gesture. “May the Maker watch over you and your companions. Try not to let Varric get you into too much trouble.”

   “I’ll try my best.” Cullen sent Cassandra one last parting look before watching the Inquisitor’s party start across the bride. _Maker,_ he silently prayed. _Bring her back to me._

   “Wipe that look off your face Curly,” Varric insisted. “Your woman is tougher than steel. Even dropping a mountain on her head couldn’t slow her down.”

   The memory was still an open sore. Shaking it off, Cullen climbed up onto his horse. After checking to make sure his party was ready, he clucked his tongue and Tempest broke into a trot trailing behind the first group.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   They made it to the Orlesian boarder by nightfall. Camp seemed a better option than going out of their way to find an Inn or Tavern. And Cassandra found herself grateful because if they had she’d be denied the scene before her. While Bull and her worked on keeping the fire going, Alex begrudgingly let Hawke talk her into continuing Josephine’s dancing lessons.

   “How do you know how to dance anyway?” Alex asked after the Champion gently correct her stance. She was doing her best to distract herself from the fact his hands were on the small of her back to force her to straighten her spine.

   His voice grew soft and a touch of sadness filled his stormy grey eyes. “My mother actually. Not in the formal settings by any means. My father was an apostate after all.” Hawke realized his hands were lingering and dropped them to his sides. “There were many town dances. I sometimes would wake in the middle of the night to find them dancing by candlelight.”

   “She convinced you dancing is one way to a woman’s heart,” Cole spoke sitting cross-legged on a nearby boulder. His brow scrunched. “It both brings you pain and joy to think of her. Of all of them you lost.”

   Hawke swallowed his emotions before they could leak out in his voice. “Yes, it does. A common reaction when you lose someone you love.”

   “I’m sorry,” Cole softly apologized. “I brought you sadness.”

   “Its okay, Cole,” Alex assured him. “IT happens when remembering sometimes. Even happy memories bring sadness.”

   “I believe you need to start from the beginning, Alexandra.” Cassandra smiled at the Inquisitor’s look of displeasure.

   Cole turned his gaze towards the Seeker. “Why don’t you show your skills? You have them, but you mask them.”

   A noise of displeasure rumbled in the back of Cassandra’s throat.

   Bull broke out in a grin. “Holding out on us, Seeker?”

   Hawke arched a brow. “Where does a Seeker of Truth and  Hand of the Divine develop such a skill?”

   She felt her cheeks start to burn. “In my service to the Most Holy. We attended many formal gatherings. Leliana was quite insistent I learned.”

   “To catch the attention of a man,” Cole stated making Cassandra’s blush deepen. “Wanted you to be happy. To heal. Cullen healed you and healed him.”

   Face scolding hot now, Cassandra stood in hopes to divert attention and keep Cole from continuing his ramblings. Left unchecked, who knows what the spirit would pluck from their heads. “Come, Bull.” She smiled at the warrior’s perplexed expression. “If I have to be subject to this torture so shall you. Don’t want you to feel left out.”

   The Qunari pushed to his feet. “Don’t be mad if I step on your toes.”

   “Do Qunari not dance?” Alex wondered always eager to learn more about his species. The circle had very limited teaching on them. Mostly they focused on the ancient wickedness of mages, the scripture of the Chantry, and the Templar order. Until she left the circle, Alex didn’t realize how sheltered her life had been.

   Bull sent her a wicked grin. “Our dances are a little more sensual and usually take place in the bedroom.” He winked at Alex. “Or not. We aren’t bashful about their sexuality as you Ferelden’s.”

   “Oh.” Alex felt the heat coil in the bit of her stomach as she let her mind wander a bit into a personal fantasy. “Good to know.”

   “Though, I’ve heard about certain aspects of life in the circle. You mages can do pretty wicked things to spice things up in the bedroom.” Bull’s booming laughter filled the camp. “Alright, Seeker. Let’s see how well of a teacher you are.”

   Cassandra pinned him with a look. “If your hands start to drift, I will not hesitate to knock you on your ass.”

   “Promises, promises.”

0o0o0o0o0o

   “Alexandra!” Cassandra cried out watching the mage fall clutching what looked like her chest. A brush of energy surged through her veins. Casandra bashed her shield into the Red Templar’s face before the tip of her blade found it home in the man’s neck. She didn’t give her chance to breathe before launching herself at her next opponent.

   Hawke reached the Inquisitor first while Bull and Cole took care of the last of the corrupted Templars. “Alex? Alexandra?” Carefully as he could, Hawke rolled the mage onto her back and his heart sank straight into the pit of his stomach. The front of her robes was drenched in blood.

   “Where is she hit?” Cassandra demanded skidding in the dirt beside the pair.

   “I can’t tell.”

   Pushing his hands aside, Cassandra used her boot knife to slash through Alex’s armor without care to the Inquisitor’s modesty. There was a large laceration across Alex’s sternum, right below her breastbone and between the rib cages. “Shit, it’s deep.” With no other mage, a health potion could only do so much. “We need to get out of the open.”

   Hawke lifted the injured woman in his arms and quickly followed Cassandra into a nestle of rocks that provided the best cover. “What can we do?” Guilt leaked out from his voice. This was his fault. He was the one to suggest they seek out lodging near the Crossroads taking them off their direct path back to Skyhold.

   “Since we don’t have the thread to stitch it and a potion is useless, we’re going to have to cauterize the wound.”

   “Can’t we get her to town?”

   Cassandra pried off her armored gloves. “We risk her bleeding out and any Red Lyrium in the wound would spread faster.” She leaned in closer to inspect the laceration and cursed to the heavens and back. “There are shards embedded in it.”

   Cole appeared kneeling beside them. “We must remove. Corrupts everything it touches. Its song is all wrong.”

   “Cole I need a fire to heat a blade,” Cassandra snapped to shut the spirit up. “Bull I need your flask to sterilize the wound and blade when I’m done. Hawke move so Bull can hold her still.”

   Hawke hesitated as the Qunari placed his rather large flask on the ground next to Cassandra.”

   “Move!”

   He complied, moving to Alex’s feet while Bull took his place and carefully wrapped his arm around her front.

   Cassandra wiped the sweat from her brow and readjusted his grip on her boot knife. “Keep her as still and quiet as possible. Who knows how many Templars are lurking about.” Trying her best to ignore the pain she was about to inflict on her friend, Cassandra dug the tip of the blade into the already bleeding wound.

   Hawke found himself holding his breath watching the Seeker work with steady hands and completely calm demeanor. Later, he would allow himself to be impressed. Right now, his heart was wrenching as Alex came awake with a scream already caught in her throat.

   Bull’s large hand covered her mouth trapping the sound. “It’s alright, Boss,” He tried to soothe even though it did no good.

   “Hawke hold her legs,” Cassandra ordered when Alex started to kick. “Quickly.”

   Fumbling, Hawke clamped his hands over the mage’s ankles. Alex’s wild gaze connected with his. “You have shards of Red Lyrium in your wound.” He wished for a steady voice. He just didn’t have the Seeker’s resolve. “Cassandra has to get them out before any of it spreads.”

   Alex nodded in understanding.

   Cassandra eased the blade away. “I need something to put pressure on the wound.”

   Cole offered a hand full of fabric from the lining of his coat. “Will this help.”

   “Yes.” She passed it to Bull. “Lay her down and press it against the wound. I’ll sanitize it once I’m about to begin.”

   Alex found her head in the Qunari’s lap. “More?”

   Swallowing the limp in her throat, Cassandra turned to the small fire Cole. After wiping it clear and dousing it in a quickly with Bull’s flask, began to heat the metal of the knife. “I’m afraid the worst part is yet to come.”

   “What does that mean?” Alex weakly demanded letting out a soft whine as Bull applied pressure to her wound. “And don’t sugar coat it, Cass.”

   “Not my style, you know that.” Cassandra’s quip drew a painful laugh from Alex. “I doubt you have the strength nor the mana to heal yourself. Meaning I have to cauterize the wound to stop the bleeding.”

   Alex closed her eyes with a sigh. “Let me guess, that’s going to fucking hurt.”

   “It’s not the world’s most pleasurable experience. I know that one personally,” Cassandra muttered her gaze seeking out Cole. “Can you do anything to help her? Take her pain away?”

   Cole shook his head. “I can try.”

   “Here,” The Seeker pushed the flask into Hawke’s trembling hands. “Douse the wound in it.”

   First, Hawke held up a stick to Alex’s lips. “Bite down. Trust me it helps.”

   “I’m almost regretting leaving the circle,” Alex mumbled before taking the stick between her teeth.”

   Hawke placed a hand on the Inquisitor’s stomach as Bull raised her a bit and poured the rest of the flask over the laceration. Her small whimpers of pain grated on his heart.

   Cassandra pulled the now glowing blade from the flame, turned and found Cole perched next to the injured woman. She looked at the other two. “The longer we keep her still the quicker we get this done.” Her dark gaze flickered to Alex’s hazel pain filled one. “Ready?”

   “Do it,” Alex pleaded around the stick.

   Clearing her mind once again, Cassandra pressed the flat of the knife to the wound. Both bull and Hawke used all their strength to keep her still, but Alex’s screams, though muffled, would haunt Cassandra’s dream for months to come.

   Cole laid a pale hand on Alex’s shoulder and the mage’s cries of anguish tapered off and she stilled ever so slightly. His own face contorted as if he was feeling the pain himself.

   “Done.” Cassandra pulled back and Alex went limp. Now her hands shook, her voice wavered. She hastily dropped the bloody knife and wiped her hands against her pants to clean them as much as she could. “We need to… To collect the mounts. Make our way to the Crossroads.”

   Alex spit out the twig, head lolling in Cassandra’s direction. “Thank you, Cass.”

   The Seeker gave her a tight-lipped smiled. “Can’t have an old woman like me out live a young whippersnapper like you.” Cassandra felt her stomach start to churn. She had to get away before she broke. “Need to get fresh bandages from our supply to dress the wound.”

   No one dare say a word when Cassandra scrambled to her feet and took off.

   Bull found her a bit later in a scrub of bushes dry heaving and shaking like a leaf. It was rare to see her so rattled. “Here.” He offered her a water skin and sat.

   Taking it, Cassandra took a gulp, swished it around her mouth before spitting it out.  The acid taste was still there. “Alex?” Cassandra asked taking another swig.

   “All bandaged up and ready to go.” Bull watched Cassandra struggle to gather her wits. “You did good, Seeker.”

   Pressing the heel of her palm to her eyes, she fought the tears. Fought to keep her voice steady. “I caused one of my closest friend’s great pain.”

   “Necessary to save her life,” He reminded digging in a pouch for a pinch of mint. “To wash the horrid taste away.”

   Cassandra happily took it and began to chew. “Have we gathered the packs and mounts?”

   “Waiting on you.”

   “Okay then.”

   Bull took her by the shoulder. “You can take some time.”

   “It will only worry her.”

   “Do you ever put yourself first?”

   “Once about ten years ago,” Cassandra found herself falling back on a joke. “I didn’t like it very much.”

   Bull let out a booming laugh. “You finally found a sense of humor.”

   “I took an oath to protect those above all others, even myself.” Cassandra spat out the chewed-up mint. “Lt’s go.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Alex woke disoriented and in a good amount of pain. She looked around surprised to find herself in a comfy bed surrounded by wooden walls. Upon further inspection, Alex found Cassandra sleeping in her chair at her side, Hawke dozing propped up against the wall near the door and Bull snoring by the hearth.   Shifting, Alex hissed at the burning pain scorching across her sternum.

   The sound was enough to wake the Champion.

   “You’re awake.” Immediately, Hawke pushed to his feet making sure to move quietly so not to wake the others. “How are you feeling?”

   “I’m alive so that’s something.” She tried to move, realized she was clothed on in her breast band from the waist up and clutched her blanket to her chest. “How long have been out?”

   “Nearly a day,” He whispered. “You’ve been free of fever and Cole says he can’t hear anything. I'm guessing that means Cassandra got all the shards out.”

   Alex looked at her friend. Even in sleep, Cassandra’s features were scrunched in worry. “I’m surprised she even slept.”

   Sheepishly, Hawke rubbed the back of his neck. “We sort of spiked her tea.”

   She arched a brow. “That’s a sure fine way to get your ass kicked.”

   “I’ll blame it on, Bull.” He smiled at her soft laugh. Hawke laid his hand over the one not holding the blanket and gave it a firm squeeze. “I’m glad you’re okay, Alexandra. I’ll go scrounge up some food.”

   The clicking of the closing door was enough to wake Cassandra. In one blink, she was on full alert and reaching for the blade she leaned up against the bedside table. She relaxed when she realized there was no immediate threat.

   “Always so jumpy?” Alex asked amused.

   “You’re awake.”

   “And a bit undressed for my liking.” She’d already been modified by being in such a state in front of Hawke. Maker help her if Bull began to awake. And there was no telling where Cole was lurking about. “Wouldn’t mind a tunic.”

   Cassandra made her way to her pack and pulled one out. “Maybe a bit big on you.” She handed it to Alex. “I’m sure we can find replacement robes or have on of your dirty ones laundered.”

   One the tunic was in place Alex let the blanket drop. She found Cassandra holding out a vial. “What’s this?”

   “Healing draft to help with the pain,” Cassandra explained amazed the Qunari was still snoring and sound asleep. “A mage helped seal your wound, but warned there would still be pain and leave a bit of a nasty scar.”

   “What’s a scar in comparison to my life?” Alex gulped down the contents and set it aside. “Besides, I’m going quite a collection. Got some ways to go to catch up to you and Bull.”

   At the sound of his name, the male Warrior stirred. “Hey there, Boss.” He lifted himself on his elbows. “Still with us, I see.”

   “So, it seems,” Alex replied with a smirk. “There is still too much to learn about your people and their dancing.”

   Bull’s laughter masked Hawke’s return. “I’ll give you a lesson if you like.”

   Cassandra nearly smirked at the frown Hawke was sporting. Her time traveling with them had confirmed her suspicion that the Champion harbored a great deal of affection for their Inquisitor.

   Shaking her head, Alex clucked her tongue in disappointment. “My, what would Dorian say?”

   If it was possible, Bull was caught off guard.

   Alex laughed. The pain was well worth it. “Your face right now.”

   Hawke carefully cleared his throat. “If the Inquisitor can stand it, the kitchen is making us a very early morning meal downstairs.”

   “Take Bull and find Cole,” Cassandra insisted. “We’ll be right down.”

   Alex waited until the males were gone before moving to the edge of the bed. Even with the healing draft, the pain was enough to steal her breath. The wash bowl on the dresser seemed to be further than all of Ferelden. “Mind helping me up, Cassandra.”

   “Of course.” Slipping an arm around her waist, together they made it across the room. “I’ll get you a chair.”

   Alex didn’t have it in her to argue. Pouring water from the pitcher into the bowl, she looked at her reflection. Her skin was paler than Cole’s and her braid was all but undone. “Maker, I look horrible.”

   Cassandra set the chair behind Alex. “At least you’re alive.”

   “Touché.” Sitting, Alex gaze flickered to her friend. She could still see a tint of red staining Cassandra’s hands. Her blood. “Thanks to you.”

   The Seeker dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand. “Wash your face and I’ll braid your hair. I’m afraid a proper bath will have to wait until we’re back in Skyhold.”

   “Hopefully, we’re setting out once we eat.”

   “I doubt you’ll find a complaint from any of our companions. Certainly not me.”

   “Eager to return to your Commander?”

   “Along for a real bed and a hot bath.” Cassandra smiled. “Cullen is an added bonus.”

0o0o0o0o0o00o

   Cullen was waiting inside the gates along with Dorian for the group to finish their journey across the stone bridge. He caught Alex’s horse by the reins, immediately concerned by how pale she was. “Welcome home, Inquisitor. I must say you’ve looked better.”

   Alex eyed the Commander taking in his healing bruised eye and gash running along his right cheekbone. “I could say the same for you.”

   “I’m not the one who is about to fall off a horse,” Cullen playfully shot back helping her down from the saddle. He gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek. “Glad to see you’ve made it home safely, Alexandra.”

   “I have your Seeker to thank for that. Go, greet her. I need a bath and-.”

   “To see my wonderful face to look over your wound,” Dorian finished for Alex. “We’ll get out Ambassador to fetch you some clean clothes and bring a bath to your room.”

   With Bull taking our responsibility to unsaddle the horse, Cassandra made her way towards Cullen, brushing the tips of her gloved fingers under his healing gash. “Seems like you fared well enough on your first trip back to the battlefield.”

   The corner of Cullen’s lips curved upward. “You should see the other guy.”

   Not caring her armor was caked in dry blood, Cassandra slid into his arms. “I’m so glad to be home.”

   “Tell me what I can do for you.”

   “I could use a bath myself.”

   He kissed her temple. “Go, I’ll bring you a set of fresh clothes.”

   “I know you want a report.”

   “It can wait,” Cullen assured.

   Cassandra just slipped into the heated water thanks to a fire rune when she heard the familiar sound of Cullen’s armored boots. He poked his head around the curtain and she smiled at his bashful expression. “Come in, Cullen. I believe you’ve found me in less decent states.”

   He grinned, eyes shimmering. “I’m usually the cause of those states.”

   “If you hope to cause one now, I’m afraid you’d be disappointed. I’m far too exhausted.”

   Cullen pulled a stool up to the tub and began to free her braid. “I know.” He rolled up the sleeves of his crimson tunic. “I could see it in your eyes the moment you made it through the gate.”

   Cassandra didn’t protest when he took the soap and cloth to lather up her skin. He was so gentle, so loving as he cleaned off the grime of travel. Head lolling to the side, she lost herself in the soothing sensation. “How were things on the Storm Coast?”

   Cullen sensed she wanted to focus on anything but her own excursion and was more than happy to oblige to the silent request. “We grossly underestimated the number of Templars in the area. They were slowly taking over the Coast. We found the source of their continuing corruption in a vast amount of Red Lyrium growing in an underground cavern. We destroyed what we could.”

   “Is there any true way to destroy it?”

   “I’m not sure. Varric says he has a lead on the stuff. There is a contact making it’s way to the Hinterlands.”

   “Wonder what kind of contact that is.”

   He kissed her crown. “You’re going to have to fully forgive him at some point.”

   “A point to be determined.”

   Cullen fought back a sigh. “With our regular patrols along with the reformed bandit group, I say there is no more risk of any more Red Templars staking a claim.”

   “Your letter said something about Darkspawn.”

   “We found pockets of them deep in some caves. There must’ve been a connecting tunnel to the Deep Roads somewhere.” Feeling them tremble, Cullen stopped with Cassandra’s hands trapped between his own. “Cassandra?”

   She closed her eyes and was granted with the awful memory of the attack. Her voice shook with emotions. “It was too close. There was too many of them. I couldn’t… Couldn’t…”

   He laid his cheek against her hair. “No matter how skilled a warrior you are, you can’t completely protect her.”

   “She’s not just the Inquisitor, Cullen.” Tears burned the back of her throat. “She’s family.”

   “I know.” He loved Alex as if she was one of his sisters. The entire Inquisition had become a family, a dysfunctional one at that, but they would bleed for one another. To protect no matter the cost. Wanted to help rid her of her emotional thoughts, Cullen began to scrub her hands clean. “I hope you know how amazing you are.”

   A teary laugh escaped her. “It’s nice to be reminded from time to time.”

   He smiled. “I’ll do my best to remind you more.”

   “Thank you.”

   “For what?”

   “For taking care of me.”

   That surprised him. “Thank you for letting me. I know it’s not easy.”

   “With you it is.” Cassandra reached a hand to hook around his neck. She smiled when Cullen made a noise in the back of his throat. “Okay, not too easy, but that’s just my nature.”

   “Well, I figured I’ve got a bit of catching up to do for all those times you took care of me.”

   As the taint began to come free from her hands, Cassandra felt the life start to stir inside her. “I’m surprised you haven’t let Dorian heal your face.”

   He tilted her head back to smile at her. “It doesn’t make me look rugged?”

   She skimmed her now clean fingers along his injured cheek. “Such a warrior, showing off your battle wounds to impress the women and inspire your men.”

   “I have been beating women off with a stick since I returned,” Cullen smirked earning him a hard pinch to his ear. “I love you, Cassandra.”

   “I love you too.”

   “Now, let’s finish getting you clean and to a healer.” He felt her tense under her hands. “Guess the nasty bruises along your spine and hip have escaped your notice.”

   Cassandra looked down herself and blinked. “Oh.”

   “You need to take better care of yourself, my love.”

   “Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”

   “So, we both need to work on it.”

  

 

  


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some down time in Skyhold

   The cool spring afternoon in Skyhold was proving to be a lazy day. Or at least it was by Cassandra’s standards. Usually, there were drills to run, council sessions to attend, or a half dozen other different things to take up her day. So, sitting under the veranda in the gardens playing chess with her Commander was a special treat. Whenever she wasn’t on the road, as it seemed she hadn’t sat still since their trip to Redcliff that lead to the Mire and back to Skyhold for a few days before they set out for the Hinterlands. Thankfully, their siege on Adamant was going to take some time. Cassandra made it a point to force Cullen to break away from his work since she knew he buried himself in it while she was in the field.

   “Cullen.”

   “Hmm?” His gaze snapped up from the chess board. The Seeker was lounging on the chair with her bare feet tucked underneath her wearing one of his crimson tunics she had commandeered sometime over the last months that she refused to give back. Cullen didn’t really mind as she looked far better in it than him. Especially in the way, the fabric hung off her shoulder with a neck low enough to see the swell of her breasts.

   “I said are you alright?”

   Cullen struggled not to frown. He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn’t heard her. “Yes, of course.”

   “Liar.” Cassandra shifted until her feet hit the cool concrete. “It never takes you this long to plan your move. Are you feeling well?”

   Sighing, he scrubbed a hand over his face. He hated worrying her. “A bit of a headache. Before you ask, I already took one of your incredibly horrible potions.”

   “Maybe I can ask one of the healers for an alternative.” Cassandra was hesitant to use anything stronger than elf root. The last thing Cullen needed was to replace his dependency of Lyrium for something else.

   Cullen shifted his attention back to the pieces on the board. “I told Alex this morning.” He reached for a pawn, cursed, and dropped the trembling hand back to his lap. “About the Lyrium.”

   “And?”

   “I nearly hit her with a vial box I threw across the room.” He flushed at his own words. He failed to tell her how close he came to caving this morning and answer his blood’s thirst for Lyrium. “I also informed her of our arrangement.”

   Closing her eyes for a moment, Cassandra called on both the Maker and his bride to grant her patience. “Something that is no longer needed.”

   “Cassandra.”

   “I mean it.”

   He ran a hand through his curls, dislodging a few in the process. “I don’t want to make a mistake.” The confession fell softly from his lips. Mistakes because of a clouded mind that resulted in people getting or losing their lives. And even worse, or at least to him, cause something to happen to Cassandra. If he couldn’t think straight then his shouldn’t be in a command that called for him to make calculating and thorough decisions.

   Cassandra knew her lover’s mind drifted back to the destruction of Haven, still harboring feelings of guilt. “There was nothing you could have done differently. It was a surprise attack. Even our spymaster was caught off guard.”

   “Damn it, Cass.” Cullen slammed his fists into the table sending pieces flying and rolling off the board. “Don’t you see?”

   She glanced at the pawn that landed under her toes. So much for a friendly and stress-free game. “Enlighten me, Commander.”

   Hearing the title only unnerved Cullen more. “There are so many days that I can’t think straight because all I can concentrate on is how much easier it will be to take the damn stuff again.” E pressed the hell of his hand to the pounding between his brows. “If I can’t fulfill my vows than nothing food has come of it.”

   She wanted to run to him. To wrap him in her arms and soothe him like a mother might a babe. Coddling wasn’t what he needed. The cold hard truth was key in this situation.

   He snatched up the lonely knight left on the board in the wake of his rampage. Cullen squeezed the pieces of ivory until pain shot through his hand. “I don’t want anything to do with that life. I thought stopping it would help me regain control of my life.” In some aspects it had, but the blackness was kicking to the surface far more than he cared for. “I don’t want to be that man I was in Kirkwall, Cassandra.”

   “And you’re not.”

   A droplet of blood slid down from his palm staining the concrete. Cullen became momentarily fascinated by the odd shape it made. “Maker, you should be questioning what I’ve done.” She never did. Not even once. She had inquired about his life in both the circle and in Kirkwall, never judging him. From the very beginning, Cassandra offered her support. She believed in him when Cullen himself couldn’t. “These thoughts won’t leave me. How can I adequately lead? How many lives depend on our success?”

   Now she stood. Cassandra forced Cullen to put down the blood strained chess pieces and straddled his lap. After fighting with him, his golden gaze lifted to hers. She laid her hand against his stubbly cheek. “Forget about the needs of the Inquisition. Forget about duty.” Two incredibly hard things to ask of a man who knew nothing but duty since a young age. “For once, think about what you want and not what you perceive everyone else does.”

   Sighing, he leaned into her touch. So warm. So loving. He savored the feeling, tucked it away to recall on the times she wasn’t here. “I don’t want to take it. If I don’t stop now, I fear I’ll never be able to shake it.”

   “Then don’t.”

   “These nightmares.” They were worse at the peak of his withdrawal symptoms. There were times he worked well into the hours in the morning, answering messages and reading reports to avoid sleeping altogether. Before Haven, before Cassandra, the nightmares were simply him reliving the horrors of the circle and guilt of his choices in Kirkwall. Now, it wasn’t his fellow Templars being mutilated, tortured, and killed. It was Cassandra. Over and over, Cullen watched the woman he loved succumb to death while being helpless to do anything. The only thing that seemed to calm his mind to keep the nightmares at bay was her sleeping at his side. “The memories. If I can’t endure.”

   Cassandra brushed her lips against his closed lids, his nose and cheek before finding his mouth. “You give yourself too little credit, my love. You can do this. You can endure without Lyrium.”

   Sighing, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I want to look back at my life and be proud of what I’ve done with it.”

   “You can be proud of the man you are, Cullen Rutherford.” She stroked her fingers through his thick mane of golden curls. “You are a courageous, honorable, and fierce lion warrior.”

   “Lion, uh? Hmm…” Chuckling at the term, Cullen scraped his teeth gently over her throat. “I think I rather like that.”

   “You can do this and I’ll be with you every step of the way.” She gasped at the sensation of his whiskered jaw brushing the swell of her breast. She felt his arousal pulse and start to harden. “Cullen.”

   Slipping a hand under her tunic, Cullen’s sword calloused palms settled on the small of her back, pulling her closer. “Have I told you how fetching you look in my tunic?”

   Her blood began to hum in the wake of his touch. “I take it our chess game is over?”

   He remembered his outburst and drew away to glance down at the shattered pieces on the ground. “I broke a few pieces.”

   “It can be mended.” Cassandra softly reminded tugging the handkerchief he always carried out of the pocket of his trousers. She carefully wrapped it around his injured hand. “And it will be just like new.”

   “I love you, Cassandra.”’

   “I know.” She pressed her lips to his bandaged palm. “Good thing I love you back.”

0o0o0o0o00o0

   Josephine was bustling about to room too caught in her own rambling to give the pair much a thought. Hawke took advantage of her distraction as it was hard enough to find a quiet moment alone with the Inquisitor since returning from the Hinterlands a few weeks ago. He lowered his head and spoke in a tone only loud enough for Alex to hear and not attract the Ambassador’s attention. “Relax, Alexandra.”

   She blew out a slow breath. How in the fade was she supposed to do that? He was standing far too close and holding her too tight for her to relax. This was a bad idea. Why hadn’t she protested when Hawke volunteered to be her partner for Josephine’s tortuous dancing lessons? The first few hadn’t been all the extensive and required very little touching. Today, things were different and Alex was doing everything she could not make a complete fool of herself. “I’m trying.”

   He chuckled softly. “Try harder.”

   “I’m trying to concentrate on the move of this Maker forsaken dance so no to completely murder your feet,” She hissed, swallowing hard when his arm tightened around her waist. _Andraste’s light!_

   “Look at me,” He gently demanded.

   Alex kept her gaze fixed downward.

   “Alexandra.”

   Hearing her name rolling in his Kirkwall drawl had her complying. Her breath caught in her throat. Grey eyes were starring intent at her. It barely registered that he set them into motion to the beat of the invisible music.

   “No,” Hawke sharply spoke. “Keep your eyes on me.”

   The way he looked at her made it impossible to do anything else. This wasn’t the first time Alex found his gaze transfixed on her but still couldn’t bring herself to believe that such heat was meant for her. She licked her lips and swore she heard the man hissed. “Hawke-.”

   “Don’t call me that,” He demanded in a whisper. She didn’t get a chance to say more before they parted to the cadence of the dance. They step, twisted and circled.

    Each time they moved closer, Alex watched the flame in the Champion’s eyes grow hotter and bright. She couldn’t seem to look away and when she was forced to because of their movements, her gaze immediately snapped back to his.

   A noise, a mixture of pleasure and surprise, caught in her throat as his large hands settled on her hips and lifted her effortlessly off the ground. Alex hoped Josephine’s rambling would mask the sound, but judging by the curve of Hawke’s lips she wasn’t that lucky. She braced her hands against his wide shoulder. “What are you looking at me like that?”

   Hawke spun them in a quick circle. “I have an attractive woman in my arms that I happen to be fond of.” Pressing her tightly against him, he slowly dragged her down his body to place her back on her feet. “Should I stop?”

   Alex felt like she was burning from the inside out. “I didn’t say that,” She softly spoke fighting the urge to rock against his arousal nestled against her hip.

   “Maker’s breath.” Hawke’s grip tightened. He lowered his head, determined to finally taste her only to free as he remembered they weren’t alone. “Call for a break.”

   “What?” Alex had a hard time hearing his harsh whisper over the pounding of her own heart.

   “I would very much like our first kiss to be just between us.”

   “Wh-oh. Oh!” She jolted and stepped back to take away temptation.

   The Ambassador, noting that her pupils had stopped dancing, halted herself and looked between the two. “Is everything alright?”

   “I-I.” Alex fought to steady her voice. “I think I’ve murdered Hawke’s feet enough for the moment.”

   “Then let’s take a break,” Josephine insisted. “I shall fetch some water as well. You look positively flushed, Alex.”

   Her face burned all the more under Hawke’s grin. “Thank you, Josie.”

   Hawke waited until the door closed beind the Ambassador before he cupped the back of her head, bringing her close again. Pushing onto the tips of her toes, she took him by surprise by pressing her lips to his. Groaning, Hawke surrendered to her questing lips more than pleased she acted first. It helped assure him that she wanted this. Wanted him.

   Alex sighed into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his soft beard against her skin while he devoured her. _Maker!_ Never once had a meeting of lips stirred such arousal. Granted, she hadn’t shared many worth remembering. Life in the tower didn’t allow for such pleasantries. Mere clumsy kisses as they hurriedly took pleasure in one another before a Templar could find them. Growing attachments meant getting slopping and setting up one’s self for punishment. Or worse.

   Knowing their time alone was fleeting, Hawke drew away. “By the light.” Struggling to even his breathing, he rubbed the pad of his thumb against her kiss swollen lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for quite a while.”

   Her heart kicked in her throat. “What stopped you?”

   “I thought perhaps your attention was already taken with your resident Warden,” Hawke gently explained.

   “There was something there, or at least, for a small amount of time.” Alex found herself thinking about those long ago feelings for Blackwall for the first time in weeks. “He made it very clear how he felt about my attention.”

   “That man is both stupid and blind to throw away such a gift.”

   “Was that all stopping you?”

   “I, well, no… I was a tad afraid you wouldn’t return my affection.

   A surprised laugh escaped her. “You, Champion of Kirkwall, afraid to woo a little ol’ mage like me?”

   A slight brush dusted his cheeks. “Not everything Varric put in that blasted book is true.”

   She caught her bottom lips between her teeth to keep herself from smiling. “So, you didn’t try to bed every maiden in Kirkwall?”

   “Blight it! What did that dwarf write?”

   Now she laughed. “Have you not read it?”

   Hawke bristled for a moment. “Why would I? I lived through it for Maker’s sake. But now it looks like I must to figure out what lies Varric is trying to pass off as the truth.”

   “I’m sure Cassandra would be more than happy to lend you hers.”

   “Cassandra’s read it?” He groaned and then cursed when Josephine return forcing him to take a step away from the Inquisitor. “Well, that explains the cold welcome I got. I’ll have to ask her to borrow it.”

   “Then you’ll have to tell me what the actual truth is.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Using the flat edge of her blunt sword, Cassandra swept Hamich’s feet out from underneath him and the elf fell with a big ‘umpf’ in the center of the sparring ring. Cheers of the spectators rang out through the courtyard.

   Hardly winded, Cassandra grinned down at her opponent. “Another round?”

   “I think I’ve been knocked on my ass enough for one day,” The elf scoffed making no attempt to move. “I won’t be able to sit right for at least a week.”

   Laughing, Cassandra dropped her practice shield to help him to his feet. “I’m sure there are plenty of women around who’d be more than happy to kiss it and make it better.” She scanned the crowd that gathered searching for her next opponent. “Who is next?”

   “I am.”

   Cassandra whirled around to find Cullen dressed in light sparring gear wearing a cocky grin. The corner of her mouth curved upward. The Commander’s amber eyes were dark with hunger accompanied by the glint of his challenge to meet her in the ring. She had noticed him atop the battlement near his tower after her first matched finished. Even across the vast distance, Cassandra felt the heat scorching her skin from his gaze. “Not afraid I’m going to show you up in front of your men?”

   Cullen’s blood thirsted and not for battle. Watching her fight, taking men on twice her size, and moving like the wind with the shield and sword as an extension of her arms always stirred something inside him. It was truly a breathtaking sight. The Seeker was a true force of nature. “Sounds like you’re afraid the challenge.”

   “Arm yourself, Commander.”

   Hamich happily handed over his sword and shield. “Good luck.”

   “Do you need a break?” Cullen offered. “Maybe catch your breath? You look a bit winded.”

   Cassandra scooped up her shield. She waited, only until Cullen gathered his grip on his sword, before surging forward hoping to catch him off guard.  He was quicker than she anticipated, effortlessly blocking her blow with his shield.

   They exchanged a few strikes while moving about the ring. Cullen was growing restless waiting for Cassandra to launch her true assault. She was toying with him for her amusements as much as the crowds. He twirled his sword by the handle. “It’s going to take a little more effort to bring me to my knees.”

   She lowered her shield a fraction to grin at him. “I aim to knock you flat on your ass, Commander. If I wanted to bring you to your knees, I’d just use my mouth.”

   Eyes blazing, Cullen circled her like a hungry world closing in on its prey. And that prey being Cassandra. “And you use it so well, my dear Seeker.”

   The soldier’s roared at the exchanging of barbs between the two lovers. That seemed to be all the encouragement they needed as they charged at each other. Cullen landed the first blow this time around though Cassandra easily parried and rolled on the back of her toes to evade his swinging shield. He was a bit slower than she remembered. Must be all those long hours being chained to his desk with those reports and battle plans. Still, he packed a punch. Hard enough to have her stumbling to stay upright.

   Sensing his next move, Cassandra spurred into action. She parried his blade, twirled thrusting her shield behind her head to block Cullen’s blow, and locking swords with him once she fully completed her turn. “Not bad for a paper pusher.”

   Cullen wasn’t going to kid himself. His legs wobbled and arms quivered under the strain of the stalemate they were locked in. He’d spent too many nights hunched over his desk rather in the sparring ring. He shoved forward causing her to lose her footing and disengaged and began to ready himself for the next bout. He barely got two breaths in before they were at it again. They twisted and moved, blocking, countering, and moving as one. Much like they did in bed.

    Maker, he missed sparring with her. It hadn’t occurred to him until now that they hadn’t done this since the destruction of Haven. Cassandra always proved to be a worthy opponent. She was the only one he’d come across in all his years as a warrior who matched his skill set. If not exceeded them if he was being honest with himself.

   He lost track of time, focus solely on Cassandra and trying to sense a pattern in her movements. He couldn’t see to find one. So far, he’d done a great job blocking and evading her blows he was too slow to even think about countering. Cullen rolled to avoid a solid hit to his chest losing his shield in the process.

   The crowd rang out.

   Cullen grasped the hilt of his sword with both hands, sweat beginning to make it hard to keep a firm hold. Her smug smile caused his cock to twitch and his blood started to hum with arousal. The blood rush of battle was starting to turn into pure and unfathomed lust. Pride was the only thing keeping him from tossing the Seeker over his shoulder and racing to the closest secluded spot to ravish her.

   The extra fore of his blows sent her staggering each time he came down with his sword. But he was tiring. Cassandra could sense it as his muscles trembled when they engaged in a deadlock of steel.

   “I’m sure if you concede now, you can save some of your dignity.” Cassandra did her best to ignore how good he looked with wild eyes and sweat glistening off his exposed muscles thanks to his short-sleeved tunic. Accompanied by the scruff on his face and mused hair, Cassandra couldn’t help compare him to those Avvar warriors plastered on the coves of the sappy romance novels she had a weakness for.

   In desperate need an upper hand, Cullen closed the gap between them and slammed his mouth to hers. Her feet shifted like he’d hoped, and she swayed giving Cullen the opportunity he was looking for. He managed to disarm her of her shield. In return, she nipped hard enough at his bottom him to draw blood. He drew away on a hiss.

   Cassandra grinned at the gathered crowd’s sounds of delight. “Cheap tricks won’t work, Commander.”

   A shiver worked down his spine at the way his title rolled off her tongue in her Navarran accent. “Worth a shot.”

   The battle resumed. Since both were out the protection of a shield, it was truly a battle of skill of footwork, wit, and force. They soon found out such sills were evenly matched. Cullen might have outmuscled her, but Cassandra was far agiler than him.

   Somehow, they both lost their swords and ended tangled up in the dirt.

   The Seeker landed on top, a gasp escaping her feeling him hard and straining against his leathers. “I think I’ve won.”

   He bucked into her drawing another muffled sound of pleasure from her. “I’m not so sure about that.”

   “I believe we should move this debate elsewhere.”

   “Couldn’t agree more.”

   Cassandra scrambled to her feet and squealed when Cullen stood only to sling her over his shoulder. The crowd laughed and hooted. She even noted that several pouches of coins were exchanged before she began to busy herself with more important things like the buckles of his leather breastplate. “For Maker’s sake, Cullen hurry.”

   Cullen gave little care that he lost the piece of armor before he hit the stairs leading to his tower. Or the fact people stopped to watch him whisk away his lover. Nor did he care they all knew exactly what would transpire the moment they were alone. “Almost there.”

   The door swung open and kicked closed in the span of a moment before Cassandra found herself pinned against it. Tangling her fingers in Cullen’s sweat soaked hair, she pulled him in for a brutal kiss. Cullen tore at her breastplate, desperation and need fueling his actions. She twisted trying to find the buckles herself far too displeased with her lover’s progress. Cassandra quickly learned it was a useless endeavor in her current position.

   She thrust her weight forward and Cullen found himself falling hard to the stone floor. Thankfully, he was far too lost in his haze of pleasure for the pain to register. HE watched Cassandra expertly work the fastenings of her armor, his gaze locked with hers. Her eyes were nearly black with hunger. “Cassandra,” Her name fell from his swollen lips the moment she tore his tunic in two to find his flesh.

   She raked her nails down his chest basking in the low rumble caught in his throat. “Ready for another round?”

   Growling, Cullen cupped the back of her neck and yanked her down to meet him in another kiss. They began to roll across the office. Clothes, boots, and armor were thrown aside without care as they engaged in battle once again this time for dominance.

   There was a loud crash and something shattered. Even an armor stand clattered to the ground in the wake of their struggle. Cassandra couldn’t bring herself to care beyond anything besides his cock filling her as she took him hard and fast.

   Cullen’s fingers dug into her hips pleasure coursing through him at a rate that left him breathless. “Holy Mother of Andraste.” He forced her to keep still, poised above him with her head thrown back, so he could soak in the sight and feel of her. Being with her, no many how many time they came together, was always overwhelming. The want, the need for her only grew to the point of madness.

   Lifting her, Cullen drove him back into her warmth sheath with the same speed and velocity she used. He watched her bottom lip disappear between her teeth and knew she was trying to trap her sound of pleasure. His hand drifted up her body to gently grasp her by the throat. “Do you know how many years are pressed against that door?” Cullen snapped his hips up and swore he saw a droplet of blood on her chin. “I want them to hear you leaving no doubt to who you belong to. That I can tame the might Seeker of Truth.”

   She refused his breathless demand her small act of defiance as she knew, like always, she would give in eventually. But first, it would be he that cried out for those people to hear. Cassandra moved, rocking and bouncing in his lap. He was watching her, his fingers on her throat flexing against her skin while his other hand clamped down hard on her hip. There would be bruises tomorrow and she would look at them with pride with the knowledge she could drive the Commander to the point of madness.

   Now it was his turn to bite down, doing his damnest to gulp down his pleas and praises. Surging upwards, Cullen claimed her mouth. She made a noise that he swallowed when he parted her lips with his tongue. Her hands were in his hair again, curling and pulling painfully to kiss him harder while she continued to ride him without mercy.

   Forcing himself to release her mouth, Cullen looked into her dark orbs finding a glint of challenge shining brightly. He snarled in response, sinking his teeth into the tender spot of her throat. She mewled her approval, a soft sound that was barely recognizable over the noise of their bodies slamming together.

   That wouldn’t do.

    Cassandra allowed him to pull harder on her hair. Allowed his mouth and teeth mark any part of her he could reach. Allowed him to pound into her, filling her up and fucking her in a way that left him growling like a hungry wolf. She gave him the false sense that he was winning though she was quick to admit that the upper hand she possessed was slipping fast.

   “By the light!” Cullen nearly shouted against her bruised throat when she purposely squeezed around, him forcing him to slow his pace. Gripped firmly by her, he dragged his cock slowly down her slick walls. The sensation sent a shockwave of pleasure through his system. She pushed on his shoulders and he fell back helpless to do anything but watch her move up and down his shaft.

   Her hands drifted, not to touch him, but herself. Her fingers trailed down her marked neck, between the valley of her breast and down to the apex of her thighs. Her other hand curled, cupping her breast. Cullen didn’t know where to look. His gaze drifted to the fingers working herself, circling her engorged pearl, while rocking against him. Then to the hand kneading her breast and back to her flushed face filled with utter pleasure. She was so enthralling. A treasure. A goddess.

   Cassandra found herself caught in the heat in his amber gaze sweeping up and down her body. His chest was heaving with his uneven breathing and she knew he was fighting the urge to give in to her. “Do you know how many nights I spent touching myself like this thinking of you?”

   “Cassandra,” He groaned his hand slipping on her sweat-slicked hips.

   “Do you know how long I wanted you to fuck me with your mouth?” Another noise escaped him, louder this time. “To have you fill me up with your cock?”

   Cullen knew he was sliding down a slippery slope of losing, but he couldn’t stop his descent. “Tell me,” He harshly demanded.

   She fell forward, catching herself to bend down to whisper in his ear. “From the very first moment in Kirkwall when you had me sprawled on your lap.” She followed her confession with a hard bite to the junction of his neck and shoulder.

   He roared like a lion too lost in the heat of her words coupled with the pleasureanle pain of her marking touch to care he folded first.

   Cullen’s assumption that people were listening eagerly on the other side was confirmed by a loud noise of approval floating through the wood of the office door.

   Her lips worked back up to nip at the lope of his ear. “Looks like I won, my lovely Commander.”

   He may have conceded first, but Cullen wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. Before she could find her release, Cullen rolled, wrapping his arms around her waist to lift her onto her hands and knees. “Don’t my so sure, my sweet Seeker.”

   She tried to rock back against him only his firm grip held her in place. “Cullen,” She moaned in displeasure.

   Grasping her by the hair, Cullen pulled her up and flush against him. He situated her so she was straddling his thighs, his cock sliding teasingly across her slit drawing a high-pitched noise from his warrior. “In Haven, I would watch you trained. Even after the sun went down and the people retired for the night.” He rocked against her, his cock becoming drenched in her arousal. He was careful not to thrust into her. No matter how much his body burned to do so. Cullen began to mark her skin again loving the fact that people would see them and know that he was the one who put them there in the heat of thelovemakinging. “There would be times I would become so aroused I couldn’t even make it back to my cabin before I had to relieve myself.”

   Reaching up, Cassandra threaded her fingers into his disheveled curls. “Cullen, please.”

   “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you, my love.”

   She growled in response.

   “Such a stubborn woman.” He slipped a hand to explore her slick folds, never touching where she desired most. Nails dug in the back of his scalp in protest. Taking pity on her, Cullen lifted and sank ever so slowly into her welcoming heat. He ended up fighting against his own desire to give into the release burning inside him. “Maker, you’re always so wet for me.”

   He flicked his thumb over her swollen clit and Cassandra couldn’t quite hold back her cry of pleasure.

   Knowing how to even the score, Cullen worked her with his fingers, keeping his hips still to force Cassandra to resort to rut against him. “That’s it.” He felt her thighs quiver and knew she was close.

   “Cullen please!” Cassandra begged no longer caring about anything beyond the man driving her crazy. With a sharp thrust of his hips and the correct pressure against her center, she came crying out her lover’s name for all those ears pressed against the door to hear.

   Feeling her shattering around him, Cullen wrapped both arms around her middle and began to drive himself relentlessly into her. His cries matched hers as he hastily withdrew from her to spill his seed against her thigh.

   Cassandra whimpered at the loss of the feel of him buried inside her, but knew his reasoning. Not once before Cullen did she give much thought about children. Now, though the though delighted and terrified her, that notion wasn’t so far off. It would have to wait which is why they did their best to take precautions with herbs and potions. Defeating Corypheus was their main focus.

   Drained, Cullen collapsed forward careful not to squish her beneath him. He rested his head against the back of her shoulder. “Who won?”

   Cassandra laughed. “I think we can call it a draw.”

   “We’ll just have to have a rematch.”

   “Only if it’s in a bed.”

   “I think that can be arranged. Once I’ve gather enough energy to climb that blasted ladder.”

   “You’re the one who chose this spot,” Cassandra reminded. “There’s always the desk.”

   Cullen eyes the piece of furniture. “We’re going to break it one day.”

   “We’ll just keep replacing it.”

   “Maker, I love you.”

0o0o0o0o00o0

   Tucked upstairs in the Tavern with her afternoon meal, Alex teased the skin of a grape over her lips remembering fondly the way Hawke’s mouth felt moving against hers. Not even an hour later and she longed to kiss him again. She was sure if she sought him out that the Champion would be more than happy to appease her. And it was because he _wanted_ her. Truly _wanted_ her. A notion Alex was still struggling to comprehend. The knowledge made her hear swell with emotions far different than anything she felt before. Different than Blackwall and especially with those men in the circle.

   “Well, Well.” Cassandra, armed with her own meal, sat across from the Inquisitor. “I’ve never seen you so happy after your dancing lessons. Wonder what has you smiling like a cat who found the cream.”

   Alex was knocked out of her stupor by the Seeker’s sudden appearance. Dark eyes studied her intently and she struggled now to squirm. “Just glad to have escaped the Ambassador’s clutches.” As lies went, it wasn’t the best and Alex knew that Cassandra didn’t believe a word of it. Alex’s gaze flickered to the fresh love marks on the Seeker’s throat that Cassandra did nothing to hide. In fact she wore them with immense pride. And Alex would do the same if in her shoes. “Heard you and Cullen had a very interesting sparring match. The Keep is in a tizzy about it.”

   Body still humming from the Commander’s touch, Cassandra couldn’t bring herself to be embarrassed. “You’re trying to distract me and it won’t work,” She stated popping a piece of cheese into her mouth. “I saw Hawke on my way in and he looked just as please as you.”

   There was no stopping from taking the bait Cassandra dangled in front of her. “Really?”

   “I wouldn’t lie to you about such matters.”

   “He kissed me,” Alex softly confessed fighting a blush as once again recalled the moment.

   “Took him long enough,” Cassandra muttered then smiled at the mage’s look of astonishment. “Oh come on, Lex. It’s obvious that you two are attracted to each other. I’ve seen you two on the battlement a time or two and heard your all night conversation about stars in Crestwood. And honestly, why else would he volunteer to help you with the dancing lessons?”

   “Oh.”

   “Going to tell me about it?”

   Alex’s face felt like it was on fire. “Going to tell me who won the match?”

   “The answer is still up for debate,” Cassandra answered laughing. “There is to be a rematch.”

   “In or out of the sparring ring?”

   “To be determined.”

   Alex watched her friend stroke her fingers affectionately along her marked neck making Alex wonder if Hawke would conquer her with the same vigor as Cullen did with Cassandra. Would he claim her and leave his mark for everyone to see? Or would it be like all of her tryst in the circle where he merely fucked her to spend himself and leave her alone and aching?

   Cassandra sensed the shift in Alex’s demeanor and frowned. She hated the way the mage’s brow furrowed with worry. “What’s wrong?”

   “I can’t help but wonder if I’m simply setting myself up for disappointment again,” Alex confessed on a whisper. Maker forgive her for thinking such a thing. She even hated herself for comparing the Warden and Campion against one another. They couldn’t be more starkly different men in Thedas. Yet, her mind wandered in order to protect her heart.

   “Hawke is nothing like Blackwall. You don’t have to worry about that with him.”

   Alex mindlessly pushed her food around her plate. “How can you be so sure?”

   “Because the man has been practically falling over himself when he’s around you from the beginning. Something, According to Varric, he’s never done before.”

   “You’ve talked to Varric about this?” Alex asked. The Seeker was still furious with the dwarf. “Willingly?”

   “We’ve got a common interest in this matter.”

   “Oh,” Alex said again. “That being?”

   “Your two’s happiness.”

   “What else has Varric said?”

   “Are you two talking now?” Hawke asked causing the two women to jolt in surprise. Nervously, he looked down at his plate then back up. “Mind if I join you?”

   “Of course.”

   Noting the way the Seeker watched him, Hawke aired on the side of caution and sat at the head of the table. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

   “As a matter of fact-.”

   Alex quickly cut Cassandra off, “She was catching me up in all the excitement we missed.”

   Hawke’s lips twitched, his gaze sweeping the Warrior’s neck. “I ran into the Commander on my way over here. Judging by his state, I figured you won. But it appears he gives as good as he gets.”

   Cassandra smiled over her cup of wine. “You sound surprised, Hawke.”

   “Well, I always thought him to be the straight-laced Templar type.” Looking at the Seeker’s face while his head was full of Alex made heat curl in his stomach. He tried to imagine what the Inquisitor would feel like under his hands. Wondered if she would look like Cassandra, shining brightly and proudly after a night together. He shifted in his chair as his wandering mind caused his leathers to grow uncomfortable. Maker’s breath, he wanted to touch her again, but instead busied himself by eating.

   Still, Hawke angled his body, his leg seeking Alex’s under the table.

   “Umm, Hawke.” Cassandra shot the Champion a grin. “That’s my foot.”

   Both Inquisitor and Champion flushed.

   “I’m assuming you were aiming for Alex’s. Unless, you suddenly decided to shift your attention.”

   Hawke laughed. “I’m not sure I can hold my own against the Commander.”

   “I feel the same in regards to Alexandra.”

   “Cass,” Alex groaned face burning hotter than a dragon’s breath.

   “Pay back, my dear friend, is a bitch,” Cassandra informed before gathering her half-eaten plate and cup.

   Hawke grinned up at the Cassandra. “I think Varric was all wrong about you, Seeker. I like you just fine.”

   “Like wise.” She leveled her gaze to his. “But, hurt her and I will kill you. Enjoy your meal.”

   Alex resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry.”

   He turned his dazzling smile to her. “Don’t be. She cares a great deal about you.”

   “I didn’t… I mean,” Alex fumbled with her words. Something that happened quite frequently in his company. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted other people to know.”

   Hawke grasped the front of her robe and yanked her over his thigh, his mouth finding hers in a quick, hard, and desperate kiss. He ignored his body’s demand to take more. The last thing Hawke wanted to do was ruin this by rushing things. “Does that answer your question?”

   Green eyes shined brightly. “I might need another explanation.”

   And Hawke was all too happy to oblige.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra finally learns about the Seekers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I never intended to sit for so long. I had such a bad writer's block that I had to put it away for a bit. The good thing is I could write later chapters meaning I have updates sitting in the queue. If anyone is still following, thank you and hope you enjoyed this chapter.

   Cullen cursed as his office door sprung open without warning causing his hand to jerk and break the tip of his quill. Scowling, he threw it aside and fixed his murderous gaze on whoever dared bother him. He was in no mood for anything other than the damn reports Josephine kept nagging him about. His head pounded, and his body ached. For a moment his hand started to drift to the drawers of his desk where a vial of Lyrium laid only to snatch it back, cursing at himself and his unexpected visitor. His anger tapered off a bit when he realized that it was Alex standing in the threshold. Then it was replaced by worry at her furrowed brow. “Alexandra?” Trying to remain calm, Cullen pushed back from his desk to stand. “What’s wrong.”

   “It’s Cassandra.” She watched the color drain from his face and had to put herself in his path before he went barreling past her. “She’s not hurt. She’s fine.”

   “But?” Cullen demanded. His heart was pounding in his throat as a thousand fears ran through his head. “Spit it out!”

   “She put in a request with Leliana to look into the disappearance of the Seekers. She feared that perhaps that they were being held prisoner by Corypheus.”

   “And?”

   “We received word that whatever is happening to the Seeker, [Caer Oswin](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Caer_Oswin) is the hub for the activity. She wants to investigate immediately.” Alex watched Cullen stalk over to one of the few armor stands that he had and began to suit up. She took it upon herself to retrieve his sword still in its scabbard and shield stowed in the corner. “I can’t convince her to wait until the morning and if I’m under the strict orders from the healers as well as Dorian not to go rushing into battle just yet from my injuries returning from the Approach.”

   Securing his sword belt around his narrow waist, Cullen glanced out the window, finding the sun lower than he cared for to start an expedition. “Where is this Caer Oswin?”

   “East of Crestwood.”

   Cullen did the calculations in his head. They would barely get out of the Hinterlands before darkness fell. Knowing his lover, she would want to ride through the night which was highly dangerous even without the threat of Red Templars being spotted near that area. Throwing his shield over his back, he followed the Inquisitor out of his office paying no mind to the stack of messages he was supposed to go through tonight to get the Ambassador off his back. “I need supplies.”

   “Hawke is already on that. Cassandra is at the stables getting the horses ready.”

   “Hawke is coming?” Cullen asked momentarily caught off guard by the champions involvement. He wasn’t about to protest. He would have to be daft to turn down an extra sword when they had absolutely no clue what awaited them at Caer Oswin. “Good. He is a master swordsman.”

   The corner of Alex’s mouth twitched upwards. “Faced him a time or two?”

   “In another life.” Before he wised up and saw through the lies along with the hatred that Meredith spread through Kirkwall. Cullen skidded to a stop outside of the stables. “Cassandra.”

   The Seeker already had a bag strapped to the saddle of her horse and was working on securing an extra blade to it. “I hope you didn’t come here to talk me out of this.” Her voice was pure steel.

   But Cullen knew her well enough to hear the faint tone of fear underneath it. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He motioned for Master Dent to get his horse. “It would only get me a split lip and an achy ass once you knock me on it.”

   Surprised, Cassandra looked over to where the Commander was saddling his horse Tempest with unnatural speed for someone who’d been off the battlefield for a good bit of time. “You’re not?”

   “No. But we will argue about how far we will travel tonight,” Cullen muttered mostly to himself while securing his shield to his horse.

   Hawke appeared with two sacks of supplies. “Here we go, Commander.” He handed one to Cullen before tending to ready the horse Alex usually used.  

   Sensing her mount’s anxiety about another rider, Alex took it by bridles. “Hey now, Apollo.” She stroked his chocolate colored snout. The horse flared its nostrils, letting out a huff of displeasure. Hazel eyes darted back and forth between her and Hawke. “It’s okay, my handsome man.”

   “I thought that was me?” Hawke joked slowly approaching the animal. Carefully, he laid a hand on the horse’s cheek making sure to keep himself in the animal’s eyesight. “Hey, Apollo. I’m Garrett.”

   Huffing, Apollo tried to pull himself from the rogue’s touch.

   “Hey, now, be nice.” Alex nuzzled his snout making soothing noise in the back of her throat that immediately calmed the steed. “Look and listen to me. I don’t trust anyone else to take Hawke out into the field and we don’t have time to argue.” She swore that she saw the horse’s hazel eyes roll in displeasure reminding her oddly enough of Cassandra. “Cassandra needs us, and I can’t go with. I’m counting on you.”

   After Apollo sent Hawke another look, he shook his head in understanding and allowed Hawke to load his gear to his saddle.

   Alex waited until Cassandra mounted before placing a hand on the Seeker’s before she could grab the reins. “Be careful, Cassandra. I know the Seekers are important to you, but you’re important to many.” She gave a firm squeeze. “Commander take care of your girl.”

   Cullen pulled himself onto Tempest. “I will, Alexandra. We are going up through the Hinterlands and Redcliff to get to the main road leading to Crestwood. Send a raven if anything happens.”

   Startled by her lover’s commanding tone, Cassandra looked back at him almost suspiciously. In all honesty, she wasn’t expecting him to drop everything to accompany her. He had a massive amount of forces he needed to oversee as they moved on Adamant, training, and at least another dozen other things needing his attention. She didn’t mean to sully his feelings for her, but they agreed that the needs of the Inquisition would always come first, and their relationship would follow. What she did know was that Alex fetched Cullen to keep her in check for whatever awaited them. “Ready?”

   Cullen nodded. “Lead the way.”

   “Be careful,” Alex softly begged managing a small touch of her hand to Hawke’s before the rogue shot off after the two warriors.

   Hawke flashed her a quick smile. “Don’t worry about me, Freckles. I always land on my feet.”

   Alex hated watching them ride through the gate and the heavy feeling weighing on her heart. Cassandra had been by herself for every single step of her journey in becoming Inquisitor. Cassandra supported and cared for her like a sister. That’s why staying behind was extremely difficult for Alex.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “We should keep going,” Cassandra argued when after Cullen noted an Inn a few miles outside of Redcliff.

   Cullen shook his head. “It’s getting too dark to travel any further safely.”

    Cassandra twisted her gloved hands in her horse’s reins. “We can camp.”

    Pulling his horse to a stop, Cullen pinned the Seeker with a hard glare. He noted the way the Hawke lingered behind them in silent moral support as well as a barrier to keep Cassandra from retreating. “We have no idea what awaits us at Caer Oswin. We need to be rested and ready for any challenges we face and sleeping in a bedroll on the hard ground will give us none of that.” His crisp tone stunned her into silence. “You’re already going to be worrying yourself all night. Might as well as do it in a comfortable bed.”

   Cassandra clenched her jaw trying to weigh her options. She knew that she could push forward despite Cullen’s commanding tone, but in the end, he was right. There was no sunlight left making travel a needless danger they could avoid. Maker knew that being with the Inquisition they faced enough every day. “Fine,” She whispered urging her mount past the Commander. “But we leave at first light.”

   Cullen nodded letting her lead the way.

   Hawke slowed Apollo’s pace to match Tempest’s. “You’re a brave man, Cullen. Her gaze alone could slice a man in two. No wonder Varric is terrified of her.”

   “She’s never this emotional,” Cullen whispered. It was alarming. Even the night he left her to face her death with Alex, she was battle ready and level-headed. Knowing that the issues with the Seeker’s had her this worked up had Cullen’s anger flaring at the simple fact Cassandra hardly mentioned two words about this to him.

   Hawke didn’t like the steel in Cullen’s golden gaze. “You okay?”

   “I’m fine,” Cullen assured. “Let’s go before she changes her mind and bolts.”

   They had one room which Cassandra tried to use in her argument to continue and camp further down the road. Cullen held his ground and Hawke took his side by simply stating he would sleep on the floor. Once inside their rented room, Cassandra dropped her sack on the floor and strongly suggested that the two men go elsewhere for the time being. Cullen nodded and promised to bring back food. She resisted the urge to scream or kick something. The fate of the Seeker’s had been something burning in the back of her mind since the explosion of the Conclave. Now that it was at the tip of her fingers, Cassandra was eager to find out the answer. However, she knew that going into any situation emotional would only land her in trouble in the end.

   Downstairs, Cullen sat at a small table in the tavern musing over a mug of mead with Hawke. “I should’ve picked up on this sooner.”

   “Don’t beat yourself up too much, Cullen,” The Champion tried to sooth to no avail. “The Seeker looks like the type to have a killer Wicked Grace face.”

   “That’s not it.” Cullen dragged a hand through his curls. “I mean I’m no spymaster who knows everything going on in Thedas, but I should have noticed that such a powerful organization had gone silent. I’ve been so focused on the Red Templars and tracking Samson, I didn’t notice the gap in authority.”

   Hawke frowned at Cullen’s tone. “The Seekers are an extension of the Chantry and that’s been a mess since the explosion. We can barely keep track of which mages are good or who is aiding our good friend Corypheus.”

    “But what happened to them?”

   “When was the last time that Cassandra had any contact with them?”

   Cullen rubbed his furrowed brow. “A week or two after the explosion in Val Royeaux. She had a run in with the Lord Seeker.”

   “Run in?”

   “He had shown up, knocked down one of the Grand Clerics, literally, and proclaimed the Inquisition as heresy.”

   “Sounds like a charming man.”

   “It shook her even if she tried to convince people otherwise.”

   “Well, I have seen no reports of the Seekers among the Red Templars. That means something, right?”

   “I suppose.”

   “You don’t sound so convinced.”

   “I only wished that we had a better understanding of what was going on at Caer Oswin. Did Alex or Leliana said anything about the place?”

   Hawke could only shrug. “Only that it belongs to a Freleden Noble that has is loved by little and not known for his keeping his oaths to an allegiance.”

   “That sounds like a lot of nobles at the moment,” Cullen muttered into his mug before downing the last of his mead. At the current moment, The Inquisition wasn’t all that loved and the target of much distrust amongst Nobles in both Ferelden and Orlais. Queen Anora had been the forefront in Freleden until recently with the Inquisition sweeping in to help with the mages, roaming Venatori, and an alarming rise in bandits flooding the Hinterlands.

   “I could continue riding and scout it out.”

   “Tempting, but too dangerous.”

   The corner of Hawke’s mouth curled upward. “Come on now, Commander. Danger is my middle name. Didn’t you figure that in Kirkwall.”

   Despite everything, Cullen let out a small chuckle. “I always thought it was trouble at the rate it followed you around.”

   “It’s my second one,” Hawke replied. “Come on. Let’s get some food and get back upstairs to make sure that your lovely Seeker hasn’t escaped through a window.”

   “Go grab a bedroll and I’ll grab the food.”

   Cassandra hadn’t escaped, but was still wound up and ready to go sitting on the edge of the bed down still in her boots. Sighing, Cullen pushed his way into the room with Hawke close behind. At least she had taken off her sword even if it was standing next to her shield against the nightstand an arm’s length away from the bed. “I brought you some food and a cup of wine.”

  “I’m not-.”

   Cullen was quick to cut her off. “Don’t you dare say you’re not hungry. I know for a fact that you are as you ate very little for first meal and we left before our midday one.”

   Cassandra promptly shut her mouth. Damn if she didn’t find his commanding behavior sexy. She watched him place the plate and cup on the nightstand. “Thank you.”

   Cullen forced himself to ease back and gave her a soft smile. “You’re welcome.”

   As she forced herself to eat, Hawke laid out on his bedroll and began to tug at the laces of his boots. Cullen unclasped his fur mantle before beginning on the many buckles of his plate armor. The silence was deafening and tension thick. Hawke had the strongest urge to crack a joke but figured that it would do nothing to ease either one. Oh, how he wished that Alex was here in his stead. He’d only known Cassandra for a handful of weeks and his past with Cullen revolved around limited interaction in their ten years of Kirkwall.

   After eating about half the plates contents and took a long swig of the wine, Hawke noted, to his surprise, the Seeker’s eyes begin to grow heavy. He was sure that sleep wouldn’t come to her tonight as her mind would be too busy mulling over the Seeker’s and what they would find in the morning. He casted a glance at Cullen expecting to find him just as shocked only to find him methodically undressing with an almost unreadable expression. Right as Cassandra was about to fall over, Cullen’s arms shot out to catch her. “You drugged her,” Hawke accused while the Commander gently laid the Seeker out on the bed.

   “Yes,” Cullen simply answered.

   Hawke let out a slow breath. “You’re either one of the bravest men I’ve ever met or you have a death wish.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

  Surprisingly, Cassandra said nothing upon awakening. She either didn’t realize what Cullen had done or chose to let it go, for the time being. They all dressed and set out for their destination right as the sun was coming over the horizon. It was mid-day when they were about ten miles out from the castle and moved off the main path. As they hit five miles, Hawke suggested that they find a nice brushy area to tie up the horses and complete the rest of their journey on foot. Though he wasn’t looking forward to such a march in the heat and plate armor, Cullen couldn’t find any fault in the plan. There had been very little activity on the road. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. From the Inquisitor’s and Cassandra’s reports, they seemed to run into pockets of bandits and Red Templars rather regularly.

   With the stone structure in sight, Cullen drew his sword as he knelt at the apex of the hill to get his bearings before they went any further. “There is no one outside.”

   Cassandra followed suit. “But the path outside the main entrance is nothing but dirt. So, we know that it’s been heavily used.” She scanned the battlements above the main entrance. There were no barrels atop it for either fire or arrow storage. “I don’t see any other relevant points of entry.”

   “There is one in the rear,” Hawke pointed out causing the two warriors to jump. He gave them one of his charming smiles. “I’m a rogue, remember. Varric has pointed out more than once that I should invest in a bell for as many times as I scared him.”

   “Is the way clear?” Cullen asked.

   “Looks like it,” Hawke informed. “Given that there is only three of us and we don’t know what is inside, the back is the most logical.”

   Cassandra pulled his shield off her back. “Stay in a tight formation. Hawke, you watch the rear.”

   They were attacked the moment Cassandra busted down the door with a rallying call of “Death to the Seekers”. The small group was easy to take out. Cullen instructed to Hawke to watch the door as he explored the darken cells with Cassandra. He came up with a scroll. “What’s this Order of Fiery Promise?” Judging by the way his lover’s spine stiffen this order struck a nerve.

   Cassandra allowed the chest she was searching close. “It is a cult with… strange beliefs about Seekers. They believe they are the true Seekers, the only righteous ones. They say we robbed them of their powers long ago, preventing them from ending the world.”

   “Ending the world?” Hawke echoed his tone seemly light on the surface, but the rage was right beneath it. “When will these fanatics come up with an original idea?”

“The only way to truly rid the world of evil, in their eyes,” Cassandra motioned for the Champion to join them as they started further into the castle. “‘The world will be reborn a paradise’- that is what they believe.”

   Cullen adjusted his grip on his shield. “Why haven’t they’ve been dealt with?”

   “We have, but they keep coming back,” Cassandra replied. “No one knows where they operate from or how they keep accumulating followers.”

   “Shit.” The curse fell from Cullen the moment they came upon a body in heavily tarnish Seeker Armor. If he could, he would’ve shielded the sight from Cassandra. Marks left on the body indicated heavy torture and its current state told them this Seeker had been here a while. Instead, he placed a gentle hand upon her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

   She didn’t know exactly how she found the strength, but Cassandra was able to shove down the emotions that were trying to rise in her. Letting them out would do them no good. She shook off Cullen’s hand. “I still don’t understand how he or any other Seekers ended up here.” If there was one body, Cassandra was sure they’d find more. “Or what any of this has to do with Corypheus.”

    Leading the pack now, Hawke peeked open the door at the end of the hall. “Courtyard a head.” He did his best to search even though his view was limited. “I see at least two archers and a warrior patrolling the grounds.”

   “Seekers?” Cassandra asked hopefully.

   Hawke shook his head. “I don’t think so. Nor are they Red Templars.”

   “Must be more of the Order of Fiery Promise.” Cassandra positioned herself shoulder to shoulder with Cullen. “Hawke, take care of the archers. We will take on anyone in the courtyard.”

   “On your mark Seeker.”

   Counting to three, Cassandra rushed through the door in sync with Cullen. Later, she would bask in the awe at how, even after all the time apart on the battlefield, they still moved together like it only been days. There were far more than just one in the courtyard. After a quick count, Cassandra found there were five dressed in heavy plate armor that wasn’t quite Templar, but defiantly not Seeker. That made striking them down easier. Her heart was already heavy at the unknown fate of her beloved order. Killing them would break her.

   “On your right,” Cullen warned twisting to cover Cassandra’s blind spot. He parried the blow and swept his blade down to take out his opponent’s feet out from underneath him before his blade found its home in the man’s chest.

   Cassandra grasped Cullen by the back of his breastplate and shoved. “Arrows.” She raised her shield to block the oncoming projectiles. “Hawke!”

   “I’m working on it!” The rogue shouted across the courtyard as he shot up the ladder.

   Shield still in place, Cassandra moved across the grass to the next Order member. “Work faster!”

   Cullen felt a hot sharp pain slice across his bicep that nearly had him dropping his shield. Sheer willpower kept it in his hand and moving forward until his blade found the next attacker. “Two more coming from the barn.”

   “Take them.” Cassandra set her sights on the lone warrior standing near the big wooden door, blocking their exit from the courtyard and to explore further into the castle. “I’ve got this one.”

   By the end of the battle, Cullen’s veins were thirsting for something that hadn’t been in his system for quite some time now. Fighting without Lyrium, without his abilities that drew from it, left Cullen more winded then he liked. Arm still burning, Cullen looked down and cursed at the open wound.

   “Are you alright?” Hawke asked sheathing his blades to free his hands so he could rip a strip of cloth from the liner of Cullen’s cloak.

   Cullen seethed through the pain of Hawke’s battlefield dressing. “Nothing to keep me down. You?”

   “Right as rain,” The rogue assured. He glanced to where the Seeker stood and noticed the way her shoulders shook. “I can’t say the same for your love.”

   Sheathing his sword, Cullen crossed the courtyard trying to give Cassandra a good once-over to see if she was hurt. Besides her sweat matted hair and a slight busted lip, she looked like she was ready to take on another horde of dragons. He didn’t like the way the parchment she was ready shook in her gloved hands. “What does it say?”

   “It’s a letter signed by Samson, commander of the Red Templars. As we thought, the Seekers proved resistant to the red Lyrium corruption, and they were of no use to Corypheus. So, he turned them over to the Order of the Fiery Promise.”

   Now it was Cullen’s turn to stiffen. Samson had been his main focus when at Skyhold using whatever resource that the Inquisition possessed in order to track the former Templar down. To know that the bastard was at the heart of the Seeker’s disappearance had his blood boil.

   Cassandra crumbled the parchment. “They lured them here to slaughter them.” She breathed hard through her nose. “one by one. Carefully not to send up any red flags. I should’ve known. I-.”

   “Let us see this through,” Hawke cut Cassandra off before she could be swallowed up by the emotions swirling in her eyes.

   “You’re right.” Cassandra blinked away here tears before readying herself for what awaited them next.

   Days. Months. Years. Decades wouldn’t’ve been enough time to prepare her for what was next. Cullen noted the Seeker, still alive and slumped over at the base of the stairs, before Cassandra shot forward with a man’s name on her lips.

   “Daniel.” Dropping down beside him, she dropped her sword, fighting the urge to reach out for him. Instead, she pulled off her helm The man may be alive, but something was terribly, terribly wrong with him. “Can you hear me?”

   “Cassandra!” Relief poured from the wounded Seeker’s lips. “It-it’s you. You’re alive?”

   Cassandra reached out to keep Daniel from moving. The simple act of breathing seemed to pain the young man greatly. “As are you. I’m so glad to have found you.”

   His face contorted in pain as whatever was flowing through his veins left them discolored and pulsed with each beat of his heart. “Cassandra.”

   “Easy.” It took another enormous feat on her part to keep her voice level. Her heart began to shatter at the sight of him. Once a tall, vibrant man discovering early manhood had been reduced to one that was merely a shell. His skin as ashen, eyes sunken and full of pain along with horrors that had been inflicted him by the Order Samson handed them over to. “Try not to move.”

   “No listen to me,” Daniel insisted fighting to breathe between his painful coughing. “Cassandra, it's the Lord Seeker. You have to find him, stop him. Lucius betrayed us. He sent us here to die, one by one. An important mission, he said. Lies.”

   The news shocked her. “That can’t be,” She whispered. “I saw him in Val Royeaux.”

   “An imposter.” Using what little strength he had, Daniel grasped Cassandra by the arm. “It was a demon, masquerading. He allowed it, let himself be used. So, he could be here.”

   Cullen finally found his voice. “What have they done to you?”

    Horror flashed across the young Seeker’s face. “They- they put a demon inside me. It’s tearing me up.”

   Cassandra shook her head against the words. “That’s impossible. As Seeker’s, we can’t be possessed.”

   “They fed me things.” Daniel fought another coughing fit. “It’s growing inside me. Whatever it is, I can feel it, Cassandra.”

   Looking at the broken man was almost too much for Hawke. It kicked up memories of his mother he had spent a quite deal of time trying to forget. “Is there anything that can be done?” He wasn’t sure why he asked the question he already knew the answer to. Whatever they had done to him was past the point of no return.

   Daniel’s dark eyes, once a brilliant blue, sought Cassandra’s. “There is only one thing that can be done.”

   “You can’t…” Cassandra’s voice falter under the strain of emotions.

   “Please, Cassandra. I want to die while I’m still me.”

   “You should have left with me, Daniel,” She spoke quietly. “You didn’t believe in the war any more than I did.”

   He meant to smile, but it came more of a grimace that ended in a coughing fit. “You know me. I wanted that promotion.”

   Cassandra’s hand shook so violently that Cullen had to help her grip it around her sword. A single tear slid down her dirty cheek. “Go with the Maker, Daniel.” She lifted the blade. Somehow it seemed far heavier than just moments before when she wielded it in battle. The tip lifted towards the young man’s throat and watched him close his eyes on a sigh of relief. Still, Cassandra could find the strength to use it for what Daniel wanted. Cullen, Maker, bless him closed over her hand clenching the hilt of the sword. Even Hawke, a man that she barely knew and who had no allegiance to her, shifted behind her silently giving her his support. “You will be welcomed.”

   “Thank you.” Those were the last two words the once eager and vibrant warrior spoke.

   Afraid she would get sick, Cassandra scrambled to her feet, stumbling away from the body. Hawke used his body to help steady her. “I’m sorry,” He whispered watching in amazement as Cassandra, after brushing the wetness from her face, pulled herself together and cooled her features looking like the fierce woman he first came across throwing furniture at Varric above the forge in Skyhold.

   Cassandra allowed herself a moment to soak up the Rogue’s comfort. “He was my apprentice. I have never known a finer young man.”

   Not knowing what to say, Hawke looked to Cullen for help.

   Picking up his own blade and Cassandra discarded helm, Cullen stood meeting Cassandra’s rage-filled gaze. “I think it’s time we find this Lord Seeker and make him pay for this, don’t you?”

   “I think that’s a grand idea,” Hawke commented letting Cassandra go now that she seemed strong enough to handle her own weight. “What do you say, Seeker. I hear stabbing things is a great way to release stress. Especially if the blade finds something or someone deserving.”

   “Guess there is one way to find out.” Dumping the helm on her head and squaring her shoulders, Cassandra charged up the stairs with the two men close behind her. She was almost taken aback when she found the Lord Seeker, accompanied by two templars, simply waiting for her to come through the final door leading back outside.

   “Cassandra,” Lucius greeted, his gaze shifting between the two men. “Here you are. With a washed-up Templar and a man, I can only assume is the new Inquisitor.”

   “Guess again, dickhead,” Hawke sneered grateful that Alex was safely back in Skyhold where her identity remained hidden from Lucius and his minions. “You’re going to pay for your treachery. You don’t deserve to wear that armor.”

   Lucius looked at his breastplate, studying the mark of the Seekers branded into the metal. “I presume you know the Seekers were once the original Inquisition? Oh yes, we fought to restore order in a time of madness long ago, as you do now. And then do you know what happened? We became proud, Inquisitor. We sought to remake the world, to make it better. But we created the Chantry and the Circles of Magi. A war that will never end.”

   Cullen hated the way the man spoke. Hated that he was trying to sully the work of their Inquisition. The order that Cassandra had picked up from the ashes to try to bring order and hopefully balance to a war-torn Thedas. “We are not the original Inquisition.”

   “Yet,” Lucius reminded. “Give it time.”

   “So, you lured Seekers, good men, and woman, to a tortuous death because of what? Cassandra asked, her sword hand trembling against as she kept it from inflecting her voice. “Do you hate the order that much?”

   “We Seekers are abominations, Cassandra,” Lucius replied. “We created a decaying world and fought to preserve it even as it crumbled. We had to be stopped.” He tossed a heavy tome at her feet. “See for yourself. These are the secrets of our order, passed down from Lord Seeker to Lord Seeker, since the time of the first Inquisition. When it came to me, the war with the mages had already begun, but it was not too late for me to do the right thing.”

   “The right thing?” Cassandra threw the words back at him. “What have you done?”

   “I have seen the future, Cassandra,” he interrupted. “I have created a new order. A pure order. The world will end so we can start anew. Join us! It is the Maker’s will!”

   “What I’ve seen here isn’t the Maker’s will.”

   “You’re stuck in the old ways. Clinging to your faith and devotion to an order that has long since fallen into decay.” Lucius held out a hand. “Let go of the past, Lady Cassandra. Let it wither and die in the dirt where it belongs. Kill it and join me.”

   Cullen watched Cassandra closely watching an unnamable emotion mount on her face with each word spoken by the Lord Seeker. For a small sliver of time, he feared that she was following into a trance as she shifted ever so closer to the Lucius. Surely she wouldn’t be swayed? The Seekers were her family, even if it was one that she didn’t always see eye to eye with. But then she saw it. A quick flicker in her dark eyes. He sent Hawke a wordless warning to ready himself.

   “I will never betray my brother and sisters.” Cassandra raised her sword and shield. “I will not betray my faith. I will never join you.”

   Lucius let out a long sigh. “Then your death and those of your precious Inquisition are on your head.”

   Cassandra moved forward and so did Hawke. He was there at the intake of her breath and somehow positioned himself behind Lucius and his men by the time she fully exhaled. Thankfully, it caught her opponents more off guard leaving them open for a frontal attack. Cullen focused on the two warriors flanking Lucius knowing that Cassandra needed to face the Lord Seeker on her own.

   Cassandra met Lucius heavy shield bash with her own and they both stumbled at the force pushed outwards. Growling, Cassandra reared her blade back and brought it down with every ounce of hatred she had for this man. Every ounce of sadness for the loss of her brothers and sisters in arms. Every ounce of disbelief that he thought he could sway her with a few pretty words. When it connected with the Lord Seeker’s mace, the man lost his grip on the wooden shaft. Her muscles burned and every bone in her body ached and sweat dripped off her face from the excretion of their fight through the castle, but she refused to allow any of that to slow her down. This ended here and now. She would ensure that any remainder Seekers would be spared the horror, pain, and death to those that came before. To stop them from becoming like Daniel.

   “Go ahead and strike me down.” Even as Lucius spoke, he used his shield to block the warrior’s blow. “I will be rewarded for my faith. For my allegiance to the new god.”

   “Nothing but the darkest parts of the fade await you, Lord Seeker,” Cassandra hissed and threw her head back letting out a war cry that echoed throughout the courtyard while calling on her warrior resolve. Her next move, one of quick lunge forward, knocked the Lord Seeker’s shield from his hands leaving him defenseless. There was no quarter to give. No clemency or mercy. This man would die. And she was the bringer of that death.

   Once delivered everything seemed to stand still. Even the rain that had popped up stopped. Cullen lowered his blood coated sword, his gaze cutting cross the courtyard to Cassandra, watching her along with Hawke while she stood there, swaying. He didn’t know what to do. What to say.

   Weary, Cassandra’s sword and shield hit the grass moment before her knees did inches away from the once leader of her beloved order. There was a pressure building. Something that had been for months now. Something that she’d been adapt at masking from even her lover. Something she couldn’t hold back anymore. And frankly, Cassandra was too damn tired and beaten to even try. She let her head fall back and let it out.

   The sound, so painful and full of regret, remorse, and a dozen other different things sliced at Hawke’s heart. Looking at the Commander, whiskey eyes exposed as his helm was now tucked under his arm and watering, the Champion knew he felt it too. He placed a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and since he hadn’t the ability to make things better or the words of support, he figured he could put himself to good use. “Take care of your woman. I will go prepare Daniel’s body for our travel back.” Now that the Seeker had quiet, Hawke looked to find her slumped forward with head bowed. “No rush. I’ll get the horses.”

   “Thank you,” Cullen whispered.

   Hawke only nodded and left the pair alone in the drizzling rain.

   Cassandra didn’t stir or acknowledge Cullen even when he knelt in the soggy grass next to her. Cullen didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign. He’d experienced her fair share of pain both at the Ferelden Circle and his years in Kirkwall. But none of it measured to the pain the pain he felt at seeing his Seeker suffering. Maker, all he wanted to do was make it go away and knowing that there wasn’t he could truly do, only caused that pain to grow. Emotions clogged his throat making speaking impossible. So, Cullen set down his equipment and reminded there, kneeling quietly at her side and waited.

   Even if she couldn’t find the words, Cassandra was enterally grateful that Cullen didn’t try to push. Didn’t offer empty words of comfort. He knew and understood her well enough to simply let her be to process this on her own terms. Tears burning the back of her throat, Cassandra removed her helm and let it slip carelessly from her gloved fingers.

   The tome that Lucius threw at her feet stared at her almost mockingly. Daring her to read the pages. To find out its secrets for herself.

   The problem was she wasn’t a Lord Seeker. But that even truly matter? Who knew how many members of the order that were even left. There was no way to tell how many Samson lured here to their deaths. The knowledge caused her heart to ache even more. Mother, fathers, sibling, friends would never know what happened to them. Good men and women who pledged themselves to do good. To do the Maker’s work were cut short because of one man’s hatred for the very order he swore to serve. Cassandra wanted to believe that it was simply due to outside influence, but looking at the symbol etched into the tome, she had a feeling that it was much more complex than that.

    They had been kneeling for so long that Cullen nearly jumped out of his skin when she finally spoke.

   “We-I-we n…” Cassandra struggled to slow her racing mind. “Daniel. We can’t leave him here.”

   Thinking it was safe now, Cullen reached out to touch her hand. “Hawke has already prepared the body for us to take back with us.”

   Already? Cassandra looked to find the sun hanging low in the sky. How much time had passed since delivering the killing blow to Lucius? “We need to make sure that no one else comes here.”

   “We will send out our agents to safeguard the Castle. Maybe we can find out how many were brought here.”

   “Good. Good.” Cassandra finally moved, her body screaming in silent protest from being frozen in one position for so long. “We should go. If we hurry, we can make it back to the Inn before we lose all the light.”

  

  

  


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. I do try my hardest to catch them. Hope people are still enjoying this story!

   Face scrubbed clean of the dirt and grime left from battle, Cullen set the cloth aside glancing at the darkening sky through the window. They arrived at the same Inn they visited on their journey to Caer Owsin over two hours ago. After securing a private slot in the barn for the sake of Daniel’s remains, Hawke retired to his rented room and hadn’t been heard from since. Cassandra came up to the room long enough to ditch her armor, clean up a bit before disappearing downstairs to the tavern. Fighting against every instinct in his body, Cullen thought it best to give her some space. After all she experienced today, she needed it. That didn’t stop him from worrying.

   Tucking a knife in his boot, Cullen turned down a few lamps to conserve their oil and set out to find his Seeker. The woman was level-headed, well most of the time, and wasn’t one to make or find trouble. They had Varric and sometimes Alex for that. He heard her laughter floating across the dim and nearly deserted tavern. Rounding the corner, he suspected, or hoped rather, he would find Hawke with Cassandra.

   Cullen sucked in a sharp breath. No such luck. At the table, there was a young man, maybe mid-twenties, leaning suggestively against the table as he refilled the woman’s cup. Cassandra, eyes sparkling from spirits and heavy with sorrow, watched the man intently, almost seductively. It should’ve been a punch in the gut, to see the woman he loved fawning over another man. He deserved some type of sainthood to push aside the rage and jealousy.

   His woman was hurting in ways Cullen couldn’t truly comprehend, though there were some aspects he could. The Seekers, the only family she’d ever known after losing her brother, betrayed everything they stood for. She stood for. Betraying its people, the Chantry, and Thedas all at once. On one single solitary moment, everything Cassandra knew and believed in had been shattered. At least Cullen had his family, his core beliefs, and the piece of mind to recognize the corruption within the Templar order.

   Cullen made sure he kept his voice even and features passive. _Sainthood._ “Cassandra.”

   Brown eyes swimming, Cassandra tilted her head doing nothing to stop the man next to her from running the tips of his fingers down the side of her neck. “Come to join, Commander?”

   He shook his head. The sorrow in her voice sliced his heart in two. “I’ve come to get you.”

   She sat back or more leaned against the young bard. “I like where I am at the moment.”

   “I think the lady wants you to leave,” The man insisted, a sly smile playing across his bearded face.

   Calm as he could be, Cullen marched up to the table, slammed his hands down, and leaned forward until their noses brushed. In true Cassandra fashion, she met and held his challenging gaze. Any other man would’ve back down. But sainthood. How far down the pit of despair was she to throw all her inhibition to the winds? “He can come or not. Either way, I’m taking you upstairs.”

   Snagging her mug of wine, she brought it up to her curled lips. “Is that an order, Commander Cullen?”

   The bard tried breaking in again. “I say the lady can do as she pleases. Who do you think you are trying to boss her around like some soldier or slave?”

   A man who loves her. Cullen kept that to himself afraid it would only aggravate the situation. He kept his golden gaze focused on Cassandra’s. “I know you’re hurting in ways I can’t understand, but I will do whatever it takes to help you. Please, come upstairs with me. The damn bard can come if that’s what you wish.” He was no stranger to that unbearable need to just lose oneself in order for all the pain and turmoil can’t touch you. He spent his fair share of time at the Rose with nameless women to achieve such oblivion. Though Cullen was sure Cassandra would find regret in the morning, he would let whatever transpire to keep her from losing herself in ways he couldn’t find her. “Please Cassandra.”

   Something flickered, a sense of recognition maybe, across her face causing Cassandra to down the wine and push away from the table. She cast a quick glance at the bard. “I thank you for your company.”

   The man seemed to understand that it was best to cut his losses. He inclined his head. “Sweat dreams, my lady. Perhaps our paths will cross again.”

   Not bloody likely, Cullen silently seethed making sure to gentle his touch when he carefully took Cassandra by the arm. It was still difficult to get a complete read on her. Part of him was readying himself for an ass whooping when they got back to the room.

   Hawke awaited them in the hall outside his own room. He looked between the two. “Everything good?”

   Cullen silently nodded and waited until the Champion disappeared before leading Cassandra into their rented room. The door slammed shut causing Cullen to jerk around on a curse. Cassandra stood with her back to him, shoulders taut, and head bowed. Maker, what did he do now? Cullen shoved a hand through his disheveled curls. “Cassandra.”

   Silence.

   _Well, shit._ Cullen stood there, opening and closing his mouth, struggling to find words for several minutes when it dawned on him she was shaking. He had a strong feeling it wasn’t from anger. “Cass,” Cullen softly spoke reaching for her.

   Cassandra jerked from his touch. “Don’t.” She pressed a finger to her eye, willing the tears away. Andraste preserve her from her actions downstairs. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

   Snagging her by the waist, he ducked to avoid an elbow only to hit the wall hard enough to steal his breath with her other arm jammed against his throat. Hundreds if not thousands of emotions swirling in her dark orbs. Shimmering beneath her unshed tears. “Don’t shut me out,” Cullen begged. “Let me help you, Cassandra.”

   A tick appeared in her jaw.

   “I know you’re hurting, my love. Tell me how to help you.”

   Without warning or an inch of finesse, Cassandra surged forward, fusing her mouth over his in a pure ruthless and needy kiss. Control. Desperate for it, she took and tortured Cullen’s mouth using teeth and tongue. She needed it. Craved it to break the surface of the waves of despair, loss, and brokenness storming inside her. She dug her fingers in the should of his tunic, her iron grip breaking threads as she took and took. Cullen simply cradled her head in his hands, gentle and loving. Abruptly, she pulled away. No. she would do this to him.

   Cullen kept her firmly pressed against him. “Don’t pull away.” She struggled, something he’d been prepared for. “That’s it. Let it out, my love.”

   “Let me go.” Hot tears burned the back of her throat.

   “No,” He snapped only igniting her anger further. He absorbed the blows to his chest, silently encouraging her for more. “you hold it in and it’s going to fester as you bury it with one excuse after another. It will eat at you. Pop up at your weakest moments until it breaks you. Unless you acknowledge it.”

   “Cullen.”

   A soft noise escaped his lips when his shirt ripped under her strain. “You’ve never backed down from anything in your life. Don’t be a coward now.”

   Hissing, Cassandra bared her teeth, eyes a flamed overtaking the sorrow. “Bastard.”

   “That’s it. Let it out.” He hissed the moment her nails scorched cross his flesh, leaving angry welts in its wake. “I know you’re hurting, angry, destroyed. Hit me. Kick me. Do whatever you need. Let me bare this for you because I’m not strong enough to see you like this. I can take a sword to the chest, but I can’t stand to see you in pain. Give it to me, Cassandra. Give it all.”

   That seemed to be enough as Cassandra let out a howl comprised of varied emotions and gave into them. She fixed her mouth over his wasting no time to sink her teeth into his lower lip. He let out a hiss accompanied by a groan the moment her tongue took charge. One of his hands curled in the short strands of her hair, the other fell to the small of her back, press her tightly against him. The hardness pressed against her hip sent a jolt through her system, flooding it with animalist need and arousal.

   Yanking away the remains of his tunic, she marked him with her touch. Branding her pain and sorrow into his skin liked he begged. And by the Maker and Andraste help her soul, it felt good. Refusing to relinquish her hold on his mouth, Cassandra’s hands feel to his leathers, pulling and tugging in pure desperation to feel him.

   Gripping her hair, Cullen helped her with his weathered belt, sensing her mounting frustration in her lack of progress. They got them open far enough for her hands to dive inside.  Knees buckling, he threw his head back, rapping it hard against the door. “Fuck.” She was anything but gentle. Breathing coming in pants, he found himself growing under each rough stroke and tight squeeze over his sack. He struggled to battle the surge of arousal that would’ve lead to his end far too soon. “More.”

   Squeezing, Cassandra’s gaze met his. They were wild with lust but still laced with concerned. What on earth did she do to deserve such a man?

   “You’re holding back, my love.” He licked his bleeding lips earning another ruthless stroke of her hands. “More. Give it ALL to me, Cassandra.”

   Her mouth latched onto his again, her hands sliding free from his leathers to rake her nails up his stomach. She found pleasure in the way it shuddered under his touch and that she could provoke such a reaction from the harden ex-templar, commander of the Inquisition forces.

   There would be lots of bruises tomorrow, Cullen dimly thought as they stumbled into the third piece of furniture on their journey towards the bed. The Seeker somehow pressed herself even closer, the kiss turning vicious. He encouraged it was a hum purring in his throat. He wanted everything she was willing to give. More than ready to share in her grief and pain. Maker knew that she had done the same for him more than once in their relationship. He realized he never expressed his gratitude for her willingness to venture into the darkness for him. Even before they began their romantic relationship, Cassandra marched with him to help battle his demons that became amplified the moment he stopped taking Lyrium. He never could find the words, but after tonight he vowed to rectify that.

   Cullen hit the bed hard with a big ‘umpf’. He watched her gaze rack over him, taking in the sight of his wild curls, flushed face, and the marks that she already left on his skin. He could see the ache pulsating in her eyes to inflict more on him. Could see the pleasure spread across her face knowing that he would wear her brand for the days to follow. He reached a hand out which she was quick to slap away. Receiving her message, he laid there and waited in anticipation.

   Cassandra didn’t leave him hanging too long. She was on him again in the time it took to blink. Need flooding through his veins, Cullen ripped the tunic over her head which warned him a growl. He was trying to figure out if it was of pleasure or anger before her lips took his once more. Bruised and bleeding, Cullen found that he could kiss this woman until the world ended and still find pleasure in every moment of it. Cassandra, eager as ever, pressed against him and that was when it dawned on him that she had ventured down to the Tavern without her breast band. He couldn’t put much thought to it as she grinded against him clouding his mind to everything except for her.

   After raking her fingers through his unruly curls, Cassandra dragged them over his scruffy jaw, over his neck, and down his shoulders. She hit something on his shoulder causing him to hiss and jerk, pleasure nowhere to be found in the noise.

   Cullen found himself at a lost the moment she pushed herself up. “Cassandra?”

   A blank stare was his response.

   He tried to move, but the hands on his arms held up like a vice. There was a change in the air. It was almost electric. He watched her blink as clarity broke through the clouds in her eyes. “Cass.”

   “Maker’s Breath, you’re hurt!” Her voice, free of anything but fear, squeaked.

   “Wh-?” He looked down having forgotten all about Hawke’s field dressing. “It’s nothing.”

   “You’re hurt!” She repeated this time more sternly. How did she not know? How could she have been so closed minded that she didn’t ask after the battle was done how her warrior and the Champion faired through it all. She fought both Cullen and the lingering darkness to keep her mind clear. “How bad? Let me see it? Maker, forgive me, my love.”

   “Forgive you?” He let out a breathless laugh. “There is nothing to forgive. And it’s nothing but a scratch.” Damn if his cock didn’t pulse at the way she arched a brow at him. “Come back here, woman.”

   “No. No. I should-should-. No…”

   Alarm bells rang in his head at the way she couldn’t seem to speak more than that handful of words over and over again. Cassandra was quickly slipping to the opposite end of grief. One he had to stop because at the end of that slope awaited a hole Cullen was terrified he wouldn’t be able to rescue her from. “Hey, Hey, look at me.” He took her chin in his hand to tare her gaze from the field dressing to his face. “It’s nothing, I promise.”

   “Is that the only place you’re hurt?” Cassandra heatedly demanded.

   “Nowhere.”

   “Swear it.”

   “On Andraste, I swear it.” His whiskey-colored eyes bore into hers. “On my honor, Cassandra.”

   All that spite and fire that came to life the moment they entered the room zapped out of her in an instant as she collapsed against, gut-wrenching sobs violently shoving through her.

   Given the fact there was little else that he could do, Cullen turned her face into his throat and he held her shaking frame against. He whispered words of comfort. His touch soothed as one hand stroked her scarred cheek and the other the length of the back of her neck. The quick transition left Cullen stuck between a state of arousal and confusion, but still wanting to do whatever needed to comfort her. So, they laid there until it seemed all of the sobs, at least for the moment anyway, dried up. Feeling her fingers brush the bandage, Cullen shifted his head to look down.

   “What did you tell me?” Under the concern, there was anger.

   Rolling Cassandra onto her back, Cullen propped himself up on an elbow to gaze down at her. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Seekers?”

   Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she averted her gaze downwards. “You had enough on your plate. To worry about”

   He huffed, frustration mounting on his face. “yet, you can worry about the Seekers. Help Alexandra shoulder the weight of the Inquisition so it doesn’t completely crush her. Worry about my state and wellbeing. Help train Inquisition recruits, forge blades for the blacksmith and teach the little ones in Skyhold the right way to hold a sword. You let Josephine overwhelm you with reports and other correspondence daily when you’re at Skyhold. Out in the field, you are under constant stress and fear of running into Red Templars, but you never tell your traveling companions that. Not even Alex who is like your sister.” He caught her wrist and pinned it perhaps a tad too hard above her head. He rolled a bit to use his torso to pin her in place knowing she was thinking about escaping. This woman could talk about everyone’s problems except for her own. “You literally take care of everyone and everything. You help anyone who asks. Yet, you’re incapable of doing such in your time of need.”

   She had expected a more violent outburst when he called her out for holding such a thing back from him. The man she trusted and loved above all others. “I didn’t do it out of spite or to hurt you. You must know that, Cullen.”

   “Of course, I do.” He pressed his brow to hers. “You have helped me through so much, I only wish to do the same for you. You’ve been carrying around this worry for weeks, if not months. Stewing over the possibilities and your fears over those possibilities growing with each day that passed without any word. On top of that, you’ve been silently carrying around your grief stemming from the Conclave and the losses you sustained. And I’m angry, no hurt, that you couldn’t let me in. You couldn’t let your mask down for me. The man whose heart you hold.”

   Since she could look away, Cassandra closed her eyes, but couldn’t summon the strength to stop the tears from sliding past her lids. Holding back now would only hurt Cullen further. And if she was being honest, she was Marker forsaken tired of holding everything in. Cullen was the man she loved. The man who opened himself up to her in more ways than one.  Who bared his scars and dark marks on his soul left by his past. By what he had endured in an order that he believed in even after it failed him time and time again. How did she repay that trust? That love? By only allowing him to see a fraction of her heart. Cullen knew about her upbringing and service to the Seeker’s leading into working for the Divine. Personally, outside of small pockets of stories of her childhood, her brother’s death, and some snippets about Raelyn, she had kept herself behind the wall she erected around her heart a long time ago.

   A tear coming from Cullen hit her face jolting Cassandra from her stupor. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She bared herself, letting her emotions and tears run free as she splayed her fingers against his stubbly cheek. “I love you and I made you question that. Please forgive me.”

   “There is nothing to forgive, my love.”

   “Yes, there is. I hurt you. Maker, Cullen, I caused your pain. I vowed to myself-.”

   “Look at me, Cassandra!” Voice stern, he kept his voice gentle as he gripped the hand he had trapped above her head tighter. “It is foolish to think that we wouldn’t hurt each other. No matter how much we try or vow to the Maker we would never, it’s going to happen. It has happened. So, you see, there is nothing to forgive.”

   “Cullen.”

   “But you have it if you need to hear the words.” He lifted his head to gaze down at her. “In doing so, I must ask for your forgiveness, my lady. As I have wronged you. Caused you pain. Made you doubt just the same.”

   Cassandra shook her head. “Downstairs. I nearly- Maker, you were willing to let me stop on your heart because you knew I was hurting.”

   Now he shook her. “I said you’re forgiven. You frustrating, maddening, extradentary woman. Do you grant me the same?”

   Letting out a teary noise that was stuck somewhere between a cry and a laugh, she opened her eyes, losing herself in his whiskey-colored eyes. “Forgiven.”

   “Then we make a promise. Right here, right now. No more masks. No more trying to take on the world on our own.”

   “Promise.”

   A slow and easy smile crossed his tired face. “Promise.” Releasing her, Cullen rolled onto his back and tucked her against his side. “Now, rest. I know you’re tired.”

   “No,” Cassandra argued stirring next to him.

    His scarred lip twitched in amusement. “No?”

   She slid one of her long legs over his until she was straddling his hips. “I need to inspect you.”

   “Inspect me?” Now he laughed. “Whatever for?”

   “To make sure you have no more injuries,” She simply started running her nails lightly across his chest. A smile appeared feeling the rumble caught there.

   “Ah.” He bucked, pressing his hardness into her. “I shall have a look at you as well. It’s only fair.”

   Her touch had lost its hostility and anger. The kisses were softer, her noises high pitched and far less strained. Cullen still allowed her the control she still sought. They made love slowly, almost lazily. Taking their time to explore every square inch of each other. Purposely lingering in certain spots to heighten their arousal or to mark one another. Cullen loved the pride he saw mounting on his lover’s face with each love mark she left on his throat knowing that everyone would see them tomorrow and for the days to follow.

   Taking her hands in his, Cullen rocked with her as her noises of pleasures began to grow louder. He momentarily wondered just how far the sound carried. Tucked up in his tower, they never really had to worry about being overheard. Not that it was a matter really. Especially after that night in camp when they first made love. Blight it. Let them and the Maker hear her as she took her pleasure from him. Let them hear the noises of their lovemaking so they knew what it sounded like when two hearts were truly one.

   “Cullen.” Sweat dripped down her spine. For what could possibly the tenth time that day, Cassandra had lost track of time, having absolutely no clue how long they’d been slowly teasing each other to the edge.

   “I’m right here,” He assured. His breath caught as she pressed one of their joined hands to her heart. “I’ve got you, Cass.”

   Maker, he looked perfect with his hair dripping with perspiration, his usually unruly curls flat against his brow, and both moon and firelight from the lanterns playing across the curves of his muscles and again his pale Ferelden skin. “I love you.” Those three words paled in comparison to what was filling her heart, but it was all she could manage.

   “And I you. Take what you need, my lady. Let me give it to you.”

   Head lulling back and arching her back, Cassandra let herself tumble pleasantly off the cliff.

   Cullen gritted his teeth against the primal need to chase his own release. An especially hard task with her crashing around him. _Sainthood_ His brain reminded forcing himself to just rock to prolong her pleasure, wringing out every last drop. “Beautiful.” Slipping a hand free, he cupped her flushed cheek when she slumped forward panting and lose. “So, fucking beautiful.”

   Cassandra found her eyes growing heavy and the battle began to keep them open. “You’re not so bad yourself, Commander Cullen.” She didn’t have the strength to protest when Cullen rolled and pulled her down to pillow her head on his shoulder. “Wh-.”

   “Sleep,” He cooed against her forehead. He ignored the burn and ache of the release that was begging to be freed. This was not about him or his needs. “You’ve been through a lot today.”

   “Thank you for coming with me.”

   “I’ll follow you anywhere, Cassandra. Always.”

   She liked the sound of that. Smiling, something she was sure she didn’t know how to do anymore, Cassandra was lulled to sleep by the thumping of the Commander’s heart.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0

   The rays of the early morning sun streaming through the window pulled Cassandra from her dreamless slumber. Her head felt heavy, not from the large amount of wine, but from the emotional storm, she went through for the past two days. Thinking about it made her heartache. Fighting tears, she pressed her face into Cullen’s outstretched arm that her head was pillowed on. After falling asleep atop him, they had shifted in their sleep into their normal sleeping position. Cassandra’s back was flushed against his front, one arm outreached for her to use as a pillow and the other one draped around her waist. She loved that she awoke feeling so warm and protected surrounded by his scent of cedar and a spice that she hadn’t yet managed to pinpoint. For now, Cassandra regarded the smell as simply Cullen Rutherford. 

   Long ago she told herself that she would never need to find such comfort in a man. Never find herself becoming dependent on the security. But now, after her time spent with Cullen, Cassandra wondered how she lived without the warmth. She snuggled closer, seeking more and found his body hard and straining. Brushing up against his harden arousal caused Cullen to mutter in his sleep, tighten his arm around her, before letting out a long sigh of contentment. Her mind drifted to last night remembering how Cullen denied himself his own release for the sake of her need to rest. Had his body settled down at all? Had he been in this heightened state of arousal the entire night?

     She shifted, turning herself in his arms so they were face to face. Maker, he must have been just as exhausted as her if he didn’t awake with her movement. Well, wasn’t this interesting. This was an opportunity that didn’t come around often. Cullen was such a light sleeper usually, robbing Cassandra of chances of studying him. Surprises him. A smile touched her lips as a thought struck her. She was going to use this moment to her advantage and to give him the pleasure he honorably for forwent the night before for her sake.

   Cullen was having such a pleasant dream. He was in a meadow wrapped around Cassandra, basking in the sunlight, free of fear and the nightmare that gripped Thedas. There was a fire raging inside him. One set by the touch of the woman he loved. The woman he wanted to marry, to see her heavy with their child, and grow to a nice old age with. Here in the fade, Cullen allowed himself to indulge in such thoughts as he was safe from the pressing duty that weighed on them daily. Here he could imagine that life, yearn for it because, by the Maker, he longed for that life. “Cass,” Her name left in his lips in a low moan feeling her wonderful mouth wrapping around him.

   He heard or rather felt her chuckle in response. She was driving him slowly into madness with each lazy pass of her mouth. The pleasurable pain mounted as his fingers found their way into the strands of her short hair. There was another hum of pleasure that vibrated against his cock letting him know she was pleased with his action and encouraging him for more. He didn’t understand her need for guidance, even with her lack of experience, she knew how to work him. How to bring fuel the flames so the engulfed him.

   Bucking hard, he hit the back of her throat and the shot of molten lava now flowing through his veins was enough to propel him from the fade into reality. “Oh fuck.” Cullen’s grip tightened, his breath rushing out from his lungs almost painfully. “What are you doing, woman?”

   Cassandra released him on a laugh. By the light, it felt good to laugh after everything. “I think it’s quite obvious what I’m doing, my dear Commander.” She playfully nipped at his sensitive tip. “But if you’re stumped, I can continue on with my example until you figure it out.

  “Yes. Maker, yes.” Blinking the sleep from his eyes, Cullen wanted clear vision to watch as Cassandra eagerly swallowed his swollen arousal. His mind wanted to focus on the fact that she got the jump on him without rousing him, but Cullen pushed it away. He chalked it up to progress from waking up in cold sweats by the images that haunted him in the Fade. Plus, this was a far better way to awake. He tried to be still as possible, to let her lead, but he found himself bucking helplessly as the burn of his release hit him hard. “Cass-Cassandra… I can’t stop. I’m…” His warning died on his lips. His vision went white, the hot flames of his release consuming him completely.

   When he came back down, he found Cassandra looming over him her hands stroking every last drop of pleasure out of him. “Maker.” Taking her by the hair, Cullen’s mouth crashed against hers, groaning at his personal flavor still lingering on her lips, inside the wonderful cavern between them. If it was possible, he would have swallowed her up. Breath uneven, he pulled away and rested his sweaty brow against her cheek. “What a way to wake up. Feel free to repeat that as much as you like, my lady.”

   Cassandra feathered her fingers through his sweat dampen curls. “I’ll make sure to keep that in mine at every opportunity. I’m surprised you didn’t wake up sooner. You must’ve been past the point of exhaustion.”

   “I was.” His muscles still ached and he was sure he would ache for the next few days. He really needed to exercise his battle skills more often. “I’m not so tired now.”

   “No?”

   He shook his head, skimming his lips along her jaw.

   “Neither am I.”

   “Good,” Cullen whispered. A knock on the door still any further action. “That has to be Hawke.”

   The Champion’s voice flowed through the closed door. “I figured that Cassandra wanted to move out as soon as possible. I’ll be down at the stables.”

   “We will join you shortly,” Cassandra called back out dropping a kiss on Cullen’s crown. “We shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

   Cullen held her for a moment longer. “I love you.”

   Cassandra ran her hands over the marks she left streaking across his shoulder blade. “I love you too.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   The journey back to Skyhold wasn’t as tense as the right out, but no one really spoke. It was a bit hard when carting the dead. Cassandra led the pack again unable to see the wrapped body of Daniel. She needed to get back to Skyhold. Get behind its walls and the safety they provided. Once there, Cassandra would be swept in the chaos. Into the folds of the Inquisition where she could try to forget about the earth-shattering events that transpired the day before. Or that’s what she hoped. She needed to read the tome sooner rather than later. She was sure that the earth wasn’t quite done breaking around her.

   A light drizzle and the Inquisitor awaited the part at the stables. While she was joyous to see them returning unharmed, she held herself like she was ready to charge into battle at a moments notice. Cassandra hated that she caused her friend to worry. “Alexandra,” Cassandra shook her dripping wet bangs from her eyes. “I doubt the healer’s orders including you standing out in the rain.”

   The corner of Alex’s mouth lifted. “No, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.” She reached out for the Apollo’s reins, her gaze flashing to Hawke. “Have you all returned unharmed?”

   “Few scrapes and bruises,” Hawke assured his grey eyes warm and dancing with happiness to see the mage. “Though if you look at the Commander you’d think we fared worse. I’ll have you rest assured that most of his weren’t sustained on the battlefield.”

   “Thanks, Hawke,” Cullen grumbled dismounting his horse with burning ears.

   “What?” Hawke laughed. “The walls in the Inn were paper thin.”

   Alex shook her head. “It’s not something I don’t already know for myself, Commander.” Now she turned to Cassandra, embracing her the moment her boots hit the wet earth. She stopped herself before the words ‘I’m sorry’ passed her lips. Those were useless and empty words. Two things the Seeker didn’t need at the moment. “We’ve built a funeral pyre. Mother Giselle is ready to perform last rights when you’re ready.”

   Cassandra squeezed his friend hard. “Thank you, Alexandra.”

   “Men were also dispatched to the Castle the moment we received the raven,” Alex added pulling away to search the Seeker’s distraught face. “Tell me what else I can do for you, Cass.”

   “Right now, I think I would like to prepare Daniel for his sent off to the Maker.” The Tome felt like a bolder in the pack slung over her shoulder. Later, Cassandra told herself. Daniel came first.

   “Of course.” Alex stepped away as Cassandra led Apollo towards the other side of the courtyard carting the body towards the funeral pyre. “Is she alright?”

   “No, I don’t believe she is,” Cullen answered in all honesty. “But she won’t tell you or me that right now. She needs to do this. It’s the only way her soul could find any sense of peace for the time being.” He was sure that was something she wouldn’t truly find for quite some time. “I should go help her.”

   “We’ll all go help her.” Alex placed a hand on the warrior’s arm. “All of us. We’re family.”

   Giving her half a smile, Cullen gave her hand a squeeze. “She’ll need them.”

   All members of the inner circle gathered around the pyre, standing in the rain ready to support the Seeker in any way the could. Cullen lit the torch while Mother Giselle recited from the Chant of Light and handed it wordlessly to Cassandra. Seeing how bad her hands were shaking, Cullen nearly took it back but forced himself to stop himself before he could reach out. She NEEDED to do this.

   Cassandra stood there for a moment, swaying in the light ran while she fought against the tears burning behind her closed lids. Releasing her breath, she opened her eyes and stepped forward to touch the flame to the kindling of the funeral pyre. She shoved it under the wrapped body once she was sure it would stay lit even with the light drizzle. “Go with the Maker, Daniel.”

   Cullen placed a hand on her should and she surprised the breath right out of him by turning to bury her face in his chest. Pleased and thankful that she allowed him to comfort her openly, he held her until she stopped shaking. She continued to surprise him by stepping away, her hand still holding his.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   “Thank you for coming,” Cassandra whispered as Alex sat across from her at the table above the forge. Her gaze flickered to Cullen. “Both of you.”

   Alex noted the tome that sat on the table between them. “What is that?”

   “It’s a tome that has been passed from Lord Seeker to Lord Seeker, since the time of the Old Inquisition.” Cassandra brushed her fingers over the symbol on the front. “And now it’s fallen to me.”

   The tension building made Alex squirm in her seat. “Not as exciting as a certain serial, I take it.”

   Cassandra smiled ever so slightly. “On the contrary, it’s quite riveting, I assure you.” She pressed a finger to her eye until the pounding in her head dimmed. “I trust I needn’t explain the rite of Tranquility to you.”

   Cullen’s spine stiffened at the question, his gaze darting to the mage’s face.

   Alex took a moment to make sure her voice was steady before she spoke. “No. I think I’m well acquainted with it.” Hard to find any Circle Mage in Thedas that didn’t fear having their emotions and magic stripped away to become nothing but a shell of a human for the rest of one’s life if they put on foot out of line. “What does this book have to do with it?”

   “I don’t know if you know, but as a Seeker, I looked into…Abuses. Mages mage Tranquil as punishment.” Cassandra found her friend’s green eyes bearing down at her. The words that came forth felt heavy and felt like glass crossing her lips. “What started the mage rebellion was the discovery that the rite of Tranquility could be reversed. The Lord Seeker at the time covered it up, harshly. It was dangerous knowledge, and the shock of it, in addition to what happened in Kirkwall, is what sparked the war in the first place.”

   “What!?” Alex shouted.

   Cullen watched the mage closely, putting himself on guard in case his intervention was needed but remained silent. For someone who witnessed the first spark of the rebellion, the news was rather alarming.

    Cassandra hung her head unable to look at Alex as she delivered the rest of the knowledge she took from the tome. “But it turns out we have always known how to reverse it. The Seekers created the rite. I told you of my vigil, the months I spent emptying myself of all emotion? I was made Tranquil and didn’t even know it. And then a spirit of faith touched my mind, breaking tranquility and granting me my abilities. The Seekers understood this and did not share it with anyone, not even the Chantry.”

   “Are you fucking serious?” Alex seethed. She braced her hands against the table causing the Commander to do the same and that’s when she realized lightening flickered from her fingertips. As hard as it was, Alex reined in her magic. “Did you know?”

   “No,” Cassandra quickly assured.

   Alex heated gaze swept over to the ex-Templar. “And you, Sir Cullen?”

   Cullen shook his head. “No. I swear to you, Alexandra,” He insisted when the sparks reappeared. “Maker, If I’d known I would have said something. Making someone Tranquil-even the thought-sickened me once I was placed in the Circle. In training they drill into your head that mages aren’t people, and I know I’ve utter such words myself at a later time, but once I was around them I realized that they were wrong.”

   “Yet, you still stood by while members of your order stripped people of their emotions, of their dreams for being born different.” Anger was mounting as Alex switched targets. “A rite made by your order.”

   “Yet another of our crimes.” Cassandra twisted her hands together in her lap. She accepted Alex’s anger, took it without flinching knowing that she as a Seeker deserved so much worse.

   Alex lapsed into silence and the air charged around them from her magic and tension. What were mages going to do once they received words? They had cause to want to break away from the chantry, to rebel, to have mistrust. From the moment one was born, mages were treated differently. Harshly at times if they didn’t have people who loved them enough to accept and not fear them.  Alex knew that life. Her parents couldn’t hand her over to the chantry fast enough after her magic manifested. She had been six. For twenty some odd winters, Alex was forced to live a life, not of her choosing. Being told every day how her magic was a curse even if it was stated by Andraste herself to serve mankind. Granted, things in the circle hadn’t been that bad, but others weren’t as lucky. Some fell to demons like in Ferelden. Or abused their power in Kirkwall. Maker. Alex rubbed a hand over her mouth. How many tranquil mages wandered around the still-rebuilding city thanks to the madness of one woman.

   Cassandra stood and turned to the open window too afraid to look at Alex. Too afraid to see the hatred. The disgust. So afraid that she had lost her friend. Lost her sister. “There is more.”

   “What do you mean?” Cullen softly asked.

   Cassandra studied the rays of the moonlight spilling into the room. “Lucius was not wrong about the order.”

   “How so?” This time the question came from Alex surprising the lover’s. Hard as it might be at the moment, Alex had to remind herself that these two people cared about her. Loved her even. She had to believe that they were telling the truth. They wouldn’t’ve just sat on this information while lives were distorted all across the Thedas. She had to believe that they would’ve pushed past what they were taught and stood up for people like her. She had to believe that they would’ve used the knowledge to put an end to the rebellion. To stop the Conclave. The breach. To save all the lives, mages and non-mages alike, that had been lost over the last winter and a half.

   “I do not think the Seekers have been doing the Maker’s work, not truly.” Cassandra couldn’t help but replay that moment in the courtyard with Lucius pleading with her to cast away everything she had been taught, holding out his hand and begging her to join him. If she knew what she did now, would have things played out differently? The question alone shook her. No, regardless of everything she learned from the tome, she would’ve of abandoned the people of her order. She would have never sided with Corypheus. Sold out the order to the Fiery Rose so they could lure members to face torture and death. No matter what, she wouldn’t have allowed what transpired with Daniel to have happened at all. “Perhaps we believed it once. The original Inquisition was created during a terrible time. But now? We create secrets and let them fester. We act to survive but not to serve. That is not the Maker’s work.”

   “What is the Maker’s work, exactly?” Cullen let Alex speak again.

   “No one knows for certain. That is why we must keep seeking. Perhaps that is why we lost our way.” Emotions flooded Cassandra’s voice to the point it pained her to continue. “Because we stopped looking.”

   Cullen blinked away the sudden rush of tears that gathered in his eyes. It hurt so much to see her like this.

   Cassandra turned back to face them. “At some point, power becomes its own master. We cast aside ideals in favor of expedience and tell ourselves it was all necessary, for the people. Will that happen to us, Alexandra? Cullen. Will we repeat history?”

   “I don’t think it’s that simple,” Cullen stated.

   Alex realized that Cullen looked at her now, silently asking her to give her honest opinion. Lies would only cast everlasting damage. “I can’t see into the future. Andraste left that little power out when she gifted me with my magic. What I do know is that we are doing something here. _This_ Inquisition was created to do the things that were needed when everyone was standing around with their thumbs up their arses. This Inquisition closed the breach threatening to swallow the land. This Inquisition is doing whatever they can to find Corypheus. To restore order.”

   Cassandra mustered a half smile though the Inquisitor’s words had hope blossoming in her chest. “You might not be able to see the future, but we do know the past. Those who do not head History are doomed to repeat it.”

   “You don’t say?” Alex quipped.

   “Even knowing that history, I can’t help but wonder how much we resemble what they used to be.” Cassandra glanced at the book.

   Alex sat up in her chair. “I don’t like seeing you this shaken, Cassandra.” Her statement had the Seeker’s head jerking. “I might not like your order very much at the moment, but you’re still my friend. I care about you.”

  Cassandra pressed her lips together for a moment. “I do not think the Seekers have been doing the Maker’s work. Not truly. Perhaps we believed, I believed, it once. The original Inquisition came to be during a terrible time. Now? We harbored secrets and let them festered. We acted to survive. But not to serve. That is not the Maker’s work and it’s enough to rattle me to the core.”

   Alex stood, crossing over to take Cassandra’s gloved hand in hers. “Well, I still believe in you.”

   Cassandra blinked at her.

   “I will continue to believe in you regardless of what else that blighted book might say because I know your heart. You only want to do what is right. I know that you’ll do whatever you can to right the sins of the past. I know that without your guidance and support I can’t finish this on my own.” Alex gave the hands she held a firm squeeze.

   Maker, Cassandra prayed that she didn’t let her down. That she lived up to such high expectations. “I guess there is some truth in that. Especially the last part.” She smiled easing the tension between them until the mage grinned back at her. “I am the one who carried your Herald of Andraste’s ass through the snow. I have the scars to prove it.”

   Cullen growled at the memory why Alex laughed.

   “I see you in the morning, Seeker.” Alex left after a quick embrace.

   Cullen stood now, reaching to take her hands himself. “Still too soon.”

   “Sorry.”

   “What else is rattling around in there?” Cullen asked seeing her brown eyes shimmering in the soft candlelight.

   “I had thought or rather hoped to rebuild the Seekers after this.”

   “But…”

   “Now I’m not so sure they deserve to be rebuilt.”

   He brought her gloved hands to his lips, taking the time to mull over the words to make sure that they came from the heart. The Seekers weren’t beyond redemption. Even the Templars weren’t though they were farther gone than her order. He watched her. Watch the unsteadiness cross her face. The uncertainty. She needed someone to believe in her and her cause. “You came to Kirkwall and found a washed-up Templar struggling to hold together what was left of the broken city. You knew what happened, what lead to the explosion. You knew I was hiding sins of my own. You didn’t see someone beyond redemption even if I felt like I was. You thought I deserved redemption. A second chance.”

   “That’s hardly-.”

   He cut her off. “Rebuild the Seekers. Make them better than they were.” Cullen gestured to the book. “Hold nothing back. Let them all know what is in the book. Give them a second chance because they deserve one. Everyone does.”

   Sighing, she rested her head against his shoulder.

   Cullen wrapped his arms around her. “You’re such a strong person, Cassandra. Strongest in all of Thedas.”

   She scoffed in disagreement.

   “I mean it.” He cradled the back of her head in his hand, holding her close as possible. “I wish there was a way I could show you, but since I can you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

  “If I must.”

   He smiled. “Let’s go to bed.”

   “I’m far too tired to walk all the way to your office.”

   “Good thing there is a bed right over there,” Cullen reminded leading her to the bed she kept above the forge.

  

  

  

  


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look another chapter and more angst.... Sorry!

    Cassandra came awake in a panic with a heavy weight pressed against her chest. Through the shadows of the night, she found Cullen’s amber eyes wide and enraged. “Cullen.” She braced her hands against his shoulders. He was kneeling over her, his own hands tangled in the front of her tunic. There was no indication her lover registered her voice or his surroundings or anything really. He was rambling incoherently as the threads of her tunics started to pop from the strain.

   “You foul mouth, demon!” Cullen screamed down at her. “You will not trick me this time. You will not take her from me!”

   “Cullen, please!” Cassandra pleaded knowing it was all but useless. The Commander was in the midst of a flashback and a bad one at that. She tried to push him away only Cullen held his ground. The fear etched into his features was enough to break her heart. “It’s me, Cassandra. Come back to me.”

   He shook his head as if he was fighting her words. Her reassurance. “Shut up!”

   Cassandra forced herself to remain calm and to think. Though he seemed highly hostile, there was a part of Cullen somewhere near the surface as he made no attempt to physically hurt her. “Cullen!” She tried again to reach him verbally. When he continued to ramble on, Cassandra was left with no choice but to rear back before slamming her brow against his.

   The shock of the pain was enough to knock Cullen out of his stupor and tumbled off the bed. Dazed, he laid there for a moment, looking about trying to orient himself. Though his head was splitting, he managed to push himself into a sitting potion. It took him longer to figure out where he was as it wasn’t often he slept in Cassandra’s bed above the forge. He licked his lips, hissing at the pain and taste copper.

   “Cullen?”

   There was a slight tremor in her voice that had Cullen’s gaze snapping to hers. “Cassandra?” He took in her appearance, torn tunic, and his heart sank straight into the pit of his stomach. Bile rose in the back of his throat. “Maker, Cass I-I…”

   Cassandra kept her movement slow. She could see the thoughts racing through his head displayed clearly on his face. “Cullen, you were dreaming,” She softly explained as guilt settled and filled his golden eyes. “It was a night terror.”

   “I was back in the tower.” Cullen suddenly found it difficult to breathe. He couldn’t look away from the tear in her tunic and the angry red spots left by his own hands.

   “Cullen, wait.” Cassandra watched helplessly as her lover scrambled to his bare feet before racing down the stairs. She didn’t run after him through her heart screamed at her too. In his current state of mind, she feared that she would provoke more actions that would burry Cullen further in the abyss of guilt.

   Sighing, Cassandra rubbed her sore shoulder.

00o0o0o0o0o

   Failing to find Cullen, Cassandra pushed her way into the War Room for the thirst time. Only Alex and Leliana were present. Both women were hunched over the tables moving map markers around while discussing troop movements. Cassandra took in a long and frustrated breath. He’d been hoping to find and resolve her issue with Cullen without anyone’s involvement. That apparently wasn’t going to happen. “Have either of you seen, Cullen?”

   Immediately, Alex’s head snapped up. “What do you mean?”

   “I’ve been looking all over Skyhold for him,” Cassandra explained.

   The Inquisitor’s brow began to furrow. “He didn’t come to see you to say goodbye?”

   “Goodbye?” Cassandra echoed her heart kicking in her chest. Now, Leliana looked at her in the same state of confusion as the mage. Her heart now shot into her throat as she battled to keep her voice steady. “Why would he need to?”

   “Well, because…” Alex briefly exchanged a look with the Spymaster. “He left with the first battalion to the approach in our preparation for the siege on Adamant.”

   “He left?” Cassandra roared and ruined all their hard work by slamming her fists against the table, knocking the markers everywhere. A surge of emotions left her torn between wanting to scream and cry. Anger and heartbreak twisted through her and then there was an aftermath of guilt.  She should’ve gone after him, found and confronted him about this morning. That she wasn’t afraid of him. That his night terrors wouldn’t drive her away. Feeling the hot burning of tears, Cassandra screwed her eyes shut. “I can’t believe he left.” What did that mean for her? For their relationship.

   “He came to me before first meal, insistent that they move up their date of departure.” Alex felt helpless as she explained her interaction with the Commander. The tear she saw sliding down Cassandra’s scarred cheek made her heartache. She’d seen the Seeker go through an array of emotions. From barking orders to fits of uncontrollable laughter and everything in between. But never, not once, had Alex seen the woman cry. Not even when injured. Or when Cassandra was dragging her sorry ass through the snow while heavily injured. Not even yesterday when she sent Daniel to the Maker. “I’m so sorry, Cassandra. I didn’t sense anything. Hawke must’ve. That’s why he was so persistent about joining the Commander.”

   At least Cassandra took some solace in the fact that Hawke would do his best to look after Cullen. That didn’t do anything to ease the pain or disappointment.

   Leliana moved to the Seeker’s side and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “What happened, Cass?”

   “He had a night terror,” Cassandra started. “I woke up and he was on top of me.”

   Alex’s defenses went up. “Did he hurt you?” She loved Cullen dearly, but wouldn’t stand for him harming Cassandra.

   “No,” Cassandra was quick to assure. “Though, I imagine he thinks he did. He rushed off the moment he realized what happened. I thought it best to give him some space. That turned out to be a grave mistake.”

   “I’m sorry, Cassandra,” Alex repeated wishing more than anything she was better at picking up social cues. Life in the circle was all about keeping your head down and living behind a mask.

   Cassandra wiped away the lone tear. “Not your fault, Alex. Cullen seemed to have made up his mind. I thought this was something worth fighting for. No matter the obstacle. Now.” She pushed away from the tabled and started to turn. “It’s obvious that he doesn’t feel the same way.”

  “You know that’s not true,” Leliana tried to argue to no avail as the Seeker walked out of the room. She looked at Alex. “We can’t let her think that.”

   Alex arched a brow. “And who is going to get that through her thick skull.”

   “We’ll have our work cut out for us.”

   Alex sighed. “Better have the smithy start working on new training dummies. I have a feeling we’re going to go through quite a few before we move out ourselves.”

   “I also suggest we keep Varric away from her as well or we may find ourselves without our resident storyteller.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   In the first day of Cullen’s absence, Cassandra hid in the loft above the forge. She spent hours listening to the hammering and mindless chattering of the Smith workers to keep her thoughts from overwhelming her. Alex checked up on her once or twice, which Cassandra was grateful for, and promised to come up with an excuse to keep the others from trying to visit.

   On the second day, her anger kicked in driving her from her bed before dawn. She destroyed two dummies completely by first meal. In the sparring ring, Cassandra took down every challenger, including the Chargers and even Bull himself. The rush of battle and attempt to bleed off her anger brought no clarity of Cullen’s actions to Cassandra. By the Maker, she loved and hated the man at the same time. Cassandra knew from the beginning a relationship with Cullen wouldn’t be without its challenges. And, Maker knew, that being with her was anything but easy. But she never expected Cullen to throw in the towel without a fight first.

   Cassandra found herself in Cullen’s office on the third day. Two more battalions had left and soon the inquisitor would lead her own party to first the Keep in the Western Approach before joining the rest of the forces for the siege. As she sat behind his desk, fighting to remember the last time he had her sprawled atop it, Cassandra wondered if Cullen would move out from the Keep to avoid seeing her. What would she say anyway? Words weren’t something she was good at. Especially when her temper flared. It would take every ounce of willpower not to slug him the moment she did see him.

   Her gaze fell onto the box that held his home-made chess set and the sealed parchment with her name scrawled on the front laying next to it. A letter left by Cullen.

   Wiling her hands to steady, Cassandra picked it up and broke the seal.

   _My Dearest Cassandra,_

_I know by the time you find this it will find you in a state of pain and anger. A state I put you in by leaving under cloak and dagger. Do not be mad at Alexandra as she knew nothing of my intentions when I asked to move up the departure. Perhaps, I made a hasty decision and should’ve stayed. But I couldn’t, not with the knowledge that I hurt you. Perhaps, it was a mistake to think I could have a nice quiet life with a woman I loved after all I’ve done in my past. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I was being selfish. I’m far too broken and past second chances. I pray one day you’ll forgive me._

_Cullen_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Cullen’s heart jumped into his throat the moment he spotted the approaching party from his stop atop the Keep’s tower. He looked down at the map he’d been reviewing with Rylen trying to quiet his racing mind. He had weeks to prepare for this moment and he realized that it wasn’t enough time to have an adequate speech ready.

   “Shouldn’t you go down and greet them?” Rylen asked knocking the Commander out of his stupor. “You can’t hide, you know.”

   He made a noise in the back of his throat.

   “C’mon.” Rylen led him down the stairs. “I’ll even try to cushion your fall when she knocks the shit out of you.”

   “How kind,” Cullen grumbled.

   But she wasn’t amongst the Inquisitor’s party that came through the gates. Alex pushed down the hood of her cloak now the walls protected them from the sandstorm. Her gaze immediately found Cullen, pinning him in place when it looked like the Commander wanted to bolt. 

   “I'm pleased to see you arrived, Inquisitor.” Cullen looked about the faces filling in behind still not finding the one he both wanted and dreaded to see. “You made good time. We weren’t expecting you for another day or two.”

   “The Maker blessed us with little obstacles this time around. How are preparations going?” Alex asked brushing past him and turning her attention more to Rylen. It was taking all her willpower not to blast Cullen with a bolt of lightning.

   “Good,” The Knight-Captian assured taking pity on his superior officer and steering the conversation. “Most of our forces are well on their way to the fortress. We are in the middle of making last-minute arrangements before we joined.”

   “Look at what the wind blew in!” Hawke’s cheery voice broke through the tension. He watched the heat melt from Alex’s eyes the moment they settled on him. A smile broke out across his breaded face. “You’re a bit sunburned. Looks good on you.”

   Alex cocked her head to the side. “You’ve gained a little color yourself, Champion. You skin nearly matches the color of your hair.”

   Chuckling, he joined her in the courtyard. “Where is Cassandra?” He asked since it was clear no one else was going to.

   “She and Blackwall took a small regiment towards the Dales. We figured his experience as a Warden was needed at the front as soon as possible,” Alex informed watching the Commander’s expression shift to guilt from anguish. “Cassandra agreed and thought it best accompany him.”

0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o

   The knock on the door forced Cullen to lift himself higher into his chair. No good would come of anyone seeing him moping over Cassandra’s choice to stay away. Especially when his own actions were to blame. “Enter.” He bit back a groan when the Inquisitor entered carrying a polished wood box. Now, he was regretting turning down the bottle of whiskey Varric offered to drown his sorrows. “Come to berate me some more, Alexandra? Tell me how much of a bastard I am?   C’mon let me have it. Can’t do any worse than I’ve done to myself.”

   “You deserve more than a tongue lashing,” Alex shot back.

   Cullen hung his head. “I know.”

   She walked over to the man’s desk. “But even in her grief, Cassandra taught me a lesson. One I hope you learn too.”

   “And what’s that?”

   Saying nothing, Alex laid the polished wooden box she carried on the desk.

   Cullen recognized it instantly. But why would she have it? Why would Cassandra send it with Alex? He looked up hoping the Inquisitor would have an answer. Instead, she wished him a good night and left him alone. He sat there for a long time, simply staring at the box far too afraid to actually open the lid.

   _Come on, Rutherford! Stop being a coward!_

Sighing, Cullen placed the box in his lap and cracked it open. There was a note written in Cassandra’s hand. It was only a few words, but they carried such weight.

   _Not all broken things are lost._

Cullen picked up the parchment and became overwhelmed with too many emotions to name. Underneath the note was his homemade chess set looking at but brand new. Like his outburst in the garden hadn’t damaged it at all.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   The moment they reached the camp, Cullen lept from his horse before the steed could even come to a complete stop. He waved off the officers already approaching him. Battle strategies could wait for the moment. If he didn’t find Cassandra right away then he’d lose his nerve and screw everything up again. “Where is Seeker Cassandra?” He softly demanded.

   “Her tent is near the outskirts by the river,” Blackwall informed. “She does nightly devotions at its bank.”

   “Thank you.” Cullen was surprised when the Warden Caught him by the arm. “Do we have a problem?”

   Blackwall seized up the Commander, focusing on the man’s expression. Satisfied with what he saw, the warrior let go.

   Cassandra, sitting cross-legged on the grass, heard Cullen’s heavy footsteps, breaking her concentration. Abandoning her prayers, she opened her eyes to watch the flowing water and waited for him to speak. She’d extended the olive branch. Now, it was up to Cullen to take it.

   Smart enough some distance between them, Cullen made his way towards her. The last thing he wanted was to go for a swim if things went south. He’d sink straight to the bottom in his plate armor. His entire speech that he carefully had concocted the moment he received the chess set was now reduced to one simple word. “Why?”

   “Simple.” Cassandra pushed herself to her feet and faced him. “Everyone deserves a second chance. You said that to me when I spoke of the future of the Seekers. On whether it's worth rebuilding.”

   “I hardly think-.”

   Like the night above the forge all those weeks ago, Cassandra cut him off, “That’s the problem, Cullen. You think too much.”

   Despite everything, he let out a soft laugh. “Maker in heaven, I don’t deserve you.” Cullen quickly closed the gap, falling to his knees at her feet. “But I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. Your love.”

   “You don’t have to do anything.”

   He gazed up at her in wonder. “How can you just forgive me?”

   “Because I love you. And believe it or not.” Cassandra knelt, taking his face in her hands. “When you love someone, you’ll do anything for that person. Including fighting to show them they are a person of worth.”

   “I’m sorry,” He whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

   “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

   “I love you.”

   “I know.” One of her hands slipped to the fur of his mantle and pulled him close enough that their lips brushed. “Pull a stunt like that again, I will kick your teeth in and have your balls on a platter. Do you understand me, Commander?”

   The corner of his mouth twitched. “Perfectly.”

   Satisfied the Cassandra wouldn’t throw Cullen into the river or that the man would muddle up his apology, Alex left the line of trees and started on the task of setting up her bedroll. A tent was not worth the trouble since they were to move out tomorrow for Adamant. After talking to Rylen the night before, she knew that the trebuchets and the bulk of their forces were camped on the ridge outside of the Warden compound. She was confident that the siege would start by the time the sun fell tomorrow.

   “Fancy finding you here,” Hawke drawled coming up next to her with his own bedroll. “I notice that you’re not leaving too much room between you and the Seeker. Did she deck him?”

   The corner of her mouth twitched. “A part of me was hoping, but Cassandra showed her great resolve by refraining from doing so.”

   “If it will make you feel better, I can rough him up a bit,” Hawke offered, laying his bedroll on the grass by the tree line. His face lit up as a thought struck him. “Better yet, I’ll hold him so you can take a shot at him yourself.”

   Bedroll set up, Alex lowered herself after placing her small pack and staff down next to her. “Tempting.”

   “Tempting.” Echoing the word, Hawke sat down, leaning closer to her. Here at the edge of camp, they were away from the light of the main fire, giving them a small amount of privacy. The two days they had at the Griffin Wing Keep were busy and left very little time for them to just be Garrett and Alexandra. “Can I tempt you into something else, perhaps?”

   Heat rushed to her cheeks. “Like?”

   “I’m sure something will come to mind.”

   “For the Love of Andraste, kiss me.” Taking him by the front of the shirt, Alex moved first, fusing her mouth to his. He returned the gesture with reverence igniting the fire that had been burning for him for weeks now. His hands drifted up her sides until they carefully cradled her face. The fact that they trembled and yearned for more thrilled Alex to no end. She had spent some many restless nights pacing her room in Skyhold thinking that their time apart would cause his affections to wane. Then once she hit the point of exhaustion she dove into bed desperate to fall into the Fade knowing that she would see him without fail. She told herself that when she saw him again that she wouldn’t put whatever was between them away.

   Growing up in the circle she knew that Love was rarer than a golden dragon’s egg. And knew that love wouldn’t wait for anyone forever. Even the famed Herald of Andraste. There was this beautiful life lingering right before her eyes yet right outside her grasp as Hawke always seemed to be everywhere but with her. Any apprehensions that she may have had about being with Hawke, for trying to pursue him after her disastrous attempt with Blackwall, evaporated completely after reuniting with him after the whole mess with the Seekers.

   Drawing away, Hawke laid his brow against hers as their labored breathing mixed together. He simply allowed himself to take in the scent he missed so much. Under the layers left of travel, Hawke focused on the dark rose, melon, and a sweet tang left me the Lyrium in her veins, clinging to her skin. “I’ve missed you, Alexandra.”

   She soaked up the way her name rolled off his tongue in a mixture of Ferelden and Kirkwall. “I want to thank you, Garrett.”

   His mouth lifted. “Whatever for?”

   “You have done two things I’ve asked of you without warning or much explanation other than I need you to do it.”

   Hawke tucked a stray lock of hair behind her hair. “That’s all I’ll ever need from you.”

   “But it’s not fair to you.”

   “Look at me, Alex.” Hawke waited until green orbs meet his grey ones. “Matters of the heart are never quite fair to all parties involved, but you do it regardless because you care. I care, don’t you know that?”

   She laid her hand against his bearded cheek. “I feared that perhaps in parting that would maybe change.”

   “Banish the thought from your mind. Or do you wish to be rid of me so easily.”

   “Blighted, no!” To prove her point, Alex kissed him until they saw stars. “Do you honestly think I would let that happen?”

   “I would hope not.”

   Alex let out a soft laugh careful not to draw attention from anyone in camp. “Glad we have that settled.”

   “Rest now, Inquisitor,” Hawke insisted laying down himself. He wanted to pull her bedroll as close as he could to his in order to hold her but figured if certain people found them it would cause problems. And they needed clear heads to tackle the enormous task that laid ahead of them tomorrow. He settled for resting his hand next to hers.

   “When men say such things, it sounds like you’re telling a woman they look bad.”

   He flashed one of his charming smiles. “Never. You look tired is all.”

   Pillowing her head on her pack, she rested her hand inches from his. She wanted to stay up and talk to him, catch up in a way that exchanges letter could never do, but her eyes grew heavy on their own accord. “I missed you too, Garrett.”

   “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

   “Promise?”

   “I would never lie to you, my dear Alexandra.”

   Not many people could say those words to her and Alex believe them. Thankfully, Hawke was one of them.

   Back on the bank of the river, Cassandra was perched on Cullen’s lap in the shallow waters. Both were naked and enjoying the simple feel of one another again.

   “You look tired.” Cassandra took his chin between her thumb and forefinger to examine his face more closely. The thin golden hair on his jaw suited him and made him look a tad rugged under the overwhelming tiredness bleeding from his features.

   Knowing what she was truly doing, Cullen clamped a hand over her wrist. “I didn’t take any.”

   Cassandra let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

   He pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. “The pain, Maker, it was unimaginable. It crippled me, slowing us a day or two. Hawke help in masking my symptoms by saying it was a bad reaction to food.” Even now there was a pull in his veins for the Lyrium he sensed from Alex who had to be close by. After all this time, Cullen had managed to be able to be able to recognize the mage’s special pull. Though it caused pain and flare-ups, Cullen found himself grateful for the connection as it was a way he could track and watch over her. “The demons. I couldn’t shake them.”

   “My brave Ferelden Lion.” Now, she ran her fingers through his damp curls and down his neck. “I bet you don’t even know how brave you are.”

   Cullen made a noise in the back of his throat. “I don’t see much bravery in fighting my demons, day after day.”

   “That’s just it, my love. You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.”

   Her words and the wisdom in him stunned into silence. Did she think so highly of him? Even after the stunt he just pulled? Maker, this woman was truly extraordinary and a gift from the man himself.

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make up for lost time. I did tell you that I had future chapters written I just needed to get the Seekers block that I had out of the way.


	15. Chapter 15

   “Round up all the wounded,” Cullen barked to both Inquisition soldiers and Wardens alike. He forced himself to stop looking at the rift and focus on his duty. And not the fact, that with each minute that passed without any sign of the Inquisitor and her companions, his heart sank a little deeper into the pit of his stomach. “Get a triage set up in the main courtyard.”

   “Yes, Ser.”

   “And the dead, Commander?” A nameless Warden softly asked.

   “Until that thing closes we need to be on our guard. We’ll make sure every man and woman are accounted for and given a proper burial,” Cullen assured helping ease the tension in the Warden’s shoulders. “Focus on the wounded.”

   “Of course.”

   Cullen took a moment, one small sliver of time, to allow his emotions to kick free to the surface. The very second the bridge gave way under Cassandra’s feet his blood turned to ice. _Maker._ Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose while fighting the tears that burned. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. Not ever. She was what bound him to this world. Helped him navigate the murky waters of his withdrawals. Made him feel worthy. He barely survived the weeks of separation from her due to his own stupidity.

   He choked back a sob of anguish. This was a time of war and turmoil that stretched over all of Thedas. Their chance of a happy ever after had always been slim to none. Every time Cassandra rode away from the gate of Skyhold, Cullen had to come to terms with the fact she may not be riding through him again.

   Had he told her he loved her? Cullen thought back to the few hours before where they were positioned over the ridge from the fortress. They’d been readying themselves for battle. Cullen forced himself to think. Need to-.

   “Commander! Something is happening!”

   The warrior’s attention shifted to the rift that was now ebbing and letting out a low screeching sound. “Everyone stand ready!” Cullen commanded pulling his shield off his back and readjusting his grip on his sword.

   “It’s Varric and Dorian,” Blackwall shouted over the group’s whispers. He rushed forward to the two males that had fallen free from the rift. “Where is the Inquisitor? Where is Alexandra?”

   “They were right behind us,” Varric managed between pants.

   “Along with a big ass demon,” Dorian added using his staff to push to his feet.

   Cullen’s grip turned knuckle white on the hilt of his sword. “Focus! Take positions!”

   Wardens and Inquisition soldiers moved into a circle formation twenty feet from the rift.

   “Something else is coming through.”

   Blinded by a bright green light, Cassandra found herself pitching forward until she hit the cobblestone hard enough to steal her breath. _By the light!_ Her stomach lurched. Her body ached and throbbed. Going through the rift felt like being pulled about in a thousand different directions only to be forcibly put back together a moment later. Dazed, Cassandra swung her gaze around and all she could see were armored boots.

   _Cullen!_ One of them had to belong to her Commander.

   There was another flash of light and Cassandra grunted at the weight of the Inquisitor hitting her back.

   “Alex!” Ignoring the potential threat, Blackwall surged forward to help pull the mage to her feet.

   Alex pressed the heel of her palm to her temple bleeding hoping her vision would clear. Not everyone had made it through. “No!” She shoved past the Warden giving no mind to him as her full attention shifted back to the rift. “Where is he? Where is Hawke?”

   “Alex, wait!” Blackwall tried and failed to hold her back.

   Pushing away her pain, Cassandra stumbled to her feet to intercept the Inquisitor. The mage looked like she was about to jump back into the rift. “Alexandra.” Cassandra stepped into her path. “Stop. Think.”

   The sharpness in the Seeker was enough to stop Alex in her tracks. Alex gripped Cassandra’s arms, her own legs trembling badly enough she feared they would give out on her. “One of us had to stay behind.” Emotions made her voice break. “I tried to get them to go, but Hawke, he… He pushed me through.”

   “Because he knew you’re the only one who can defeat Corypheus.” Cassandra winced at her own words. “The one who can save Thedas and it wasn’t just because of the mark. He believed in you.”

   “I can’t condemn them to the fade.”

   “We have to close the rift,” Cassandra pressed on. Later, she would allow herself to feel the guilt and shame for what she was about to say. “Alex, listen to me. You need to close the rift before the Nightmare comes through.”

   “Cassandra.” This time the protest came from Varric. 

   “We can’t let it through,” Cassandra argued. She touched a hand to Alex’s dirty cheek. “I need you to focus, okay? You need to close the rift.”

   Tear prickling the corner of her eyes, Alex bared all her weight and squared her shoulders. The mark sparked to life as she lifted her arm. A green tendril shot out from her palm wrapping itself around the tear in the veil. Grief and guilt had her knees knowing together and weakening her strength to maintain the connection.

   When it broke completely, Cassandra placed a gentle hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Alex.”

   “I’m not strong enough, Cassandra.”

   “You’re the strongest person I know.”

   Before Alex could try again, there was a flash of light and a very disheveled and bleeding Hawke staggered out of the rift.

   The Champion of Kirkwall found his footing before giving the Inquisitor his signature cocky grin. “Weren’t worried about me were you, freckles?”

   “Hawke!” Alex flung herself forward.

   He caught her by the waist only allowing himself a moment or two in her arms. “We need to close the rift.”

   “Stroud?”

   “Is the only thing keeping it distracted. I fear he won’t last,” Hawke sadly informed. “You must hurry, Alexandra.”

   Alex raised her marked hand using it to seal the rift in on itself and there was nothing left. She watched Hawke crumbled to the ground. “Garrett!”

   “We need a healer!” Cullen shouted finally getting the message to his legs to move. Cassandra’s head snapped up at the sound of his voice, her dark eyes going wide the moment they spotted him. Much like Alex had with Hawke, Cassandra launched herself at him. Stumbling at the impact, Cullen held her tight stunned by her public display of emotions.

   “You’re okay. You’re okay.” Cassandra clawed at his shoulders to bring him as close as possible. Images implanted of a broken and lifeless Cullen in her mind by the Nightmare left her shaking. She turned her face into his throat. “You’re okay.”

   Cullen ignored the world around him. Movements and sounds were muffled. The only thing that registered, that mattered, was the woman in his arms. “Maker, I thought I lost you.”

   “I’m here and so are you.”

   “Are you okay?”

   “Far from it,” Cassandra confessed. She drew away before the dam broke. That would come later when their duties were complete.

   Cullen surged forward, his lips on her in a hard kiss. He knew where her mind went to duty. Knew they both had things to see through. He also knew that his Seeker was barely holding it together. Whatever transpired in the fade shook her down to the core. “One hour. I’ll find you in one hour. Do you understand?”

   Cassandra nodded then turned on her heels to help the Inquisitor.

0o0o0o0o0o0

   Less than an hour later, Casandra left Alex who was holding a vigil at Hawke’s bedside as she slipped out of one of the keep’s sleeping quarters and straight into a very angry looking Blackwall. Judging by his scowl, Cassandra figured he wasn’t all too pleased it was her was leaving the room.

   “Don’t go in there and upset her,” Cassandra warned only adding to the man’s displeasure. “She’s been through enough.”

   “The Champion?” Blackwall spat out the question.

   “Lost a vast amount of blood with a punctured lung.” Recalling the wound, Cassandra shuddered. An injury caused by one of the Nightmare’s pinchers. “You better wipe that look of your face. You are the one who pushed Alex away.”

   “But-.”

   “But nothing,” Cassandra cut him off. “Leave her be.”

   Grumbling, Blackwall stalked away.

   Maker’s breath, she was tired. It was a struggle to even keep her eyes open. But she pushed through, putting one foot in front of the other in the search for Cullen. She needed to see him. Needed him to help her forget about the horrors of the Fade. Even if for a few moments as it would be quite some time before they would even begin to dim.

   The keep had quieted in the last hour. It was so late in the night thing could wait till morning. The fires were out and the dead weren’t going anywhere. All the wounded had been collected and brought to the courtyard where the healers attended to them. Rest and comfort seemed to be on everyone’s mind as Cassandra passed a few Wardens passed out on bedrolls. She ignored the two shadows twisting together desperate to bleed some of the rush left by battle.

   The Commander was standing amongst a small group of Inquisition soldiers. Cassandra stopped, soaking up the mere sight of him. His heavy plate armor was gone along with his puldrons, but his sword was still hanging around his waist. The sleeve of his padded tunic was torn revealing a hastily bandaged forearm. Her eyes continued to roam, her heart lurching when she spotted the crimson stain just below his left rib cage. 

   “Cullen.” His name tumbled from her lips in a breathless sob. The moment his whiskey gaze found her’s tears began to burn.

   Abruptly leaving his conversation, Cullen closed the distance between them in three giant steps. He took her face in his battered hands, his eyes taking in every inch of her. Stroking his thumb over a small gash along her left cheekbone, Cullen saw no other obvious wounds. That didn’t mean there weren’t any. He knew there were mental ones because he could see the horrors swirling in her brown eyes. “Are you okay?”

   “Few bruises, nothing more.” Cassandra touched the blood stain and felt the bandage beneath the padded tunic.

   “Only a scratch.” His heart grew heavy at the sight of tears welling in her eyes. “Cassandra?”

   “Not yet,” She softly begged. “I can’t think about it.”

   For now, Cullen held his tongue. He took her hand, leading her away from the people and the noise. He longed for a room to be alone with her but settled for the shadows of an empty corridor. “By Andraste’s light.” Fingers curling in the short strands of her hair, Cullen brought her face close to rest his brow against hers. “When the bridge collapsed and you fell…”

   “Don’t think.” She lifted her hands to his thin bearded cheeks. “Please, Cullen. I don’t want to think about anything else other than you.”

   He brushed his lips over her scarred cheek, then over the gash scorching across the other. A shuddering breath escaped her lips as he continued to press soft and gentle kisses over every inch of her face. By the time his mouth found hers, she was shaking. It was hard for Cullen to determine if it was from anticipation or the sobs she seemed to be struggling to burry. It was like the Seeker’s all over again. Maker, what horrors did she see in the Fade? What was she forced to endure to keep Alexandra safe?

   Hands buried in his disheveled curls, Cassandra fused her mouth over his to keep him from speaking. That’s not what she wanted. She wanted to forget about everything. The wardens. The Fade. The Nightmare. All of it leaving nothing but Cullen to think about. Taking control, Cassandra pressed him into the wall, using the weight of her body to pin him in place. She could already feel him hard and pulsating through his leathers.

   She needed. Oh, how she needed.

   Cullen was fueled with a need of his own. He needed to reassure himself that she was indeed alive and not some illusion. He was desperate to feel her alive under his hands. To hear her sighs of pleasure and the beat of her heart as he touched her. Cullen let her take what she wanted all too happy to give up control as he knew she needed it this time around. Hands drifting, he worked the buckle of her sword belt and let it drop carelessly to the floor.

   The sound of the impact echoing against the corridor walls spurred Cassandra into action. She drew away and whisked his both this padded and under tunic off in one hard pull. Her gaze went to the bandage just under his left rib cage. Dropping to her knees, Cassandra carefully pressed her lips there resisting the urge to peel it away to see how bad the wound actually was. She wouldn’t put it past him to downplay his injury to keep her from worrying.

   Looking down, Cullen watched her expertly relieve him of his own sword and belt then his gaze turned hungry as her clever fingers pulled at the strings of his leathers. Seeing her on her knees before him, her gaze full of lust and desire, taking in the sight of his harden cock made his own knees knock together. He brushed his fingertip through her damp hair, cupping the back of her head to tilt her face upwards. “I love you, Cassandra.”

   She smiled at the onslaught of emotions behind his words. Pushing his leathers down past his knees, Cassandra tugged him to sit on the bench nestled against the corner of the corridor they were in. She didn’t return his words. Didn’t need to her as he knew already that her heart was overflowing with the love she felt for him. Plus, this moment wasn’t about words. It was about losing herself in him. About forgetting of the horrors of the night. About just feeling.

   His grip tightened and his head fell back against the stone, a groan trapped in his throat the moment she took him in her wonderful mouth. It happened without warning leaving Cullen breathless and taut like a bowstring. He shoved his fist into his mouth to trap the shout that was bubbling forth. _Maker in Heaven!_ He shuddered at the pleasure coursing through him. His body was still sizzling from battle, the bloodlust still lingering in his veins, leaving his so close to the edge already. Biting hard enough into his flesh to draw blood, Cullen subjected himself to the torturous pleasure of Cassandra’s worked him with both her lips and hands.

   “No need to hold back, my love,” Cassandra whispered the tip of his cock pressed against her mouth. “I doubt anyone will care. They’re happy to be alive.”

   “You’re driving me crazy, Cass.” Before she could continue her sensual assault, Cullen tugged to get her to stand.

   “That’s the point,” She grinned already feeling lighter under his loving gaze.

   He hooked a finger in the waistband of her leathers and pulled her closer. “As much as I’m enjoying having your mouth on my cock, I don’t want it to end before I’m inside you.”

   Cassandra struggled with her boots for a long moment or two before she managed to kick them off. She wished for him to hurry, but it seemed he was enjoying himself by slowly peeling her trousers slowly down her body. The moment they hit the floor, Cassandra kicked them away and was ready to pounce except Cullen held her firmly by the hips. “Cullen.”

   Ignoring her, Cullen became fascinated by the wetness that already coated the inside of her thighs. He smiled, running his fingers over her drenched lips loving the sound his lover made low in her throat. He wanted a moment or two of slowness to savor her before he let him take what she wanted. “Maker’s breath,” He whispered her fingers digging into the bare skin of his shoulders. Now Cullen slipped a digit into her wonderful heat, stroking the fire that was already blazing between her legs. “You’re always so ready for me.”

   “Please,” Cassandra begged her nails nearly drawing blood. “I need you.”

    Cullen reluctantly withdrew and sat back fully so his back was pressed against the stone wall. Taking her by the hips again, he urged her forward and she eagerly climbed onto his lap. “Then you shall have me.” Just like she had with her mouth, Cassandra filled herself hard and fast leaving Cullen moaning loud enough to echo the corridor. “By the light, Cassandra!”

   She rode him at a brutal pace, a stark contrast to the comforting pace of that night in the Inn, clutching at his shoulder to keep herself firmly seated in place. Cassandra lost herself in their noises that mixed together. In the feel of him leaving her empty only to fill her moments later. Cassandra basked in the fact she was driving him to the point of madness that his fingers dug into flesh hard enough to leave bruises. Her hands found his face the moment his eyes began to close. “Cullen look at me. I need…Need. Please.” The breathlessly pleaded incapable of forming the necessary words to articulate exactly what she needed. Heavy lids open and amber eyes stared back at her. They were clear. Cassandra found herself releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding. There were nose traces of corruption of Red Lyrium. They were warm like the sun they so often reminded her of, filled with admiration, love, and unfathomed hunger for her.

   One of Cullen’s large hands drifted away from her hip to where they were joined. He could feel the strain in her muscles. Could see the slight apprehension in her dark gaze. “I’ve got you, my love,” Cullen assured flickering his thumb over her swollen bundle of nerves. “You’re safe. Let go.”

   The moment the words left his mouth, Cassandra felt the building tension within her burst into a million of burning pieces. White hot flames consumed her as she catapulted over the edge. She kept her eyes locked on his, even when her vision began to blur. Needed to reassure herself that this wasn’t another trick of the Fade. “Cullen.”

   “Maker, Cassandra.” Sensing her need, he forced his lids to remain open, his release hitting him hard and fast.

   They didn’t stop rocking against each other until their bodies turned into putty. Panting, Cassandra dropped her sweaty brow to his. “I love you.”

   He ran his fingers over her scarred cheek. “And I love you, my dear Seeker.”

   “I know you must have questions and I aim to answer them the best I can, but I can’t just yet.”

   “I won’t push.” No matter how much he wanted too. Gathering her close, he tucked her head under his chin. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Cullen realized that it was best for them to dress before someone came upon them. But Cullen couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment. All he did care about was the woman in his arms and the feel of still being buried inside her.

   “How’s Hawke?” Cullen figured that was safe territory to breach.

   “Still unconscious when I left. Healer’s said it may be a few hours yet until he wakes as his wounds are quite serious.”

   “Alexandra with him?”

   “Nothing by divine intervention can pull her away.”

   “Hmm.”

   “What?”

   “Her and Hawke. I didn’t realize that there was something there.”

   Cassandra laughed. Maker, it felt so good to after the horrors of the day. “There’s been something there for months now.”

   “Really?”

   “Since Crestwood.”

   “Really?” Cullen asked utterly surprised.

   “You’re too busy yelling at recruits and working yourself to death behind your desk. I’m not surprised you didn’t notice.”

   “Can’t imagine Blackwall is taking that well.”

   “The Warden dug his own grave. I hope he doesn’t stir trouble. Alex deserves whatever happiness she can find.”

   Now the conversation they had outside the stables before she set out for Redcliff with Dorian made perfect sense. “I concur.”

   Cassandra nuzzled his throat. “I guess we should think about moving.” Neither of them made an attempt. “Maybe find a bedroll or two to get some sleep.”

   “You’re the one on top,” Cullen reminded though he wasn’t complaining one bit. “You have to move first.”

   “I’m quite comfortable.”

   “Someone can stumble across us.”

   “People are too wrapped up in their own trysts to care even if they did.”

   “Tryst.” Cullen found himself grinning. “Is that the word for what we just did?”

   “I can think of a few more colorful words to describe it as well.”

   The corner of his scarred mouth lifted. “Do they come with examples.”

   Cassandra found herself grinning. “I’m sure I can manage that.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Hawke awoke to a cool cloth bathing his brow. Maker, it felt like he was burning from the inside out. He opened his eyes and gave the Inquisitor a lopsided grin. “Thank Andraste it’s you. I feared I would find Varric looming over me.” His remark caused Alex to laugh and, though it was strained, the sound was music to his ears. “You much more pleasing to look at.”

   Blushing, Alex dropped the cloth into the water and wrung it out. “I think that’s the fever talking.”

   He caught her hand and placed a kiss over the pulse of her marked hand. “Fever or not, I’ve always found you quite stunning, Alexandra.”

   “Now I know you must be delirious because I don’t think I’ve ever been referred to as stunning in my life.”

   For the moment, Hawke let the subject go as well as her hand. The cool cloth felt like heaven against his skin. “Poison?”

   “Left by the Nightmare when it punctured your lung.” Alex pushed down the sheet covering him and stroked the newly healed skin of his chest. There was a jagged patch of raised skin as a reminder. “Healer’s say your body will purge it by morning.”

   He forced himself to focus on her tired face and not the hand stroking his body. “You haven’t slept, have you?”

   Alex shook her head. “And I don’t think I ever want to again knowing what awaits me in my dreams.”

   “We got out of there and foiled Corypheus’s plan. That’s something to hold on to.”

   A single tear escaped down her pale cheek. “I nearly killed you, Garrett.”

   “It wasn’t me you were seeing.”

   “That doesn’t change the fact I almost blasted you into oblivion.”

   “Who was it you were seeing?” Hawke wondered.

   “A Templar from the circle.” Alex averted her gaze. “He had a habit of preying on young mages. I reported him to the Grand Enchanter after he tried to corner me.”

   Hawke’s blood boiled at the thought. “What happened?”

   “Took a few more complaints before they transferred him out. He snuck into my room claiming we had unfinished business to attend to before he left.” Feeling Hawke tense, Alex ran a soothing have over his damp hair. “Cost me a half dozen lashes, but I scorched the bastard’s balls.”

   “That’s my girl.”

   Her stomach fluttered at her words. “You should try to get some more rest.”

   “Only if you get some yourself.”

   “I’m fine.”

   “Come.” Rolling on his side, Hawke scooted on the bed to make room for her. “Lay your head down, Alex. I promise to continue to be the gentleman I always am. I can’t stand to see you so tired.”

   She was in fact exhausted. So much, that she didn’t argue or over think the invitation as she slid into the bed beside him. Alex laid on her side with her back to him to resist the temptation of curling against him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Hawke.”

   The rogue stroked a hand down her arm. “Back at yea, Freckles.”

    Sometime later, an indistinguishable noise jolted Alex awake. Groggy, she forced her heavy lids open and would have smiled if she wasn’t so damn tired. During her slumber, she had turned and ended up nestled against Hawke and began to use his shoulder as a pillow. Alex, upon hearing the noise again, looked back and shot straight up in bed. “Cassandra!”

   The Seeker’s lips curved upwards. “Well, good morning, Alexandra. My, don’t you look comfy.”

   Alex felt her cheeks start to burn. “It’s not what it looks like.”

   Cassandra picked up her breastplate and began to buckle it in place. “So, you aren’t snuggled up against a seemingly naked Champion of Kirkwall?”

   “He’s not… Only half,” Alex softly corrected. “Makers breath, Cass. Cut it out.” 

   “No way my dear Inquisitor. Payback for your teasing.”

   “How could I not?” Alex shot back keeping her voice low as surprisingly Hawke was still asleep and she wanted to keep it that way. “You’re the one who screamed his name in the middle of camp. Then there was that very intense sparring match. Do you want me to go on?”

   Cassandra continued to smile not fazed by the mage’s words this time around. “Hawke, you can stop pretending to be asleep not.”

   A smile crossed the rogue’s face. “But I’m enjoying the banter immensely.”

   Alex’s whole body was inflamed now. “What are you even doing here?”

   “Came to get my gear and wake you two up.” Cassandra picked up her bracers. “I can go stall if you want time to finish any unfinished business.”

   “I’ll be out in a minute. Now go.” Before she died of embarrassment.

   Cassandra grabbed her shield on the way towards the door. “Hurry or I’ll send Dorian in. At least I can keep my mouth shut.”

“I’ll be out in five,” Alex promised.

   As the door shut, Hawke propped himself up on his elbow chuckling “The more time I spend with that woman, the more perplexed I become to Varric’s apprehension of her.”

  “In his defense, she did kidnap him.”

   “And stabbed a book. You know how the dwarf loves books.”

   Alex turned, trying her damnest to ignore how appealing he looked with his amber hair tousled from sleep. “She did?”

   “Not sure to be honest. Varric does tend to stretch the truth a bit.”

   “More than a bit.”

   Grinning, Hawke brought a hand up to caress her cheek. “Morning.”

   She smiled back. “Did you sleep well?”

   “More so than in recent memory.”

   “I should go before Cassandra makes good on her promise. Plus, there is much to be done. I’m sure the Wardens, Blackwall in particular-.” She felt his calloused hand shift to the back of her neck before pulling her into a searing kiss that burned all the way to her core. It took a moment or two to regain the ability to form words. “By the stars, Garret. Was that you marking your territory?”

   “Partly,” Hawke blatantly answered.

   “The other part?”

   “Simply, well, I…” A sheepish smile crossed his face making him appear shy for the first time since they met. “I wanted to kiss you. Sometimes the urge is so great, but…It’s…”

   Smiling, she brushed her fingers over the corner of his mouth. “Please don’t hold back on such urges, Champion.” A simple piece of advice she’d given him many weeks earlier.

   “You may live to regret those words, my dear Alexandra.”

   A pleasant shiver worked down her spine as her name rolled in his mixed Kirkwall and Ferelden accents he acquired in his decade-long stay in the city. “Look at me, Garrett.” Alex waited until his grey eyes lifted. “Whatever lingering feelings that I may still have for him doesn’t compare to what I feel for you. Looking back, it was all but a young girl’s crush. With you it’s different.”

   He began to play with her frayed braid. “After over ten years of turmoil, loss, and pain, I gave up on finding anything like this. You make me happy, Alexandra, beyond measure. The moment I met you it felt like being hit with a burst of sunlight, chasing away the gloomy clouds of my life.” He pulled her drew her back down to give her a gentle kiss this time. “That’s why I couldn’t let you stay behind. I didn’t want to be responsible for taking such a beautiful light from this world.”

   “When you say things like that, it’s very hard to stay mad at you.”

   A smile, cocky and confident, broke out across his face. “You better go before that blasted mage come in here and really stirs the gossip.”

   “Worried about your reputation, Champion?”

   “More I don’t want you to have to go through the relentless teasing. Especially from Varric.”

   Alex groaned. “That would be worse than Cassandra.”

   “I’ll join you once I get dressed.”

   “Looks like Cass took pity and brought you a stamina potion to help you get back on your feet and a new shirt.” Alex picked up the vial the Seeker left on the bedside table. “Drink up, dress, and join me outside.”

   He cocked his head to the side. “I may need some help on that second part.”

   Her cheeks began to burn. “I, ah-umm… Think you can handle that _.” At least for now_. Alex felt like her face was on fire now. “I’ll be outside. Varric is sure to be about if you truly need the assistance.”

   “I think I can manage.”

   After one more kiss, Alex snagged her staff resting by the door on her way out.

   Hawke fell back on the bed, face in the pillow that carried her scent. Maker’s breath he was completely taken with the woman.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   In the end, after some heavy debate between the members of the Inquisition, the Warden’s fate was to help clean up their mess instead of banishing them. They set out for their journey back to Skyhold a day or two after the siege. That’s how long it took to account for all the injured and the dead. The Inquisition and Wardens bounded together to give those they could identify a proper send off to the make with a massive funeral pyre. Cullen issued the order for the forces, sending a good bulk back ahead of their departure. The others would be split into two where half would remain at Adamant. Somehow Blackwall’s announcement that he would stay behind didn’t surprise him at all. He wondered if it had more to do with knowing that Alex’s affections were now elsewhere or the need to stay with his brethren.

   He didn’t put much thought into it. Her concerns were focused on the state of his lover. She looked completely haunted since the moment she fell out of the Fade. He kept good on his promise and didn’t despite the burning ache to do so. Especially when he saw that Alex carried the same look. But just like the Seeker, the Inquisitor was holding herself together as she rode with Hawke who was too weak to travel on his own but had been insistent not to be left behind. Cullen didn’t blame him. The moment the walls of Adamant had faded completely in the distance was when he took his first true breath not laced with anxiety.

   Tired, Alex sat at the main fire they built when they traveled as far as they could for the day. Sensing Hawke, she gave him a soft smile and held up a hand to help him sit beside her. The camp was quiet as it was well into the night if not early morning hours. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

   Hawke did his best to ignore the way his lungs burned. “I got cold. Someone left with the blanket.”

   Alex felt herself blush as she looked down at the fabric wrapped around her. “Ah, sorry about that.”

   “Nightmares?”

   In truth that was the real reason sleep wouldn’t come. The secondary one was she found herself oddly unsure about herself sleeping by his side now that she wasn’t overcome by exhaustion and fear. Cassandra was the only person she ever shared a sleeping space with. In the circle, they kept them separate as much as possible. But even when she didn’t, Alex always had her own bed. “I never slept.”

  “Care to share that blanket again, Inquisitor.”

   “Oh-right.” Alex blinked in surprise before unwrapping herself.

   “C’mere,” He softly beckoned as he took the blanket to wrap it around his shoulder.

   A pleasant warmth spread through her breast the moment his arm snaked around her mid-section and pulled her flushed against him before closing the blanket around them both. Basking in the feeling of security the embrace provided, Alex rested her head back against his shoulder. The sad fact was this was the first time that someone simply held her for no other reason the wanting to comfort. To love. “how do you feel.”

   Hawke laid his cheek atop her head. “Much better now. How are you always so damn warm?”

   “I’m a fire mage,” Alex reminded this time with only a twinge of fear about announcing her magic. For the simple fact that she could, Alex conjured a small flame and let it play across the tips of her fingers before sending it into the fire.

   A comfortable silence fell between them.

   Hawke watched the flames dancing in the slight breeze, sighing at the pleasure radiating from Alex’s fingers stroking along his wrist. He wondered if she was even conscious that they stopped every moment or two over his pulse as if she was reassuring herself that he was alive. He dropped his head, skimming his lips over the shell of her ear. “Tell me how to help you, Alexandra.”

   “Just hold me.” A simple request, but it carried volume.

   “Until the end of time.” The words slipped past his guard, but that didn’t make them any less real. Maker, he loved this woman. He feared her. He worried for her. Worried about the mark. About what the ancient magic was doing inside her. Worried that he was just setting himself up for heartbreak. Worried that this fucking quest to save Thedas would take her away from him. That’s what he saw in the Fade. Well, part of it anyway. Memories of his family, of their final moment, flashed through his mind threatening to break him all over again. Hawke buried his face in her throat and tightened his grip around her.

   A scream coming from a nearby tent broke their silent reprieve. Alex’s head snapped to the side, heart lurching into her throat. Moments later, a bone white Cassandra stumbled out of the tent clutching her sword like a lifeline. She would have lept to her feet if Hawke hadn’t held her in place. She thought about fighting him, but then the Seeker took off and a half asleep, confused, and alarmed Cullen came tumbling out of the tent.

   “Let him, Alexandra,” Hawke whispered into her ear.

   “He doesn’t know. He didn’t see,” Alex softly argued.

   “I know and that’s why he needs to be the one to go after her.” Hawke watched the Commander struggle with his boots, nearly pitching himself forward into the tent. “She needs to tell him or risk becoming consumed by them.”

   She didn’t like it but figured that later she would find wisdom in his words later. For now, Alex sat where she was as Cullen took off after Cassandra, sword in hand, into the tree line. Battling the memory of the Fade herself, Alex clung to the Champion.

   Cullen was still half asleep as he stumbled blindly into the shadows of the tree. “Cassandra,” He called out having no idea which way she went. The light of the fire was gone now and the trees were so thick that the light of the moon couldn’t penetrate them to help aluminate his way.

   Cassandra stifled a cry when her barefoot caught on a root sending her sprawling forward. Sword slipping from her fingers, she hit the ground hard. _No! No!_ Smothered by panic, Cassandra frantically crawled across the dirt trying to find her blade. They were coming. The Nightmare was sending his minions after her. She had to be ready. She had to stop them before they overtook her.

   “Cassandra.” The Nightmare’s voice hissed in her ear.

   Maker help her, they were almost upon her. She could feel them. She pushed to her feet the moment her hands closed over the hilt of her sword and swung at the approaching forces. The sound of metal clashing together filled the woods as her blow was meet before it could find purchase.

   “By the light.” Cullen’s breath heaved as he struggled to hold his ground against the force of Cassandra’s strike. It was enough to knock the lingering remains of sleep from his brain. “Cassandra.”

   Nothing.

   Metal scraped against metal and Cullen could feel the blade approaching his throat. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Cassandra, but he had no choice. Snagging her waist, Cullen twisted his blade and sent both of the blades spinning out of their grasps as he pulled hard against him. “Look at me. I said look at me, Cassandra! Open your eyes and look!”

   The power of his voice broke through the haze Cassandra was trapped in. Blinking slowly, Cullen’s features came into view. She noted the sheen of sweat on his brow. Felt his golden eyes burning into her. Cassandra lifted a trembling hand, became startled by her own actions and jerked it back as the haze started to creep back. “Cullen?”

   “Right here, my love.” Cupping her hand, he brought it to his face. He felt her fingers flex against his skin almost as if she was fighting what she was feeling. Cullen leaned into her touch. He heard her breath catch and he found himself holding his own.

   “R-real?”

   She sounded so afraid. So broken. Just like him after emerging from a feverish dream. His heart ached knowing how it felt not to trust one could see, feel, and smell. “Yes, my love,” he softly assured and in that instant, her knees cut out. Cullen nearly missed catching her. “I got you, Cassandra. I got you.”

   She let out a broken sob as she pressed her face into his shoulder.

   Cullen stroked a loving hand over her hair. Per usual, words struggled to form. _Say something you twit!_ He settled on humor. “Guess I’m not alone in the nightmare department.”

   On something of a laugh, Cassandra twisted her fingers in his tunic. “I guess I can’t nag you about not getting enough sleep anymore.”

   He smiled into her hair. “I thought you didn’t nag.”

   “Right, just like you don’t yell at your recruits.”

   “Do you want to talk about it.”

   “Will you hate me if I said no?”

   “I can never hate you.” Cullen knew from personal experience that facing the darkness wasn’t an easy task and should never be rushed. “I’m not going anywhere, Cassandra. I’ll help you through this. We’ll help each other.”

   Maker, she loves this man with every fiber of her very existence. “Thank you.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   It took them a week and a half to get back to Skyhold. Nightmares found Cassandra each and every night. And each time, Cullen was there to simply hold here while whispering soothing words in her ear, never once asking about what she saw in the Fade. Potions hadn’t help. Neither did sleeping outside. Or sitting up.

   Tired, Cassandra stood in the stables unloading her mount since she neglected to do it upon arrival. She wondered if being back in Skyhold surrounded by familiar things if the nightmares might dissipate. Maker knew Cullen needed some peace to get some adequate rest.

   “Seeker,” The title barely left Hawke’s mouth before he found himself pinned to a wall with a blade at his throat. “Ah-well… I feel like by now I should know how to talk myself out of such situations.”

   “Hawke!” Surprised, Cassandra dropped the blade as if it was iron hot. “Andraste have mercy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-I mean- Forgive me. I-I.”

   Hawke offered one of his signature smiles. “I’ve had worst greetings.”

    She ran a shaking hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I am beyond exhausted and you surprised me.”

   “I’ll make sure to get that bell Varric keeps suggesting.” Hawke was pleased with the laugh caught in her throat. “That way you won’t toss me off the battlements.”

   “Perhaps.” Cassandra gave the Champion a pleading look. “Please don’t tell Cullen. Or Alex.” She added after a thought causing the man’s brow to furrow. “Cullen doesn’t need to worry anymore then he already is and Alex has enough stress already.”

   Hawke blew out a slow breath. “I can only promise you that I won’t say anything unless they ask. I won’t lie to them and neither should you.”

   “Fair enough.” Cassandra returned to the task he interrupted, not trusting to handle a weapon quite yet. “What bring you this way, Hawke? I know it’s not for my cheery disposition.”

   “I-well.” Nervous now, Hawke dragged a hand through his ginger-colored hair. “It’s about Alex.”

   She jerked back around, her tired mind going wild with worry. Then she focused on his face and caught herself before she let it bubble to the surface. “Trouble between you two?”

   “No-No nothing like that.” Why did he feel so foolish? Hawke shoved his hands into his leathers to hide the tremors. “I know life in the circle has deprived her of many things. Romance being one of the major ones.”

   “Are you asking me for romantic advice, Champion of Kirkwall?”

   “Yes,” Hawke answered without a hint of shame. “We haven’t-I mean there hasn’t been much time to be alone with her. Or a chance to- Shit, I don’t know why this is so hard.”

   Cassandra’s heart was flooded with happiness and affection for the man before her. “Because you care for her.”

   “I do. I really do.” Hawke glanced about to confirm that they were indeed alone. “I want to do this right. Has she… I don’t suspect if you know…”

   Cassandra found his ramblings endearing. “Yes, but I doubt you can call stolen moments a relationship. From what I’ve gathered all of her experiences have been rather quick and didn’t allow much room for absolute pleasure.”

   He felt the tips of his ears start to burn. “If I’m not overstepping, I wonder if you will allow me to help you unsaddle your horse so perhaps you can help me with Alex.”

   “I’ll be elated.” Because her heart was burst, Cassandra threw her arms around the rogue. “Thank you, Garrett. She deserves this and so much more. You do as well.”

   “Ah-hmm.” Hawke gave her a squeeze. “Thank you.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't ever intend to have so much smut back to back to back, but well here it is again. There is some plot in here if you squint hard enough. An Alex x Hawke chapter!

   Tired and wet, Alex climbed the stairs while peeling her soaking wet jacket from her body. The day started out nice and sunny with mild temperatures than a thunderstorm blew in from the mountains, flooding the courtyard and helping them find even more holes in the Keep to patch. She, accompanied by Cassandra and Cole, made it to the stone bridge from their trip to the lower town when the storm hit. Now, once where her mind was preoccupied with meeting Hawke, was replaced with the dire need of dry clothes and snuggling under the sheets for warmth. Maybe even a nap for an hour or two.

   She stopped on the landing of the stairs taking away by the sight before her. Hawke, dressed casually in a pair of leathers and cotton tunic, stood in the middle of the room surrounded by candles, flowers, and all the fixing for a picnic. A blanket was spread out at his bare feet along with a few throw pillows from the lounge chair. A top a small table was a chilled bottle of wine and glasses, pairing perfectly with the fire raging in the hearth to help combat the chill brought in by the rain. Alex gaze finally made it back to Hawke. The Champion of Kirkwall looked utterly nervous.

   “Hi,” Alex greeted mindlessly tossing her coat on the railing of the staircase.

   “Hi,” He returned her greeting accompanied by a soft smile. “I see you couldn’t escape the storm.”

   Alex ran a hand down her wet braid. “Caught us by surprise.”

   “You’re telling me,” He muttered mostly to himself. When he saw the clouds coming in, he barely had enough time to change his well thought out plans for a romantic picnic in the grooves outside the Keep. If it wasn’t for both Cassandra and Leliana’s help, everything would’ve been completely ruined.

   “What is all this?”

   Hawke wrung his hands together behind his back. Maker in heaven, he’d never been so nervous when trying to peruse a woman. Then again Alex, for quite some time, wasn’t just any other woman. After countless years of loss and loneliness, it was nice to feel so much for a person. “A picnic.”

   Smiling, Alex raised a brow. “Don’t they usually occur outside.”

   “Well…” He spared a glance out the open window. “Err… Circumstances changed my plan.”

   “Plan?” Alex moved to sit on the best at the foot of the bed to work on her boots. Much to her amusement, Hawke knelt to assist with the task.

   “A picnic outside the walls of Skyhold.” Hawke removed the first boot and started on the second one. “A chance to spend some time alone with you knowing that people wouldn’t interrupt and drag you away for some Inquisition business. There is a nice secluded groove between the Keep and lower city.”

   “Now, I bet you have either Iron Bull or Cassandra downstairs ready to put the fear of the Maker in anyone who dares come knocking.”

   A smile flashed across his face. “I have both actually.”

   Laughing, Alex shook her head.

   “What?”

   “It’s nothing. I-I just…” Heat rushed to her cheeks under his gaze. “No one has ever gone to such lengths to spend time with me.”

   Grey eyes sparkled. “Their loss.”

   “The circle.” Alex took a moment to chose her words. “I believed-.”

   Springing up, Hawke silenced her with a kiss. He drew away, her fingers tangled in the fabric of his tunic. “Change out of your wet clothes and let us enjoying our indoor picnic.”

   “Okay.”

   The moment she took off for the closet, Hawke settled on the blanket and began to distribute the food on the plates. He found his hands shaking when he poured the wine. _Damn it!_ He was thirty winters. Far too old to be anxious over a woman. If Isabella was here no doubt the pirate would have herself a good laugh.

   “This all looks wonderful.”

   Hawke turned and thanked the Maker he was already sitting. It would only serve to make him appear as foolish as he thought he was because the site before him would’ve easily knocked him on his ass. Alex stood there, feet bare and damp hair loose in only an oversized tunic that fell mid-thigh. He couldn’t help by wonder if she wore any small cloth. “So do you.”

   “I look like a drowned rat,” Alex corrected sitting on the blanket. “But thank you.”

   Later, with the food half eaten and the wind all but gone, Alex found herself sitting against the foot of the bed, snorting into her cup. Hawke was lounging on his side, propped up on his elbow, looking at her in a way that left her completely breathless as he recited a tale from his time in Kirkwall.

   “You’re making that up,” Alex challenged.

   “I’m not,” Hawke defended enjoying her laughter. “I needed to get into the Foundry and Aveline would’ve skinned me alive if I laid a finger on any member of her guardsmen.”

   “So, you ran through Dark Town screaming for help because your dog fell into the sewer?”

   He shrugged. “It worked.”

   “And how did your friend Aveline react once she found out about your little rouse?”

   “Her face turned the color of her hair.” Hawke couldn’t help but smile at the memory. In moments like this, he missed those he considered family tremendously. “Thank the Maker Guardsman Donnic came in, getting her all flustered for a different reason.”

   “Oh?”

   Hawke set his empty cup aside. “She was hopelessly in love with the man. They eventually married after some very embarrassing attempts to woo him.”

   “Wait.” Alex sat up straighter. “The Guard Captain married a Guardsman? Is this where Varric found his inspiration for his Swords and Shield serial?”

   “Much to her disdain.”

   “Do you miss it?” Alex softly asked. “Kirkwall, I mean?”

   “At times.” He leveled his gaze with hers. “But I like where I am just fine.”

   Spurred by a bout of courage, coupled with the wine in her system, Alex launched herself forward until her lips fused over his and her hands were on his face. Hawke tangled his fingers her the long strands of her hair, returning the kiss with admiration. The eagerness in his touch, his taste, left her breathless. Left her aching in ways Alex never felt before. Was this how it was supposed to feel? Was this another thing the circle kept her from experiencing?

   “Alexandra,” He groaned as she shifted to straddle his hips answering Hawke’s earlier questions about small cloth. There was no stopping himself from bucking against her bare heat. Her hands left his face and streaked down his body with speed he couldn’t comprehend. Her kisses became desperate almost as her haste was driven by uncertain. Maybe even fear. Hawke caught her by the wrist to still her hands after they all but ripped the tunic from his body. “Alex, wait.”

   “What?” Alex stared at him in a lust induced haze. “Why? Is something wrong?”

   Shaking his head, he brushed her hair from her flushed face. “Nothing is wrong, _Mo Chroi._ I only wish to savor this moment.”

    Heat filled Alex’s cheeks. Lost in the moment, she momentarily forgot she wasn’t trapped within the circle. There was no need to hurry as no punishment was waiting around the corner of caught. Alex dropped her brow to his, her breathing heavy and uneven. “I’m sorry.”

   “You have nothing to apologize for,” he softly assured. “I know moments like this were rare if there was any. I only want to give you this to you. To make it perfect.”

   She looked around at the half-eaten food and empty wine glasses. It was clear that the Champion put a lot of thought and planning into this moment. One of romance and intimacy she’d only read about in Books. His eager, yet gentle touch, left Alex unbalanced. “Garrett.” She took a calming breath and allowed the rogue to draw the tunic down her shoulder. Stormy eyes drew dark with a desire she’d never seen directed at her.

    How did she tell him it was already perfect?

    Every so slowly Hawke dragged a hand down the pale skin between the valley of her breasts. He heard the sob she so desperately tried to swallow. “Do you trust me, Alexandra.”

   “Beyond measure,” She answered without hesitation.

   “Then trust me, _Mo Chroi_ ,” He softly begged dragging his teeth over the column of her throat. “Let me touch you. Save and worship you like the goddess you are. Let me make love to you.”

   Alex was pulling at shoulders, desperate to feel his skin against hers. “For the love of the Maker, yes. Garrett, please don’t make me beg.”

   Grinning, he lifted until they were spread out on the bed. A smile appeared. “I won’t make you beg for that.” Lowering his head, he teased his lips over a perked nipple. “Can’t say I won’t make you beg for other things.”

   “Promises, promises, Mr. Hawke.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Body humming from being thoroughly worshiped, as Hawke put it, Alex snuggled deeper in his arms. A happy sigh left her kiss-swollen lips as she basked in the sensation of the afterglow while being wrapped in her lover’s arms. She was enjoying it nearly as much as the sex. Both brand new experiences she was likely never to forget.

   Hawke’s attention refocused from his sexual satisfied haze the moment his wandering fingertips hit ap tach of hardened cartilage on the back of the Inquisitor’s shoulder. Opening his eyes, he fought back a surge of dark emotions at the sight of the crisscrossing scars branding her back. In his haste, they didn’t register when he explored the plains of her body.

   Head pillowed on his outstretched arm, Alex felt the rage behind the tender touch. “Ten lashes,” She started closing her eyes trying to keep the memory from overwhelming her. “My punishment for attacking a Templar.”

   “The bastard was a rapist,” Hawke growled.

   “Still broke the rules,” Alex explained. “They strung me up in the courtyard and stripped me down to my leathers to make an example. To show the other mages what could happen if they couldn’t control themselves and their magic.”

   “Even if you were only using your magic to defend yourself.”

   Alex only shrugged. “The Knight-Commander took some of that into consideration as he made the Grand Enchanter do it. The blows could’ve been much worse.” She turned until she was facing the rouge. Alex ran the tips of her fingers over his lips. “No need to fret, my dear Champion. It happened long ago when I was young. The memory has faded.”

   “Was life that bad in the circle?”

   “Life there wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t all terrible. I earned the respect of both Templars and Mages as well as their friendship.”

  One of his brows lifted. “Really?”

   “The Ostwick circle, though it had its faults, was what I think the Chantry was striving for when the idea was created. Don’t get me wrong, I longed for freedom. For a life outside the walls and to be looked upon by outsiders as if I wasn’t an abomination.” A dream that still lingered. She mindlessly if the shift in Thedas would make it possible or push it further from her grasp. “There I was able to practice and hone my skills into a craft. Seeing how my parents, like so many others, casted me aside the moment my magic manifested, there was no other place for me.”

   Hawke began to play idly with the ends of her hair. “My father was an apostate. He fled Kirkwall and eloped with my mother before they found themselves a quiet spot in Lottering. He taught my sister how to control her powers and keep her out of the clutches of the Templars.”

   “We heard the whispers of how the circle was under Meredith’s rule.”

   “Whatever was said, it was far worse. With each passing year, the Knight-Commander grew more paranoid. Seeing blood magic and abominations everywhere.” Hawke suppressed a shudder at thinking of his later years in Kirkwall. “I fear so much would happen when Bethany went to the circle.”

   “The Templars found her?”

   “No, though they were closing in on mages rather aggressively.” Hawke still carried around the weight of the guilt for not being there to stop his sister. “When I went on my expedition to the Deep Roads, she turned herself in.”

   “Even knowing the stories coming from within the circle?”

   His grey eyes filled with anguish. “She wanted to make her mark on the world. To possibly help those finding themselves at the mercy of the Templar’s rule. She always had such a kind heart and soul with the habit of putting others before herself.”

   Hoping to chase the look from his face, Alex laid her hand against his chest. “A Hawke family trait it seems.”

   Hawke laughed every so softly. “Beth was far more self-sacrificing then me. I did what needed to be done even if most saw it as the wrong thing. I worried that Meredith would take out the repercussions of my action on her since she couldn’t touch me.”

   “She safe now,” Alex reminded. “Far from Kirkwall and all this mess.”

   “Well, if her letters are any indication, she is eager to do something to help.”

   “You know she is always welcomed in Skyhold.”

   “I hope to keep her away.” Drawing her close, Hawke nuzzled her cheek. “It’s already hard enough accepting the fact I may lose you. Even more so, knowing there isn’t a damn thing I can do to protect you.”

   “Lay those fears aside, Garrett. At least until someone comes knocking on the door to drag us back into the chaos.”

   “We have until first meal then.” Rolling, Hawke found her lips with his own. “Let us forget that the world is crashing around us, _Mo Chroi_.”

   She lifted her hips, meeting him as he filled her. “You keep calling me that. What does it mean?”

   “My heart.” Hawke smiled down at her. “It means, my heart. And you Alexandra Trevelyan, are my heart.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Alex was drawn from the fade in the most pleasant way. Hawke was moving over her, the soft whiskers of his beard tickling her skin as he ventured lower. On a high pitch sigh of pleasure, she fell onto her back, snuggling further into her soft pillow that smelt of him. She didn’t dare open her eyes. Far too afraid that if she did it would only be one of the dozen fantasies Alex had tucked away in her head.

   Someone, a person Alex had been far too preoccupied to hear, drew back a curtain causing the harsh morning light to flor the room. The Inquisitor turned her head and groaned. “Maker.” Her voice was a tad breathless as Hawke hadn’t stopped his downward journey. “Cassandra.”

   The Seeker smiled over her shoulder. “I hope you’re not about to tell me ‘this isn’t what it looks like’. Especially after all that work that went in getting you two alone.”

   “This is.” Alex’s hands clutched at the sheets. “Is exactly how it looks like.”

   Cassandra chuckled at the pure bliss in her friend’s voice. “I was hoping to give you most of the morning before I dragged you back downstairs.”

    “Then leave.” Hawke’s muffled voice came from under the covers where he lavished the Inquisitor’s stomach with feather light kisses and gentle scraps of his teeth. He was burning to finish showing her the ways a person could receive pleasure. Every time he tried during the night, the fire burning between them became too hot to ignore and found himself filling her to the brim and taking her with wild abandonment. Then exhaustion would set in. Maybe he should’ve waited more than two days since their return for their picnic.

   “I wish I could. However, there is a guest downstairs,” Cassandra explained taking upon herself to set out fresh clothes for Alex.

   The Inquisitor forced her brain to think past the pleasure Hawke was inflicting on her. “I don’t believe we were expecting any dignitaries or convoys this week.”

   “Oh, this one wasn’t scheduled.” Wondering why this situation wasn’t more awkward than it should’ve been, the Seeker dropped Alex’s clothes on the bed. “Our guest announced his arrival by slinging not one, but two goats against the Keep’s wall.”

   That bit of information even had Hawke poking his head out from beneath the sheets.

   “Yes, Hawke,” Cassandra answered before the rogue could speak. “I did say two goats. No time for a bath, so a quick rinse in the washbowl as you two smell of sex.” Cassandra held up her hand and shook her head. “Just make yourself presentable and get downstairs. Meaning, do not finish what I interrupted or I will send in Josephine to drag you out by the ear.”

   Alex groaned.

   Cassandra lifted a brow. “Do I need to stay?”

   It was now Hawke’s turn to lift a brow.

   “I have seen her naked before. We bath in pairs.”

   “Duly noted.” Hawke shifted with the sheets tucked around his waist. “I rather not dress under a spotlight. No need you comparing me to your Commander. Shoo. We’ll be down.”

   Satisfied with both the happiness and embarrassment on the lover’s faces, Cassandra started down the stairs whistling.

0oo00o0o0o0o

   Hawke should’ve protested being more about being dragged out of bed because once they took care of their unexpected guest, Alex was swept away by her Inquisition duties. Maker, he knew once he had a taste of her, he would never be satisfied. He didn’t get to see her until mid-day when he was summoned to the War Room for a meeting. The moment he stepped inside, Hawke’s gaze latched on to her. His body swelled, watching her with her eyes on the map, stroking her fingers affectionately over one of the marks he left during the night. Mixed with the sudden onslaught of arousal was pride at the fact she hadn’t done anything to hide them. In fact, it seemed she wanted everyone to see as she had pulled her hair up into a bun high on her head.

   Feeling the Champion’s heated gaze from across the room, Alex lifted her head and what she found blazing in his stormy grey eyes had her gripping the table to make sure she remained upright. The raw animalist hunger had her fighting to remember to breathe as an ache grew between her legs, her breast became heavy and her mouth dry. She was damn sure that if the others weren’t in the room, the Rogue would’ve tossed her on to the table and fucked her brains out. Actually, it looked like that might not even stop him.

   Bringing a hand up to hide his smile, Cullen carefully cleared his throat. “Thank you for joining us, Hawke.”

   “Of course.” Hawke snapped out of stupor and walked up to the table in hopes it would cover up his obvious arousal. “Anything I can do to help the Inquisition.”

   “You mean Inquisitor,” Cassandra mumbled on a soft chuckle and received an elbow from said woman to the gut.     

   Alex fought a blush. “Cass.”

   “Payback,” Cassandra mouthed.

  “Ugh.”

   Leliana called everyone’s attention. “Since our success at Adamant, we now have to shift our focus to what is on the horizon.”

   “The Winter Palace,” Josephine announced causing half the room to groan. “It is still a few weeks out, but we need to make sure that everything is in place before we set off. ‘The Game’ is deadly and essential to master.”

   Alex fought the urge to roll her eyes. “I don’t need another lecture on how the world hinges on my actions, Jossie. I’m well aware of the fact and have been devoting all the time I can to make sure I get it right.”

   “The fact that you’re a Circle Mage leaves you at a disadvantage,” Josephine reminded. “They will think that you’re sheltered. Naïve to the way of how the world works. They will try to exploit that weakness.”

   “Do we have to worry about that after all that she has done?” Cassandra asked. “Her actions at Adamant alone should speak volumes.”

   “As our influence grows, we gather as many enemies as allies. Your life will be in danger the moment you enter the city.”

   That sent a chill down Hawke’s spine. “What do we do to ensure her safety? Deploy more agents? Bring a guarded detail?”

   “Arriving with armed forces will only stir trouble. As for deploying more of our agents, I was hoping that I could exercise you, Hawke.”

   “In what way?”

   “We need someone who knows how to keep to the shadows. How to disappear.” The ambassador sent Leliana a small smile. “Your agents are highly capable, but Hawke evaded everyone’s radar for years after Kirkwall. I think we can put those skills to good use.”

   Leliana raised a brow. “We’re listening.”

   “We send Hawke ahead to the city a few days before our arrival,” Josephine started. “Once there, he can blend in, mingle with the nobles while keeping an ear to the ground. There he can counter any rumors that may not favor Alex or the Inquisition.”

   Hawke rubbed a hand over his bearded face. He had his fair share of experience in wine and dining with nobles from his time in Kirkwall after he was appointed Champion. Those skills were rusty, to say the least, but he was confident that they would come rushing back once he knocked some of it lose. “I don’t exactly look like you’re normal Orlesian noble.”

   “Yet.” Josephine pointed her quill at him, a smile playing at her lips. “With the right hair, dyed hair and change in the beard, you can blend in seamlessly.”

   “Beard?” Hawke squeaked.

   Alex had to stifle her laughter at the sheer terror in his voice and the way he stroked his fingers over his facial hair.

   Josephine, however, didn’t show such restraint. “Don’t fret, Champion. A little trim, nothing more.”

  Hawke heaved a sigh of relief.   

   “Now we will need to get your measurements so we can get the correct clothing for you.” Josephine started rambling, making notes on her clipboard every so often. Cullen and Cassandra slipped out of the room since it seemed the Ambassador was focused solely on the last Orlesian fashion. Leliana sent the Inquisitor an apologetic look. They were going here for a while.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Alex climbed the stairs to her quarters holding her breath as she took each step-in anticipation. She hadn’t been able to say more than a handful of words to Hawke in hours. Even last meal was filled with both the ambassador and spymaster going on and on about proper formal wear and outwear and evening wear and every type of wear there possibly was. Her hope of escaping to spend the rest of the evening with Hawke was dashed when she was ordered to the seamstress for updated measurements for the dress that she was to wear for her grand entrance at the ball. By the time she finished, it was nearly midnight and stillness fell descended upon the Keep.

   Much to her disappointment, Hawke wasn’t waiting for her. Someone had, however, come to clean up the remains of the picnic and change out the sheets. She did her best not to panic. Just because he wasn’t here didn’t mean anything was wrong. To help assure herself, Alex recalled that blistering look he gave her that afternoon. An ache began to grow again. They hadn’t set up any boundaries as their relationship shifted. It was easy to logically conclude that Hawke didn’t wish to start whispers about being seen coming up to her room at such an hour.

   An easy fix. One that would wait for morning. There was no need to wake him as it was late and sleep was something they got very little of the night before. Kicking off her boots, Alex moved to the clothes chest only to stop about halfway when she spotted Hawke’s tunic peeking out from under the bed. She stripped and threw it on. Instantly, she was surrounded by his scent.

   Maker, she was such a sap. She climbed in bed smiling all the same.

   But sleep was not something she could find. Alex lost track of time as she flopped back and forth trying to find a comfortable position. Her restlessness grew from the uneasiness that she seemed trapped in. She missed the warmth and comfort Hawke seemed to provide. Funny how she went over twenty winters in the Circle without it and now she couldn’t seem to go a night. Frustrated, Alex knew there was only one way to rectify this situation.

   Alex slipped from the bed, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders as she stole down the stairs. Her naked feed scarlessly made a noise against the wood. Good. Maybe she could slip past the guards to avoid questions. She slipped out of the room, stuck close to the wall to remain in the shadows, and escaped into the main hall without alerting anyone. She came to a stop when she noted a figure in the grand chair, as she refused to call the damn thing a throne, slumped to the side fast asleep.

   Who in Thedas would-It was Hawke!

   Pleasantly surprised, Alex inched closer until she could run her fingers through his wild hair. He stirred instantly at his touch and turned with a smile that left her breathless.

   “Hey,” Hawke greeted blinking the sleep from his mind.

   “What are you doing?” She asked bemused as she watched him pull himself up in the chair.

   “I umm well…” He rubbed his neck trying to work out the soreness. “I was trying to figure out if it was okay for me to come up. I sat down for a moment because for the life of me must’ve done something recently that has left me exhausted.”

   Alex blushed. “Must have been something for you to pass out in such an awkward position.”

   “I’ve slept in worse places.” Hawke’s gaze narrowed. “And what are you doing walking around in Skyhold in… It’s that my tunic?”

   A smile crossed her face. “Maybe…”

   He swallowed hard as his body began to stir. “And are you wearing anything under what is possibly my tunic?”

   The huskiness in his voice sent shivers down her spine. “I wanted your scent on my skin.”

   A growl rumbled deep in his throat. “It’s dangerous to tease, Alexandra.” Holding her gaze, Hawke pushed to his feet, his hands finding the edges of the blanket so he could ease from her shoulders. “Sit.”

   She wordlessly complied. Her eyes went wide as he knelt before her. He wasn’t going to-Oh! She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, trapping her sound of surprise as his battle harden hands settled on her bare thighs. “Garrett.” Those wonderful hands slid inward leaving her no choice but to open herself for him. He heard him make a noise and Alex found herself look away, embarrassed by the wetness already clinging to her skin. She’d been in a constant state of arousal since their heated exchange in the War Room.

    “My lovely, Alexandra.” Seeing her so ready for him left Hawke in awe. He brushed the coarse hair between her legs. “Such a gift you are. One I don’t deserve.”

   The genuine pleasure she heard in her voice gave Alex the confidence to look back. “Don’t say such things. You deserve everything the Maker can give and more.”

   “I want nothing more than you, _Mo Chroi._ You are more precious than Andraste. Are you sore?”

   “Ah-no.” She wet her lips drowning in the grey pools of his gaze. Embarrassment gave way to arousal. “Cassandra was kind enough to give me a potion.”

   He let out a soft chuckle. “Bless that woman.” Hawke shifted forward on his knees, one of his hands shifting with his movements. He felt the muscles in her thighs quiver almost as if she was fighting against herself to push herself further into his touch. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

   All she could manage was a small noise trapped somewhere deep in her chest. She was far too enamored at the moment, waiting in anticipation for his next move. She silently will his hands to move further, to help ease the ache in her core. It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of the grand hall. Or the fact she was sitting on the grand chair in plain view for anyone to find. In fact, there wasn’t something thrilling about knowing that anyone could discover them. She found herself wanting them to witness her being ravished by the Champion. To see the madness. The beauty of it. Alex sucked in a sharp breath at feeling hairs of Hawke’s beard brushing softly against her thighs, her fingers dug into the wood of the armrest.

   “I’m going to taste you, _Mo Chroi.”_ He nipped at her skin as he inched closer to his prize. “I’m want to make you fall about with my mouth. Will you let me?”

   “Maker, please,” She whined shamelessly lifted her hips in desperation.

   He stopped with his nose pressed into her curls and cast a glance upwards. Her eyes were blown wide and nearly black with desire. “Has anyone ever touched you like this?”

   Biting her lip, Alex shook her head. This was something she had others boast about during her time in the circle and yearned for as she read the romance novels someone let into the circle. No man ever spent seemed to care past their own release during her trysts. So Many times, she was left unsatisfied and used her own fingers to give her the release she needed.

   Something pulled at his heart. Something foreign but not unwanted. Hawke nuzzled her core loving the gasp that fell from her lips. A need burned, a need far beyond wanting to give her pleasure. To worship her. He ached to do more. Be more for her. He wanted, Maker how he wanted, to be the last man to touch her. To claim her. He wanted her to be his in every way, shape, and form. Never once how he allowed himself to venture down such a road. Somehow Alex had invaded his body and spirit in ways no one ever could. Hawke found himself afraid to even have such a want. Nothing ever good lasted in his life. How could he expect this to be the exception?

   “Garrett?” Alex started to run her fingers through his hair when he surged forward. Fingers now tangled in his hair, a noise she didn’t know how to describe ripped from her throat, her hips lifted from the seat the moment his sinful lips touched her core. The sensation was like nothing she ever felt before. “Fuck.”

   Growling like a hungry wolf, Hawke hooked a leg over her shoulder, dragging her closer so he could satisfy that hunger. She tasted perfect. He laved and lapped at her clit, tailoring his ministrations to the sounds that were falling like rain from her lips. She was so responsive to his touch only adding to the Champion’s excitement. It was like she was made for him. She tugged and twisted at his hair painfully, helping guide him to where she wanted him the most. He fought an urge to drop a hand to press against his throbbing cock to help relieve a bit of the ache. Instead, he used it, sliding his fingers along her sopping wet lips before slipping into her warm sheath. The other drifted to cup her hip, encouraging her to buck and writhe without worry.

    What was this man doing to her? Alex felt a burst of pure hot need course through her veins like wildfire. Her mewls of pleasure, unrestrained and high pitched, echoed throughout the long hall. “More,” She begged and felt the vibration of approval against her slick folds. “Please, Garret. I-I more.”

   Beyond eager to please her to the fullest extent possible, Hawke latched his lips over her swollen clit, sucking ruthlessly until she was all but screaming his name. By the light of Andraste, this was such a precious gift to be able to be the one to bring her to these new and unexplored heights. He added a second digit and instantly her walls clenched tighter. Her end was approaching. Hawke sensed it in the way she shook from head to toe, in the change of her pleas. Once where they were soft nothingness, were now loud shouts in half attempts of his name sandwiched between begging and cursing. “That’s it, _Mo Chroi.”_ His heart, she truly was his heart, and it was beating wildly in his chest full of love and admiration. “Let go. Let me give you this. Come for me.”

    “Shit.” The hiss escaped from her throat followed by unintellectual noises as her body lifted and tensed. There was a single solitary moment of nothingness where the world stood still before it burst. There was no stopping the tumble. She was helpless against the collapsing barrier that helped maintain control of her magic. Ice spilled from her fingertips, shooting up and falling down like a light snowfall as she went vaulting over the edge. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything by giving herself over to the pure pleasure overtaking her.

   Hawke stayed with her through every crest and ebb riding it out with her until she sank back against the chair with his name coming in soft gasps from her. “Fucking Maker.” Dizzy, Hawke laid his head against her tremble legs to help steady himself and slipped his fingers free from her sheath. “You are-By the light, Alexandra. That was the most fucking extortionary thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

   “I know, I was there for it,” Alex managed between staggered breaths.

   Hawke laughed before something cold hit his face. “Is that snow?” Lifting his head, he saw the small flecks of ice dancing through the dim light all around them.

   “My magic.” She tried to explain only to became to flustered. That was the first time she ever experienced a complete loss of her power due to a system overload of pure bliss. “I lost control. I couldn’t-that never happened. I-I… Oh, shut up!”

   "At least you didn't singe by hair." Hawke simply grinned at her pride shining brighter than the sun. “Did you enjoy that, _Mo Chroi?”_

   The term in endearment sent her heart fluttering pleasantly into her throat. “Do you have to ask?”

   He flicked at a speak of snow. “That didn’t hurt, did it? You losing control?”

   “No. It felt-felt.” Alex flexed her hand. “I don’t really have to words to describe how that felt. It was more of an out of body experience.”

   “The high praise keeps on coming. You flatter me too much, Inquisitor.”

   “It’s more of that silver tongue of yours. And sinfully skilled hands.”

   Hawke stood, working past the pain in his legs caused by his kneeling on the stone and loomed his face over her. “Kiss me.” The command was hot and firm leaving her no room to argue. Cupping the back of her head, he helped lift her further until his lips, still coated in her juices, crashed into hers.

   Her fingers dug into the fabric of his tunic and her legs pressed together as a new ball of lust shot straight to her core at tasting herself. She didn’t let him go until every last drop was gone. “Upstairs,” She pleaded. “Take me upstairs now, Garrett Hawke. If you don’t I’m going to take you right here and I promise you’ll be screaming my name so loud you’ll attack every guard in Skyhold.”

   The notion almost made Hawke want to belay her order. Another time, he told himself as he stood with her in his arms. “Rain check on that.”

   “Rain check,” Alex promise brushing her lips against his ear. “Take me to our bed, dear Champion.”

   ‘Our’. He liked the sound of that.


	17. Chapter 17

   Still working on one of the buckles of her battlemage armor, Alex hissed curses between her teeth with each step down towards the courtyard. She was very late thanks to a certain rogue for her training session with Cassandra. For the first time in what was possibly the first time in her life, Alex awoke into a blissful, content, and protective state. Wrapped up in Hawke’s arms, his breath gently fanning across her neck surrounded her, giving her peace. Nightmares from Adamant nor the pain of her mark usually produced in her sleep were nowhere to be found. Sex had always been that just sex. Something mechanical between two people to try to meet the body’s desire for release Her experience had been, well, lacking if that was the right term. A quick moment in the shadow’s, corner, or random closet in the circle. Only enough time to shift some clothing around, rut against each other some and be done. Alex usually found a bit of pain and lots of disappointment.

   Hawke showed her a whole new world yesterday. Especially last night. She never knew that there were such wonders and pleasure to be found. She’d lost count how many times they came together and fell apart with each other’s names on their lips. Alex expected, when she woke, that some of the gnawing hunger, that bone throbbing need for the Champion would dissipate. A natural reaction, she thought as she had no concept of lover’s and knew some people traded them like some did clothes. That was not the case. Every time Hawke touched her it added fuel to an already raging fire. He already proved that he could produce the same effect by simply looking at her.

   He showed her that sex was more than mechanical. He showed her that it was wonderous, maddening, hot, passionate, and gentle. The last one was the reason Alex currently found herself running late for her sparring session. Once awake, he showered her with gentle touches and kisses until lulled back to the Fade in a blissful state. Something he tried to repeat once they awoke to see that morning was well on its way. As tempting as it had sounded, Alex couldn’t spend the day in bed. There were things to do and people to see. Before she left the Champion lounging in the plush bed, hair tousled, face glowing, and completely naked, Alex kindly reminded that he better come to her tonight. As long as they both were in Skyhold, she didn’t plan on spending another night in an empty bed.

   “I’m sorry,” Alex breathlessly apologized skidding to a halt next to the trainee dummies that have already seen their share of abuse this morning. “I lost track of time.”

   “Well, I’m sure the Champion is equally to blame,” Cassandra teased causing Alex to stammer. “I mean given how late you two were up, I’m surprised you’re even awake.”

   The Inquisitor arched a brow. “And how is it you know I was up late, Seeker?”

   Sheathing her sword, Cassandra grinned. “Oh well, an interesting story really.” She loved watching the mage squirm. “I and a guard heard some noises coming from the Main Hall. Loud and almost painful.”

   Alex’s heart sank straight to her stomach.

   “We rushed to make sure that no one had snuck into the Keep and won’t you know it, we found something far more interesting.” Cassandra’s dark eyes danced and did nothing to mask the amusement in her voice. “The Inquisitor being served a very enjoyable kind of judgment.”

   “Shit.” Alex rubbed her face.

   “Poor boy, that guard. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone turn such a shade of red.” Cassandra thought to the guard that had been posted in the hall outside of Alex’s door. “Didn’t even look more than twenty winters. I’m sure he’d never see such activities before. I had to take over his post while he cooled off. And I’m not saying he went and dunked his head in some cold water.”

   “Maker preserve me.”

   “I was quite amused by it. I never thought about the main hall for such things.”

   “No, you just-wait.” Though Alex’s face burned hotter than the sun, she fixed her gaze on her friend. Maker, she looked tired. There were dark shadows under her eyes and even though there was humor in them, Alex could see the exhaustion. Her cheeks were gaunt and hair was a tad greasy. Obvious signs that sleep wasn’t something Cassandra found a lot of since returning to Skyhold. “What were you doing by my chambers in the first place.”

   Something shifted on Cassandra’s face and she began to fiddle with the hilt of her sword. “I couldn’t sleep so I found myself walking the grounds. I came in through the passage of the west battlements and found myself wondering the halls.”

   “Nightmares?”

   “I think it’ll be some time before they will go away.”

   “Have you talked to Cullen about them.”

   Cassandra dismissed the thought by waving her hand. “He has enough to burden him. He’s been struggling with his own and the fact the cravings for Lyrium has festered again.”

   Alex reached out to touch the Seeker’s shoulder, waiting until she looked back up. “Talk to him, Cass. He loved you. He is your support system as much as you are is.”

   He was far more than that. The man, even when making stupid choices, was the calm in the storm that was their life. He was strong and steady. He was her rock. He kept her grounded, pushed her, and even became her enemy when she needed it. In the last year and a half, Cassandra allowed to live a life outside of the box of society and began to grow into a woman she never thought she would see. She lived her life a bit more carefree. She never neglected her duty in any way and always pulled herself together at the right moments. But now, with Cullen, she took the time to enjoy the simple joys in life. She laughed more. Leliana had pointed that out not long ago. And that all started with Cullen and the moment he came into her life.

   “Don’t push him away,” Alex softly pleaded. “I don’t like how haunted you look, Cass. What happened in the Fade is better of a mystery, but holding it in from those we love, from those that can help, isn’t wise. We’re under enough stress as it is.”

   “You’re right.”

   “Of course, I am.” Alex smiled. “When am I never not?”

   Cassandra scoffed. “I have plenty of examples.”

   “Any of it in writing?”

   “No.”

   “Then they never happened.” Alex was pleased when the Seeker laughed easing some of the tension in the warrior’s shoulders. “Come. I believe we were going to do swords today.”

   Upon the landing of the stairs to the main keep, Cullen watched his Seeker and the Inquisitor both arm themselves with blunt practice swords before moving towards the sparring ring. The sound of her laughter still rang in Cullen’s ear. The sweet sound had been missing since they left Adamant. He’d thought it was perhaps that she was still somewhat cross at him for his actions before the siege, but it was much more than that. She didn’t sleep. Cullen knew this as she left the bed every night sometime around midnight and never returned. They would usually meet back up over morning meal, but neither one of them spoke about it. He was trying to respect her wish not to push, but he couldn’t keep seeing her like this. Completely worn down to the born and lacking the spark of fire he’d fallen hook, line, and sinker that very first night in Kirkwall.

   Walking into the main hall, Cullen vowed to do whatever it took to get it back.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Cassandra hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep until she was popping up from the bed with a scream caught in her throat. Cullen, in tune with her, came awake instantly, his mind clear and hands steady. Cassandra fought him, she always did, it was a knee-jerk reaction as her mind wrestled to free itself from the horrors of the Fade. Then Cullen’s soothing voice hit her ear, breaking through the clouds of sleep and helping chase away the horrid images.

   “Water,” She crocked wrapping her arms around herself trying to banish the chills that crept over her skin.

   Cullen jumped from the bed to grab a water skin. “Here. No, let me,” Cullen battered away her hands. They were trembling far too much to be able to do anything useful. “Open and go slow.”

   Grateful for him, Cassandra obeyed by taking small sips from the waterskin. Her throat was still on fire even with half of it gone. “Okay,” She softly spoke signaling for the Commander to stop. He dropped the skin and immediately returned to the bed. He didn’t touch but was close enough to feel the heat of his body. Another thing she was grateful for. The last time he touched her, Cassandra nearly broke the man’s nose.

   “Slow your breathing,” Cullen softly cooed twisting a hand in the sheets to keep it from moving. “That’s in and out. Match it to mine.”

   Concentrating on the rise and fall of his chest, Cassandra found her gaze traveling upwards to see the stars twinkling in the night thanks to the hole in the roof Cullen refused to get patched. Right now, when it felt like the walls were closing in on her and she was about to be swallowed up by the terror in her heart, she was glad it was there. “Never get that patched.”

   Cullen’s brows furrowed for a moment. “What-oh!” A small chuckle rumbled from his throat.

   “I understand now.” Yes, talking helped her regulate her breathing. She couldn’t talk if it was coming in short pants. “It’s a reminder that you’re safe. That there is a way out of the despair.”

   Since he felt it safe to do so, Cullen ran a hand down Cassandra’s clothed back. “As long as you can see the sky you know not all hope is lost.” Slowly, he felt the tension start to uncoil from her spine. “When I was in the Circle when it all went to shit, I was locked in a room with no windows. There was no way to keep track of time. It felt like I’d been in there for weeks, months even. Bad things happen when left with only yourself for company for too long.”

   Cassandra pulled her legs to her chest and laid her cheek on her knees. “There were times that my Uncle kept me under such lock and key that I wouldn’t see it for days. That’s why I like to sleep on a bedroll under the stars versus a tent.”

   “Talk to me, Cassandra.” He didn’t ask this time. He knew if he did she would only brush him off and leave the bed to walk the ground until morning. He pressed his brow to the back of her shoulder.

   Resistance was on the tip of her tongue before she could think better of it. Thankfully, Cassandra managed to catch herself before she actually spoke them. “Not here,” She softly whispered, her eyes sweeping across the room that held so much love and laughter between them. It was their sanctuary they could retreat to. “I don’t want too…”

   Cullen understood that she didn’t wish to taint their sanctum with any more bad memories than necessary. “Stay here.” He left the bed again to root through the clothing drawer for some simple clothing. It would be enough to keep them decent for anyone they might come across. “Dress. We’ll take the blanket to keep warm.”

   Curiosity peaked, Cassandra slipped out of bed and was grateful that he was there with his strong hands to steady her as her legs weren’t quite ready to bear all of her weight. He helped her with the pair of linen pants and one of her tunics to get her warmer before he dressed. “Where are we going?”

   “A quiet place I go to when you’re not here and sleep won’t come.”

   He said no more and Cassandra followed him without another question. She trusted to man and would even follow him into the darkest depth of the Fade again if he was by her side. The simple sensation of his large, sword-calloused hand holding her as they walked silently across the battlements almost made Cassandra cry. It was such an easy touch, yet Cullen seemed to be the only one to have no qualm about people seeing them together like this. Even with Raylen, he would always drop her hand whenever they ventured in public. She was sure it wasn’t out with malice intentions or embarrassment, but there was still a small sad pang in her heart every time he did it. Content, she rested her head against his shoulder.

   He silently led her to the Mage Tower, which of course at this time of night, was completely empty and urged her up the stairs. Cassandra dutifully followed, even if climbing the massive staircase was the last thing her tired body wanted to do. Once through the hatch. She could tell that Cullen spent time up here. In one corner there were a few hay sacks, a bedroll, and a small table that was well used. Cullen draped the blanket around her shoulders as the cool night breeze had a bite this far up. “Thank you.”

   Nodding, Cullen sat and waited.

   Maker bless than man and his never-ending patients he seemed to have for her. She was sure that they could spend the night stargazing without her uttering a single word and he wouldn’t push her any further. But Alex was right, he deserved to be told. Deserved to be given the tools to help comfort her so together they could get over this hurdle. “Justinia was there.”

   Curious, Cullen angled his head upwards. “What?”

   “Or a part of her was.” Cassandra rubbed her brow where an ache began to form thinking about the mysterious figure they met. “A spirit to help guide us through the fade. Seeing her again, even if it wasn’t truly her, Maker it hurt. It opened wounds that I thought were sealed tight.”

   “No matter how much time has passed, those wounds will always be fresh, Cassandra. You cared a great deal for her and, she you. You had a bond, one that can’t be broken even by death.” Cullen found himself once again wishing that he got to properly meet the Divine. The stories that Leliana and Cassandra told made him admiring the woman who was willing to stand up to try to bring an end to the chaos when so many wanted it to rage over the lands until there was nothing left. “It’s the same with Raylen.”

   Cassandra sucked in a sharp breath at the mage’s name.

   “There will always be a scar on your heart that I nor anyone can ever heal. He was your first, that means he has a part of your heart that will forever be his.” Cullen didn’t say more knowing that talking about Raylen always brought up sadness. He hoped that one day Cassandra would be able to speak of the man as Cullen was curious to the person who held her heart first. “Was he in the fade?”

   “No,” Cassandra whispered setting her gaze to the mountains. “At least not in the same sense.”

   Cullen made a noise in the back of his throat before growing quiet again.

   “The Nightmare, the thing that they were trying to pull through the rift, it picked at our brains. It played out our deepest fears and memories, twisting them to cause us to falter. To doubt in hopes that in the end we would fail and be trapped in the Fade so Corypheus could succeed.” It didn’t take much effort to let her mind wander back to that time and place. To the place that defied all realms of logic and reasoning. Floating rocks, living memories, mirrors waiting to be touched to come alive and spawn even more horrors. She had thought that through sheer will and her faith, that she could overcome whatever the Nightmare through at her. But it callously reminded her that she wasn’t as strong as she always tried to appear to be.

   Seeing her shiver against the memories running in her head, Cullen pushed to his feet and stepped up behind her. He waited until she leaned back against him to bring his arms up to hold her tight. He brushed his lips over the shell of her ear. “Whatever happened there, remember that you did beat him. That you’re free from that cursed place.” He dropped his face to her neck. “Look out at the mountains, at the stars, and remember that you showed it you’re not as weak as he thought. Remember, you’re not trapped. You’re here at Skyhold and I’m right here beside you.”

   “I want to keep you there. I’m afraid…”

   “There is nothing you’re about to tell me that will ever have me stepping away,” Cullen softly assured. “Only divine intervention by the Maker and his bride will ever have me leaving your side.”

   “Dorian charm lessons are paying off.”

   He laughed knowing it was her way to help approach the situation. “So, it seems.” He brushed a kiss across her neck. “Talk to me, Cassandra. Get it out and let me help you bear its weight.”

   She thought of the promises they made that night in the Inn after finding out the fate of the Seekers. “First it threw little fears at us. Spiders, darkspawn, things of that nature, to try to catch us off guard. When that didn’t work it started to pick at us one by one.” Cassandra wouldn’t talk about the other’s fears the Nightmare played on. It was theirs alone and if they wished to share it, Cassandra wanted it to be them that did so. “He tried to play on my faith to convince me that the Inquisitor was a fraud. That the Inquisitor was the monstrosity Lord Lucius claimed it in Val Royeaux.”

    Cullen couldn’t quite hold back the noise of disagreement.

   Hoping to comfort, she squeezed the arm wrapped tightly around her midsection. “He told me that my faith has all be for naught. I told him what he could do with himself and his petty attempts at rattling me.”

   “Of course, you did,” Cullen chuckled against her skin.

   “Then he started planting images in our head. Ones that were false, but could come to be if the conditions were right.” Alex had told her that it was like the time when she had been sent into the future with Dorian. She warned, while they might not be real, the images were forever planted in the brain with no way to overwrite them. Cassandra found herself gripped Cullen’s arms tighter. “First it was my brother. I was a little girl again standing in the field watching Anthony race towards me. He was smiling.”

   The pain in her voice had Cullen murmuring a few words of comfort before her nails stopped biting into his skin. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to watch one’s brother be murdered in front of you the first time. But to have it replayed unwillingly by some monster chilled him straight to the bone.

   “I was rotted to the spot. I could see the rider’s approaching and I opened my mouth to warn him, but nothing came out. By saying nothing I was condemning him to his death. If I said something, shouted or screamed, he would’ve been able to prepare himself. He could’ve defended himself…”

   “That’s the Nightmare talking, Cass,” Cullen roughly corrected trying to draw her out of the hysteria he knew was right around the corner. “You are not responsible for your brother’s death. For the love of the Maker, you were only a child.”

   Cassandra clung to the steel in his voice knowing if she didn’t it would be all too easy to lose herself in the despair the Nightmare’s words provoked. “I heard him, Anthony. Or what sounded like him anyways. He was trying to reinforce what the Nightmare had said. That it was my fault that he died. It was because of me our parents were dead and that our Uncle was so callous. My brother would never say such things to me. He was always so understanding and supportive of me. Where the Nightmare wanted me to weep I got pissed.” Then she was forced to watch Alex struggle with whatever the Nightmare inflicted on her. Watch her cry and scream as if being caused pain. Cassandra wasn’t likely to forget the look on the mage’s face when she looked at Hawke, though it wasn’t really him Alex was seeing. There was nothing but pure hatred in her glass green eyes that were blown wide.

   “Naturally.” Cullen was pleased to see her mouth twitch even if for a moment.

   “It got more creative. He tried Raylen, but realized quickly that it wouldn’t keep me down so he shifted to Alexandra.” Cassandra felt his breath on the back of her neck as he pressed his nose to her hair in silent support. “It kept telling me that no matter how hard I tried, I would always end up failing her. Not the Inquisition, but her as he knew that would be a bigger blow sensing how much I cared for her. It was going to be like Anthony all over again. There would be nothing I could do to stop those demons from cutting her down.”

   “She’s alive,” Cullen reminded.

   Cassandra shook her head. “It took me to a place. We were surrounded by so many enemies and for every one we took down, two more took their place. It was never-ending. I could see Alex weakening, drained both by her magic and the anchor. It was eating away at her. She was nothing but a shell when I watch her being struck down. While I know it wasn’t true, the Nightmare slipped up and showed me that, why she hides it, the Mark is consuming her.”

   Careful to keep his touch gentle, Cullen turned her around to search her face. “Why hasn’t she said anything?”

   “To keep us from worrying, why else.”

   “Is there anything Solas can do?”

   Cassandra could only shrug. “I’m not even sure the true extent of what is happening. I just noted the way she rubbing her left hand while we are talking or even sparring. I know nothing more then, when there was once none, now there is pain.”

   “What else is there? Finish or you may never be able to.”

   “There was a graveyard there and it held a tombstone for every Inquisition member. Mine was helplessness.” Saying it aloud had Cassandra’s throat to constrict making it next to impossible to breathe. The only people who truly knew that fear had sworn never to speak of it as she made the same vow about theirs. She prided herself on being invincible. It was how she survived all her life, through trial and tribulation. But the Nightmare knew it and that was enough to haunt her until the end of her days because he had been right. Every life-altering situation she’d experience, Cassandra had been utterly helpless to stop it, despite her strength and resolve. “That’s what it kept trying to get at every time it planted images in my head. Before we made our final push, he hit me hard. It-it was you…”

   Cullen took her face in his hands hating how cold they felt. “Another trick.”

   “That haunts me almost every night, Cullen.” Tears swimming in her eyes, she lifted her gaze to his finding comfort in his whiskey-colored ones. She momentarily wondered if he had any idea of the true depths of his strength. All he saw was his failures, but in standing here at this moment proved to the world and the Maker Cullen had the strength to prevail. Even if he did stumble off the path every now and again. She placed her trembling hands on his chest. “I see them, each and every night, holding you down, laughing and with pure evil in their voices. I’m restrained to a wall and nothing I can do can knock them loose. Every time I struggle they dig deeper into my skin. You tell me to stop, not them, because you don’t want to see me hurt.”

   “Because I love you, Cassandra. No matter on what plan of existence, I will always love you and will do whatever I can do see you safe.”

   She shook her head and continued, “You say it’s not worth it, but you fight as they force Red Lyrium into you. I’m helpless, Cullen. So helpless to do anything but watch as they turn you into one of them. Samson cackles and the sound, Maker I can’t forget it.”

   Cullen folded her in his arms and rested his chin atop her head while she cried into his shoulder. The mention of his fellow ex-Templar’s names caused Cullen’s blood to boil. Looking back at all his moments of weakness, Cullen could pride himself on the fact that no matter how bad things got, how much he hurt, that he never gave in the way Samson did. He never gave himself over to such a great evil that was now tearing Thedas in two.

   “Do you know what mine is?” Cullen softly asked when she grew silent.

   Cassandra shook her head. “It wasn’t there.”

   “Failure.”

   “With Lyrium? Cullen, you’ve already beaten that. You don’t understand what a feat of strength that is.”

   “No, not Lyrium, well there is always that fear.” Brushing a hand over her scarred cheek, he looked down. She faced him when she spoke of her fear, Cullen owed her nothing but the same thing. “It that’s I’ve once against put my faith into something only to watch it fall to corruption and failure. I failed to save my fellow Templars in the circles because I believed that mages weren’t the great evil that we were taught. I failed to see the true madness within Meredith because I was blinded by my hatred for magic after the horrors of the circle. That lead me to fail and see the warning signs before it all went to madness. I put all my faith in the Templars and they too failed, becoming corrupted.”

   “Not all of them did,” Cassandra softly reminded splaying her fingers over his stubbly jaw. “Now that fear has turned to the Inquisition, hasn’t it?”

   Almost shamefully, Cullen nodded. That’s why he pushed himself each day to the brink, throwing himself into his work, into training, and everything else the Inquisition threw at him. He had to believe that with everything he had that the Inquisition would be stronger. It would prevail when others fell to the corruption of absolute power. That he finally found something good to put his faith in. If it were to fail, it would destroy him. “I need to make sure that we won’t repeat the mistakes of the Inquisition of old. We can’t.”

   “And we won’t.” Cassandra was sure now that they were different from the first Inquisition. From the corruption of power that Lucius spoke of. “Can I ask you something.”

   “Anything.”

   “The night you left,”Cassandra's voice became uneven as she struggled to get the words out. It had been almost a month now, but the memory still stung. “What were you dreaming of?

   Cullen blinked. That wasn’t what he expected. She rarely asked him about his nightmares, other than what she could do to help him through it. “It started off in bed here in Skyhold. I was dreaming of you as you climbed atop me only for me to realize that it was a demon. One of the many inflicted on me during my time in the circle.” He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips. He needed to contact to keep him grounded before the memory could swallow him completely. “I had no control. I couldn’t do anything but lay there as it sat there, hissing things in my ear. Back then, it played on the affections that I had with a mage I was charged to watch over. Now, it was you. It tried to convince me that you were the evil one. That I should surrender to her and the desire it offered. It-It started doing… Maker, I can’t speak of it.”

   “Then don’t.” Cassandra moved to sink her fingers in his curls, scrapping the tips of her nails over the back of his head ever so softly. His need for control in his life was ever that more apparent to her. “Does it happen often?”

   Cullen nodded amazed to find no repulsion in her gaze. Only the same love and admiration that was always there. “When you’re out in the field its hard to ground myself. I usually find a shirt of yours and hold it close so I can breathe in your scent until I’m strong enough to get up and find a way to busy myself.”

   “Even when I’m here, you still leave the bed. Most of the times without waking me.” Something Cassandra had told him on several occasions that she didn’t care for.

   “It’s only because I don’t want to hurt you.”

   “Explain.”

   “When I awake and see you there beside me the beast comes out. All I want to do is bury myself in you to rid myself of the nightmare and remind myself that you’re real. That you’re mine and no demon has control over me.”

   “Why stop yourself?”

   “Because, Maker, Cassandra. I’m could hurt you. I’m not myself. I burn with an ache I can’t describe to make it all go away-.”

   “Cullen, you would never hurt me.”

   His eyes narrowed. “I beg to differ.”

   “Even with that night above the forge. You had nothing, but a death grip on my shirt. You’ve hurt me worse in our sparring match.”

   “I don’t want to take the chance. I can’t,” He corrected. “You are the single most precious thing to me, Cassandra. If I were to hurt you in any way I could never forgive myself. I couldn’t live with myself.”

   “Perhaps you trust me too much.”

  Cassandra shook her head in disagreement. “I love you, Cullen. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing I wouldn’t try to help you through those moments of darkness. Let me help you.”

   He grew silent for a long moment, watching her with a curious look. This woman was truly a gift from the Maker himself. “On one condition.”

   “Okay.”

   “You allow me to help you through your fear.”

   She didn’t exactly know what that entailed or how he could, but Cassandra found herself agreeing. “Okay.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Cullen was in the mist of ready yet another report from the Dales when a runner entered his office with a simple message that his presences was needed in the Tavern. Sighing, he dismissed the man and rubbed the back of his neck trying to ignore the intrusion and continue on with the report. It had been three days since his late-night talk with Cassandra and in moments he was alone with work doing nothing to quiet his racing mind, he recalled her soft plea to help him. Only one nightmare had occurred in that time frame and thankfully, none but a few whimpers for Cassandra. He awoke drenched in sweat, stomach churning from the sickening feeling of the damn demon touch on his skin. He caught himself before he could reach for her. His hands shook too much and his mind was too warped to lay with her and not hurt her.

   “Commander.”

   “For the love of the-.” Pinching the bridge of his nose to keep a headache from brewing, Cullen turned to see yet another runner in the open doorway of his office. “What is it?”

   “You’re needed in the Herald’s Rest, Ser,” The young man reported.

   “I know. Another runner was just here moments ago.”

   The man nodded in understanding. “And more will follow, Ser. Inquisitor’s order. We are to keep coming until you answer the request.”

   Golden eyes narrowed. “Why?”

   “I know nothing more than the Inquisitor has issued me to come to fetch you.”

   “Alexandra is waiting for me?” What in the world could that mean? His already cluttered mind went into over drive. Was she going back on her word? Was she going the pull command out from beneath him? Cullen forced a hand through his curls trying to replay that last few weeks in his head to see if he could find any lapse in his actions that would have Alex doing such a thing.

   “She also said ‘don’t worry or it will give wrinkles.'” The runner held up his gloved hands at the Commander’s steely gaze. “Her words, not mine. It’s a simple invitation.”

   “Okay. Dismissed.”

   The man lingered in the doorway.

   Cullen threw the report on the desk. “I’m coming,” He assured resisting the urge to armor himself up. Instead, he grabbed his cloak to help with the cool mountain air and left his office.

   The tavern was alive as ever. Conversations hit him the moment Cullen stepped over the threshold. To his amusement and confusion, he discovered that it was coming from the corner of the bottom floor where every member of the inner circle sat. It seemed they had snagged every available table and pushed them together to accommodate everyone. Mugs, cups, and bottles were scattered everywhere as well as what looked like cards.

   “Ah! See!” Alex pointed at Cullen before grinning at Varric. “Told you it wouldn’t take more than three runners. You owe me ten sovereigns, dwarf.”

   The Storyteller actually looked pleased when he handed the Inquisitor her winnings.

   “What is all this?”

   “It’s called a night of fun,” Dorian informed kicking out the chair across from that they left empty. “sit down and take a load off. Relaxing will do you some good and may even become habit-forming.”

   Cullen hesitated. “I have reports-.”

   “You always have reports, Curly!” Varric waved a large mug in the air. “They’ll be there in the morning. Now that everyone is here, deal the cards Ruffles.”

   Alex patted the empty seat next to her. “Sit, Cullen.”

   “One game,” He muttered carefully stepping over Sera’s outstretched legs who was passed out at Bull’s feet. Though intrigued, Cullen figured it was better not to ask. A mug was placed in front of him and he looked back to find Cassandra smiling down at him. For the first time since Adamant, his lover looked carefree and happy. “Thank you.”

   “My pleasure.” Cassandra stole a kiss before taking her seat across from him as Josephine passed out the cards.

   Cullen lost track of the Ambassador’s rambling about her insecurities with the game the moment Cassandra now barefoot brushed against the inside of his calf. His gaze shot to hers and was rewarded with a smile. “Deal me.”

   Cassandra nearly laughed at his sudden change in demeanor. Cassandra herself had been a bit hesitant when she heard that Varric wanted them all to get together for a night of drinking and Wicked Grace. But she couldn’t deny the dwarf’s logic. After everything they’ve been through, after the horrors of Adamant they all still struggled with, they deserved a night of nothing but good company, conversation, and drinks. There hadn’t been many opportunities to do so as it seemed they were always stretched to the edges of Thedas for the Inquisition.

   Cullen looked at the coins in front of him and mindlessly wondered where they came from and who they actually belonged to. Then he took his first sip of whatever Cassandra gave him and soon didn’t care as he drank more. It was strong and sweet, a deadly combination if he wasn’t careful. Picking up his cards, he swore he felt the Seeker’s foot again. He peaked over the cards to find her gaze fixated on her own cards. What was this woman playing at? “Whose bet?”

   Cassandra bit her lips to keep herself from smiling. Never one shy about showing her affection for the Commander, she always did try to reserve herself. But with the alcohol swimming in her blood and the carefree aroura hanging around them, Cassandra had a wicked need to play with more than cards. Alex had been right, she mused as she threw her coins in the center of the table. Talking to Cullen had helped more than she could’ve realized. The nightmares were still there, but they were nowhere near as violent as before.

   Hawke scratched his beard in a way that almost had Alex falling out of her chair laughing. He was still struggling with the fact that in just a few short weeks the Ambassador was going to ‘alter it’ to help him blend in with the Orlesian nobles. Smiling, she looked at her cards and honestly had no clue what she was supposed to be looking for, but was far too intoxicated by the night, and spirts, of course, to skip out on the game. To be safe, Alex folded her hand and simply watched the others around the table.

   Conversations began to arise between bets and raises. One person would fold and another would friendly jab the left-over players trying to get them to add to the pot. If there were tension or difference between them, Alex couldn’t see it. All she could do was smiles and laughter. Even Cullen’s face, usually permanently furrowed, was relaxed and smiling as he told a tale of is time as a Templar recruit that left someone without any pants in the middle of the mess all. Josephine’s expression had been priceless while Leliana arched one her perfectly sculpted brows and asked for greater details. Alex’s gaze swept from smiling face to smiling face and found her heart swelling to the point she thought it would break her chest. These people, these wonderful, maddening, frustrating, and starkly different people were her friends. No, her mind corrected trying not to cry. These were her family.

   Noting that Alex folded again without much of a thought, Hawke glanced down and saw the odd expression on her face. He placed a hand on her thigh causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. “Easy there, Freckles.”

   Alex tried not to sigh too heavily when she felt his hot breath brush against her ear. Maybe it was the spirit, but she wanted that large calloused hand to slide up ever so slightly. “I’m okay,” She answered before he could speak.

   “Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”

   Turning her head till their noses brushed, the corner of Alex’s mouth lifted. “I’m happy. I didn’t think-well, there wasn’t much room for such things like this in the circle.”

   “Hey stop that!” Dorian called from the other end of the table as he threw his cards down onto the table. “I don’t need you two getting all handy and deserting us for the bedroom while you still have coins on the table.”

   “Word is they don’t need the bedroom for that,” Bull stated wigging his eyebrows.

   The brew that Alex had been sipping on spewed from her mouth. “Cassandra!”

   “What!” The Seeker exclaimed in protest. “I didn’t say a thing!”

   “Oh, come now, Alexandra.” Leliana swept up her winning while Josephine dealt another round. “I could hear you up in my tower.”

   “Shit.” Alex felt her ears start to burn.

   “In all honesty,” the Spymaster continued paying no mind to the Inquisitor’s discomfort. “I think the Champion showed great restraint.”

   That had Hawke looking up. “Oh?”

   Leliana smiled. “With the way you looked at her in the War Room, I was waiting in anticipation for you to throw our dear Alexandra on the table to ravish her.”

   Bull slammed his large hand on the table nearly knocking over several mugs down the whole length of the table. “Are all meeting like that? Man, I’ve been missing out!”

   “Is there anything that you don’t notice or know?” Alex wondered in more of a rhetorical sense.

   But Leliana answered anyways. “I am the Inquisition Spymaster, I need to be ever vigilant.” She discarded two cards and motioned for two more. “How else would I know that our dear Ambassador misses a certain warden who would sneak flowers onto her desk in the dead of night. Or know that Alex has no clue how to play Wicked Grace, but isn’t going to say anything. Or that scout Jim has changed our dear Scout Ritts mind to give the male sex a try. Or that Cassandra is playing more than footie with our Commander. Who’s bet is it?”

   Immediately, Cassandra dropped her leg and stopped herself from bolting upright in her seat. Cullen’s cheeks flushed but made no movement himself. How in the Fade did she even know? The woman was clear across the table with no real view of either her or Cullen. “I don’t know if I’m impressed or scared.”

   “I’m going with scared,” Varric muttered into his mug.

   “How about a story, Varric!” Hawke suggested shifting the conversation. “It is your forte is it not? Why don’t you give us a glimpse of your talent? First, I’m going to get another round and don’t pick anything from that blasted book that you wrote.”

   The game lasted well into the night as they shared stories and many rounds of drinks of several varieties. With Bull dozing at the table Josephine laid her cards on the table. “And the dealer takes everything! I win again. Shall we have another hand?”

    “Deal again,” Cullen challenged her leaning in close rather tipsy. “I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador.”

   “Commander! Everyone knows a lady has no tells,” she said, feigning innocence.

   Hawke laughed as the comment only made Cullen that more determined. “I want to watch this. I’m out as are you, my dear Alexandra, since you stole my last coin.”

   “Which brings me to a fine point. I can’t help but notice that Commander, you have no coins left yourself.” Josephine stated shuffling the deck as others bowed out around the table.

   Cullen knocked back the rest of his mug and gave the Ambassador a lop-sided grin. “My armor against your coin, Lady Ambassador.”

   Cassandra hid her smile behind her hand. She wondered if she should intervene, but decided that this would be a once and a lifetime opportunity as Cassandra knew that Cullen didn’t stand a chance in the world. Josephine was a card shark.

   Josephine smiled. “I notice that too is lacking, Commander. But I’ll take that bet”

   “Curly, I really wouldn’t if I were you…” Varric began. Dorian shushed him, eyes sparkling.

   “Too late. Ready yourself, Commander Cullen.” Josephine dealt out the cards for the two of them as the others, well the ones who were still upright, were all watching them with great intent.

   Cullen felt a bead of sweat form on the back of his neck as he picked up his cards. He cast a glance at the Ambassador trying to gauge how her hand faired but got nothing. Beside her, Cullen could see Cassandra with her hand pressed to her mouth and shoulder moving as if she was trying to suppress her laughter. Trying to portray the confidence that was quickly fleeting, he placed his hand down. It wasn’t the best of one but wasn’t the worst one he played that night. His heart sank straight to his stomach when a smile crossed Josephine’s face moments before she placed her hand down.

   The table broke out in a roar of noise.

   “We-I.” Any arousal lingering in his system from his lover’s teasing left his body instantly. “We weren’t serious we were?”

   “Of course, we were!” Soberer now, Dorian sat up as straight as humanly possible in his chair. Even Bull stirred out of his drunken stupor. Cullen felt like it was a gift from the Maker that Sera was still passed out.

   “Never bet against an Antivan, Commander,” Josephine smirked.

   Cullen looked to Cassandra in hopes for her to help only to see her beaming in mirth. “For heavens sakes! It was an expression!”

   Josephine began to collect the cards. “Pay up, Commander.”

   Cullen guessed he should be grateful that it was only them left in the tavern. “Andraste’s mercy.” Face burning, he pushed back from the table and peeled off his cloak with shaking hands. And because Cassandra was laughing instead of supporting him, he threw it and felt a small sense of satisfaction when it hit her square in the face. How did he end up in this situation? Cullen mindlessly grumbled making a list of people to get back at later.

   “Wait!” Hawke grabbed Alex by the shoulder and shielded her eyes with his hand. “Okay, now you can continue.”

   “Hey!” Alex playfully fought her lover’s grasp. “But I want to look.”

   “No way!” Hawke shot back. “It might give you ideas.”

   Alex broke into a fit of laughter.

   “It comes off!” Cole exclaimed appearing at the end of the table near Leliana. “I didn’t know it came off!”

   The Spymaster let out a whistle of approval the moment the last article of clothing hit the floor. “No wonder Cassandra can’t keep her hands to herself.” She enjoyed the blush that now engulfed the Commander from head to toe. “I know I wouldn’t if you were mine.”

   Cullen’s gaze cut to Varric the moment he noticed him starting to speak. “Not a word, Dwarf!”

   The storyteller tried to remain in his seat as he laughed. “I tried to warn you, Curly!”

   Cloak bundled under her arm, Cassandra rounded the table and shocked her lover by picking up the rest of his clothing. “I’m leaving,” She announced. “I don’t want to witness our Commander’s walk of shame back to his room.”

   “Well, I do!” Dorian shot back, chin perched on his hand and grinning. “You are spoiled, my dear Cassandra. For me, this is a once and lifetime opportunity.”

   “Wait, Cassandra!” Cullen called out and the woman kept on walking. Well, damn! He glared at Varric. “I’m going to get you back for this!”

   “But I didn’t do anything?” Varric shot back. “I simply brought us together to enjoy a little bit of laughter as things are going to get pretty nasty in the days ahead. I wanted us to have moments like this to hold on, to remember when it gets too dark.”

   “I know I have a good one.” Dorian smiled at Bull’s loud rumbled. “Oh, hush. You know I only have eyes for you.”

   Bull pointed a horn in the Commander’s direction. “Right now, you don’t.”

   “Well, he’s just too pretty not to look at!” Dorian shot back.

   “Someone give me something to cover up!” Cullen demanded.

   “Oh, no.” Drink in hand, Leliana sat back in her chair.

   “I’m supposed to go running through Skyhold in nothing but my skin?” He demanded trying to sound angry but found a hint of laughter in his own voice.

   “I’m sure you can be creative, Commander.” Alex grinned having broken away from Hawke’s hand.

   Grumbling, Cullen downed the last of his drink and bolted out of the tavern. Thankfully, it was a new moon meaning that there was little moonlight illuminating the courtyard. There was only the light of the blazers and torches, which he expertly avoided as he ducked into one of the lesser known passages leading to his tower. He shot inside and bolted the door behind him. Seeing Cassandra with the cloak around her shoulders standing in front of his desk had him growling in displeasure.

  Cassandra sent a smile over her shoulder. “See that you made it back in one piece.”

   “No thanks to you! You could’ve left me my cloak!” Cullen grumbled.

   “It’s cold outside!”

   Cullen huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I noticed on my run back here.”

   “Would you like it back?”

   “What’s the point now?”

   “To warm you up.” Turning, Cassandra turned and let the fabric drop from her shoulder. She had the pleasure of watching his whiskey-colored eyes shifting from annoyance to pleasure as it roamed over her naked flesh.  “Come here, Commander and let me warm you up.”

   Face dark with hunger, Cullen marched forward. One arm grasped Cassandra by her waist while the other swept over his desk, shoving everything on top carelessly to the floor. The reports that he’d been so instant on before were the furthest thing from his mind as he laid the Seeker atop the large wooden desk. That was one order he wasn't going to pass up. 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at a crossroads here. I can go down one road where we get to explore how they help each other over their fears or go the other way and get one with the main quests of the game. I'm not trying to draw this out if people don't have an interest. So please let me know what you would like.


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